Ukukhanya kwegesi kwisibini – Iimpawu zokujonga!

Lixesha lokuba sithethe ngezi zenzo zixhaphazayo ezitshabalalisa ubudlelwane, ubuhlobo kunye namaqhina osapho. Ngaba uyazi “gaslighting”?  Bubuchule bokukhohlisa ngenjongo yokufumana amandla. Ubuchule bokwenza “ukwenziwa kwamatye”kwangoku ibangela umonakalo kwizibini ezininzi ezisebunzimeni.

Yintoni ukuKhanya ngeGesi kwisibini?

Le ndlela yokuphatha gadalala ayiseyiyo into efunwayo kule mihla. Wonke umntu uthetha ngayo kuba wonke umntu ubonakala ebandezeleka kuyo kubudlelwane babo. Bubuchule obusetyenziswa liqabane kubudlelwane babo lawula Kwaye lawula umyeni wakhe. Eli qabane liya kutyhala ixhoba lakhe kwintandabuzo eqhubekayo malunga nobunyani obumngqongileyo.

Okokuqala, kwisibini, kukho ukungavisisani okanye iimpikiswano ngombandela othile. Sisoloko sigqiba ukulungisa izinto. Kodwa kwisibini apho kukho gaslighting, akukho nto iza kwenzeka. Lo mva uya kuhlala eqamba amanga ukuze enze ixhoba lakhe lizinzise, ​​enze izimvo ezingafanelekanga, amazwi amaqhinga okumenza buthathaka.

Wena, ixhoba, uya kuphazamiseka kakhulu ukuya kwinqanaba apho uthandabuza ukuba unengqondo yakho. Kule nto, ukuhlanjululwa kwengqondo iqabane lakho liphumelele ukukutshabalalisa.

Ubudlelwane bakho buya kuba kukungalingani rhoqo ebusweni beengxaki, nokuba zincinci, uya kuhlala usemngciphekweni wokuqhekeka. Emva koko, uya kuxoka kuwe kwakhona, ngokuncoma ukukuqinisekisa ukuba yonke into iyinto eqhelekileyo. Ukuncoma kunye nezithuko ziyaxubana xa uthanda ukuze uphantse uphazamiseke.  

Ukwazi njani gaslighting kwisibini?

Ukuba ufuna ukwazi, kufuneka uqaphele kakhulu le migaqo, i-gaslighter iphantse ingabonakali.

• Baya kulala ngokuqaqadekileyo 
• Baya kukukhupha kuye wonke umntu osondeleyo kuwe, kuba uya kukhuseleka kuphela kunye nabo. 
• Ukuba unabantwana, baya kuqulunqwa ngokuzenzekelayo ngokuchasene nawe 
• Izenzo namazwi akhe aya kuhlala ephikisana 
• Baya kuziphika iintetho abazenzileyo ngaphambili 
• Uxanduva luya kuhlala lulolwakho 
• Baya kukuxabanisa nabanye, ngokungalindelekanga 
• Uya kuqwalaselwa ngokukhawuleza ukuba unengxaki yengqondo 

Zintoni izizathu zeGaslighting kubudlelwane?

Izizathu ze-gaslighting kwisibini zihluke kakhulu. Oyena nobangela yimvelaphi ngokweemvakalelo, evela kwigaslighter ngokwakhe. Ucinga ukuba ixhoba ngumthombo weengxaki zalo kodwa bubuxoki obupheleleyo.

Igaslighter imele ukuba yayinengxaki yeemvakalelo ebuntwaneni bayo. Ngokutsho kwesazi ngengqondo uDana Castro: “aba ngabantu abanazo ubuntu obungasebenziyo ngenxa yokuba babenokwenzakala ebuntwaneni babo ukuhla kwexabiso. »   

Zithini iziphumo zolu kuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kuyingozi?

UVirginie Loÿ ubhengeza: “Izigaba ezithathu eziya kulandelwa ngumbulali ngokuqhubekayo zezi: ukuthandabuza, ukubuza kunye nokugxeka.”

Le miqondiso ilumkisa kakhulu ukuba ulixhoba lokukhanyiswa ngegesi:

1. Uphulukana nokuzithemba;
2. Amathandabuzo asisigxina akuhlaselayo aya kukwahlukanisa nabo bakungqongileyo;
3. Ulahlekelwa ngabahlobo, oogxa, amalungu osapho;
4. Ukukhathazeka, uloyiko, kunye ne-anxiety kuya kuphazamisa ubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla;

Eminye imiphumo emibi ngakumbi

Kwiimeko ezinzima kakhulu, uya kuziva ngathi ulahlekelwe yingqondo. Ukuba uvalelwe kobu budlelwane bunetyhefu, uya kukhula iingxaki zengqondo zokwenyani ezinje ngokuhlaselwa luloyiko kunye nokuxhalaba.

Ukwenza izigqibo, nokuba zezona zisisiseko, uya kuhlala ufuna imvume yeqabane lakho ukuze ungabacaphukisi. Uya kuthandabuza ingcebiso onikwa zizihlobo zakho ukuze kungenelwe iqabane lakho le-gaslighter.

Ukuba loo mntu usaziva ekwazi ukumelana nale meko, ufanele aqale athethe nomntu amthandayo. Ukulahla iqabane le-gaslighter ngumcimbi wobukrelekrele kunye neqhinga. Yamkela isimo sengqondo sokuqaphela, ukuthula kunye nokusebenza kakuhle.

Njengoko usazi, amazwi abo ayaphikisana nezenzo zabo kwaye ke, landelela izenzo zabo kwaye uqiniseke ukuba uyasuka kuye kancinci kancinci. Baleka kangangoko kwaye uya kuyekwa ukuba azenzele ngokwakhe.

I-Gaslighting Couple-Uphuma njani kuyo?

Ukuba ufunda oku, kuya kufuneka ukwazi ukubala imiba ethile yobomi bakho, phambi nangexesha lobudlelwane okulo. Hlala ujonge ezona zijekulo zabo zincinci, zabo amazwi okanye indumiso kuwe enokwenzakalisa ngexesha elifutshane.

Ukufumanisa ukuba ulixhoba lokukhanyiswa ngegesi okanye ukwakhiwa ngamatye, jonga inqanaba lokuzithemba kwakho, ukuncipha okanye ukwanda. Yongeza koko inani labo bakungqongileyo, uzive ukuba unoxinzelelo olungaphezulu, unexhala okanye uziva unetyala ngokukhawuleza.

Ngaphambi kokuba uzibophelele, hlala uqwalasela iqabane lakho elizayo.

I-Bibliographic reference ukwazi iimpawu ze-gaslighting kwisibini

Nazi iireferensi ezisixhenxe zebhayibhili malunga nomba wokulayita igesi kwizibini:

1. Stern, R. (2007). Le Gaslighting : Comment repérer et survivre aux manipulations cachées que les autres utilisent pour contrôler votre vie. Paris : Éditions de l’Homme.
2. Palek, A.-L. (2024). Détecter et contrer le gaslighting : Comment démasquer facilement le gaslighting dans le couple et au travail grâce à 11 signes et échapper au piège de la manipulation en 5 étapes. Psiana Verlag.
3. Arabi, S. (2019). 50 nuances de gaslighting : Signes troublants qu’un abuseur manipule votre réalité. Thought Catalog Books.
4. Sweet, P. L. (2019). “La sociologie du gaslighting”. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851-875.
5. Stark, C. A. (2019). “Gaslighting, misogynie et oppression psychologique”. The Monist, 102(2), 221-235.
6. Gass, G. Z., & Nichols, W. C. (1988). “Gaslighting : Un syndrome conjugal”. Contemporary Family Therapy, 10(1), 3-16.
7. Dorpat, T. L. (1996). Gaslighting, le double coup, l’interrogatoire et autres méthodes de contrôle caché en psychothérapie et psychanalyse. Northvale, NJ : Jason Aronson Inc.

Ezi zalathiso zibonelela ngesiseko esiluqilima sokuqonda iindlela zokulayita igesi kubudlelwane besibini kwaye zinike iimbono zokuqaphela kunye nokubala olu hlobo lokukhohlisa ngokwasengqondweni.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqukumbela, gaslighting luhlobo lobuchule obungenabuqhophololo obuphazamisa ixhoba ngokubenza bathandabuze ubunyani babo kunye nempilo yabo yengqondo. Kubudlelwane, kunokuba neziphumo ezibi, ukushiya umntu ephathwa yedwa, exhalabile kwaye engazithembi. Ukuqaphela ezi ziphatha kunye nokuthatha amanyathelo okuzikhulula kuzo kubalulekile ekubuyiseleni ukulinganisela kunye nokuphila kakuhle. Ukuzingqongileyo nabantu obathembileyo kwaye uhlale uziphaphele ezi mpawu kunokunceda ukukhusela kolu hlobo lokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo.

Ukuqhagamshelana: Iimpawu zokuKhanya ngegesi