Indlela yokushiya i-manipulator ye-narcissistic: isicwangciso esinamanyathelo ama-6

Ukushiya i-narcissistic manipulator ayiyonto eqhelekileyo yokwahlukana. Asimshiyi nje umntu esingasamthandiyo: siyahlukana nenkqubo yolawulo eyathabatha iinyanga, ngamanye amaxesha iminyaka, ukuyibamba. Ukuba usathandabuza, ukuba sele uzame kwaye ubuye, ukuba uyazibuza ukuba ungaqala phi – esi sikhokelo sesakho. Nantsi isicwangciso esi-6 endisiphakamisa kumaxhoba endiwaxhasayo, esakhiwe inyathelo ngesinyathelo, ngendlela efanelekileyo.

Inyathelo 1: phuma ekukhanyeni kwaye uchaze okwenzekayo kuwe

Inyathelo lokuqala alikho ngokomthetho okanye izinto eziphathekayo: lingaphakathi. Ngethuba nje unethemba lokuba “akunjalo” okanye ukuba omnye umntu uya kutshintsha, uhlala ekubambeni. I-manipulator ye-narcissistic igcina ngokuzithandela oku kudideka: ngenye imini ithenda, ihlazo elilandelayo, ukuze ungabi sazi ukuba iphi na inyaniso.

Qala ngokujonga i-Imiqondiso yokuba ulixhoba le-narcissistic pervert: amathandabuzo asisigxina, ukudinwa kokuziphatha, ukuba wedwa okuqhubekayo, ukuziva uhamba kumaqokobhe amaqanda. Bhala izibakala, ezinomhla, kwincwadi yamanqaku ongayifumaniyo kuye. Le jenali iya kusebenza njengekhampasi ngeentsuku zamathandabuzo – kwaye njengobungqina ukuba imeko iyayifuna.

Inyathelo lesi-2: Yakha kwakhona iNethiwekhi yakho yeNkxaso

I-narcissistic manipulator inokwenzeka ukuba yahlukanise nabahlobo bakho, yaqhekeza usapho lwakho, yadelela abo banokukubona. Ngaphambi kokuba uhambe, kufuneka uphinde uthule kwakhona into echithiweyo: qhagamshelana nomntu othembekileyo, umhlobo, umzalwana, udade. Awudingi ukuchaza yonke into kumyalezo wokuqala. “Ndikwixesha elinzima, ndifuna ukuthetha” kwanele ukuphinda ndivule ucango.

Kwakhona cinga malunga neziseko zenkxaso: imibutho yamaxhoba, iindlela zoncedo, abacebisi bexhoba. Kwaye ukuba uyaziqaphela utyekelo lokuxolela yonke into, funda indlela Yeka ukuziva unetyala: ubutyala yeyona nto ibangela ukuba ubuyele kumhlaseli.

Inyathelo lesi-3: lungiselela ukuhamba ngokukhuselekileyo

Ukuhamba ngokukhawuleza, okubhengezwa ngomsindo, yimeko eyingozi kakhulu: ngumzuzu wokuqhawula ukuba ubundlobongela bempembelelo buvame ukukhutshwa. Endaweni yoko, lungiselela:

• Amaxwebhu akho ayimfuneko: amaphepha ezazisi, incwadi yengxelo yosapho, isitatimenti sebhanki, izivumelwano — zifotokotshwa zaza zagcinwa ngaphandle kwekhaya.
• I-akhawunti yebhanki ye-A egameni lakho, nokuba ithozamile, angayazi omnye umntu.
• Isicwangciso se-A Logistics plan: apho ulala khona ngeveki yokuqala, ngubani onokujonga abantwana, yintoni i-budget encinci.
• Evidence: imiyalezo, izatifikethi zonyango, ubungqina. Kwimeko yobundlobongela, ukufaka isikhalazo kunye nokufumana umyalelo wokukhusela zizixhobo ezisebenzayo.

Ukuba abantwana bayabandakanyeka, fumanisa kwangaphambili malunga ne-ukugxothwa kwabazali: umxhaphazi we-narcissistic uhlala esebenzisa abantwana njengesixhobo sokunganyaniseki emva kokwahlukana.

Inyathelo lesi-4: hamba ngaphandle kokuzithethelela

Ngomhla omkhulu, umthetho wegolide kukuzola ngokweemvakalelo. Akukho ngcaciso inkulu, akukho ileta enamaphepha alishumi, akukho phezolo “ukucacisa.” Ingcaciso nganye eyongezelelweyo kukuxhawula isandla kulawulo: i-narcissistic manipulator iya kuguqula amagama akho, idlale ixhoba, ithembise ukutshintsha.

Yazisa okufutshane, okuqinileyo kwaye ngaphandle kokuxoxisana: “Ndenze isigqibo sam, ubudlelwane buphelile.” Emva koko ubeke umgama womzimba kunye nedijithali: utshintsho lwezitshixo xa kuyimfuneko, ukuvala kuzo zonke iziteshi, ukuphendula kuphela ngeqela lesithathu kwimibuzo ephathekayo. Ndicacisile kwelinye inqaku indlela yokuqhawula ngokusisigxina nge-PNr ngaphandle kokushiya umnyango ngaphandle kokushiya umnyango.

Inyathelo lesi-5: jongana ne-hoovering

Lindela i-blowback: yi-hoovering eyaziwayo. Imiyalezo echukumisayo, izithembiso, izipho, emva koko izoyikiso ezigqunywe kancinci kunye nokuziphatha kakubi ngokweemvakalelo. Oku kubuya akulothando: sisicwangciso sokubuyisela. I-manipulator ye-narcissistic ayikhali phezu kwakho; uya kukuzilela ukudla kwakhe.

Lungiselela iprotocol yakho kwangaphambili: ngubani ophendula kwimiyalezo yolawulo enyanzelekileyo (ngokufanelekileyo igqwetha), indlela yokugcina i-archive ngaphandle kokufunda, ukuba wenze ntoni xa kwenzeka ukuxhatshazwa. Ukuqonda i-indlela i-manipulator eziphatha ngayo emva kokuhlukana kuya kukunceda uphephe imigibe emininzi.

Inyathelo lesi-6: yakha kwakhona, imihla ngemihla

Emva kokuhamba kufika inqanaba elilindelwe ngabantu abambalwa: ukuzila okumangalisayo. Uya kuzila umntu okwenze wabandezeleka, kwaye oko kuqhelekile – ulilela inkohliso, isibini esinemibono, iminyaka etyaliwe. Ukwakhiwa kwakhona kwenzeka ngomzimba (ubuthongo, ukutya, ukunyakaza), ngoqhagamshelwano (ukufumana abantu kwakhona, ukuthetha inyaniso), kunye nentsingiselo: yintoni enokuyenza ngala mava?

Yiba nomonde kuwe. Kwaye ukuba ufuna inkxaso kolu hambo, ndinikezela aikhosi yoqeqesho kumaxhoba ee-manipulators ze-narcissistic, eyakhiwe ngeenxa zonke kwezi zinyuko zintandathu.

Iimpazamo ezi-5 zokuphepha ngexesha lokwahlukana

Kwinkxaso yam, ndibona imigibe efanayo iphindaphinda. Ukuzazi kwangaphambili sele kuzikhusela kuzo.

• Ukwazisa ukuhlukana ngexesha lengxabano: imvakalelo inika omnye umntu inqanaba eligqibeleleyo lokuguqula iindima. Khetha umzuzu ozolileyo, ongathathi hlangothi, ukuba kunokwenzeka phambi komntu wesithathu okanye ngokubhaliweyo.
• Uthethathethana “ithuba elinye lokugqibela”: kunye nomqhatha we-narcissistic, uthetha-thethwano ayisosivumelwano, kukubuyisela ulawulo. Izithembiso zayo zihlala iiveki ezimbalwa.
• Ukufuna ukwamkelwa njengexhoba nguye: soze akunike oko kwaneliseka. Uya kufumana oku kwamkelwa kwabo bakuthandayo kwaye, ukuba kuyimfuneko, kwinkqubo yobulungisa.
• Ukuhlala “umhlobo wabantwana”: ukusebenzisana nomzali kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator kufuna imida eyakhiwe kakhulu (amaxwebhu abhaliweyo, amaqela esithathu, isikhokelo somthetho), hayi ubuhlobo obuphuculweyo obuvula umnyango wokulawula.
• Ukuqala ukusuka ekuqaleni ngaphandle kwenkxaso: Ukuzihlukanisa kuyisiphumo solawulo, kungekhona ubume bakho. Ukukhatshwa ayibobunewunewu, kukukhawulezisa okuphilisayo.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukushiya i-manipulator ye-narcissistic kufuna isibindi, indlela kunye nexesha. Kodwa inyathelo ngalinye olithathayo likubuyisela into ethathiweyo kuwe: isigwebo sakho, amandla akho, inkululeko yakho. Awuphambani, akunguye obekek’ ityala ngogonyamelo lwakhe, yaye akuwedwa. Inyathelo lokuqala – ukubiza igama – sele lisemva kwakho.

Iimbekiselo

• Hirigoyen, M.-F., Le harcèlement moral : la violence perverse au quotidien, Syros, 1998.
• Hirigoyen, M.-F., Abus de faiblesse et autres manipulations, Jean-Claude Lattès, 2012.
• Domenjo, A., L’emprise : pourquoi et comment ils nous manipulent, Belin, 2021.