Inkungu yengqondo: inkcazo, izizathu kunye nendlela yokufumana ukucaca

Inkcazo: inkungu yengqondo yile meko apho ukucinga kuba nzima, kucotha, kungabi nazigqibo – ngokungathi isigqibo ngasinye sifuna umgudu ogqithisileyo. Kumxholo wokulawula, akusiyo impawu ye-banal yokukhathala: yisiphumo esithe ngqo nesiqikelelwayo sokuvezwa kwexesha elide ekuchaseni, ukwesaba kunye nokuhla.

Kutheni indlela elungileyo idala inkungu?

Iindlela ezintathu zidibanisa:

• Izibophelelo eziphindwe kabini: zijongene neziyalelo eziphikisanayo (jonga i-double bind), ingqondo ibaleka kwi-loop ukusombulula into engenakusonjululwa.
• Hypervigilance: ukujonga rhoqo imo yomnye ihlanganisa izixhobo zokuhoya ezidla ngokunikezelwa kwinkumbulo, isigwebo kunye nokucwangcisa.
• I-cumulative microtrauma: ulwamvila ngalunye, ukuthula ngakunye, ukukhanyela ngakunye kuqhekeza ngakumbi ukuzithemba kwiimbono zomntu.

Isiphumo: siyalibala, siyaxuba, siphinda sifunda umgca omnye kathathu, asisazazi izinto esasizazi. Ixhoba lixelelwa ukuba “awunanto iseleyo” – kwaye oko kuqwalaselwe kuba bubungqina obongezelelekileyo bokungaphumeleli kwakhe. Ngaloo ndlela inkungu ijikiswa kumntu obandezelekileyo.

Uvavanyo olulula

Ukuba uyathandabuza imvelaphi yenkungu yakho, jonga ijografi yayo: ngaphandle kobukho babanye – impelaveki kwindlu yomhlobo, iveki yokusebenza kude – ngaba ukucaca kuyabuya? Inkungu yokuqala yobudlelwane ichithakala kude; ukuba isigulo ayenzi. Olu qwalaselo lulula luye lwaba luxilongo kumakhulu amaxhoba.

Indlela yokufumana ukucaca

• Ukunciphisa umthwalo: izigqibo ezincinci, uluhlu olufutshane, into enye ngexesha. Inkungu iyabuthiya ubulula.
• Externalize memory: bhala yonke into phantsi — imihla, iinyani, iincoko. Incwadi yokubhalela icingela wena ngelixa ufunda ukucinga kwakhona.
• Yondla umzimba: ubuthongo obukhuselweyo, ukuhamba, ukufakwa kwamanzi. Ukuqonda yinto eyenzeka emzimbeni ngaphambi kokuba ube ngumsebenzi wentando.
• Umgama: le yinkqubo yangasemva. Inkungu yempembelelo iyancibilika ngeeveki zokusikwa okanye uqhagamshelwano olucwangcisiweyo – le yenye yezahlulo zokuqala ezibonakalayo ze-departure, kunye nesinye sezalathi ze-healing.

Ukuba inkungu iyaqhubeka nangona umgama, iingcebiso zonyango ziyafuneka – isilumkiso asize sichithe ixesha.

Inkcazelo esuka kwi-Glossary ye-narcissistic pervert.