Ukungazithembi- Qonda kwaye Uphilise!

THEukungazithembiinokuba yinto esisigxina okanye engaqhelekanga kubantu abahluphekayo. Enoba usisityebi okanye ulihlwempu, uselula okanye umdala, unokuziva ungakhuselekanga ngaphakathi kuwe. Kodwa uninzi lwabantu abangazithembiyo ngabafazi. Kweli nqaku, uya kubona izizathu, iziphumo, ukubonakaliswa kunye neengcebiso zokunqoba ukuzithemba. 

Ukungazithembi – Yintoni na?

Ukungazithembi luhlobo oluthile lokuzivalela ngendlela ethintela umntu ekubeni abe nemveliso. Umntu ongazithembiyo akasakwazi ukwenza isigqibo yaye uya kukuphepha ukunxulumana nabanye. Ngoko, uzenza ikheswa ngokupheleleyo.

Oku kungazithembi kwenza umntu abe lusizi, akhathazeke, akhathazeke kwaye abe neentloni ngesiqu sakhe. Akonelisekanga kwaphela yilento ayenzayo. Eneneni, amaxhoba okungazithembi athintelwa luloyiko olukhulu oluzinzisayo ngaphakathi kwawo.

Kutshanje, baya besanda abantu abanengxaki yokuzithemba, enoba basethandweni, emsebenzini, ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwasengqondweni. Ke ngoko, wonke umntu ukhangela indlela yokunyanga ukungazithembi aphethwe kuko.

Kuvela phi oku kungazithembi?

• Ukungazithembi kuvela kwiimeko ezininzi. Okokuqala, ukungabikho kokuzithemba kunokuba ngumphumo wento umntu ahlangabezana nayo ebuntwaneni bakhe. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba abazali bakhe basondele kakhulu kuye yaye ngenxa yoko akasakwazi kuzenzela nto ngokwakhe.
• Abantu abangamaxhoba okwenzakala,ubundlobongela ngokwasemzimbeniokanye ukungazithembi ngokwesondo. Ukuziva unganqabisekanga nokuziva uphantsi kubangela ukuba umntu angazithembi.
• Oku kunqongophala kubangelwa yindawo ahlala kuyo umntu. Ihlabathi lanamhlanje linomkhwa wokugxeka, ukugxeka nokungcungcuthekisa abanye. Ukungazithembi kunokuqala ebuntwaneni okanye kuqale xa umntu emdala.
• Enoba kuyintoni na, ukungazithembi kunokubangelwa kukungakhathali kobuntu. Amaxhoba e-narcissistic manipulators yimizekelo yabantu abangakhuselekanga ngenxa yamaqabane abo.

Imiphumo yokungazithembi kubomi bemihla ngemihla

• Umntu ongazithembiyo uzahlula ngokupheleleyo kwihlabathi langaphandle.
• Uyayoyika into ecingwa ngabanye kwaye akakwazi ukujonga umntu ebusweni.
• Ulahla iinjongo zakhe zobungcali kunye nezabucala.
• Akasakwazi ukunika uluvo lwakhe ngemeko ethile kwaye akaze aveze iimvakalelo zakhe.
• Xa umntu engazithembanga, akacingi ukuba ikamva lakhe liya kuba njani. Akakhathali kwaphela ngobomi bakhe.
• Umntu uya edandatheka ngakumbi aze ekugqibeleni azibulale.

Iimpawu ezahlukeneyo zokungazithembi kwesi sibini

Xa umntu engazithembi engena kubudlelwane, kuyavakala ukuba akanalo ukuzithemba kubudlelwane bakhe. Nazi iimpawu ezibonisa ukuba wena okanye iqabane lakho anizithembanga.

1. Umntu ufuna ukuqinisekiswa ngeemvakalelo zeqabane lakhe

Uphawu lokuqala ukubona xa ukwazi umntu ongazithembiyo kukufuna kakhulu ukuqinisekiswa malunga nendlela iqabane lakhe eliziva ngayo ngakuye. Enyanisweni, xa umntu engazithembanga, akakholelwa ukuba iqabane lakhe limthanda ngokwenene. Ngaloo ndlela, uhlala ecela omnye ukuba abonise uthando lwakhe kuye.

Akaqinisekiswa nokuba bubuphi na ubungqina abunikwa liqabane lakhe. Xa iqabane lakho lingenalo ukuzithemba kubudlelwane bakho, kuqinisekile ukuba sele ephumelele ngakumbi okanye engaphantsi ekufumaneni ukuzithemba kuye buqu. Ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba angene kubudlelwane, ukungazithembi kwakhe kuphinda kuvele.

2. Umntu ufuna ukuqinisekiswa ngexabiso labo

Ukwafuna neqabane lakhe ukuba limqinisekise ngokubaluleka kwakhe. Ukuze abe nokuzithemba, usoloko efuna ilizwi elivela kwiqabane lakhe. Kodwa, ukuzithemba komntu nako kuyachaphazeleka. Ngokuqinisekileyo oku kubonisa isoyikiso kulwalamano lwabo. Kumntu ongazithembiyo, emotional ukuxhomekeka ufumana indawo ebaluleke kakhulu. Kwimeko embi kakhulu, iqabane lomntu ongakhuselekanga linokubaxhaphaza.

3. Usoloko ezibeka phantsi

Abantu abangakhuselekanga bazibeke phantsi ngalo lonke ixesha. Ngokuba nokuzithemba okuphantsi nokungazithembi, ngokungathandabuzekiyo umntu uya kuba nengxaki yokuzibona engowakhe. Uya kuhlala ecinga ukuba akenzi nto ilungileyo ebomini bakhe nakubudlelwane bakhe. Ngenxa yoko, ucinga ukuba akafanelekanga kolu lwalamano.

4. Umntu unomona kakhulu kwaye unochuku

Umntu ongazithembiyo usoloko enomona ogqithileyo (QAQA ukuba nomona we-narcissistic pervert). Ngaloo ndlela, ukuthembela kwakhe kwiqabane lakhe kuphantsi kakhulu. Umntu uhlala ethandabuza ukunyaniseka kothando lweqabane lakhe.

Ukongeza ekubeni nomona, ubuye achukumiseke kakhulu. Oku kunokubonwa esidlangalaleni kodwa kunamandla ngakumbi kubudlelwane bakhe. Iqabane lakhe lihlala lizama ukuba nethemba ukuphepha okubi kakhulu. Uloyiko lokulahlwa lutyhala umntu ongazithembiyo ukuba achukumiseke kakhulu.

5. Ayikwazi ukusingatha impixano

Abantu abanale ngxaki abaze bakwazi ukujongana neengxabano. Yiloo nto amaqabane abo ehlala ethanda ukuyiphelisa ingxabano ngokukhawuleza. Kwimeko yongquzulwano, amaqabane abantu abanengxaki yokungazithembi bathuthuzela kuphela kwaye babaqinisekise.

Indlela yokunyanga ukungazithembi?

Elona nyango lilungileyo lokunyanga ukungazithembi kukwenza idinga kunye nesayikholojisti. Ngaphandle kokuxhamla kuncedo lwangaphandle, kunzima kakhulu ukufumana. Ngoncedo lwengcali, kulula kakhulu ukuxoxa ngengxaki yakho. Injongo yayo kukukunceda ukuba uphile ngolonwabo nabantu abakungqongileyo. Ngoko ke, ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba awuzithembi, qhagamshelana nogqirha wengqondo ngokukhawuleza.

Ireferensi yebhayibhilografi “yokungazithembi”

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi kumxholo wokungazithembi:

1. Bourgeois, J., & Dejours, C. (2010). La confiance en soi : un défi pour l’éducation. Éditions L’Harmattan.
2. Bourgeois, M. (2015). Confiance en soi : comprendre et agir. Éditions Eyrolles.
3. Brun, L., & Lemoine, P. (2017). La confiance en soi : un atout majeur en milieu professionnel. Revue Française de Gestion, 43(3), 123-137.
4. Gagnepain, P. (2016). La confiance en soi : origines et conséquences. Psychologie et Société, 9(1), 45-60.
5. Guillemot, M. (2014). Développer sa confiance en soi : stratégies et outils pratiques. Éditions De Boeck.
6. Léger, A. (2018). Manque de confiance en soi et réussite personnelle : une approche psychologique. Psychologie de la santé, 23(2), 89-104.
7. Vallée, C. (2019). Confiance en soi et estime de soi : deux enjeux psychologiques clés. Psychologie et Psychiatrie, 27(4), 210-225.

Ezi mbekiselo zinokukunika isiseko esiluqilima sokwenza nzulu ukuqonda kwakho ukuzithemba okuphantsi.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqukumbela, ukungazithembi ngumngeni onzima ochaphazela abantu abaninzi, ngokufuthi neziphumo ezinzulu kubomi babo bemihla ngemihla kunye nobudlelwane. Kubalulekile ukuqaphela iimpawu zesi siganeko kwaye ufune uncedo, ngakumbi kwiingcali ezifana neesayikholojisti, ukuze uphinde ube nokuzithemba okusempilweni. Ngokuthatha amanyathelo abambekayo, wonke umntu unokusebenzela ukoyisa ukungakhuseleki kwabo kunye nokwakha ubomi obanelisayo ngakumbi.

Ukuqhagamshelana:

• Emotional Manipulator
• Emotional Blackmail Abazali

👇 Ukuya phambili:

• Ukuphatha njani ukungazithembi?
• Ukungakwazi ukuzithemba kubudlelwane: iimpawu ezisi-7
• Ikhonkco phakathi kokungazithembi kunye nokudakumba