Ukuba nomkhwekazi okhohlisayo – kuvakala njani?

Intsomi yomamazala onobuzwilakhe kumkhwenyana wakhe okanye umolokazana kaninzi iye yathotyelwa kwinqanaba lefilimu kunye nochungechunge lwescript. Ngokwenene, ubukho be-a umkhwekazi okhohlisayo iya kukubonisa ukuba uyintoni na uMachiavellian kunye nomntu okhohlisayo.

Umqaphela njani umkhwekazi onetyhefu?

Ukwazi njani ukuqaphela umkhwekazi okhohlisayo? Kufanele ukuba sele uyazi ukuba yintoni na umkhwekazi narcissistic manipulative. Ungumntu wase Machiavellian oya kuzama ukuzifaka kubomi beqabane lomntwana wakhe okanye iqabane. Ngokweenkcukacha, umyinge wamashumi amabini anesihlanu ekhulwini (25%) oomolokazana bathi abavani kakuhle noninazala. Kwaye i-60% inobudlelwane obubi kakhulu kunye nomama weqabane labo.

Idla ngokuzifihla kwizizathu ezifana nezi: “Ndiphuphuma luthando ngawe”, “Ndithetha oku ukuze kulungelwe wena”. Nazi iindlela zokuyiqaphela:

• Uya kufuna ukunika uluvo lwakhe, okanye ade alunyanzelise kwisibini kuyo yonke into abayenzayo.
• Umkhwekazi okhohlakeleyo naye uya kuba nzima ukwamnkela ukugxekwa.
• Kubantwana, uya kuba nolawulo oluphezulu, ade ahambe neendlela ezikhohlakeleyo zokubeka emotional blackmail.
• Uyakwazi ukubonisa umlinganiswa onobundlobongela xa ethetha nabantu abamngqongileyo.

5 I-Narcissistic Manipulative Manipulative Yezixhobo Zokukhohlisa zikaMama wesibini

Ukuze afezekise injongo yakhe, umkhwekazi we-narcissistic unokulawula ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Uya kuzisebenzisa ukuseka umbono wakhe. Amandla ayo ubukhulu becala axhomekeke eqongeni.

Iindlela ezinje nge-blackmail zezona zixhaphakileyo, ke nantsi eminye imizekelo:

1. Inyembezi zengwenya: Umamazala unokuvela ekwimeko elusizi. Uya kuqinisekisa ukuba unyana nomolokazana wakhe bayachukumiseka yimeko yakhe ukuze babe novelwano kuye. Imiboniso yeenyembezi ekhumbula ixesha elidlulileyo, ubuxoki obuqulunqwe kakuhle. Uya kumnika owona mdlalo ubalaseleyo wokuthambisa intliziyo yakho.
2. Ukusetyenziswa koxinzelelo lwemali: Umamazala unokuzama ukubahenda ngoncedo lwemali. Kodwa oku kuhlala kunxulunyaniswa ne-quid pro quo yokwenza into ayithethayo ngamaxesha onke.
3. Ukutyholwa ngokweemvakalelo: Esi sixhobo siluncedo ngokwenene kuye xa evakalelwa kukuba imeko ingaphaya kwamandla akhe. Kodwa kwakhona, xa isibini kubonakala kunzima ukuphembelela. Umama wesibini okhohlisayo okhohlisayo uya kujika abantwana kumzali wabo. Esi sixhobo sivumela umkhwekazi ukuba abe nempembelelo ebalulekileyo phezu kwesibini njengokoumlahli weemvakalelo.
4. Shintshela ityala kwisibini:obu buchule baziwa kakuhle kwii-narcissistic manipulators. Ibandakanyaukwenza umntu azive enetyalaixhoba kwimeko yogwenxa. Abantwana bakamama wesibini baya kuziva benetyala. Usenokude asebenzise amazwi ahlabayo ngokuwabiza ngokuba ngabantu abangenambulelo nabangenantliziyo.
5. UMsebenzisi wendima yakhe njengomama: Unokusebenzisa le ndlela emntwaneni wakhe ukumjikisa ngawe. Oku kuthetha ukuba awusayi kuphinda ufumane inkxaso yomyeni okanye yenkosikazi yakho.

Ifuthe lesimilo somkhwekazi kwixhoba lakhe

Ukuziphatha kukamama wesibini onama-narcissistic kunokuba neempembelelo ezinzulu nezihlala zihleli kwixhoba lakhe, ngokuqhelekileyo umolokazana wakhe okanye umkhwenyana wakhe. Nalu uhlalutyo oluneenkcukacha zezi mpembelelo:

1. Ukuwohloka kokuzithemba

• Ukugxeka rhoqo: Umkhwekazi othanda ukuhlambalaza uhlala egxeka ixhoba lakhe, nto leyo enokuthi ngokuthe ngcembe isuse ukuzithemba kwexhoba.
• Adverse Comparisons: Unokuthelekisa ixhoba lakhe ngokungathandekiyo nabanye abantu, esomeleza iimvakalelo zokungafaneleki.
• Ukunganyaniseki kweemvakalelo: Ngokunciphisa okanye ukukhanyela iimvakalelo zexhoba lakhe, unokubangela ukuba ixhoba lithandabuze iimbono kunye neemvakalelo zalo.

2. Ukuxhalaba okungapheliyo kunye noxinzelelo

• Ukuhamba ngamaqokobhe amaqanda: Ixhoba lisenokuhlala lixhalabile, lisoloko lisoyika ukubangela ukusabela okungekuhle kumazala.
• Anticipating Conflict: Uxinzelelo lokulindela ukuhlangana kosapho lunokuba nzima.
• Somatization: Ukuxhalaba kunokuzibonakalisa ngeempawu zomzimba ezifana nentloko ebuhlungu, iingxaki zokwetyisa okanye iingxaki zokulala.

3. Ukuphazamiseka kobudlelwane bentsapho

• I-Tension kwisibini: Ubudlelwane phakathi kwexhoba kunye neqabane lalo lunokubandezeleka, ngakumbi ukuba lo mva akaqapheli okanye akayiphathi kakuhle indlela yokuziphatha kukanina.
• Family Isolation: Ixhoba linokurhoxa kusapho olongezelelekileyo ukuphepha ukusebenzisana nomamazala onenkani.
• Impembelelo ebantwaneni: Ukuba ixhoba linabantwana, basenokuba sesichengeni kutshintsho olwenzekayo lwentsapho okanye basetyenziswe njengeentsinjana kumaqhinga kaninazala.

4. Ukuthandabuza kunye nokudideka

• Gaslighting: Umkhwekazi onarcissistic unokusebenzisa ubuchule bokukhohlisa ngokwasengqondweni, ekhokelela ixhoba ukuba lithandabuze ubunyani balo.
• Ukuphelelwa yintembelo kwisigwebo sabo: Ngokuzibuza, ixhoba lisenokulahlekelwa yintembelo kumandla alo okwenza izigqibo.
• Emotional confusion: Ixhoba linokufumana iimvakalelo eziphikisanayo, ezijikelezayo phakathi komnqweno wokwamkelwa kunye nomsindo ekuphathweni kakubi.

5. Iimpembelelo zempilo yengqondo yexesha elide

• Depression: Ukuvezwa ixesha elide kwindawo enetyhefu kunokukhokelela kwiziqendu zokudakumba.
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): Kwiimeko ezinzima, ixhoba linokuvelisa iimpawu ze-PTSD.
• Ingxaki yokuxhalaba ngokubanzi: Ukuxhalaba okungapheliyo kunokuqhubela phambili kwingxaki yokukhathazeka yehlabathi, echaphazela iinkalo ezahlukeneyo zobomi.

6. Ubunzima bobudlelwane

• Ukungathembi ngokubanzi: Ixhoba lisenokuba nobunzima ekuthembeni abanye, kuquka nobudlelwane obungaphandle kwesangqa sentsapho.
• Ukuveliswa kwakhona kweepatheni: Ngaphandle kolwazi kunye nomsebenzi wonyango, kukho umngcipheko wokuvelisa amandla anetyhefu kobunye ubudlelwane.
• Ubunzima bokuseka imida: Ixhoba linokuba nobunzima bokuseka nokugcina imida enempilo kubudlelwane bexesha elizayo.

Ugcina njani ngempumelelo ubudlelwane bakho kwiintambo zomkhwekazi we-narcissistic?

Ukugcina ubudlelwane bakho, kufuneka ukwazi oko Ukukholisa umazala wakho akusiso isisombululo. Musa ukuzinyanzela ukuba ube yeyona nto ifanelekileyo ayibonisayo. Awusoze ube ngulo afuna ukumbona nomntwana wakhe. Zama kangangoko unako ukumkholisa uya kukomeleza ukubamba kwakhe phezu kwakho kwaye amkhuphe ngakumbi ubuntu obuyityhefu.

Eyona ndlela ilungileyo kukuvula amehlo eqabane lakho ukuba umkhwekazi wakho ngumkhohlisi we-narcissistic. Ewe, kubalulekile ukuba le yokugqibela ibe kwicala lakho. Kuzakwenzeka ke ukuba nihlangane niyeke lento ifunwa ngunyokozala. Ukuba awunaye kwicala lakho, kuya kuba nzima ukugcina okanye ukugcina ubudlelwane bakho.

Ingaba kunokwenzeka ukubaleka iimpembelelo zomkhwekazi okhohlisayo?

Ewe, kunokwenzeka ukubaleka impembelelo yomamazala okhohlisayo. Kuxhomekeke kuwe ukuba ulwe ukuze uzikhulule kwimpembelelo yawo. Oku kufuna umonde namandla. Intsomi yomama wesibini okhohlakeleyo iya kuvela kwaye unokude ungqubane neqabane lakho. Nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukusombulula ukushiya le meko inetyhefu ngazo zonke iindleko.

Ireferensi yebhayibhiliyografi kumkhwekazi we-narcissistic

Nalu uluhlu lweembekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi kumxholo othi “narcissistic mother-in-law”:

1. Racamier, Paul-Claude (1986). « Entre agonie psychique, déni psychotique et perversion narcissique ». Revue française de psychanalyse, vol. 50, n° 5.
2. Joly, Marc et Roquebert, Corentin (2021). « De la mère au narcissisme pervers au conjoint pervers narcissique ». Zilsel : Science, technique, société.
3. Fromm-Reichmann, Frieda (1948). « Notes on the development of treatment of schizophrenics by psychoanalytic psychotherapy ». Psychiatry, vol. 11, n° 3.
4. Nosal, Serge (2020). Inconscient et narcissisme au risque des états-limites : vers une troisième topique. Thèse de doctorat, HAL.
5. Diguer, Louis et al. (2010). « Validation d’une version francophone du Pathological Narcissism Inventory ». Pathological Narcissism Inventory.
6. Psychologist.net (2024). “Oomama abakhohlakeleyo babaphatha njani kwaye benzakalise abantwana babo?”.
7. Durand, G. (2020). « (Se) figurer l’image de soi de la belle-mère sans enfant dans un modèle familial recomposé ». Revue québécoise de psychologie.

Ezi zingqinisiso zibonelela ngesakhelo sokuqonda ukuziphatha kwe-narcissistic phakathi kobudlelwane bosapho kunye neentshukumo kunye nomamazala.

Conclusion

Ukuqukumbela, ubudlelwane nomama womtshato wesibini okhohlisayo bunokuba neempembelelo ezinzulu kwimpilo yengqondo, yeemvakalelo, kunye nobudlelwane bamaxhoba akhe. Ukuphathwa kakubi ngokweemvakalelo, ukubekelwa bucala ngokweemvakalelo, kunye nokusoloko ugxekwa kunokubangela ukudodobala kokuzithemba, ukuxhalaba okungapheliyo, kunye noxinzelelo kubudlelwane. Nangona kunjalo, kuyenzeka ukuba uzikhulule kule mpembelelo ngokwazi ukukhohlisa kunye nokufumana inkxaso kwiqabane lakho. Unxibelelwano olucacileyo kunye nemida eqinile ibalulekile ukugcina ubudlelwane bunempilo kwaye ugweme ukuwela kumjikelo onetyhefu.