Ukhulelwe nge-narcissistic manipulator: ukuziphatha, umngcipheko kunye nokukhusela

Ukukhulelwa kufuneka kube lixesha apho uzive ukhathalelwe, ukhuselekile kwaye ulindelwe. Nangona kunjalo, kubafazi abaninzi abakubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator, ngokuchaseneyo lixesha apho ubudlelwane buyaqina. Iintetha ezibuhlungu ziyaphindaphindeka, ukungakhathali kuyaqalisa, ngamanye amaxesha noloyiko.

Ukuba ukhulelwe kwaye awusaliboni iqabane lakho, okanye ngokuchaseneyo uyabaqonda kakuhle, eli nqaku lelakho. Ikunceda ukuba uqonde okwenzekayo, ubone iimpawu zesilumkiso kwaye ubeke ukhuseleko lwekhonkrithi kuwe nosana lwakho.

Kutheni ukukhulelwa kutshintsha ubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator

I-narcissistic manipulator kufuneka ibe sembindini. Ingqalelo yakho, amandla akho, ukuncoma kwakho ngandlel’ ithile “kukwetyala” kuye. Ukukhulelwa kuyayiphazamisa le balance.

• Awusafumaneki ngokupheleleyo. Ukudinwa, isicaphucaphu, ukuqeshwa kwezonyango: umzimba wakho nengqondo yakho zihlanganiswa yenye into engeyiyo yona.
• Abo bakujikelezileyo baphendukela kuwe. Abo basondeleyo kuwe bayakujonga, bavuyisane nawe, bakukhusele. Akasenguye ophambili kwingqalelo.
• I-UA umntu wesithathu uyafika. Umntwana wexesha elizayo ubonwa njengotshaba kunokuba abe ngumntu okhuselweyo.
• Uye uxhomekeke ngakumbi. Ngokwemali, ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokweemvakalelo, ukukhulelwa kunokukwenza ube sesichengeni ngakumbi. Umntu okhohlisayo ukuva kakuhle oku.

Ngoko ke akuyonto nje yamabona-ndenzile ukuba amaxhoba amaninzi athi “yonke into yatshintsha” xa babebhengeza ukuba bakhulelwe. Kwezinye iimeko, ukukhulelwa kuza emva kwesigaba se-devaluation kwaye kukhonza “ukunamathisela” iqabane, ngaphambi kokuba ukuhla kwexabiso kuqale.

Ukuziphatha okuqhelekileyo ngexesha lokukhulelwa

Yonke imeko yahlukile, kodwa ezinye iindlela zokuziphatha ziphindaphinda.

Ukungakhathali okanye ukungabi namdla

Akafiki kwi-ultrasounds, akabuzi nayiphi na imibuzo, utshintsha umxholo xa uthetha ngomntwana. Okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, unomdla kuphela kuluntu, ngomfanekiso.

Ukugxekwa ngomzimba wakho

“Zingaphi iikhilo ozifumeneyo? », “Awusenzi nzame” Umzimba wakho otshintshayo uba yinto ekujoliswe kuyo.La magqabaza ayinxalenye yengqiqo ye-devaluation ejolise kukuzithemba kwakho.

Ukunciphisa iimfuno zakho

Iintlungu zakho “zii-whims”, ukudinwa kwakho “ubuvila”. Utyholwa ngokubaxa ukuze ufumane ingqwalasela. Amanye amabhinqa ade akwale nokubuza kuba esoyika ukwenziwa intlekisa.

Ukuthula kunye nokurhoxa

Uyanyamalala ubusuku bonke, akasaphenduli, ukohlwaya ngokuthula. Lo matshini ucacisiwe kwinqaku lethu le-le unyango oluthe cwaka.

Ulawulo

Uthatha isigqibo malunga nokulandelelwa kwakho kwezonyango, ukuphuma kwakho, iindleko zakho, ngubani ombonayo. Isenokubeka uxinzelelo lokuba uqhube okanye hayi ukuqhubeka nokukhulelwa.

Ukwanda kobundlobongela

Kwezinye iimeko, ukuthukwa kuba ngumzimba okanye ngokwesondo. Akunjalo “kanye nje.” Ukuba uyazibona izijekulo, izoyikiso okanye izinto ezaphukileyo, funda inqaku lethu ku-i-manipulator enobundlobongela ye-narcissistic manipulator kwaye uyithathele ingqalelo le miqondiso.

Imingcipheko yakho nosana lwakho

Ubundlobongela basekhaya ngexesha lokukhulelwa ayisiyonto ingaqhelekanga. I-World Health Organisation ikhumbula ukuba ubundlobongela bamahlakani buneziphumo ezimandundu kumzimba wabasetyhini, ngokwasengqondweni, ngokwesondo kunye nempilo yokuzala.

Isishwankathelo soncwadi olupapashwe kwiJournal yeMpilo yabasetyhini (Alhusen et al., 2015) inxulumanisa olu bundlobongela kunye nemingcipheko eyongeziweyo kumama (ukudakumba, uxinzelelo, ukungonelanga kokukhulelwa kwangaphambili) kunye nosana olusanda kuzalwa (ngaphambi kwexesha, ubunzima bokuzalwa).

Ubundlobongela ngokwasengqondweni bukwabalulekile. Uxinzelelo olungapheliyo, uloyiko oluqhubekayo kunye nokuba wedwa kuchaphazela impilo yakho kunye nokukwazi kwakho ukuzikhathalela. Awudingi ukulinda imivumbo ukuze ube nelungelo lokunceda.

Uluhlu lokuhlola: zikhusele ngexesha lokukhulelwa

Nanga amanyathelo abambekayo. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba wenze yonke into ngaxeshanye: khetha into enokwenzeka kuwe namhlanje.

1. Thetha nombelekisi wakho, ugqirha wesibeleko okanye ugqirha.PhaIgunya eliPhezulu lezeMpiloucebisa ukuba abasebenzi bezempilo babuze umbuzo wobundlobongela kuzo zonke izigulana. Ungawuphakamisa ngokwakho umxholo: zibotshelelwe kubumfihlo bezonyango.
2. Cela udliwano-ndlebe lwaphambi kokubeleka. Eli lixesha lokuthetha nombelekisi okanye ugqirha, apho unokuthetha ngemeko yakho yobomi, hayi nje impilo yakho yomzimba.
3. Hlala unxibelelana nokuba mnye umntu omthembileyo. Umhlobo, udade, umzali. Mhlawumbi nivumelane ngegama lekhowudi ukubonisa ingozi.
4. Gcina amaxwebhu akho ekhuselekile. Ikhadi lesazisi, ikhadi leVitale, incwadi yengxelo yokubeleka, incwadi yengxelo yosapho, isitatimenti sebhanki: yenza iikopi kwaye uziphathise kumntu okhuselekileyo.
5. Gcina iirekhodi. Imiyalezo, ii-imeyile, iifoto, izatifikethi zonyango, amanqaku anomhla. Zigcine apho zingafikelelekiyo.
6. Fumana amalungelo akho. Kwimeko yobundlobongela, ijaji yenkundla yosapho inokukhupha umyalelo wokhuseleko, kubandakanywa naphambi kwaso nasiphi na isikhalazo, kunye nemilinganiselo enjengokukhupha iqabane elinobundlobongela ekhaya.
7. Yenza isicwangciso sokuhamba, nokuba awuhambi ngoku. Uya phi, nabani, ngantoni. Imibutho ekhethekileyo inokukunceda ukuba uyakhe.
8. Cinga malunga nokuzalwa emva kokuzalwa. Ixesha lokubeleka likwayithuba eliyingozi. Lungiselela inkxaso ekufutshane nawe kwiiveki ezimbalwa zokuqala.

Kwaye emva kokuzalwa?

Amabhinqa amaninzi anethemba lokuba ukuzalwa kuya “kulungisa yonke into.” Kwenzeka ukuba iqabane litshintshe ukuziphatha kwakhe ixesha elithile, ngakumbi phantsi kwejongo lentsapho. Kodwa ukuba ubudlelwane bebusekelwe kulawulo ngaphambi kokuzalwa, kunqabile ukuba lunyamalale emva koko.

Usana lunokuthi lube ngumcimbi: into yokuqhayisa, imbangi, okanye indlela yokugcina ulawulo phezu kwakho. Sithetha ngalo mbandela ubuthathaka kwinqaku lethukutheni ii-narcissistic manipulators ingabathandi abantwana babo, kwaye uya kufumana iingoma zokukhuselaKhusela intombi yam kuyise oyinkazana.

Ukuba uyazibuza malunga neprofayile yeqabane lakho, inqaku lethu my umyeni yi-narcissistic pervert iya kukunceda uthathe isitokhwe.

Ngaba ufanele uhambe ngexesha lokukhulelwa?

Akukho mpendulo inye. Ukushiya ukhulelwe kunokubonakala kungenakoyiswa: ukudinwa, imibuzo yemali, indawo yokuhlala, ukwesaba ukuhlutha umntwana kayise. Ukuhlala nako kunokuba yingozi.

Okubalulekileyo kukuba akunyanzelekanga ukuba wenze esi sigqibo uwedwa. Imibutho exhasa amaxhoba iqhelene nezi meko. Basenokukunceda uhlole ingozi, wazi amalungelo akho kwaye ufumane indawo yokuhlala ukuba kuyimfuneko. Indawo karhulumente arretonslesviolences.gouv.fr dwelisa abafowunelwa abaluncedo kufutshane nawe.

Yaye khumbula: ukukhusela umntwana wakho kuqala ngokuzikhusela wena.

Xa intandabuzo ingena: ezinye izikhokelo zakho

Ngexesha lokukhulelwa, amahomoni, ukudinwa kunye nokuxhalaba ngamanye amaxesha kwenza iimvakalelo zibe namandla ngakumbi. Iqabane elikhohlisayo liyisebenzisa ngokuzithandela: “Ngamahomoni akho”, “Ubona yonke into emnyama”. Ugqibela ngokuthandabuza esakho isigwebo.

Imibuzo embalwa elula inokukunceda ubone izinto ngokucacileyo:

• Ngaba ndiziva ndikhuselekile okanye ndingakhuselekanga kangako xa esekhaya?
• Ngaba ndikhe ndimxelele xa ndingaphilanga, ndingoyiki indlela aza kusabela ngayo?
• Ngaba ndibafihlela izinto ezithile abantu abasondeleyo kum ukuze ndibakhusele, okanye ndibaphephe ukuba neentloni?
• Ngaba ndisaziqaphela kulo mfazi ndinguye oko saqala ukuthandana?

Iimpendulo zakho akufuneki zigqibelele. Ziyindawo yokuqala yokuthetha nomntu oqeqeshiweyo okanye umntu omthembileyo. Iimvakalelo zakho zinokuba namandla ngakumbi ngoku, kodwa ziselulwazi oluxabisekileyo malunga nento ohlangabezana nayo.

Ii-FAQs

Kutheni iqabane lam litshintshile oko ndamitha?

Ukukhulelwa kuguqula ingqalelo kuwe kunye nomntwana kwaye kukwenza uxhomekeke ngakumbi. Kumntu onomsebenzi we-narcissistic, olu tshintsho lunokubangela umona, ukungakhathali, okanye ukwanda kwesidingo sokulawula. Ayilotyala lakho.

Ndingathetha nomdlezana wam ngobundlobongela?

Ewe. Ababelekisi kunye noogqirha baqeqeshwa kule mibuzo kwaye baboshwe ngokufihlakeleyo kobugcisa. Banokukukhokela, bakunike isiqinisekiso soogqirha kwaye bakudibanise nemibutho.

Ngaba i-narcissistic manipulator ingaba ngutata olungileyo?

Unokunikela ngomfanekiso wobawo olungileyo ngaphandle. Kodwa ukusebenza okusekelwe kulawulo kunye nokungabikho kovelwano kudla ngokufumaneka kubudlelwane nomntwana. Uvavanyo olwenziwa ziingcali luluncedo ukuba ukwahlukana kuyeza.

Ndingenza ntoni ukuba ndoyikela ukhuseleko lwam?

Kwimeko yengozi ekhawulezileyo, fowunela u-17 okanye 112. Ungathumela i-SMS ku-114. Ukuze umamele kwaye uyalelwe, i-3919 isimahla, ingaziwa kwaye ifikeleleka iiyure ezingama-24 ngosuku.

Ukuququmbela

Ukukhulelwa yi-manipulator ye-narcissistic ngokuqhelekileyo kuthetha ukufumana kwangaxeshanye uvuyo lokulindela umntwana kunye nesithukuthezi sobudlelwane obubuhlungu. Ezi nyaniso zimbini zinokuphila kunye. Unelungelo lokufuna uncedo ngaphandle kokulinda ukuba imeko inganyamezeleki.

Zingqonge nabasebenzi bezempilo, imibutho kunye nabantu obathembileyo. Kwaye ukuba ufuna indawo yokuzisa ukucaca kwinto odibana nayo, inkxaso ye- enikezelwe kumaxhoba inokukunceda.

Eli nqaku alithathi indawo yolandelelo lwezonyango: umbelekisi wakho okanye ugqirha uhlala umfowunelwa wakho wokuqala. Ngeenkqubo zomthetho, funa ingcebiso kwigqwetha okanye kumbutho. Kwimeko yengozi: 3919 (Violences Femmes Info), 17 okanye 112.

Imithombo

• Igunya eliPhezulu lezeMpilo (2019). Ukuchongwa kwabasetyhini abangamaxhoba obundlobongela phakathi kwezibini .
• I-World Health Organization. Ubundlobongela obujoliswe kwabasetyhini (iphepha lokuqhatha).
• UAlhusen J.L. et al. (2015). I-Intimate Partner Ubundlobongela Ngexesha Lokukhulelwa: IziPhumo zoMama kunye neziNtsana . Ijenali yeMpilo yabaseTyhini.
• Service-public.fr. Cela kwijaji yenkundla yosapho: ukukhutshwa komyalelo wokhuseleko.