Impembelelo yengqondo kwisibini: Indlela yokuphuma kuyo?

L’impembelelo yengqondo kwisibini ngokubanzi kukhokelela ekunyukeni ngokwasengqondweni okudibanisa ukukhohlisa, ukutyhola kunye nokuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo. Bayanda abantu abajongene nayo. Kungoko kubalulekile ukuqaphela imiqondiso. Kweli nqaku, sikwakunika iingcebiso ezisebenzayo zokuphuma kulawulo lwengqondo kubudlelwane.

Yintoni ulawulo lwengqondo?

Impembelelo yengqondo uhlobo lwezinyanya ngokwasengqondweni kunye nokuphathwa kakubi ngokwasengqondweni. Kwezinye iimeko, kuthatha uhlobo “lokuhlushwa kwengqondo okuphindaphindiweyo”. Njenge i-narcissistic manipulator, lowo ulawulwayo ufuna ukumenza amaxhoba umntu ophantsi kwempembelelo yakhe. Le yokugqibela iguqulela kwi ubudlelwane obulawulayo/obulawulayo.

Kuthekani ngolawulo lwengqondo kubudlelwane?

Kwisibini, impembelelo yengqondo ihambelana impembelelo esetyenziswa liqabane. Inokuzibonakalisa kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo kubomi bemihla ngemihla besibini. Kubonakala luhlobo lwelahleko yobuchule kunye nolawulo xa umntu ephantsi kweempembelelo zengqondo nabantu abathile.

Impembelelo yengqondo yabantu ababini – Ziziphi iimpawu?

L’impembelelo yengqondo luhlobo lokuguqula ingqondo edla ngokuba nzima ukuyiqonda. Nangona kunjalo, iimpawu eziqhelekileyo bonisa ukuba umntu uphantsi kweempembelelo zeqabane lakhe:

1. Uzibeka phezu kwesiseko

Xa esebenzisa ulawulo lwakhe, iqabane libonisa ukuba alinguye nabani na yaye ukuphila ngaphandle kwakhe bekungayi kuba mnandi kangako. Olu hlobo lokukhohlisa lunokukuthobisa kwaye lukunike umbono wokuba ufumene iperile enqabileyo.

2. Uxinezelekile

Ubudlelwane kunye neqabane elisebenzisa ulawulo luyangqubana. Iingxabano kunye nokukhwazana akupheli. Njengoko umntu osebenzisa ulawulo ehlala engqubana neqabane lakhe, aba bamva baya kujongana neengxaki zoxinzelelo.

3. Ulahlekelwa luqhagamshelwano nabantu obathandayo

Umntu ophantsi kweempembelelo ngokuqhelekileyo akakwazi ukunxibelelana nabo basondeleyo kubo. Enyanisweni, umntu osebenzisa ulawulo ubeka iqabane lakhe kwingxabano kunye nabo basondeleyo kubo. Uya kwenza nantoni na ukumnqanda kubo.

4. Awuzolanga

Umntu ophantsi kweempembelelo uyesaba ukuba iqabane lakhe liya kubashiya ngexesha elinye okanye kwelinye. Ngaphezu koko, oku kunjalo ukungakhathali ngokupheleleyo xa egula okanye edibana nobunzima bomsebenzi.

5 Usoloko umxolela

Phezu kwako nje ukuziphatha kweqabane elisebenzisa ulawulo lwalo, ixhoba lisoloko lifumana izizathu zokuzithethelela. Uyazikhohlisa kwaye ukholelwa ukuba unokutshintsha ngokwenene.

6. Uthe phithi ngumlingane wakho

Umntu ophantsi kwempembelelo uhlala ecinga ngeqabane lakhe. Noko ke, ukuba uyalithanda iqabane lakhe aze lona lamva alithathele ingqalelo, uziva engonwabanga xa ecinga ngalo.

7. Uwedwa

Iqabane elisebenzisa impembelelo yalo liyalahlukanisa nabantu abathandayo. Umenza amkele izinto anomdla kuzo. Le ke ngoko akasaqheliseli imisebenzi yakhe ayithandayo.

Ulawulo lwengqondo lubamba njani kwisibini?

Le yindlela ulawulo lwengqondo olubamba ngayo isibini ngokutsho kwe-psychoanalyst uSaverio Tomasella :

• Iqabane liyahenda: liyakhohlisa, linika izipho, likhuthaza iimfihlo kwaye libonakala likhulisa ubudlelwane bokuthembana. Umntu ophantsi kweempembelelo ke ngoko uya kuba noluvo lokuba kubudlelwane obunempilo.
• Vampirism: iqabane lisebenza ngokulawula kwaye lixhakamfule iqabane lalo.
• Iqabane litshabalalisa iqabane lakhe: usakholelwa ukuba unovelwano kwaye unengqiqo, kodwa ukubamba kuyaqhubeka kuqina. Iqabane elisebenzisa ulawulo lwalo liphinda libe nobundlobongela kwaye lizive linetyala ngokubamba kwalo. Idlala ku- ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo.

Ziziphi izigaba zolawulo lwengqondo kwisibini?

Ulawulo lwengqondo ngokubanzi luhamba ngezigaba ezi-5 (kwaye kungekhona kuphela kwisibini):

1. Ukubona

Umkhohlisi ukhangela amaxhoba ahlangabezana nemilinganiselo ethile ukuze akwazi ukusebenzisa ulawulo lwakhe. Oku kuqhelekile abantu abalawulekayo, abangenangqondo nabanovelwano. Amaxhoba kufuneka kwakhona abe nesakhono esilungileyo somntu okhohlisayo kwaye abe luncedo kuye.

2. Ukuhendwa

THE i-narcissistic manipulator uzama ukuzibonakalisa ngeyona ndlela ibalaseleyo. Wenza iqabane lakhe likholelwe ukuba nguye onokumnceda afezekise amaphupha akhe. Anga mnike iindlela zemali into efunwa liqabane lakhe, amandla, ubomi bentlalontle, uthando…

3. Ukukhotyokiswa kunye ne-blackmail

Emva kokuba umntu elukuhlwe, iqabane elifuna ukusebenzisa impembelelo yakhe liqala ukubonisa ubuso obunomsindo, obunegunya kunye nobungenangqondo. I-manipulator izibonakalisa ishushu kwaye ibanda ukwenza iqabane lakhe lixhomekeke kwaye menza angazinzi. Ukwamxelela nendlela iqabane lakhe ekufuneka lenze ngayo ukuze libe ngumntu olungileyo kwaye liphephe ubundlobongela.

4. Ukulahlwa kunye nokuxhatshazwa

Yi isigaba sokutshatyalaliswa kwengqondo. Umntu ophantsi kwempembelelo ngokupheleleyo, umkhohlisi ufuna ukugqiba ixhoba lakhe. Usenokumshiya okanye amngcungcuthekise, eqinisekisa ukuba wenza into eyoyikisa ixhoba.

5. Ukwakhiwa ngokutsha

Ingqondo yenzelwe ukuba ifune ukuzonwabisa kwaye iphephe iintlungu. Umntu ophantsi kweempembelelo, ovame ukumamela iingcamango zabo, uphela eqonda ukuba ubandezeleka. Uqala ke ukukhangela indlela yokusaba kwaye afumane izizathu ezingento zomntu okhohlisayo ukuze angaluqhawuli ulwalamano. Ekugqibeleni uyaqonda ukuba andinako ukonwaba ngokuhlala kubudlelwane bolawulo. Umntu owayephantsi kwempembelelo ngoko uyaluqhawula ulwalamano aze azakhe kwakhona.

Ziziphi iziphumo zolawulo lwengqondo?

Xa impembelelo yengqondo iqhubeka ixesha elide, ubudlelwane buba yityhefu. Kukhokelela kwiziphumo ezininzi eziyingozi:

• Ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo komntu ophantsi kwempembelelo kumbhexeshi wabo
• Ukulahlekelwa yinkululeko kunye nokuzimela ngokurhoxa kunye nokuzihlukanisa
• Emotional disorders apho amaqabane engathembani
• Ukudakumba okunokukhokelela kwiingcinga zokuzibulala
• Umntu okanye isazisi esichatshazelwa ngamava obudlelwane awonakalisayo kumntu ophantsi kweempembelelo. Uvakalelwa kukuba akasazibambi kwaye akasaziqondi.

Umenza njani umntu aqonde ukuba uphantsi kweempembelelo?

Ukwenza umntu aqonde ukuba uphantsi kweempembelelo zengqondo, kuya kufuneka bonakalisa uvelwano. Buza imibuzo efana nale:

• Ngaba uyafuna ukuhlala olu hlobo lobudlelwane?  »
• “Ungacinga ntoni ukuba unokufumana le miboniso undicacisela yona? »
• “Ingaba udinga ntoni? “

Imibuzo enjalo iya kumbuyisela umntu ophantsi kwempembelelo kwiziseko : iimfuno zakhe. Into ephambili kukugcina uxhulumaniso lweemvakalelo kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Kuya kufuneka kwakhona ukuba avuse ingqiqo ebalulekileyo kumbulelo wakhe kwimibuzo engathathi hlangothi engalindelanga nawuphi na umbuzo.

Iimbekiselo zeBibliographic kwimpembelelo yengqondo kwisibini

Nalu ukhetho lweereferensi ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi kumxholo wempembelelo yengqondo kwizibini:

1. Dossios, C. (2016). “La relation d’emprise.” Le Journal des Psychologues, n° 337, pp. 46-49.
2. Bonnet, G. (2024). “L’emprise sexuelle dans le couple.” Le Carnet Psy, n° 7, pp. 34-36.
3. Hugon, C., & Nétillard, C. (2013). “La relation d’emprise : Un mode relationnel complexe.” Le Journal des Psychologues, n° 305, pp. 71-75.
4. Salmona, M. (2016). “Ukuqonda impembelelo yokukhusela ngcono kunye nokuxhasa amaxhoba obundlobongela basekhaya.”
5. Gruev-Vintila, A. (2021). “Ulawulo olunyanzelwayo: Ukuchonga ubundlobongela phakathi kwesibini kwintsebenziswano kunye nobudlelwane bamandla phakathi komenzi wobubi kunye nexhoba.”
6. Duc Marwood, A., & Regamey, V. (2021). “Emprise dans le couple et dans la famille.” Thérapie Familiale, vol. 42, n° 3, pp. 247-263.
7. Bourgeois, M. (2019). “Impembelelo yengqondo: ukubandakanyeka kwezonyango kunye nophando kunye neengcali zengqondo.

Ezi zingqinisiso zinika imbono enzulu kwiinkalo ezahlukeneyo zolawulo lwengqondo phakathi kwesibini, kubandakanywa uhlalutyo lwethiyori, izifundo kunye neempembelelo zonyango.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukulawulwa kwengqondo kwisibini yinyaniso eyinkimbinkimbi kwaye eyonakalisayo echaphazela abantu abaninzi. Ukuqonda iindlela zayo kunye nemiqondiso linyathelo elibalulekileyo lokuphuma kuyo kunye nokuzakha kwakhona. Ndiyabulela ukuqonda okungcono kunye nezixhobo ezilungelelanisiweyo, kunokwenzeka ukuphula le sangqa esibi kwaye ufumane ubudlelwane obunempilo kunye nokulinganisela.