Kulo naluphi na unxulumano – nokuba lothando, usapho, friendly okanye professional – ukumisela imida esempilweni kubalulekile ukugcina intlalontle yomntu, ukuzihlonipha kunye neenqobo ezisemgangathweni. Xa uye wadibana nabantu abakhohlisayo okanye abayityhefu, ukufunda ukumisela le mida kubaluleke ngakumbi. Kodwa ukwenza njani, ngokuchanekileyo?
Yintoni umda wobuqu?
Aumdangumgaqo wangaphakathi esiwubekela wonachaza into eyamkelekileyo okanye engeyiyokunxibelelwano lwethu nabanye. Yindlela yokunxibelelana neemfuno zethu, izinto esizilindeleyo kunye nemilinganiselo yethu. Imida ingabangokweemvakalelo, ngokwasemzimbeni, ngengqondo, impahlaokanye nkquokwexeshana. Umzekelo :
- Emotional: Sukuvuma ukuthotywa okanye ukuphenjelelwa ngokweemvakalelo.
- Physics: Chaza indawo yabucala ongafuniyo ukuyibona ihlaselwa ngaphandle kwemvume.
- Mental: Gcina indawo yakho yokucinga kunye nelungelo lakho kwiimbono ezahlukeneyo.
- Temporelle: Khusela ixesha lakho lokuphumla kunye nebhalansi yakho yobomi bomsebenzi.
Imida: isenzo sokuzihlonipha
- Zibekele imida kwabanye nawe: Ukumisela imida kuthetha ukuchazainto esiyamkelayoKwayeinto esilayoekusebenzisaneni nabanye. Oku kubonisakwabanyeoko sikulindeleyo kunye noko sikulungele ukunyamezela. Kodwa le mida ayikhathaleli abanye kuphela: ikwachaphazela oko sikuvumelayo, ngakumbi ngokwexesha, amandla kunye neemvakalelo. Umzekelo, ukunciphisa inani lomsebenzi owamkelayo, okanye uzivumele ixesha lokuphumla ukuze ugcine impilo yakho yengqondo.
- Imida luhlobo lwe- yokuzinyamekela , kwaye iyasivumela ukuba sithi “hayi” kwinto enokuthi idinwe okanye igxininise.
- Impembelelo yokungabikho kwemida:Xa ungenayo imida ecacileyo, kuba lulainyamaleleukuhlangabezana nolindelo lwabanye. Oku kunokukhokelela ekubeni aukulahleka kwesazisi, apho singasaziqondiyo, kuba sivumela ukuba sichazwe kuphela koko abanye bakulindeleyo kuthi.Ngokwengqondo, oku kunokukhokelela kwiimvakalelo zonxunguphalo, umsindo, okanye kwanokoukudakumba, ngenxa yokuba siphila kwimeko eqhubekayo yokuzithoba okanyeukunqongophala kophawu lobuqu.
Ukusuka kwimbono yengqondo, asikho ngaphandle kwemida
- Ukungabikho kwemida kunye nokulahlekelwa kwesiqu sakho: Ngokwembono yengqondo,misela imidaKubalulekile ukuba ubekho njengomntu owahlukileyo.Ngaphandle kwemida, sizibeka esichengeni sokulahleka kwiminqweno nakulindelo lwabanye, kwaye siyayeka ukuzibanga njengequmrhu elizimeleyo. Oku kunokukhokelela ekubeni aubudlelwane obuyityhefu nawe, apho sihlala siziva siphantsi koxinzelelo okanye sibanjwe kwiindima ezingasifanelanga.
- Imida isivumela ukuba siqinisekise ubuni bethu: bayasinceda yazisingobani, into esiyivayo, Kwayeinto esiyifunayokubudlelwane bethu. Badala aindawo ekhuselekileyo yangaphakathi, apho sinokuthi siguquke ngaphandle kokutyunyuzwa kulindelo lwangaphandle.
- Isazisi sakhiwe ngemida: Ukumisela imida kukwayindlelazichaze. Ngokwala oko kungavumelaniyo nemilinganiselo yethu okanye iimfuno zethu, siyaqinisekisaubukho bethu. Imida ke ngoko ibe aisixhobo sokukhula komntu, kuba ayasincedasikhusele, kuthiintlonipho, nakuthiukuqonda ngokupheleleyo.
Iinzuzo zengqondo zokumisela imida
- Ukomeleza ukuzithemba: Misela imidakomeleza ukuzithemba, kuba kuthetha ukuba siyaqondaixabiso lethunokuba siyazibanga. Ngokubeka imida ecacileyo, sithumela umyalezo wokubasinelungelo lokuzikhethela oko kusilungeleyo, nokuba akuyomfuneko ukuba sizincame ukuze sikholise abanye.
- Ukhuseleko ekudinweni ngokweemvakalelo: Imida isebenza njenge Isixhobo sokukhusela ngokuchasene nokudinwa ngokweemvakalelo. Zisivumela ukuba Silawule amandla ethu, sizikhusele kwiimpembelelo ezimbi, kwaye siphephe ukudinwa ngenxa yokuzinikela okanye ukuziphatha esingazamkeliyo.
- Ukudala uBudlelwane obuphilileyo: Imida ibalulekile kubudlelwane obulungeleleneyo. Zisivumela ukuba sithethe ngokucacileyo oko sikulindele kwabanye kunye noko sinokunikela ngako. Oku kunciphisa umngcipheko we-manipulation, emotional abuse okanye disrespect. Ubudlelwane ke buba ngaphezulu authentic, ngokusekelwe kwintlonipho yeemfuno zomnye nomnye.
Kuthetha ukuthini ukuba nemida ephilileyo?
imida esempilweni zezi:
Want to break free from this hold?
- Claires: Siyayazi into esiyifunayo kwaye siyichaza ngokucacileyo.
- Consistent: Izenzo zethu zilandela amazwi ethu; sihlala singatshintshi.
- Respectful: Sibeka imida yethu ngaphandle kokuhlasela okanye ukudelela abanye, kwaye siyabahlonipha nabanye.
Ukuba nemida enempilo akunjalohayi ukuzingca okanye ukuba ndlongondlongo. Sisenzo sothando ngakuwe nakwabanye, kuba ivumela ubudlelwaneinyanisekile kwaye ilungelelene.
Kutheni imida esempilweni ibalulekile?
Imida esempilweni:
- Yomeleza i- ukuzithemba,
- Ukukhuthaza ulungelelwano lwe-relationships,
- Gcina i-energy kunye ne-serenity yethu,
- Sikhusele kuxhatshazo, ukuqhathwa okanye ukuxhatshazwa,
- Nceda ukucacisa i-okulindelekileyo kunye nokunciphisa ukungaqondi kakuhle.
Ngaphandle kwemida ecacileyo, sisemngciphekweni wokuziva iphelile, frustrated, okanye ihlaselwe iimfuno zabanye.
Kutheni kunzima kangaka ukubeka imida?
Izizathu ezininzi zinokuchaza obu bunzima:
- Uloyiko lokungamkholisi okanye ukuphulukana nothando lwabanye.
- Ityala lokuqinisekisa iimfuno zakho.
- Imfundo apho ukumiselwa kwemida kwakungajongwa okanye kohlwaywa.
- Umkhwa wokuba kumandla olawulo okanye ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo.
Ukuqonda ezi zithintelo linyathelo lokuqala lokuzikhulula kuzo.
Cacisa iimfuno zakho kunye nemilinganiselo
Ngaphambi kokuba uchaze imida yakho kwabanye, kubalulekile ukuba uqonde indlela oziva ngayo kunye nento oyifunayo.
Qeqesha imida esebenzayo kuqala ngokuzazi kakuhle.
Thatha umzuzwana ucinge:
- Yintoni endenza ndingakhululeki?
(Umzekelo: ukuhlala uphazanyiswa, ukufumana ukugxekwa kabuhlungu, ukufumana amagqabaza ngenkangeleko yam.) - Ziziphi iindlela zokuziphatha endifuna ukuzinyamezela?
(Umzekelo: Ndiyakwazi ukukwamkela ukungavisisani ngentlonipho, kodwa ndingangxoli okanye ndithuke.) - Zintoni ezona zinto zibalulekileyo kum ngoku?
(Umzekelo: gcina ixesha lam lokuphumla, ndinike ingqwalasela kwiprojekthi yobungcali, ndichithe ixesha nosapho lwam.)
Ukwazi izinto eziphambili kuwe kunye nemida yobuqu ikuvumela ukuba usete imida ecacileyo, ngaphandle kokuzivumela ukuba wonganyelwe ziimfuno okanye ulindelo lwabanye.
Ingcebiso encinci esebenzayo:
Bhala phantsi kwincwadi okanye kwifowuni yakho into ekukhathazayo okanye into ofuna ukuyikhusela.
Xa ucaca ngakumbi kuwe, kokukhona uya kuzithemba ngakumbi ekubekeni imida ngokwemvelo.
Kutheni le nto eli nyathelo libaluleke kangaka?
👉 Ngenxa yokuba awukwazi ukucela abanye ukuba bakuhloniphe oko ungekakuchazi ngokwakho.
👉 Kuba ukwazi into oyifunayo kuphepha ukunikezela phantsi koxinzelelo okanye ukuziva unetyala.
Nxibelelana ngokucacileyo nangokuthe ngqo
Emva kokuba ucacise iimfuno zakho kunye namaxabiso, isinyathelo esilandelayo kuku-ukunxibelelana nemida yakho ngokucacileyo kwaye ngokuthe ngqo. Eli nyathelo libalulekile kuba nokuba uyayazi into oyifunayo okanye ongayifuniyo, iya kuba nefuthe kuphela ukuba unxibelelana nayo ngokucacileyo. Injongo kukuphepha ukucaciswa, okunokukhokelela ekungaqondani okanye ukwaphulwa kwemida yakho.
Xa uvakalisa iimfuno zakho, kwenze oko ngaphandle kokuthandabuza kwaye ngaphandle kokuzithethelela ngokugqithiseleyo. Liyeke ityala elinokukwenza ucele uxolo ngokubeka umda. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba umntu ukucela ukuba wenze into engaphaya kwamandla akho okanye izinto ezibalulekileyo kuwe, endaweni yokuphendula ngokungacacanga ukuba “andiqinisekanga” okanye “mhlawumbi,” ukuthi “Hayi, andinakuzibophelela kuloo nto ngoku” iluncedo kakhulu. Unxibelelwano olucacileyo luthetha ukuzihlonela kunye nabanye. Unelungelo lokuvakalisa iimfuno zakho ngaphandle kokuthethelela isigqibo ngasinye. Aimpendulo ngqo, njengokuthi “Ndingathanda ukuyixubusha kamva le nto”, okanye “Le asiyonto ndinokwamkela” ibonisa ukuba uqinile ngaphandle kokuba ndlongo. Oku kudala imeko apho imida yakho ihlonitshwa, kwaye ufuna ilungelo lakho lokuubudlelwane obunempilo nobulungeleleneyo.
Xoxa ngokuphandle ngokulindelekileyo
Ukulindela okufanayo kusembindini walo naluphi na ulwalamano oluphilileyo. Thatha ixesha lokuxoxa ngee-okulindelekileyo zeqabane ngalinye malunga nemiba ebalulekileyo yobomi njengesibini:
- communication: Ufuna ukunxibelelana njani, ngakumbi ngamaxesha anzima okanye anoxinzelelo?
- loyalty kunye nokuzibophelela: Ziziphi izinto ezilindelekileyo zokunyaniseka nenkxaso?
- Roles: Luluphi uxanduva lomlingane ngamnye kubudlelwane? Ngokomzekelo, ukuba kukho ukulindela okunxulumene nombutho wendlu, ulawulo lwemali okanye imfundo yabantwana.
Ingcamango ayikokudala imithetho engqongqo, kodwa ukuvumela umntu ngamnye ukuba aveze oko akulindeleyo kwenye ukuze ubudlelwane busebenze ngokufanelekileyo.
Zichaze ngokucacileyo iimfuno zakho
Nje ukuba okulindelweyo kubekiwe, kubalulekile ukuba beka iimfuno zakho kumagama. Wonke umntu uneemfuno zeemvakalelo, zengqondo nezomzimba. Ukuvakalisa ezi mfuno kuphepha ukuphoxeka nokungaqondi. Umzekelo, unokuthi:
- “Ndidinga amaxesha okuba ndedwa ukuze ndihlaziye iibhetri zam.”
- “Ndifuna ukuba undixhase ngakumbi kwiiprojekthi zam zobungcali.”
- “Ndiziva ndifuna ukusondelana ngokweemvakalelo ngoku.”
Ezi zicelo zihlala zilula, kodwa kufuneka zichazwe ngokucacileyo ukuze elinye iqabane liziqonde kwaye liphendule ngokwaneleyo.
Misela imigaqo yokusebenza
Emva kokuba ulindelo kunye neemfuno zibonakalisiwe, kuyanceda Qinisa imithetho yokusebenza evumela ukuba ubudlelwane buphumelele. Le migaqo kufuneka ibe bhetyebhetye kwaye ikwazi ukuphononongwa kwakhona ekuhambeni kwexesha. Nantsi eminye imizekelo:
- Ukuhlonipha iindawo zomntu : “Sihlonipha amaxesha apho omnye wethu enqwenela ukuba yedwa, ngaphandle kokungena.”
- Umgangatho wexesha: “Sichitha ubuncinane ubusuku obunye ngeveki kunye, ngaphandle kweziphazamiso zangaphandle (akukho fowuni, akukho mabonwakude).”
- Open unxibelelwano: “Sizimisele ukunyaniseka omnye komnye, nokuba inyaniso inokuba nzima ukuyiva.”
- Ulawulo longquzulwano: “Sizibophelele ukuba singaze siphakamise amazwi ethu kwaye simamele abanye ngaphambi kokuba siphendule.”
Ukuhlolwa rhoqo kwemithetho kunye neemfuno
Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukubaubudlelwane buyaguqukakunye nexesha. Iimfuno, okulindelweyo kunye nemithetho yokusebenza kufuneka ibezivavanywa rhoqoukuziqhelanisa notshintsho ebomini, kusapho, emsebenzini okanye kwiminqweno yobuqu. Ngokomzekelo, isibini sinokugqiba ukuphonononga imithetho yabo yokusebenza emva konyaka okanye emva kwesiganeko esibalulekileyo kubudlelwane (ukuhamba, ukufika komntwana, ingxaki yobungcali, njl.).
Kutheni isibini “isivumelwano” sibalulekile?
Ukudala ikhontrakthi ye-couple asingomthetho obandayo, kodwa ukuzibophelela kokwenene ukuxhasana kunye nokuhlonelana ngokupheleleyo. Oku kukuvumela ukuba:
- Cacisa ulindelo kwaye uphephe ukungaqondani.
- Yenza indawo ye-trust kunye ne-security.
- Ukukhuthaza ngcono i-unxibelelwano kunye ne- ukuqonda kwiimfuno zomnye.
- Yomeleza i-ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo kunye ne-balance kubudlelwane.
Imizekelo yemithetho ye-torque :
- Ukuhlonipha amaxesha okuthula: “Ukuba omnye wethu ufuna umzuzu woxolo emva kosuku oluxakekileyo, omnye uya kuhlonipha le mfuno ngaphandle kombuzo.”
- Kunye kunye neXesha Elilodwa: “Sizibophelele ekutyeni isidlo sangokuhlwa kunye ubuncinci kabini ngeveki, kodwa wonke umntu unokuba nexesha eyedwa lokutshaja kwakhona.”
- Ulawulo lwemali: “Sithatha isigqibo malunga naluphi na ukuthengwa okukhulu kunye kwaye sinengxoxo yenyanga malunga nemali yethu.”
Isishwankathelo, ikhontrakthi ye-couple kunye ne-imithetho ecacileyo yenza ukuba kwenzeke ukudala ubudlelwane obuqinileyo kunye nokuzaliseka kwe-. Oku kubonelela ngesakhelo apho omabini amaqabane anokuphumelela ngelixa ehlonipha iimfuno zabo. Khumbula ukuba undoqo ulele unxibelelwano oluthe gqolo kunye neadjustment njengoko ubudlelwane buguquka.
Kwala ukuphazanyiswa ngexesha lokuphumla
Ukubeka ukubaluleka kwixesha lakho lokubuyisela kubalulekile kwimpilo yengqondo kunye nomzimba. “Ndithatha ixesha lam ngoku. Ndizakubheka kamva.” 🧘♂️ Ukuphumla kwakho imfuno ebalulekileyo, hayi ubomi obutofotofo. Ukuyikhusela sisenzo sokuzihlonipha.
- Ngendlela elula necacileyo: “Ndiyaphumla. Nceda ungandiphazamisi.”
- Ngokubonisa ixesha: “Ndidinga ixesha elizolileyo. Ndiza kubuyela kuwe emva kweyure.”
- Ukumisela umda ocacileyo ngaphambi kokuphumla: “Ndiza kuphumla ngoku. Ngaphandle kokuba yimeko kaxakeka, nceda ungandiphazamisi.”
- Ukuba nabani na uyanyanzelisa: “Ndiyaqonda ukuba kufuneka uthethe, kodwa ngoku eyona nto iphambili kum kukuphumla. Sizakuxoxa ngale nto kamva.”
- Ngokuchubeka kodwa ngokuqinileyo: “Ndiyayihlonipha imfuno yakho yokuthetha, kodwa ngoku ndifuna ukuthula ukuze ndilulame.”
- Ukuba ufuna ukuthintela kwaye uphephe naziphi na iziphazamiso: “Ndicima ifowuni yam/ndiyivula ku silent kuba ndiphumlile. Ndiza kufumaneka kamva.”
Ukufuna ukuphathwa ngembeko, ngaphandle kwezithuko okanye ukuthotywa
Ukungayinyamezeli ihambo eyityhefu kunceda ukugcina ukuzithemba. “Andilunganga ngokuthukwa. Ukuba iqhubekile le nto, ndiza kuyishiya incoko.” 💬 Xa ufuna intlonipho, akukho mfuneko yokuphakamisa ilizwi lakho okanye ndikucacisele ixesha elide.
Ukuzola kunye nokuqina ngawona mandla akho.
- Ngendlela elula nethe ngqo: “Ndifanele ukuphathwa ngembeko. Andilwamkeli olo hlobo lwentetho.”
- Xa umntu ekuthuka okanye ukujongela phantsi: “Ayamkelekanga le nto ugqiba kuyithetha, ndiyala ukuthukwa.”
- Ukuseta umda okhawulezayo: “Ukuba uqhubeka nokungandihloniphi, ndiya kuyiphelisa le ncoko.”
- Ngokuzola kodwa ngokuqinileyo : “Andikunyamezeli ukugxekwa okuhlazisayo. Ukuba ufuna ukuthetha, yenza oko ngembeko.”
- Ukuba umntu unciphisa okanye uthethelela ukuziphatha kwabo: “Kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni injongo yakho, ndikucela ukuba uthethe nam ngentlonipho.”
- Kwimeko yoburharha obungafanelekanga okanye uhlaselo olufihlakeleyo: “Nokuba ndiyaqhula, andiyifumani le nto yamkelekileyo. Nceda uyeke.”
- Ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuzihlukanisa emva kokungabi nantlonipho: “Ndikhetha ukuzihlukanisa kuba ndiyala ukuphathwa ngolu hlobo.”
Yithi hayi kwizibophelelo ezongezelelweyo
Yithi hayi kwizibophelelo ezongezelelweyo xa sele ugcwele, ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala. Ndiyayiqonda intswelo yakho, kodwa andikwazi ukukunceda ngeli xesha.”
- Elula kwaye ithe ngqo: “Enkosi ngokucinga ngam, kodwa andinakwamkela naziphi na ezinye izibophelelo ngeli xesha.”
- Ngokumisela umda ngaphandle kokuyithethelela: “Hayi, andifumaneki ngenxa yoko.”
- Ngombulelo, kodwa ngaphandle kokunikela : “Kuhle ukuba undinike yona, kodwa kufuneka ndale ukugcina ibhalansi yam.”
- Ukuba ufuna ukucebisa ngenye indlela: “Andikwazi ukuzibophelela ngoku, kodwa mhlawumbi ndinganceda kamva ukuba imeko yam iyandivumela.”
- Ukujongana noxinzelelo oluzingisileyo: “Ndiyaqonda ukuba oku kubalulekile kuwe, kodwa impendulo yam ihlala inguhayi.”
- Ukuba uziva ngathi sele ugcwele kakhulu: “Ndikhetha ukunyaniseka: Sele ndizinikele ngokupheleleyo kwenye indawo kwaye andinakukwazi ukuthwala uxanduva olutsha.”
- Kwimeko yonxunguphalo okanye uhambo lwetyala: “Ndiyavelana, kodwa kufuneka ndiyihloniphe imida yam ukuze ndihlale ndisebenza kakuhle kwaye ndisempilweni.”
Cela indawo yobuqu xa uziva uhlaselwe ngokwasemoyeni okanye ngokwasemzimbeni. Umzekelo
- Ukuba kukho umntu ohlasela indawo yakho (esondela kakhulu, akuchukumise ngaphandle kwemvume): “Ndifuna ukuba uhloniphe iqamza lam lobuqu, nceda ugcine umgama ngakumbi.”
- Ukuba umntu uyanyanzelisa ukuba uthethe xa ungafumaneki ngokweemvakalelo: “Ndiyaqonda ukuba ufuna ukuthetha ngayo, kodwa ngoku ndifuna ixesha ndedwa ukuze ndiphinde ndigxile.”
- Ukuba umntu ukutyhala ukuba uveze iimvakalelo ongekakulungeli ukwabelana ngazo : “Ndikhetha ukuyigcina kum le nto okwangoku. Ndiyabulela ngokusihlonipha isantya sam.”
- Ukuba umntu uhlala ekuphazamisa xa ufuna ixesha lokuzola: “Ndidinga ixesha elingacelwanga lokuphumla. Ndiza kubuyela kuwe xa sele ndilungile.”
- Ukuba uziva ucinezelekile ngokwasemoyeni (umzekelo, ukutyhola, ulindelo olubaxiweyo): “Le meko iyandongamela kancinci. Kufuneka ndithathe umgama ukuze ndicacise oko ndizivayo.”
- Ukuba umntu endimthandayo uyangenelela kakhulu nangeenjongo ezintle: “Ndiyazi ukuba ufuna ukundinceda, kodwa ngoku, eyona nto ndiyifunayo kukuba ndedwa ukucinga.”
Umzekelo – Ukuphelisa incoko ukuba iba yindelelo okanye inomsindo.
- Ukuba umntu uqala ukukuthoba isidima okanye ukukuthoba: “Andilunganga ngokuphathwa ngolu hlobo. Le ncoko iphelela apha.”
- Ukuba ithoni iba ndlongondlongo okanye iyakhohlisa: “Andiyi kuqhubeka ndixoxa de kubuyiselwe imbeko. Ndiyahamba.”
- Ukuba umntu uzama ukwenza uzive unetyala okanye ukuthuke ngendlela echuliweyo: “Le nto uyithethayo ayinambeko. Ndiyayiphelisa le ngxoxo ukuze ndizikhusele.”
- Ukuba ukutyhalela kwingxabano engapheliyo ukuze uphelelwe ngumsindo: “Ndiyala ukungena kungquzulwano oluyinyumba. Ndikhetha ukuyinqumla le ncoko.”
- Ukuba uyakujikela le meko ngokukutyhola: “Ndiyayibona le ngxoxo iya iba yityhefu. Ndikhetha ukungathatheli nxaxheba.”
Indlela yokubeka imida?
- Chonga iimfuno zakho: mamela umzimba wakho kunye neemvakalelo zakho ukuchonga oko kungasifanelanga.
- Bonisa imida yakho uzolile: sebenzisa izivakalisi ezivumayo (“Ndikhetha…”, “andifuni…”).
- Qinisekisa ukugcina imida yakho: bakhumbuze ukuba kuyimfuneko kwaye uthathe inyathelo ukuba abahlonitshwa.
- Qeqesha ukuba novelwano: ukumisela umda asikokuzicingela, kukuzihlonipha.
Ungatsho njani ngokuqiniseka?
Ukuthi hayi akuthethi ukuba krwada okanye ukungabi naluvelwano kwiimfuno zabanye. Kunoko, kukufumana ulungelelwano phakathi kokuhlonipha nokuhlonipha iimfuno zakho. Nazi ezinye iingcebiso zokuthi hayi ngokuzibhokoxa nangobubele:
- 1. Thetha, kodwa ube nembeko: Clarity ibalulekile. Akukho mfuneko yokubetha etyholweni. Yithi hayi ngokulula nangokuthe ngqo, kodwa ngembeko. Umzekelo: “Enkosi ngesipho sakho, kodwa andikwazi ukwamkela ngeli xesha.”
- 2. Sebenzisa izivakalisi ezakhayo: Zama ukuthetha ukwala kwakho ngendlela eyakhayo, ukuze ungashiyi imbonakalo engalunganga. Umzekelo: “Ndichulumancile ukuba undicingele, kodwa kufuneka ndisala esi sithembiso.”
- 3. Sukucela uxolo kakhulu: Nangona kusenokubakho utyekelo lokucela uxolo kakhulu, kubalulekile ukuba ungacacisi kakhulu okanye uyithethelele impendulo yakho. Ukwala okucacileyo nokunentlonipho akufuni kuthethelelwa ngokweenkcukacha. Umzekelo: “Andikwazi ukuthatha inxaxheba kule projekthi, kodwa ndikunqwenelela impumelelo enkulu.”
- 4. Nikela ngenye indlela ukuba kuyenzeka: Ukuba kufanelekile, unganikezela ngenye indlela. Oku kubonisa ukuba ufuna ukunceda ngaphandle kokuzibandakanya ngokuthe ngqo. Umzekelo: “Andikwazi ukumelana nale nto, kodwa ndiyazi umntu onokukuvuyela ukukunceda.”
- 5. Hlala uqinile kwaye ungaguquguquki: Abanye abantu bayakunyanzelisa okanye bazame ukukukholisa ukuba utshintshe ingqondo yakho. Kubalulekile ukuhlala uqinile kwaye unganikezeli kwingcinezelo. Unelungelo lokuthi hayi ngaphandle kokuzithethelela okanye uzive unetyala.
Yima womelele phambi kweempendulo ezingalunganga: Hlala uzolile kwaye uqinile
Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba xa uqala ukubeka imida, kunokubangela ukusabela okunamandla ngokweemvakalelo, ngakumbi kwabo babeqhelene nawe besoloko bethi ewe okanye bevumela ukuziphatha okungakufanelanga. Aba bantu banokuziva bengazinzi, okanye bahlaselwe, kukwala kwakho. Ngenxa yoko, banokusabela ngomsindo, ukugxeka ngokweemvakalelo okanye ukuziva benetyala. Kubalulekile ukuhlala uqinile kwaye uzolile xa ujongene nezi mpendulo.
Kutheni le nto zisenzeka?
Xa uqalisa ukukubekela imida, abo babesebenzisa ithuba lokungayithobeli kwakho imida basenokuziva belahliwe, bedimazekile, okanye bengcatshiwe. Oku kusenokuvusa iimvakalelo zomsindo okanye usizi kubo, kuba baye baphulukana nomhlaba ababeziva bekhululekile kuwo. Abanye banokusebenzisa amaqhinga afana ne-emotional blackmail, implied izoyikiso okanye guilt ukuze uzame ukufumana isigqibo sakho kwakhona.
Imizekelo yeempendulo eziqhelekileyo:
- Anger: “Undiphoxile, awundikhathalelanga!” »
- Emotional blackmail: “Ukuba ubundithanda ngenene, ubuya kundenzela le nto.”
- Guilt: “Ukuba awuwamkeli, uya kundenzakalisa.”
Usabela njani kwezi mpendulo?
- Hlala uzolile kwaye ugxile: Iimpendulo ezingalunganga zinokungazinzi, kodwa kubalulekile ukuhlala uzolile. Thatha umoya onzulu kwaye ungavumeli uxinzelelo lwabanye abantu lutshintshe ingqondo yakho. Khumbula ukuba imida yakho isemthethweni kwaye unelungelo lokuyibeka.
- Ungazivumeli ukuba ukhohliswe: QAmalinge okulawula iimvakalelo, ezinje ngokuziphatha kakubi ngokweemvakalelo okanye ukutyhola, ngamaqhinga okulawula. Hlala unolwazi ngoku kwaye ukwale ukutsalwa kule midlalo. Phendula ngokuzolileyo kodwa ngokuzolileyo: “Ndiyaqonda ukuba uphoxekile, kodwa isigqibo sam sisafana.”
- Veza iimvakalelo zakho ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala: Ungacacisa izizathu zakho ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala. Ngokomzekelo: “Akwaba bendinokukunceda, kodwa kufuneka ndinyamekele ezona zinto zibalulekileyo kum nempilo-ntle yam.” Oku kubonisa ukuba uyamhlonela omnye umntu, ngoxa unyanisekile kwiimfuno zakho.
- Phinda indawo yakho ukuba kukho imfuneko: Ukuba umntu uyanyanzelisa, ngamanye amaxesha kuyimfuneko ukuba usiphinde ngokuzolileyo isigqibo sakho. Unokuthi, “Ndikucacisele ukuba kutheni ndingakwazi ukuyamkela le nto. Ukhetho lwam lwenziwe, kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba uya kuluhlonipha.”
- Musa ukuzithethelela ngokugqithisileyo: Akunyanzelekanga ukuba uziphendulele okanye uye kwingcaciso ende. Ngamanye amaxesha elula “Hayi, andinako” yanele. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba unike isizathu esicacileyo sokwala ngakunye. Imida yakho iyasebenza nokuba icacisiwe okanye hayi.
Zikhusele kwiingcinezelo zangaphandle
Esinye sezizathu zokuba kube nzima ukuthi hayi kukoyika ukwaliwa okanye ukwaliwa ngabanye abantu. Noko ke, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba ukuthi hayi akuthethi ukuba ungumntu ombi, yaye akuthethi ukuba uyala. Kuthetha nje ukuba unezinto eziphambili, iimfuno, kunye nemida omele uyihloniphe ukuze uhlale ulungelelene kwaye usempilweni.
Ukuba loo ntsabelo iqhubeka iqhubeka yaye loo mntu usaqhubeka ekuphatha kakubi, kunokuba luncedo ukuphinda uluhlolisise olo lwalamano. Ulwalamano olufanelekileyo lusekelwe ekuhlonelaneni, kuquka ukuhlonela imida yobuqu. Ukuba lo mntu akanakuyamkela imida yakho, usenokungakulungeli ukuba nolwalamano oluphilileyo nolulungeleleneyo nawe.
Ukoyisa ubutyala bokuthi Hayi: Indlela yokuZihlonipha kunye neNkululeko yeemvakalelo
Ukuthi hayi sesinye sezona zenzo zinamandla onokuthi uzenze ukuze ulondoloze impilo-ntle yakho, kodwa kwakhona sesinye sezona zinto zinzima, ngakumbi xa zikhatshwa kukuziva unetyala. Eneneni, abantu abaninzi baziva benetyala emva kokubeka umda, nto leyo ebangela ukuba bangakwazi ukuzinyamekela yaye ngokufuthi ibakhokelela ekubeni bazincame ngenxa yabanye. Ukoyisa eli tyala kubalulekile ekwakheni ubudlelwane obunempilo kunye nokugcina impilo yakho yengqondo.
Kutheni uziva unetyala xa uthi hayi?
Ubutyala malunga nokuthi hayi rhoqo luvela kwimithombo emininzi enzulu:
-
Social Conditioning
Kwasebuncinaneni bethu, sihlala sikholelwa ukuba ukuthi ewe kuthetha ububele nenkathalo, ngelixa ukuthi hayi kunokuqondwa njengokuzingca okanye ukhohlakele. Le mbono iqiniswa yizithethe zenkcubeko kunye nezentlalo apho i-altruism kunye nokuzincama kuxabiswa. Usenokuba ukhulele kwindawo ekungafunwayo kuyo ukuba ungala isicelo, nto leyo enokwenza uzive unetyala xa usenza izinto ngendlela eyahlukileyo. -
Ukoyika ukwaliwa
Ukuthi hayi kunokunxulunyaniswa noloyiko olunzulu lokungafunwa. Usenokuvakalelwa kukuba ukwala isicelo kuya kubangela ukuphoxeka okanye ukuqhawuka kolwalamano. Olu loyiko lunokuba namandla ngakumbi ukuba ubuphila kwimeko apho ukwamkelwa kwabanye bekubalulekile kuwe. Ukwala ukuhlangabezana nezinto ezilindelwe ngabanye abantu kunokubonakala kusisongelo kuxabiso abanalo kuwe, nokuba akunjalo. -
Perfectionism
Abantu abangafezekanga badla ngokuba nengxaki yokuthi hayi kuba befuna ukubonwa njengabantu abanokwenza nantoni na kwaye bahlangabezane nako konke okulindelekileyo. Ukufuna ukwenza izinto ngendlela egqibeleleyo kunokukwenza ukholelwe ukuba umele usoloko usithi ewe ukuze uzingqine uxabisekile, nto leyo ekhokelela ekubeni uzive unetyala xa ukhetha ukuzibeka kwindawo yokuqala. -
Uvelwano olugqithisileyo
Ukuba ungumntu onovelwano ngokukodwa, mhlawumbi unovelwano kwiimfuno zabanye. Ukuthi hayi kunokukhokelela kungquzulwano lwangaphakathi: uyaqonda ukuba omnye umntu uyakudinga, kodwa kufuneka uhloniphe nezakho iimfuno. Olu xinzelelo lunokukhokelela ekubeni netyala elikhulu.
Indlela yokoyisa eli tyala?
1. Umngeni kwiinkolelo ezinciphisa
Ityala malunga nokuthi hayi lidla ngokuvela kwiinkolelo ezingenangqiqo ezifakwe kuthi. Enye yezi nkolelo kukuba ukuthi hayi kukuzingca. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba i-ukuzikhathalela wena ayizicingeli kwaye ayimbi. Unelungelo lokukhusela ixesha lakho, amandla kunye nokuphila kakuhle. Ingcamango yokuba kufuneka uhlale usithi ewe ukuze uxatyiswe okanye uthandwe bubuxoki kwaye unciphisa amandla akho.
Umthambo osebenzayo: Cinga ngamaxesha apho uthe ewe unetyala kwaye ubhale phantsi iziphumo. Ngaba sele udiniwe? Ngaba uye walalanisa kwimilinganiselo yakho? Oku kunokukunceda ubone ukuba ukuthi hayi kudla ngokukukhusela kwiimeko ezimbi.
2. Yamkela into yokuba awukwazi ukukholisa wonke umntu
Uloyiko lokungavunyelwa okanye ukuphoxa abanye luxhaphakile, kodwa kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba awukwazi ukuhlangabezana nezinto ezilindelwe ngumntu wonke. Ukuba uthi ewe kuyo yonke into, uzikhuphela amandla kwaye awusayi kuphinda ubekho ngokwenene kwabo babalulekileyo. Ngaphezu koko, ngokuzinyamekela, umisela abanye umzekelo ngokubaluleka kokuhlonela imida onayo.
Umthambo osebenzayo: Qonda ukuba, nangona umntu ophambi kwakho unokuphoxeka ekuqaleni, ekugqibeleni uya kuhlonela isikhundla sakho, kwaye oku kuya kuqinisa ubudlelwane kwixesha elide. Ngokuzikhathalela, uba yinyani kwaye ufumaneke ngakumbi kwabanye.
3. Qonda ukuba iimfuno zakho zisemthethweni
Kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukufuna ukuzikhathalela. Ukuba neentswelo nezinto ezibalulekileyo asikobuthathaka, koko ngamandla. Ukuthi hayi yindlela yokuba iimfuno zakho zihlonitshwe ngaphandle kokutyeshela iimfuno zabanye. Ubaluleke kakhulu njengabo bakungqongileyo, kwaye iminqweno yakho, iimvakalelo kunye nemida ifanele ukuviwa kwaye ihlonitshwe.
Umthambo osebenzayo: Thatha umzuzwana suku ngalunye uvavanye iimfuno zakho zeemvakalelo, zomzimba, kunye nezengqondo. Bhala phantsi indlela oziva ngayo nokuba kutheni kufuneka uzibekele imida. Oku kuya kukunceda ukuba uzithethelele ngokulula izigqibo zakho kwaye unciphise ubutyala.
4. Guqula imbono yakho ngetyala
Kunokuba ubone unetyala njengemvakalelo engathandekiyo, zama ukukubona njengophawu. Isenokuba luphawu lokuba uyatenxa kwiimfuno zakho okanye ukuba uphenjelelwa kakhulu koko kulindelwe ngabanye. Kunokuba uyibaleke, yisebenzise njengethuba lokuphinda uhlolisise ezona zinto zibalulekileyo kuwe uze uhlengahlengise imida yakho.
Umthambo osebenzayo: Xa uziva unetyala, zibuze, “Yintoni endenza ndizive ndinetyala?” » Emva koko, qonda ukuba unelungelo lokuthi hayi kuwe, ngelixa uhlala unembeko kwaye unyanisekile kwabanye.
5. Ziqhelise ukuba novelwano
Ukuba nobubele kuwe kubalulekile kwinkqubo yokoyisa ubutyala. Ngamanye amaxesha kunzima ukuyamkela into yokuba awukwazi ukukholisa wonke umntu, kodwa khumbula ukuba ungumntu kwaye unemida. Ukuzicingela kubandakanya ukuziphathela ububele obufanayo kunye nokuqonda obuya kukunika umhlobo kwimeko efanayo.
Umthambo osebenzayo: Nanini na xa uziva unetyala, buyisela iingcinga ezingalunganga ngeziqinisekiso ezakhayo. Umzekelo: “Kulungile ukuhlonipha imida yam. Ndifanele ukuzinyamekela.”
Ukuzikhulula kubutyala kukuzikhulula
Ukoyisa ityala lokuthi hayi yinkqubo efuna umonde nokuziqhelanisa. Ngokufunda ukuqaphela iimfuno zakho nokuhlonela imida yakho, uthabatha inyathelo elikhulu elikhokelela kubomi obulungeleleneyo nobanelisayo. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukukhumbula ukuba ukuthi hayi ayisosenzo sokuzingca, kodwa sisenzo sokuzikhathalela. Unelungelo lokuthi hayi, kwaye okukhona uyenza, kokukhona ukhululekile kwaye uvumelana uya kuziva nawe.
Zingqonge nabantu abahloniphekileyo: Ukubaluleka kokuhlakulela ubudlelwane obunempilo kunye nolungelelwano
Ubudlelwane babantu bunendima ebalulekileyo kwimpilo-ntle yethu yeemvakalelo neyengqondo. Noko ke, asilulo lonke unxulumano oluyingenelo, yaye kubalulekile ukuqonda ukubaluleka kokuzingqongileyo nabantu abayihlonelayo imida yethu. Kunokuba nzima ukuqhawula amaqhina nabantu abangazihloniphiyo iimfuno zethu okanye abafuna ukulawula iimvakalelo zethu, kodwa ukuzikhulula kobu budlelwane buyingozi kubalulekile ukugcina impilo entle engqondweni nasemphefumlweni. Ukukhetha ukuhlala nabantu abahloniphekileyo sisenzo sokuzikhathalela kunye nendlela yokomeleza impilo yakho.
Kutheni kubalulekile ukuba uhlale nabantu abahloniphekileyo?
1. Ukuziqinisekisa
Abantu abahloniphekileyo ngabo bakuqinisekisayo njengomntu. Bayazi kwaye bahloniphe iimvakalelo zakho, iimfuno zakho kunye nemida yakho. Bakukhuthaza ukuba ube nguwe, ngaphandle koloyiko lwesigwebo. Ukungqongwa ngabantu abanjalo kunceda ukwakha ukuzithemba kwaye kukhulisa imvakalelo yokhuseleko lweemvakalelo.
Kwelinye icala, abantu abangayihloniphiyo imida yakho banokubangela ukuba uzithandabuze, uzive ungaziwa okanye ungaviwa. Oku kunokudala imekobume yeemvakalelo enetyhefu eyenzakalisa ukuzithemba kwakho.
2. Ukugcina impilo-ntle yakho ngokweemvakalelo
Xa ungqongwe ngabantu abanentlonipho, uziva uxhaswa kwaye uqondwa. Obu budlelwane bukhuthaza imeko-bume apho unokuvakalisa khona iimvakalelo zakho ngaphandle kokoyika ukwaliwa okanye ukucuthwa. Ubudlelwane obusekelwe kwintlonipho kuvumela ukuba uzive ukhululekile ukuba usengozini, ngaphandle kokuzikhusela rhoqo.
Kwelinye icala, ubudlelwane nabantu abangayihloniphiyo imida yakho bunokubangela uxinzelelo, ukuxhalaba, nokudandatheka. Aba bantu basenokukukhohlisa, bakwenze uzive unetyala, okanye bakwenze uzive ngathi akufanelanga ukuhlonelwa.
3. Ukukhula komntu
Ubudlelwane obunempilo bunceda ekukhuleni komntu. Babonelela ngendawo ekhuselekileyo yokuphonononga izimvo ezintsha, ukucela umngeni ngokwakho kunye nokuvela njengomntu. Abantu abahloniphekileyo bayayikhuthaza iminqweno yakho, bayakuxhasa kwiiprojekthi zakho kwaye bakunike iingcebiso ezakhayo.
Kubudlelwane apho imida yakho ingahlonelwa, kunzima ukukhula ngendlela enempilo. Usenokuzifumana uphila kwimeko yoxinezeleko okanye unxunguphalo, nto leyo ethintela amandla akho okukhula nokuchuma.
Indlela yokuqonda ubudlelwane obuhloniphekileyo?
Kukho imiqondiso emininzi ekuncedayo ukuba uchonge ukuba ungqongwe ngabantu abanentlonipho okanye hayi:
- Imida iyahlonitshwa
Abantu abahloniphekileyo bayaqonda ukuba uneemfuno kunye nemida. Abanyhashi okanye bakunyanzele ukuba wenze izinto ongafuni ukuzenza. Bayazihlonela izigqibo zakho, nokuba abasoloko beziqonda ngokupheleleyo. - Ukuphulaphula ngokukhutheleyo
Kubudlelwane obunentlonipho, ukuphulaphula kuyasebenza kwaye kunyanisekileyo. Umntu ukumamela ngokwenene, ngaphandle kokukuphazamisa, kwaye uthatha ixesha lokuqonda imbono yakho. Akazijongeli phantsi iimvakalelo zakho okanye azame ukunyanzelisa i-ajenda yakhe kuwe. - QQoQomshelwano oluvulekileyo kunye nokunyaniseka
Ubudlelwane obuhloniphekileyo bubonakaliswa ngonxibelelwano olucacileyo noluvulelekileyo. Omabini amaqela aziva ekhuselekile ukuchaza iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo zawo ngaphandle koloyiko lokugwetywa okanye impindezelo. Ukuba kuvela ingxaki, bobabini abantu bajongana nale meko ngentlonelo, ngaphandle kokuthuka, ukukhohlisa, okanye ukugxeka. - Inkxaso ethe ngqo
A umntu onembeko uyakuxhasa kwiiprojekthi zakho, amaphupha akho kunye neminqweno yakho. Iyakukhuthaza kwaye ikuncede uqhubele phambili neenjongo zakho ngaphandle kokukuyekisa ekulandeleni oko kubalulekile kuwe. Le nkxaso iyahambelana: ukwanika inkxaso xa omnye umntu eyidinga. - Ukungabikho kokuphathwa kakubi ngokweemvakalelo okanye ukumangalela
Kubudlelwane obunempilo, akukho malinge okulawula iimvakalelo, ukutyhola okanye ukutyhola. Ukhululekile ukuba wenze izigqibo zakho ngaphandle kokoyika iziphumo ezibi kubudlelwane. Abantu abanentlonipho abakunyanzeli ukuba wenze izinto ngokuchasene nentando yakho okanye uncame iimfuno zakho ngenxa yabo.
Indlela yokuhlakulela ubudlelwane obuhloniphekileyo?
- Be ngokwakho kwaye uchaze imida yakho
Ukutsala abantu abahloniphekileyo, kubalulekile ukuba ube yinyani kwaye uzimele iimfuno zakho kunye nemida. Ukuba awuyihloneli imida yakho, akunakulindela ukuba abanye bayihlonele. Cacisa ngoko ukulindele kwabanye kwaye ungoyiki ukuthi hayi xa kuyimfuneko. - Zingqonge nabantu abaneenqobo ezifanayo nezakho
Jonga abantu abaneenqobo ezisisiseko ezifanayo nezakho nabakuhloniphayo oko ucinga ukuba kubalulekile. Aba bantu banokuqonda iimfuno zakho kwaye bahloniphe imida yakho. - Qwala uBudlelwane obunetyhefu
Kunokuba nzima ukuqhawula ubudlelwane nabantu abanetyhefu, kodwa kuyimfuneko ukwenjenjalo ukuze ulondoloze impilo-ntle yakho. Ubudlelwane obuyityhefu bobo bukwenza uphelelwe yimvakalelo, bonakalise ukuzithemba kwakho, kwaye ungayihloneli imida yakho. Musa ukunikezela kwityala kwaye ungoyiki ukuhamba kude nabantu abangakuhloniphiyo. - Qeqesha Ukuzihlonipha
Ukutsala ubudlelwane obuhloniphekileyo, kubalulekile ukuzihlonipha. Kuthetha ukuzinyamekela, ukukuqonda ukubaluleka kwakho, nokuziphatha ngesidima. Ngokuzihlonela, uthumela umyalezo kwabanye wokuba nawe ufanelwe yimbeko. - Khuthaza ukuphindaphindana
Ubudlelwane obunentlonipho busekelwe kukubuyiselana. Abakho cala-nye. Ukuba unika umntu kakhulu, kodwa loo mntu akakubuyiseli okanye ahloniphe iimfuno zakho, lixesha lokuphinda uphonononge olo lwalamano. Qinisekisa ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bulungelelene kwaye buyingenelo ngokufanayo.
Isiphelo: Ukwakha imeko-bume enentlonipho
Ubudlelwane obunempilo, obuhloniphekileyo bungundoqo kwintlalontle yakho. Ngokuzijikeleza nabantu abayiqondayo kwaye bayihloniphe imida yakho, udala imeko-bume ekhuthaza ukukhula, uxolo lwangaphakathi kunye nokuzaliseka komntu. Ngelixa awukwazi ukutshintsha abanye abantu, unokukhetha ukuba ngubani ochitha ixesha lakho naye. Khetha abantu abakuphakamisayo, abakuhlonelayo nabakuxhasayo, kwaye uya kufumanisa ihlabathi elinomvuzo nobudlelwane obulungeleleneyo.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.