Ukungabi naluvelwano kwe-narcissistic manipulator: imiqondiso kunye neengcaciso

Umxelele iindaba ezimbi, kwaye wathetha ngemini yakhe. Ubulila, wawakhuphela amehlo. Ubugula, yaye wakubeka ityala “ngokonakalisa impelaveki.” Nangona kunjalo, lo mntu ngamanye amaxesha uyazi kakuhle indlela oziva ngayo, ukuya kwinqanaba lokuyisebenzisa ngokuchasene nawe.

Oku kubhidanisa amaxhoba amaninzi. I-lack yovelwano yenye yezona mpawu zikhankanyiweyo ze-narcissistic manipulator, kodwa ayibonakali njengento elula “engenantliziyo.” Kweli nqaku, siza kubona ukuba yintoni uvelwano ngokwenene, ukuba luphazamiseka njani kwi-narcissistic manipulator, yeyiphi imiqondiso ekufuneka ikulumkise, kunye nendlela yokuzikhusela.

Sizwe: sithetha ngantoni kanye kanye?

Uvelwano kukukwazi ukuqonda kunye nokuva into eyenzeka komnye umntu. Abaphandi bahlula ngokubanzi imilinganiselo emibini:

• Uvelwano lokuqonda: ukuqonda ukuba abanye bacinga ntoni okanye baziva njani. Sisakhono “sokufunda”: ​​“Ndiyabona ukuba ulusizi”.
• Emotional (okanye i-affective) uvelwano: ukuchukunyiswa yinto aziva ngayo omnye, uhlangabezana ne-resonance ngokwakho: “usizi lwakho luyandichukumisa, ndifuna ukukunceda”.

Kubudlelwane obunempilo, bobabini bahamba kunye: Ndiyayiqonda into ojongene nayo, kwaye ibalulekile kum. Ukufumana uphononongo olupheleleyo, bona inqaku lethu empathy: definition.

Ukungabi naluvelwano kwe-narcissistic manipulator: ukuba uphando luthini

“I-Manipulative narcissistic” ayilokuxilongwa ngokusemthethweni, kodwa yabelana ngeempawu ezininzi kunye nokuphazamiseka kobuntu be-narcissistic, apho uphando luninzi kakhulu. Nangona kunjalo, ukusebenza kwesi sifo kuwufanele umbono wokungabikho ngokupheleleyo uvelwano.

Uphononongo olupapashwe kwi-2014 kwi Personality Disorders ngu-Arielle Baskin-Sommers kunye noogxa bachaza ukuba kubantu abane-narcissistic personality disorder, uvelwano alupheleli nje, kodwa engasebenziyo : iyahluka ngokwenkuthazo kunye nemeko. Endaweni yoko, izifundo zinxulumanisa le ngxaki kunye novelwano oluncitshisiweyo lweemvakalelo, kunye novelwano lwengqondo olusebenzayo, kodwa ngendlela ejikelezayo.

Uphononongo olubalisayo ukusuka ngo-2023, olupapashwe kwi Frontiers in Psychiatry, iya kwicala elifanayo: inkalo echaphazelekayo yovelwano ibonakala iguqulwe ngakumbi, ngelixa i-cognitive factor ibonakala igcinwe. Ababhali bagxininisa ukuba olu velwano lwengqondo ludlala indima ebalulekileyo ekuxhatshazweni nasekuphatheni abanye.

Oku kunika ukukhanya kwi-paradox efunyanwa ngamaxhoba amaninzi: uyayiqonda into ovakalelwa ngayo, kodwa ayimchaphazeli. Okubi nakakhulu, oku kuqonda kunokuba sisixhobo. Uyazi ukuba makakucinezele phi ukuze akuvise ubuhlungu, athethe ntoni ukuze akwenze ubuye, yintoni enconywayo yokukuhlutha izixhobo.

Oku kufunda kuhambelana nenkcazo yeklinikhi kaMarie-France Hirigoyen: i-narcissistic manipulator isebenzisa enye njengento, ngaphandle kokuqwalasela ukubandezeleka kwabo. Inqaku lethu malunga ne-Uvelwano ebusweni be-narcissistic perversion ingena nzulu kolu tshintsho.

Iimpawu zokungabi novelwano kubomi bemihla ngemihla

Nazi ezona zibonakaliso zixelwa rhoqo. Zithathwe zodwa, zinokwenzeka nakubani na. Luphindaphindo lwabo olufanele ukukulumkisa.

Ujongene nokubandezeleka kwakho

• Indifference: Iinyembezi zakho, ukudinwa kwakho okanye ukugula kwakho akukuzisi intuthuzelo okanye uncedo.
• Minimization: “wenza into enkulu ngayo”, “akukho nto”.
• Aannoyance: ukubandezeleka kwakho kunamava njengokucaphukisa, okanye njengokuhlaselwa kwakhe.
• Recovery: incoko ihlala ibuyela kuye, kwiingxaki zakhe, kwinto ahamba kuyo.

Jongana novuyo lwakho

• ukungabi namdla kwimpumelelo yakho;
• ukubanda, ukugxeka okanye ingxoxo xa ufumana iindaba ezilungileyo;
• Ulwabiwo: impumelelo yakho iba yeyabo.

Ngendlela yokukuphatha

• Calculated cruelty: ibetha kanye apho ubuthathaka khona;
• Ukungabikho kokuzisola ngokwenene: uxolo, xa lukhona, ubukhulu becala lunceda ukuvala umbandela;
• Isohlwayo ngokuthula: akakuhoyi iintsuku ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ngokubandezeleka kwakho (jonga inqaku lethu Unyango oluthulile);
• Use zabanye: Abantu baxatyiswa logama nje beluncedo, baze balahlwe.

“Facade” uvelwano

Eyona nto ibhidekisayo kukuba i-narcissistic manipulator inokunikela ingqalelo kakhulu kuluntu okanye ekuqaleni kobudlelwane. Olu luvelwano olubonakalayo luyinxalenye yokuhenda: akubuxoki ngengqiqo yokuba akayiqondi nantoni na, kodwa kukukhonza umfanekiso wakhe kunye neenjongo zakhe. Xa ingasasebenzi kuye, iyaphela.

Ukungabikho kovelwano: zeziphi izizathu?

Izizathu zokungabi naluvelwano zininzi kwaye kusaxoxwa ngazo. Sikhankanya ngokukodwa:

• amava anzima kwangethuba (ukuvinjwa, impatho-mbi, umzali obhuqayo ngokwabo);
• iindlela zokuzikhusela: uzisike kwiimvakalelo zakho ukuze ungabandezeleki, kwaye ke kwezo zabanye;
• iimpawu zobuntu kunye nobuntu;
• imfuno yokuphakama eyenza ukuba sesichengeni somnye kube kudelekileyo kunokubamba.

Ukuqonda ezi zizathu kunokukunceda ube nentsingiselo yento oye wadibana nayo. Kodwa qaphela: ukuqonda akuxoleli, kwaye akukho kuwe ukuba “ulungise” uvelwano lwabo.

Ngaba ngumntu ongenaluvelwano okanye ongenalo uvelwano nje?

Kubalulekile ukuba ungalebhisi nabani na othi ngamanye amaxesha uswele ubuchule “njenge-narcissistic manipulator”. Abanye abantu banengxaki yokuchaza iimvakalelo zabo, abanye bonganyelwe bubunzima babo, ukanti abanye banemithambo-luvo eyahlukileyo (umzekelo, abanye abantu abane-autism, abasenokuba nobunzima reading iimvakalelo kodwa bachaphazeleke ngokunzulu xa beziqonda). Umahluko ongundoqo: Umntu obhityileyo ukukhathalele ngawe xa ebona ukuba ukonile. I-narcissistic manipulator ihlala iqonda kakuhle, kwaye iyaqhubeka.

Indlela yokuzikhusela emntwini ngaphandle kovelwano: 7 reflexes

1. Yeka ukulinda impendulo engayi kuza. Ngethemba lokuba ekugqibeleni uyayiqonda intlungu yakho kukugcina ulindile kwaye udangele.
2. Khusela ubuthathaka bakho. Kuphephe ukwabelana ngobuthathaka bakho nomntu onokubusebenzisa ngokuchasene nawe.
3. Fumana ukuthuthuzelwa kwenye indawo. Abahlobo bakho, usapho lwakho, iqela lenkxaso, ingcali inokukunika ukumamela okudingayo.
4. Hlala uyinyani. Kwiingxoxo eziyimfuneko, thetha ngeenyani kunye nezigqibo, hayi iimvakalelo zakho.
5. Seka imida ecacileyo. “Andiqhubeki nale ncoko ukuba uthetha nam ngolo hlobo.” » Kwaye uzibambe.
6. Yakha kwakhona ukuzithemba kwakho. Iminyaka yokujongana nokungakhathali ishiya uphawu lwayo. Inqaku lethu kwi-lack yokuzithemba inikezela ngeembono ezithile.
7. Yiba nomntu okukhaphayo, ngakumbi xa uceba ukuhamba okanye ukuba wabelana ngabantwana nalo mntu.

Uluhlu lokuhlola: Ngaba Ukungabi naluvelwano Kukwenza Ubandezeleke?

• ☐ Andisafuni ukuthetha neqabane lam ngobunzima bam.
• ☐ Iimvakalelo zam zihlala zicuthwa okanye zihlekwa.
• ☐ Uyazi kakuhle ukuba makabethe phi xa efuna ukundenzakalisa.
• ☐ Uxolo aluze luze notshintsho.
• ☐ Ndiziva ndedwa naxa sikunye.
• ☐ Ndiyazibuza ukuba “ndinovakalelo kakhulu.”

Le ngongoma yokugqibela ixhaphakile phakathi kwamaxhoba: ngokubona iimvakalelo zabo zingahoywa, baphela bethandabuza ukuba semthethweni kwabo. Ubuzaza bakho ayiyongxaki. Ukuba, ngokuchaseneyo, udla ngokufunxa iimvakalelo zabanye kakhulu, inqaku lethu elimalunga excess empathy syndrome linokuthetha nawe. Kwaye ukuba umsindo uphakama ebusweni bolu hlobo lokungakhathali, yazi ukuba kusemthethweni: bona i-imfesane kunye nomsindo.

Health Note: Ukuhlala nomntu ngaphandle kovelwano kunokukhokelela kwixhala, ukudinwa kunye neempawu zokudakumba. Thetha nogqirha wakho okanye isazi sengqondo. Kwimeko yengozi okanye ubundlobongela: 3919, 17 okanye 112.

Imibuzo ebuzwa qho

Ngaba i-narcissistic manipulator ivakalelwa ngokwenene?

Uziva iimvakalelo, ngakumbi ezinxulumene naye: umsindo, ihlazo, ukudana, imfuneko yokunconywa. Into ebonakala itshintshile ingaphezu kwawo onke amandla okuchukunyiswa koko abanye bahlangabezana nako.

Ngaba sinokuyifundisa uvelwano kumbhexeshi we-narcissistic?

Umsebenzi othile ucebisa ukuba umsebenzi wonyango unokuphucula imiba echaphazelekayo yovelwano, kodwa oku kufuna isicelo esinyanisekileyo kumntu ngokwakhe. Oku akuyondima yakho kwaye akukho ngaphakathi kwamandla akho.

Ngaba ukungabi naluvelwano sisifo?

Ayisosifo ngokwaso, kodwa luphawu olunokufunyanwa kwiingxaki ezininzi zobuntu. Ingcali kuphela inokuvavanya imeko yomntu.

Ndazi njani ukuba iqabane lam alinaluvelwano okanye linengxaki nje?

Qwalasela okwenzekayo xa umxelela ukuba ukukhathazile: umntu obhidekileyo ufuna ukuqonda nokulungisa; umntu ongenavelwano uyayinciphisa, uyayithethelela okanye ayijike imeko ngakuwe.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukungabikho kovelwano kwe-narcissistic manipulator ayikukwazi ukuqonda, kodwa ukungabikho kwe-resonance, ngamanye amaxesha kusetyenziswa njengesixhobo. Ukuqaphela oku kukukhulula ekulindeni okudinayo kwaye kukuvumela ukuba ujonge kwenye indawo ubushushu obudingayo. Ufanele ukuviwa. Ukuqonda indlela olu phawu lubonakaliswa ngayo ebomini njengesibini, funda kwakhona i-narcissistic pervert in a relationship. Kwaye ukuba ufuna inkxaso ukuze uzakhe kwakhona, fumana i-coaching yamaxhoba e-narcissistic perverts.

Imithombo

• Baskin-Sommers A. et al., « Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: from clinical and empirical perspectives », Personality Disorders, 2014 : PMC4415495
• Di Giacomo E. et al., « The dark side of empathy in narcissistic personality disorder », Frontiers in Psychiatry, 2023 : PMC10097942
• Marie-France Hirigoyen, Le Harcèlement moral : la violence perverse au quotidien, Syros, 1998.