I-Emotional Blackmail: Ungayibona njani?

Ukutyholwa ngokweemvakalelo kwenzeka xa ulixhoba lokuqhathwa liqabane lakho. Oku kudla ngokuba yiseti yezoyikiso ezisetyenziswa liqabane lakho ukukulawula. Olu qheliselo lukwenza ukuba ulahlekelwe nguwe ubuwena, yaye ukuba le meko iyazingisa, ikubeka esichengeni sokungalungelelani okunzulu ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuphuma kwesi sangqa esibi, sikucebisa ukuba ufunde eli nqaku.

Emotionalmail: Inkcazo

I-emotional blackmail sisenzo esiqhelekileyo esingenampilo kubudlelwane bothando okanye ubuhlobo. Kubandakanya, kumntu omnye, ukusebenzisa iziphoso zakho kunye nokuba sesichengeni sakho ukwenza uxinzelelo oluthile lwengqondo kuwe. Eyona njongo iphambili kukufumana kuwe yonke into ayifunayo.

I-blackmailer ngumntu osondeleyo kuwe kwaye usebenzisa iindlela zeemvakalelo ukukukhohlisa, nokuba ngabom okanye ngengozi. Abanye bakwenza oko ukuze bafumane iinkonzo okanye izinto eziluncedo kuwe. Kwelinye icala, abanye banokukutyhola bakwenzakalisa, batshabalalise umsebenzi wakho okanye bavele babonakalise igama lakho. 

Iprofayile ye-blackmailer

I-blackmailer ngumntu osoloko ejongana nokungalingani ngokwasengqondweni okanye ingxaki enkulu yengqondo. Yiyo loo nto izinto ezithile zinokukunceda ukuba uchonge iprofayile yomntu okufaka kuvavanyo lokunganyaniseki ngokweemvakalelo. Nazi ezinye iimpawu zobuntu bakhe:

• Ukoyika ukulahlwa kunye nokubandezeleka kokuziphatha
• ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo
• Umnqweno wokulawula yonke into
• Ukunyamezelana okuphantsi
• Ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okanye ukungaqhelekanga, kuba ukholelwa ngokuqinileyo ukuba indlela yakhe kunye nezicelo zakhe zinengqiqo.

Emotional blackmail: iimpawu zokuqaphela

Nazi ezinye izalathi ezibonisa ukuba umhlobo wakho okanye iqabane lakho liyakhohlisa:

1. Izithethi eziphindiweyo
2. Izoyikiso zokukutshabalalisa
3. Ukudelela kunye nokungabalulekanga ngokweemvakalelo

1. Ukukhalimela nangaliphi na ixesha

Xa umntu elixhoba likamama, usapho okanye iqabane ngokweemvakalelo blackmail, bahlala benoxanduva yonke into kwaye akukho nto. Kule meko, ubizwa ukuba uthwale eli tyala kunye nezityholo ezahlukeneyo. Kufuneka wamkele zonke iimpazamo kuba ubonwa njengengxaki kubudlelwane bakho. Uphantsi kweempembelelo ze-blackmailer kwaye ukuziva unetyala kukwenza ulahlekelwe yintembelo kuwe.

2. Ugrogrisa ngokukutshabalalisa

THE umenzi wenza izoyikiso ngeentlobo zonke (etshabalalisa zonke izinto ezithandekayo kuwe). Le ndlela yokubeka umqolo wakho eludongeni ngezisongelo idala imeko yoloyiko kunye noloyiko. Ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kwabazali abayityhefu nako kuqhubeka ngendlela efanayo. Umntu okhohlisayo uya kufumana indlela yokwenza ukholelwe ukuba kufuneka uvumelane ngokugqibeleleyo naye.

3. Indelelo nokungabalulekanga ngokweemvakalelo

Ngaphandle kwezisongelo ezifunyenweyo, umhlaseli wakho akayi kuthathela ingqalelo imo yakho, iimvakalelo zakho okanye imeko yakho yengqondo. Oku kukhokelela ekubeni uzive ulikheswa kunokukhokelela kwimeko yokurhoxa ngenxa yokucaphuka nobulolo.

Kubalulekile ukuphuma kulo naluphi na ulwalamano xa uziva ngathi uxhatshazwa ngokwasemoyeni. Inyathelo lokuqala omawulithabathe kukuzithanda. Ukuzithanda ngundoqo walo lonke ulonwabo lokwenyani ebomini. Yaye inokufunyanwa nzulu ngaphakathi kuwe, emva kwazo zonke iimvakalelo zakho ezibuhlungu zokuxhalaba nokungaqiniseki.

Ukusabela kwi-blackmail yeemvakalelo – izisombululo ezisi-7 kolu qheliso lugwenxa

Nantsi indlela yokusabela kumhlaseli wakho ngeyona ndlela isebenzayo:

1. Tshintsha umfanekiso
2. Seta imida
3. Qhagamshelana ne-manipulator
4. Qinisekisa ukucinga
5. Cela uncedo
6. Ulungelelaniso
7. Qwalasela enye into

1. Guqula iparadigm

Ufanelwe ngaphezulu koko akwenzayo umtyholi wakho kuwe. Enye indlela yokuphendula kukutshintsha indlela ojonga ngayo izinto ngokwamkela i-blackmail kunye nokuphatha umcimbi ngokwahlukileyo. Ukuba awukwenzi oku, kuyacaca ukuba ubomi bakho buya kuba sisihogo.

2. Misela imida

Xa usenza imida, uthumela umyalezo oqatha kumxhaphazi lowo wakho ukuba awusavumi ukuba usetyenziswe kakubi.  Ngenxa yokuba awusafuni kulawulwa, ukwaphula lo mjikelo wokuziphatha okuyityhefu kuyimfuneko. Ukuvakalisa ukuba udiniwe kwaye ubeka imida kubonisa ukuba uphinde wazithemba. Yazi indlela yokuthi “yeka” xa ujongene ne-manipulator ngaphandle kwemida okanye iintloni.

3. Jongana nomqhatha

Kufuneka ume ngokuqinileyo ngokuchasene ne-manipulator. Ukuba, umzekelo, usenentlonipho ngobudlelwane bakho, ezi zivakalisi zimbalwa zinokukunceda ukuba uxhathise ukuchasana ngokweemvakalelo phakathi kweqabane lakho:   

• “Usityhalela kumda kwaye ndiziva ndingakhululekanga kakhulu.”
• “Awundithathi nzulu xa ndivakalisa ukungoneliseki kwam yindlela oziphethe ngayo.”
• “Kufuneka sikulawule ukungavisisani kwethu ukuze ndingaphinde ndingcungcuthekiswe kwaye ndizive ndingento yanto.”
• “Ndihlala ndizithobela izicelo zakho kwaye ndiziva ndidiniwe. Andisafuni kuphila ngolu hlobo.”
• “Kufuneka undihloniphe kakhulu kwaye ndifanele”
• “Masithethe ngayo, yekani ukundoyikisa nokundohlwaya”
• “Andisayi kuphinda ndisamkele esi simo sengqondo sokukhohlisa”

4. Yenza introspection

Ukuqaphela iimpazamo zakho kunye/okanye izinto ezibangela iimvakalelo linyathelo lokuphelisa le ngxaki yeemvakalelo. Umtyholi wakho unamandla okukukhohlisa ukuba uyazi ukuba usondele kakhulu kuye okanye kwabo ubathandayo. Uyazi ukuba uthando luyakuthamba yaye uya kusebenzisa amazwi afanelekileyo ukuze ubandezeleke uze ufumane oko akufunayo. Ke yazi indlela yokuzibuza kwaye ulungise ezi zinto zibangela okanye iziphene zeemvakalelo. Ngale ndlela unokumxelela ukuba “hayi”.  

5. Cela uncedo

Abarhwebi ngokweemvakalelo abafane bavume izenzo zabo zolwaphulo-mthetho. Ukuba uyabuxabisa ubudlelwane bakho, mema iqabane lakho ukuba libone ugqirha wengqondo. Ungafumana unyango lwezibini ukuze ubeke irekhodi ngqo. Ukunganyaniseki ngokweemvakalelo njengesibini, umzekelo, akunakuphathwa ngolo hlobo kubudlelwane bobuhlobo.

6. Ukulalanisa

Ukuba umtshutshisi wakho uyawamkela umbono wokudala imozulu enoxolo kubudlelwane, oko kukuthi, ukunciphisa ukungabikho zingqondweni okanye ukuzisola ngokweemvakalelo, emva koko wamkele ukuthomalalisa. Abaqhatha abavumayo ukulalanisa babonisa ukukulungela ukuhlengahlengisa, ukuphucula, nokufunda ngakumbi. Uthando lokwenyani alunamsebenzi. Ke, ukuba unokuphinda ubuyise ubudlelwane bakho ekufuneka bube sempilweni, kuyafaneleka ukuba ukhethe ukulalanisa.

7. Cinga ngenye into

I-blackmail ye-Emotional kwi-psychology inokubonwa njengokuphazamiseka kokuziphatha kwaye isigulane kufuneka silandele unyango olufanelekileyo. Ke ukuba akukho nto isebenzayo ngaphandle kwemizamo yakho emihle, khupha nje i-manipulator ebomini bakho. Okufanelekileyo kukulibala le narcissistic manipulator. Zisuse kobu budlelwane, ubuncinci awusayi kuba phantsi kweempembelelo ze-manipulator.  

Iziphumo zokunganyaniseki ngokweemvakalelo

Akukho mgca mkhulu phakathi kobuqhophololo kunye nokunganyaniseki ngokweemvakalelo. Nangona kunjalo, enye okanye enye idala ukungakhuseleki kwixhoba. Ifaka uxinzelelo kunye noloyiko ebomini bakho kwaye ngenxa yoko, ngokuthe ngcembe ulahlekelwa ukuzithemba. Ukuphila kwimeko-bume yoloyiko nesoyikiso kunokukhokelela ekuphazamisekeni kobuntu.

Ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo noqhawulo-mtshato zihamba kakuhle kwezi meko. Ukungabikho kwenkululeko yokuthatha izigqibo zobomi bomntu sesinye isiphumo solu qheliselo.

Ireferensi yokubhalwa kwebhayibhilografi malunga nokunganyaniseki ngokweemvakalelo

Nazi izingqinisiso ezisixhenxe zebhayibhili kumxholo wokunganyaniseki ngokweemvakalelo:

1. Forward, S., & Frazier, D. (1998). Le chantage affectif : quand ceux que nous aimons nous manipulent. Paris : Le Grand Livre du Mois.
2. Green, E. (2022). Le chantage émotionnel : comprendre et se protéger face aux dépendances affectives, violences psychologiques, relations toxiques et autres types de harcèlement. Modern Mind Media.
3. Hirigoyen, M.-F. (2009). De la peur à la soumission. Empan, 73(1), 13-20.
4. Poussin, G. (1998). Un conflit destructeur. Enfances & Psy, 4, 13-20.
5. Le Run, J.-L. (1998). Conflit de loyauté. Enfances & Psy, 4, 21-28.
6. Michard, P. (2005). La thérapie contextuelle de Boszormenyi-Nagy : une nouvelle figure de l’enfant dans le champ de la thérapie familiale. Bruxelles : De Boeck.
7. Van Gisjeghem, H. (2003). Le syndrome d’aliénation parentale. Journal du droit des jeunes, 222, 24-26.

Ezi zingqinisiso zibonelela ngembono enzulu malunga nokuziphatha kakubi ngokweemvakalelo, ukubonakaliswa kwayo kunye nefuthe layo ngokwasengqondweni.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqukumbela, i-emotional blackmail luhlobo lwenkohliso olunokwenzakalisa kakhulu ulungelelwaniso lweemvakalelo kunye nokuzithemba kwamaxhoba. Olu hlobo loxinzelelo lwengqondo, oluhlala lusenziwa ngabathandekayo, lujolise ekulawuleni ngoloyiko, ityala okanye ukuhla. Kubalulekile ukuba abo babandakanyekayo baqaphele imiqondiso yale ntsholongwane enetyhefu kwaye bawagade ngezicwangciso ezicacileyo, ezifana nokubeka imida, ukucela uncedo, okanye, ukuba kuyimfuneko, ukuhoxiswa kubudlelwane ukuze balondoloze impilo yabo yeemvakalelo kunye nengqondo.

Ukuqhagamshelana: Emotional Blackmail Abazali