Umjikelo wobundlobongela: i-devaluation, devaluation, rejection – kunye nokubuya

Ingcaciso: Umjikelo wobundlobongela, owachazwa yingcali yengqondo uLenore Walker ngo-1979, kukuphindaphinda okuphindayo kwezigaba ezine kubudlelwane obuyityhefu: tension → ubundlongondlongo → uxolelwaniso” → uxolelwaniso” izolile – emva koko uxinezeleko kwakhona. Kubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator, lo mjikelo uhlala ubekwe phezulu kwi-devaluation / devaluation / rejection trio.

Izigaba ezi-4 ngokweenkcukacha

• 1. I-tension: amazwi ane-asidi, ukuthula, ukumbakraza kweengcango. Ixhoba lihamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda kunye ne-self-censors ukuphepha ukuqhuma – yi-hypervigilance esondla i-mental fog.
• 2. Ubundlobongela: ukukhwaza, ukuthotywa, izithuko, ngamanye amaxesha izimbo zomzimba. Inqaku lokuqhawula ixhoba likholelwa ukuba “libangele”.
• 3. Reconciliation: uxolo, izipho, iinyembezi, izithembiso – into ebizwa ngokuba yi-honeymoon phase. Kulapho i-intermittent reinforcement isebenza khona: umvuzo ongalindelekanga uvala uncamathiselo.
• 4. Calm: iintsuku ezimbalwa okanye iiveki zobomi “obuqhelekileyo”, okwenza ube nethemba lokuba eli xesha laliyiyokugqibela.

Kutheni umjikelo uqina ngokuhamba kwexesha

Umjikelo ngamnye we-loop wenza mfutshane i-honeymoon kwaye yandisa uxinzelelo: ukuzola kuba likhefu lobugcisa elilula. Ixhoba, elibekwe kwimeko, libambelela ngakumbi nangakumbi kwisigaba sesi-3 – kanye njengoko umdlali ebambelele ekuphumeleleni kwakhe. Emva kweminyaka, abaninzi abashiyi “ubudlelwane”: bashiya ithemba lesigaba 3. Leli themba elimele ligwetywe ukuze lihambe, kungekhona nje ubundlobongela obubonakalayo.

Umjikelo, ubuso

Kwi-manipulator ye-narcissistic, ubundlongo abusoloko busemzimbeni: umjikelo uyasebenza nasekuxhatshazweni kokuziphatha – i-idealization yokuqala (bonaisiphumo sesipiliKwayeikamva elizayo), emva koko ukuthotywa kwexabiso ngomicrotrauma, emva koko ukwaliwa okuthe cwaka okanye ukulahlwa, emva koko i-flash back. Isakhiwo esifanayo, i-decor eyahlukileyo – iziphumo ezifanayo kwi-psyche.

Qhawula umjikelo

• Draw it: Bhala umhla wesigaba ngasinye kwikhalenda. Ukubona i-loop kumnyama namhlophe kudla ngokuba yinto eyothusayo ebangela isigqibo.
• Musa ukugweba ubudlelwane kwisigaba sayo 3: yivavanye ngokomyinge, ungalokothi uphezulu.
• Act ngexesha lokucaca: Izigqibo zokuhamba zilungiswa kwisigaba esizolileyo, kungekhona kwisiqhwithi – yinjongo ye-6-step plan.

Inkcazelo esuka kwi-Glossary ye-narcissistic pervert.