I-Blackmail Engokomzwelo: Ungayibona kanjani?

Ukusongela ngokomzwelo kwenzeka uma ukhohliswa umlingani wakho. Ngokuvamile kuhilela uchungechunge lwezinsongo ezisetshenziswa umlingani wakho ukukulawula. Lo mkhuba ukwenza ulahlekelwe yimizwa yakho ukuzihloniphaFuthi uma isimo siqhubeka, sikudalula ekungalinganini okukhulu ngokomzwelo. Ukuze ukhululeke kulo mjikelezo omubi, sikweluleka ukuthi ufunde lesi sihloko.

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Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo: Incazelo

Ukweqisa ngokomzwelo kuwumkhuba ovame kakhulu ongenampilo ebudlelwaneni bothando noma obunobungane. Kubandakanya, kumuntu ngamunye, ukusebenzisa amaphutha akho kanye nokuba sengozini kwakho ukufaka ingcindezi ethile engokwengqondo kuwe. Umgomo oyinhloko ukuthola kuwe konke akufunayo.

Umqaphi ngumuntu osondelene nawe futhi usebenzisa izindlela ezithinta imizwa ukukukhohlisa, noma ngabe ngamabomu noma ngephutha. Abanye bakwenza ukuze bathole amasevisi noma umusa kuwe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abanye bangakwesabisa ukuze bakulimaze, bacekele phansi umsebenzi wakho noma bamane bonakalise isithunzi sakho. 

Iphrofayili ye-blackmailer

I-blackmailer ngumuntu ovame ukubhekana nokungalingani kwengqondo noma inkinga enkulu yengqondo. Kungakho izici ezithile zingakusiza ukuthi ukhombe iphrofayela yomuntu okufake ovivinyweni lokungathembeki ngokomzwelo. Nazi ezinye izici zobuntu bakhe:

• Ukwesaba ukulahlwa nokuhlupheka kokuziphatha
• La ukuncika okuthintekayo
• Isifiso sokulawula yonke into
• Ukubekezelela ukukhungatheka okuphansi
• Ukuhlanekezela ngokwengqondo noma okungavamile, ngoba ukholelwa ngokuqinile ukuthi indlela yakhe yokwenza izinto nezicelo zakhe zinengqondo.

Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo: izimpawu okufanele zibonwe

Nazi ezinye izinkomba zokuthi umngani wakho noma uzakwethu uyakhohlisa:

1. Ukukhuza okuphindaphindiwe
2. Izinsongo zokukubhubhisa
3. Ukwedelela nokungabalulekile ngokomzwelo

1. Ukukhuzwa noma nini

Uma umuntu eyisisulu sikamama, umndeni noma isithandwa sakhe, ngaso sonke isikhathi babekwa icala ngakho konke futhi lutho. Kulokhu, ubizelwe ukuthwala leli cala namacala ahlukahlukene. Kumele wamukele wonke amaphutha ngoba uthathwa njengenkinga ebudlelwaneni benu. Ungaphansi kwethonya le-blackmailer futhi umuzwa wecala ukwenza ulahlekelwe ukuzethemba kuwena.

2. Ikusabisa ngokukubhubhisa

Le umanipulator wenza izinsongo zazo zonke izinhlobo kuwe (ecekela phansi yonke into ethandekayo kuwe). Le ndlela yokubeka umhlane wakho odongeni ngezinsongo idala isimo sokwesaba nokwesaba. Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo kwabazali abanobuthi nakho kuqhubeka ngendlela efanayo. Umkhohlisi uzothola indlela yokwenza ukholwe ukuthi kufanele uvumelane ngokuphelele naye.

3. Ukwedelela nokungabalulekile ngokomzwelo

Ngaphandle kwezinsongo ezitholiwe, umhlaseli wakho ngeke acabangele isimo sakho sengqondo, imizwa yakho noma isimo sakho sengqondo. Lokhu kuholela ekubeni nomuzwa wokuhlukaniswa okungaholela esimweni sokuhoxa ngenxa yokucasuka kanye nesizungu.

Kubalulekile ukuphuma kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwano uma uzwa sengathi uhlukumezekile emoyeni. Isinyathelo sokuqala okufanele usithathe ukuzithanda wena. Ukuzithanda kuyisisekelo sayo yonke intokozo yeqiniso empilweni. Futhi ingatholakala ekujuleni kwakho, ngemuva kwayo yonke imizwa yakho elimele yokukhathazeka nokungaqiniseki.

Sabela ekuthunjweni okungokomzwelo – izixazululo eziyi-7 kulokhu kukhohlisa okukhohlakele

Nansi indlela yokusabela kumhlaseli wakho ngendlela ephumelela kakhulu:

1. Shintsha i-paradigm
2. Beka imikhawulo
3. Bhekana nomkhohlisi
4. Yenza ukuzihlola
5. Cela usizo
6. Ukuvumelana
7. Cabangela okunye

1. Shintsha i-paradigm

Ufanelwe okungaphezu kwalokho okwenziwa umsolwa wakho kuwena. Enye indlela yokuphendula iwukushintsha umbono wakho ngokwamukela ukuboshelwa nokusingatha udaba ngendlela ehlukile. Uma ungakwenzi lokhu, kuyacaca ukuthi impilo yakho izoba isihogo.

2. Beka imingcele

Uma udala imingcele, uthumela umlayezo oqinile kumhlukumezi wakho ukuthi angabe esavuma ukukhohliswa. Ngenxa yokuthi awusafuni ukulawulwa, ukwephula lo mjikelezo wokuziphatha okunobuthi kuyisidingo. Ukuveza ukuthi ukhathele nokubeka imingcele kukhomba ukuthi usuphinde wazethemba. Yazi ukuthi ungasho kanjani ukuthi “yima” lapho ubhekene nomuntu okhohlisayo ngaphandle kwemingcele noma amahloni.

3. Bhekana nomkhohlisi

Kufanele ume ngokuqinile ngokumelene ne-manipulator. Uma, ngokwesibonelo, usenenhlonipho ngobudlelwano bakho, le misho embalwa ingakusiza ukuthi umelane nokungathembeki ngokomzwelo phakathi koshade naye:   

• “Usiphusha kuze kube sekugcineni futhi ngizizwa ngingakhululekile.”
• “Awungithathi kabi uma ngizwakalisa ukungenami kwami ​​ngokuziphatha kwakho.”
• “Kumele silawule ukungezwani kwethu ukuze ngingabe ngisahlukunyezwa futhi ngizizwe ngingelutho.”
• “Ngihlale ngihambisana nezimfuno zenu futhi ngizizwa ngikhathele. Angisafuni ukuphila kanjena.”
• “Kufanele ungihloniphe futhi ngifanele”
• “Asikhulume ngakho, yeka ukungisongela nokungijezisa”
• “Ngeke ngisamukela lesi simo sengqondo esikhohlisayo”

4. Ukuzibonela

Ukuqaphela amaphutha akho kanye/noma izinto ezikubangela imizwelo kuyisinyathelo sokuqeda lolu vivinyo olungokomzwelo. Umsolwa wakho unamandla okukukhohlisa uma azi ukuthi usondelene kakhulu naye noma obathandayo. Uyazi ukuthi uthando luyakuthambisa futhi uzosebenzisa amazwi afanele ukuze akwenze uhlupheke futhi uthole lokho akufunayo. Ngakho-ke yazi ukuthi ungazibuza kanjani futhi ulungise lezi zimbangela noma amaphutha emizwa. Ngale ndlela ungamtshela ukuthi “cha”.  

5. Cela usizo

Abenzi bobubi ngokomzwelo abavamile ukuvuma amacala abo. Uma ubazisa ubuhlobo bakho, mema umlingani wakho ukuthi abonane nodokotela wezengqondo. Ungakwazi ukwelashelwa izithandani ukuze ulungise irekhodi. Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo njengombhangqwana, isibonelo, akunakuphathwa njengalokho okwenziwa ngaphakathi kohlaka lobudlelwano obunobungane.

6. Ukuvumelana

Uma umshushisi wakho ewamukela umqondo wokudala isimo sezulu esinokuthula ebudlelwaneni, okusho ukuthi, ukwehlisa ukuqunjelwa noma ukukhononda ngokomzwelo ngokungazi, bese wamukela ukuyekethisa. Abakhohlisi abamukela ukuyekethisa babonisa ukuzimisela ukulungisa, ukuthuthukisa, nokufunda okwengeziwe. Uthando lweqiniso alukwazi ukukhohlisa. Ngakho-ke, uma ungakwazi ukubuyisela ubudlelwano bakho, okufanele bube nempilo, kufanele ukhethe ukuyekethisa.

7. Cabanga ngokunye

Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo ku-psychology kungabonwa njengokuphazamiseka kokuziphatha futhi isiguli kufanele silandele ukwelashwa okufanele. Ngakho-ke uma kungekho lutho olusebenzayo naphezu kwemizamo yakho emihle, vele ukhiphe isikhohlisi empilweni yakho. Okuhle wukuthikhohlwa lesi sihlanekezi se-narcissistic. Zikhiphe kulobu budlelwano, okungenani ngeke usaba ngaphansi kwethonya lomkhohlisi.  

Imiphumela yokungathembeki ngokomzwelo

Awukho umugqa omkhulu phakathi kokukhohlisa nokungathembeki ngokomzwelo. Nokho, noma yikuphi kwakha ukungavikeleki kulowo ohlukunyeziwe. Ifaka ingcindezi nokwesaba empilweni yakho futhi ngenxa yalokho, kancane kancane ulahlekelwa ukuzethemba. Ukuhlala endaweni enokwesaba nokusongelwa kungaholela ekuphazamisekeni kobuntu.

Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo nesehlukaniso kuhambisana kahle kulezi zimo. Ukungabi bikho kwenkululeko yokuthatha izinqumo zempilo yomuntu kungomunye umphumela walo mkhuba.

Ireferensi yebhayibhiliyografi ekuthunjweni ngokomzwelo

Nazi izikhombo eziyisikhombisa zebhayibhili ngendikimba yokungathembeki ngokomzwelo:

1. Phambili, S., & Frazier, D. (1998). Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo: lapho labo esibathandayo besikhohlisa. I-Paris: Incwadi Enkulu Yenyanga.
2. Okuluhlaza, E. (2022). Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo: ukuqonda nokuzivikela ekuncikeni ngokomzwelo, udlame olungokwengqondo, ubudlelwano obunobuthi nezinye izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza. I-Modern Mind Media.
3. Hirigoyen, M.-F. (2009). Ukusuka ekwesabeni ukuya ekuzithobeni. Empan, 73(1), 13-20.
4. Poussin, G. (1998). Ingxabano ebhubhisayo. Ubuntwana & Nengqondo, 4, 13-20.
5. Le Run, J.-L. (1998). Ukungqubuzana kokwethembeka. Ubuntwana & Nengqondo, 4, 21-28.
6. U-Michard, P. (2005). Ukwelashwa kwengqikithi ye-Boszormenyi-Nagy: isibalo esisha sengane emkhakheni wokwelashwa komndeni. EBrussels: De Boeck.
7. Van Gisjeghem, H. (2003). I-Parental alienation syndrome. I-Youth Law Journal, 222, 24-26.

Lezi zithenjwa zinikeza umbono ojulile mayelana nokungathembeki ngokomzwelo, ukubonakaliswa kwakho kanye nemithelela yakho yengqondo.

Isiphetho

Sengiphetha, ukukhwabanisa okungokomzwelo kuwuhlobo lokukhohlisa okuyingozi okungalimaza kakhulu ukulinganisela kwemizwelo kanye nokuzethemba kwezisulu. Lolu hlobo lokucindezela kwengqondo, oluvame ukwenziwa ngabathandekayo, luhlose ukulawula ngokwesaba, icala noma ukwehlisa inani. Kubalulekile ukuthi labo abathintekayo babone izimpawu zalesi sivunguvungu esinobuthi futhi bazivikele ngamasu acacile, njengokubeka imingcele, ukucela usizo, noma, uma kunesidingo, ukuhoxa ebuhlotsheni ukuze balondoloze inhlalakahle yabo engokomzwelo nangokwengqondo. .

Ukuze uxhumane: Abazali Be-Emotional Blackmail