Ubundlobongela obungenasiphelo kubudlelwane obuyityhefu: Ukuqonda le nto

Ubundlobongela obungenakwenziwa luhlobo olufihlakeleyo lwempatho gadalala ngokwasengqondweni oluhlala lusetyenziswa ngabaqhatha benarcissistic. Ngokungafaniyo nokuxhatshazwa ngamazwi okanye ngokwasemzimbeni, kunokuba nzima ukuyiqonda, nto leyo eyenza kube yingozi kakhulu. Eli nqaku lijolise ekuncedeni amaxhoba amabhinqa aqonde le nto.

Yintoni ubundlobongela obungenakwenziwa kubudlelwane obuyityhefu?

Ubundlobongela obungenakwenziwa buzibonakalisa ngokuziphatha okungangqalanga okujoliswe ekwenzakalisa, ukulawula okanye ukuxhaphaza omnye umntu. Ibonakaliswa ngu:

• Ukurhoxiswa ngokweemvakalelo
• Ukuthula okohlwaya
• Iintetho eziphoxayo
• Ukuzibekela amangomso izinto
• Ukutshatyalaliswa okufihlakeleyo

Ngokungafaniyo neubundlobongela obungenasipheloubundlobongela obuvulekileyo, obungenakwenziwa busenokubonakala bungenabungozi kangako ekuqaleni. Ukanti iziphumo zayo zexesha elide kukuzithemba kwexhoba kunye nokuba sempilweni ngokwasengqondweni kuyingozi kakhulu.

Iimpawu ezixelayo zobundlobongela obungazenzisiyo kwiqabane le-narcissistic

Nazi ezinye zezalathisi eziphambili zobundlobongela obungenakwenziwa kwiqabane le-narcissistic:

• Unyango oluthe cwaka njengesixhobo sokukhohlisa:

Enye yeendlela ezizithandayo ze-passive-aggressive yeyona ndlela idumileyo “yonyango oluthuleyo.” Kubandakanya ukuyeka lonke unxibelelwano ixesha elide ukohlwaya iqabane lakho okanye ukufumana into oyifunayo. Oku kuthuleka komkhenkce kunokuhlala iiyure okanye iintsuku, kufake ixhoba kwixhala nokungaqiniseki.

• Amazwi athobayo afihlwe njengezincomo:

I-manipulator ye-narcissistic igqwesa kubugcisa bokuphosa iibarbs ezifihlakeleyo ngelixa igcina ukubonakala kobubele. Amabinzana afana “Wenze kakuhle kube kanye” okanye “Kuyothusa ukuba uyicingile loo nto” luhlaselo olujolise ekujongeni phantsi ukuzithemba kweqabane lakho.

• Ukuzibekela ixesha njengendlela yokutshatyalaliswa:

Olunye uhlobo lokuziphatha oluqhelekileyo lutyekelo lokuhlehlisa imisebenzi ebalulekileyo kwiqabane likabani ngonaphakade. Nokuba kukuqeshwa kwezonyango ukwenza okanye ukulungisa ngokukhawuleza endlwini, i-narcissist isoloko ifumana isizathu sokungayikhathaleli, ishiya iqabane layo lidangele kwaye lingenakunceda.

• Ukulibala okukhethiweyo kwinkonzo yokukhohlisa:

I-narcisssive-aggressive narcissist idla ngokuthi “iyalibala” izinto ezibalulekileyo kwiqabane layo, ngelixa ikhumbula kakuhle into emfaneleyo. Eli qhinga lijolise ekwenzeni ixhoba lithandabuze inkumbulo yalo kwaye lihlale likwimo yokungakhuseleki okusisigxina.

Iimpembelelo ezibi zobundlobongela obungenakwenziwa kwixhoba

Ubundlobongela obungenakwenziwa bunokuba nefuthe elibi kakhulu kumaxhoba abo:

• Ukudinwa ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokulahleka kwamandla:

Ukuphila yonke imihla kunye neqabane elingenzi nto lizama kakhulu. Ixhoba lizifumana lihlala lilindile, lizama ukulindela isibetho esiphantsi esilandelayo okanye ukuthomalalisa uxinezeleko olufihlakeleyo. Oku kusoloko ephaphile kugqiba ukumtheza amandla akhe.

• ukubhideka kwengqondo kunye nokulahleka kwesalathiso:

Ukujongana nokuziphatha okuchaseneyo kunye nemiyalezo engacacanga evela kwi-narcissist, ixhoba ngokuthe ngcembe liphulukana nokuzithemba kwisigwebo salo. Uqala ukuthandabuza iimbono zakhe kunye nengqondo yakhe, into eyaziwa ngokuba yi “gaslighting.”

• Ukwahlukaniswa kwezentlalo okuqhubekayo:

Ukuphepha iingxabano kunye neemeko ezihlazisayo, ixhoba lidla ngokuzahlula ngakumbi nangakumbi. Uyayiyeka imisebenzi yakhe yentlalo kwaye emke kwabo basondeleyo kuye, ngaloo ndlela eqinisa ukuvalelwa kwakhe kubudlelwane obuyityhefu.

• Ukuthotywa kokuzithemba:

Ngokujamelana nokugxekwa okugqunyiweyo neempawu ezichuliweyo zokudelela, ixhoba liyivalela ngaphakathi imvakalelo enzulu yokungafaneleki. Ugqibela ngokuzibona njengomntu ongakwaziyo ukusebenza nongakufanelekelanga ukuthandwa.

Ikhonkco phakathi kobundlobongela obungenakwenziwa kunye nokuxhatshazwa kwenarcissistic

Ubundlobongela obungenakwenziwa kunye nokuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic zithungelana kwi-dynamic dynamic apho ulawulo kunye nokukhohlisa kwenziwa ngeendlela ezifihlakeleyo kodwa ezitshabalalisayo. Obu budlelwane buntsonkothileyo buzibonakalisa ngemiba eliqela ephambili ethi idibanise kwaye iqinise enye kwenye.

I-1.Isicwangciso sokulawula esithe cwaka

Umxhaphazi we-narcissistic usebenzisa ubundlobongela obungenasiphelo njengesixhobo esikhethiweyo ukugcina ulawulo lwakhe. Olu hlobo lobundlobongela, olunzima kakhulu ukuchonga kunobundlobongela obuthe ngqo, luvumela u-narcissist ukuba:

• Ukugcina i-facade yakho yentlalontle
• Ukuphepha izityholo ezithe ngqo zokuxhatshazwa
• Destabilize ixhoba lakho ngaphandle kokushiya imikhondo ebonakalayo

2.Iziganeko ezidibeneyo

Ubundlobongela obungenakwenziwa buba lulwandiso lwendalo lwemikhwa yobuqhetseba ye-narcissist, ebonakala ngolu hlobo:

• Ukuvala indlebe (ukuvala indlebe)
• Ukuzibekela amangomso izinto ngabom
• Amagqabaza arhabaxa
• Ukutshatyalaliswa okufihlakeleyo kweeprojekthi zexhoba
• Ukukhanyela okucwangcisiweyo kobunyani bomnye

3.Isangqa esikhohlakeleyo sokukhanyiswa kwegesi

Ubundlobongela obungenasiphelo buvumela i-narcissist ukuba inyuse i-gaslighting, idala indawo apho ixhoba:

1. Uhlala ethandabuza imbono yakhe ngobunyani
2. Esoloko ezibuza
3. Ngokuthe ngcembe uyaphelelwa yintembelo kwisigwebo sakhe
4. Ucela uxolo ngeemeko angenatyala kuzo

Imigibe okufuneka uyiphephe xa usebenza neqabane elingenzi nto

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela kunye nokunqanda imigibe ethile kubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator:

• Umdlalo we-ityala:

I-narcissist iya kuhlala izama ukukugxeka ngokuziphatha kwakhe okuyityhefu. Hlala uqinile ukuba izenzo zakhe zezakhe kwaye awunaxanduva lokhetho lwakhe.

• Iinzame “zokutshintsha” iqabane:

Kuyahenda ukukholelwa ukuba ngothando olwaneleyo kunye nomonde, sinokuyiguqula i-narcissist. Ngelishwa, olu hlobo lobuntu luxhathisa kakhulu utshintsho. Kunoko, nikela ingqalelo kwimpilo-ntle yakho.

• Izithembiso ezingenanto:

Xa bejongene nezenzo zabo, i-narcissist inokwenza izithembiso ezinkulu zokutshintsha. Musa ukukhohliswa zezi zibophelelo ezingayi kulandelwa ngokubanzi ziziphumo eziphathekayo.

• Umnqweno wokuziphindezela ngobundlobongela obungenasiphelo:

Kunokuhenda ukusebenzisa amaqhinga afanayo neqabane eliyityhefu. Nangona kunjalo, oku kuya kwenza imeko ibe mbi ngakumbi kwaye ikususe kwimilinganiselo yakho. Hlala unyanisekile kuwe nakwingqibelelo yakho.

Ireferensi yebhayibhuli ngobundlobongela obungenakwenziwa

Nazi iireferensi ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi kumxholo wobundlobongela obungenakwenziwa:

1. Kahn, D. (2010). La violence passive : un mal insidieux dans les relations humaines. Paris : Éditions L’Harmattan.
2. Lévy, J. (2005). La violence des mots : une étude sur la violence passive dans le cadre familial. Lyon : Presses Universitaires de Lyon.
3. Vigneault, M. (2012). La violence psychologique et passive : comprendre pour agir. Toulouse : Éditions Erès.
4. Gaucher, M. (2018). La maltraitance passive : enjeux et perspectives. Paris : Éditions Dunod.
5. Dupont, C. (2016). Violence et société : la face cachée de la violence passive. Bruxelles : Éditions de l’Université de Bruxelles.
6. Simon, P. (2014). De la violence ordinaire à la violence passive : comprendre les dynamiques relationnelles. Marseille : Éditions Parenthèses.
7. Tanguy, S. (2019). Violence et conflits interpersonnels : la place de la violence passive. Nantes : Éditions Cécile Defaut.

Ezi ncwadi kufuneka zikunike isishwankathelo esihle semiba eyahlukeneyo yobundlobongela obungasiyo kunye nefuthe labo kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqukumbela, ubundlobongela obungenakwenziwa luhlobo olukhohlakeleyo loxhatshazo kubudlelwane nomntu okhohlisayo. Ngokufunda ukuyiqonda nokujamelana nayo, amaxhoba amabhinqa anokululawula kwakhona ubomi bawo aze aqalise indlela yokuphilisa. Ungaze ulibale ukuba ufanelwe yintlonipho, uthando kunye nobubele. Ngenkxaso kunye nokunyamezela, kunokwenzeka ukuba ukhululeke kwimpembelelo eyityhefu kwaye uphinde wakhe ubomi obanelisayo.