Unyango oluthe cwaka: xa umxhasi we-narcissistic ekohlwaya ngokuthula

Akakhwazi. Akakuthuki. Uthule. Akasayiphenduli imibuzo yakho, udlula kuwe ngokungathi uhleli elubala, ushiya imiyalezo yakho kangangeentsuku ingaphendulwa. Kwaye ujikeleza kwizangqa uzibuza ukuba ubunokwenza ntoni.

Oku kubizwa ngokuba yi-unyango oluthe cwaka, okanye unyango lokuthulisa. Kwi-manipulator ye-narcissistic, ayisosidingo esilula sokuzola emva kwengxabano. Sisohlwayo. Indlela yokufumana amandla kwakhona ngaphandle kokushiya umkhondo.

Makhe sibone kunye indlela yokuyiqonda, kutheni ibuhlungu kakhulu, kwaye ngaphezu kwayo yonke indlela yokusabela kuyo ngaphandle kokulahlekelwa nguwe.

Yintoni ukuthula?

Ukuthula kubhekisa kwisenzo sokuqhawula unxibelelwano ngokuzithandela nomntu ngenjongo yokumohlwaya, ukumlawula okanye ukufumana into kuye. Umntu uhlala ekhona ngokwasemzimbeni (okanye efikeleleka) kodwa uyarhoxa ngokweemvakalelo: abasathethi, abasaphenduli, abasajongi.

Kufuneka yahlulwe kwiimeko ezimbini ezifanayo:

• Ixesha lokuphumla elisempilweni. “Ndidinga iyure ukuze ndizole, siza kuthetha ngayo kamva.” » Ikhefu liyabhengezwa, lilinganiselwe ixesha, kwaye ingxoxo iyaqala kwakhona.
• Ghosting. Umntu unyamalala ngokupheleleyo ebomini bakho, ngaphandle kwengcaciso. Sithetha ngayo ngokweenkcukacha kwinqaku lethu ghosting, isixhobo se-narcissistic pervert.

Impatho ethi cwaka ayibhengezwa okanye ilinganiselwe. Awazi ukuba kutheni iqalile, okanye iya kuyeka nini. Kukungaqiniseki kanye oku kuyenza isebenze.

Iimpawu ezibonisa ukuba ukuthula sisohlwayo

Wazi njani ukuba ujongana ne-sulk yokohlwaya kwaye hayi isidingo esilula sendawo? Iimpawu ezininzi zivela rhoqo.

• Ukuthula kwenzeka emva kokuba uvakalise ukungaboni ngasonye, ​​ubeke umda okanye ube nobomi bakho nje (uhambo, ukufowunela umhlobo).
• Ihlala iiyure, iintsuku, ngamanye amaxesha iiveki.
• Uyakhetha: ngokuqhelekileyo uthetha nabanye, kubantwana, koogxa bakhe, kodwa kungekhona kuwe.
• Awuyazi ncam into otyholwa ngayo.
• Uyayeka xa ucela uxolo, nokuba awazi yintoni.
• Emva kokuthula, isiganeko asizange sixoxwe: yonke into iyaqhubeka ngokungathi akukho nto yenzekileyo, kude kube lixesha elizayo.

Le ngongoma yokugqibela ibalulekile. Kwisibini apho unxibelelwano lusebenza khona, ungquzulwano luphela sele kuthethwa ngalo. Apha, ukuthula kusebenza ukuphepha nayiphi na ingxoxo, kwaye ngoko naluphi na uxanduva.

Kutheni i-narcissistic manipulator isebenzisa ukuthula?

Ukuthula sisixhobo esisebenzayo somntu okhohlisayo: akushiyi mkhondo, kulula ukukhanyela (“andenzanga nto kuwe, bendidiniwe”) kwaye kunempembelelo enamandla kwenye.

Ukohlwaya

Ube nobuganga bokuthi hayi, ukuphikisa, okanye ukubakho nje ngaphandle kwakhe. Ukuthula kwenza ukuba uhlawule ngoku “kusilela”. Umyalezo ocacileyo ucacile: ukuba awuziphathi ngendlela endifuna ngayo, ndiya kuyirhoxisa ingqalelo yam.

Ukulawula

Ngokufumana ukuthula okohlwaya, ufunda ukuqikelela. Uyayiphepha imixholo enomsindo, uyeka ukuhamba okuthile, ujonge amazwi akho. Ngaloo ndlela iqabane lifumana oko likufunayo ngaphandle kokufuna ukukucela.

Ukukuzinzisa

Ukuthula kudala isithuba apho ingqondo yakho izalisa ngeentelekelelo, rhoqo ngokuchasene nawe. “Ndenzeni?” » “Uzakundishiya?

Ukubuyisela umva iindima

Othe cwaka uzimisa njengexhoba elonzakeleyo. Wena, ufuna ukuqonda, udibana nomntu “okhalazayo” okanye “owenza kakhulu”. Olu tshintsho luqhelekileyo lwe-ubundlobongela obungenasiphelo kubudlelwane obuyityhefu.

Kutheni le nto ukuthula kubuhlungu kangaka?

Abantu abaninzi bazigxeka “ngokuchatshazelwa kakhulu” kukuthula. Nangona kunjalo, uphando lwezengqondo zentlalo lubonisa ukuba ukukhutshelwa ngaphandle, nokuba kukufutshane kwaye nakubantu ongabaziyo, kunamava njengentlungu yokwenyani.

Umsebenzi wokugxeka, owenziwe ngokukodwa ngumphandi uKipling Williams kunye noogxa bakhe, ubonisa ukuba ukungahoywa kusongela iimfuno ezisisiseko zomntu: imfuno yokuba ngowakho, ukuzithemba, imvakalelo yokulawula kunye nemvakalelo yokubakho emehlweni abanye. Isishwankathelo esipapashwe kwi-Frontiers kwiPsychology (Wesselmann et al., 2015) ichaza ezi mpendulo zilandelayo: sifuna ukwamkelwa, sihambelana, okanye ngokuchaseneyo siyarhoxa.

Olunye uphononongo, olupapashwe kwi-Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience (Hawkley et al., 2011), lusikhumbuza ukuba i-ostracism ikhona kuyo yonke iminyaka kwaye ibeka emngciphekweni imfuneko engundoqo, ebangela intlungu yokwenene ekuhlaleni kunye nosizi.

Ukuba imizuzu embalwa yokukhutshwa kumdlalo waselabhoratri yanele ukuchaphazela imo, cinga isiphumo seentsuku ezininzi zokuthula kumntu osempilweni yakho. Intlungu yakho ayibaxwa. Ungumntu.

Indlela yokusabela kunyango oluthulile: amanyathelo aphathekayo

Awunakunyanzela umntu ukuba athethe. Kodwa ungayitshintsha indawo oku kuthula kuyithatha ebomini bakho.

1. Chaza okwenzekayo. Zixelele: “Oku kuthula sisohlwayo, ayisosiphumo esisengqiqweni sento endiyenzileyo.
2. Buza isivakalisi sibe sinye, sibe sinye nje. Umzekelo: “Ndiyabona ukuba awufuni kuthetha.Ndifumaneka xa ufuna ukuncokola ngokuzolileyo.» Emva koko yima apho.
3. Musa ukubaleka emva kwakhe. Ukuphindaphinda imiyalezo, uxolo okanye imibuzo yondla amandla okuthi cwaka. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ucenge incoko eqhelekileyo.
4. Ungaxolisi ngento ongayenzanga. Ukucela uxolo ukuyeka ukuthula kumfundisa ukuba indlela iyasebenza.
5. Qhubeka uphila. Bona abahlobo bakho, phuma, zinakekele. Ukuthula kuphelelwa ngamandla xa kungasabumisi ubomi bakho.
6. Thatha amanqaku. Imihla, ubude bexesha, umxholo. Oku kukunceda ukuba ubone ipateni, kwaye ezi zinto zinokuza luncedo ukuba izinto ziba mbi ngakumbi.
7. Thetha nomntu. Umhlobo, ingcali, umbutho. Ukuthula kuyahlukanisa, amagama alungiswa.
8. Umbuzo ngobudlelwane bubonke. Ngaba unyango oluthule lukhatshwa kukuthotywa kwexabiso, ulawulo, izoyikiso? Ukuba kunjalo, yinxalenye yomfanekiso omkhulu wolawulo.

Usenokuba uvile ngobuchule be “grey rock” (ukuba ngathathi hlangothi njengelitye elingwevu). Qaphela ukuba ungayibhidanisi kunye ne-stonewalling, eyona nto iyenzayo i-manipulator. Sichaza umahluko kwinqaku lethu gray rocking vs stonewalling.

Kuthekani ukuba nguwe othe cwaka?

Emva kokwahlukana, okanye ukuzikhusela, unokukhetha ukunciphisa uqhagamshelwano. Oku akufani nokuhlala uthule. Ukuthula kwakho akwenzelwanga ukohlwaya, kodwa kukukhusela.

Olu tshintsho kwi-posture luhlala luphazamisa i-manipulator, esetyenziselwa ukulawula isantya sobudlelwane. Sichaza ukusabela kwayo okunokwenzeka kwinqaku lethu isiphumo sokuthula kwi-manipulator. Kwaye ukuba nguye onyamalalayo emva kokwahlukana, uya kufumana abamakishi kwi-xa umxhasi we-narcissistic engasaniki naziphi na iindaba.

Ukuthula kudla ngokuba yinxalenye yento yonke

Unyango oluthe cwaka alufane lwenzeke lulodwa. Uhlala etshintshana namaxesha obubele obukhulu, obuphembelela ukubhideka, kunye namazwi ahlabayo. Ukuba uyawaqaphela amabinzana afana “nobuntununtunu kakhulu”, funda inqaku lethu devaluation kubudlelwane.

Abaphandi abafunda ulawulo lokunyanzeliswa bachaza olu hlobo lwesicwangciso njengendlela yokukhawulela inkululeko yabanye imihla ngemihla. I-meta-analysis yakutshanje (Lohmann et al., 2024) idibanisa olu lawulo kwiimpawu zokudakumba kunye noxinzelelo emva kokuphazamiseka kumaxhoba.

Ii-FAQs

Unyango oluthuleyo lwe-narcissistic manipulator luhlala ixesha elingakanani?

Akukho xesha liqhelekileyo. Oku kunokusukela kwiiyure ezimbalwa ukuya kwiiveki ezininzi. Idla ngokuyeka xa ixhoba linikezela, licela uxolo okanye lenze isimbo. Kukungacingelwa kwangaphambili okuyinxalenye yesohlwayo.

Ngaba kufuneka siqhawule ukuthula kuqala?

Ungacela ukuthetha kube kanye, uzolile. Ngaphandle koko, ukuqala kwakhona rhoqo kuqinisa ipateni. Ukuqhawula ukuthula ngokucela uxolo ngempazamo ongayenzanga kumfundisa ukuba indlela iyasebenza.

Ngaba ukungathethisani luhlobo oluthile logonyamelo?

Xa isetyenziswa ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukohlwaya, ukulawula okanye ukuhlazisa, ewe: yinxalenye yobundlobongela obungokwengqondo. Idityaniswe nezinye iindlela zokuziphatha eziphindaphindiweyo ezonakalisa impilo yakho, inokuwela ngaphakathi kwesakhelo sokuziphatha kakubi phakathi kwesibini.

Ndithini ukuba ndingaphinde ndichukunyiswe kukuthula kwakhe?

Ngokwakha ngokutsha imithombo yokhuseleko ngaphandle kwakhe: abahlobo, imisebenzi, inkxaso. Okukhona ibhalansi yakho ixhomekeke kwiintsika ezininzi, kokukhona ukuthula okuncinci kunokukwenza uxengaxenge.

Ukuququmbela

Ukuthula okukhalimelayo lugonyamelo olungenzi ngxolo, kodwa lushiya imikhondo enzulu. Awunabuntununtunu kakhulu kwaye awuxhomekekanga kakhulu: ukungahoywa ngumntu omthandayo yenye yezona zinto zibuhlungu kakhulu.

Inyathelo lokuqala kukuyeka ukujonga impazamo kuwe. Okwesibini, kukubuyisela ukulawula ubomi bakho, nokuba omnye uthe cwaka. Ukuba ungathanda inkxaso yokuphuma kule pateni, ungafumana ngakumbi malunga ne-coaching kumaxhoba e-narcissistic perverts.

Ukuba le meko inefuthe elihlala lihleli kukuziphatha kwakho, ukulala kwakho okanye impilo yakho, thetha nogqirha okanye isazi sengqondo. Kwimeko yengozi, fowunela 3919 (Violences Femmes Info, simahla kwaye engaziwa), 17 okanye 112.

Imithombo

• UWesselmann ED et al. (2015). Iimpembelelo zeempendulo kwi-ostracism. Imida kwiPsychology.
• Hawkley L.C. okqhubekayo. (2011). Iimpendulo zokucwaswa kubo bonke abantu abadala. I-Social Cognitive kunye ne-Neuroscience echaphazelekayo.
• Lohmann S. et al. (2024). I-Trauma kunye neMpilo yengqondo yeempembelelo zoLawulo oluQhelekileyo: Ukuphononongwa okuCwangcisiweyo kunye nohlalutyo lweMeta. Ukwenzakala, Ubundlobongela & Abuse.