Ukubambisana nomzali kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator: imithetho, unxibelelwano oluhambelanayo, ulamlo

Ushiye i-narcissistic manipulator. Ubucinga ukuba ukwahlukana kuya kuphelisa iingxabano. Kodwa unabantwana kunye, kwaye yonke into ebangqongileyo iba ngumthombo wengxabano: imiyalezo ehlaselayo, utshintsho ngomzuzu wokugqibela kwizicwangciso, izinyeliso phambi kwabantwana, izoyikiso zokuthatha amanyathelo asemthethweni.

Ukuba ngumzali kunye nomntu owayesakuba yindoda enenkohliso akufani nokuchazwa ngabakhokheli bemveli. Sikucebisa ukuba “unxibelelane”, “ufumane ukulungelelana”, “udibanise abantwana”. Ngomntu ofuna ulawulo, eli cebiso linokuba ngumgibe.

Eli nqaku likunika enye indlela: imithetho ecacileyo, unxibelelwano luncitshiswe kwinto eyimfuneko ngokungqongqo, kunye nokuqapha ngokukodwa ebusweni bolamlo.

Kutheni i-Co-Parenting inzima kangaka nge-Narcissistic Manipulator

Kwinkoliso yabazali abahlukene, abantwana basisizathu sokoyisa iingxabano. Kumzali onokusebenza kwe-narcissistic, banokuba yindlela yokugcina ukubamba kuwe.

• Uqhagamshelwano luyafuneka. Awukwazi ukunqumla ngokupheleleyo amaqhina, okumnika umjelo osisigxina.
• Abantwana bayi-lever. Iishedyuli, iiholide, iindleko, impilo, isikolo: yonke into ingaba yindawo yokulwa.
• Umfanekiso ubala ngaphezu komntwana. Unokubonakala uphelele phambi kweengcali kwaye uhluke kakhulu kubomi bemihla ngemihla.
• Ingxabano iyamondla. Indlela ovakalelwa ngayo ingqina ukuba usenempembelelo kuwe.

Abaphandi baye banikezela negama ekusebenziseni iinkqubo zomthetho ukuqhubeka nokulawula iqabane langaphambili: ukuxhatshazwa ngokusemthethweni. Uphononongo olupapashwe kwiJournal yoBundlobongela baseSapho (Gutowski kunye noGoodman, 2023) bakhe isikali sokulinganisa le nto phakathi koomama abangamaxhoba obundlobongela basekhaya, ngeendlela ezimbini: ukwenzakalisa umntu kunye nendima yabo njengomama, kunye nokwenzakala.

Ukuba usephakathi kokwahlula, inqaku lethu Uqhawula umtshato njani narcissistic pervert iya kukunceda ulungiselele amanyathelo.

Classic co-umzali okanye parallel umzali?

Kwi-classic co-parenting, abazali bathetha omnye nomnye rhoqo, benze izigqibo kunye, kwaye baphumle imithetho njengoko kufuneka. Oku kubonisa ubuncinci bentembeko kunye nokholo olulungileyo.

Xa olu kholo luhle lungekho, iingcali ezininzi zincoma omnye umbutho, odla ngokubizwa ngokuba yi-parallel parenting. Umgaqo:

• umzali ngamnye ulawula ixesha lakhe nabantwana ngokuzimeleyo;
• utshintshiselwano lugcinwa lusezantsi kwaye lwenziwa ngokubhaliweyo;
• yonke into icwangciswe kwangaphambili: ithayimthebhile, iindawo zokuhamba, ukuhanjiswa kweendleko;
• asizami ukuvumelana ngendlela yokufundisa omnye.

Ayikokusilela. Le yindlela yokukhusela abantwana kungquzulwano ngokunciphisa amathuba okungqubana.

Imithetho esisiseko yonxibelelwano olukhuselekileyo

Yonke into ebhaliweyo

Khetha imiyalezo ebhaliweyo, ii-imeyile okanye usetyenziso olunikezelwe kubazali ngokubambisana. Kuphephe ukufowuna kunye neengxoxo zomlomo ngexesha lokunikezela. Ukubhala kukukhusela: kugcina ingxelo kwaye kukunika ixesha lokucinga phambi kokuba uphendule.

Indlela yeBIFF

Isiphawuli esilula semiyalezo yakho: Bref, Informative, FGfirm (ngaphandle kokuqina), Friendly, oko kukuthi imbeko. Umzekelo :

“Molo. U-Léa unedinga kunye nogqirha wamazinyo ngoLwesibini ngo-5pm. Ndiya naye apho. Molo. »

Akukho zithethe, akukho sikhumbuzo sexesha elidlulileyo, akukho mpendulo kwizinto ezicaphukisayo.

Phendula kuphela into ekhathaza abantwana

Ukuba isithuba siqulethe imihlathi emithathu ye-gripes kunye nombuzo malunga nexesha lokubuyisela, phendula kuphela kwixesha. Okuseleyo akusenamsebenzi nawe.

Musa ukuphendula ngokungxamisekileyo

Ngaphandle kokuba kukho imeko engxamisekileyo yezonyango okanye yokhuseleko, unokulinda iiyure ezimbalwa phambi kokuba uphendule. Imiyalezo ethunyelweyo ukuphelisa uzinzo ilahlekelwa sisiphumo sayo xa ingaqalisi ukusabela kwangoko.

Bayeke abantwana ngaphandle

Musa ukuthumela imiyalezo ebantwaneni, ungababuzi ukuba kwenzeka ntoni komnye umzali, ungamgxeki omnye umzali phambi kwabo, nokuba bazenzela ngokwabo.

Uluhlu lokuhlola: ukuququzelela ukuba ngumzali omnye okukhuselayo

1. Yiba nemigaqo ebekwe ngumgwebi. Isigwebo esichanekileyo (iintsuku, amaxesha, iindawo zokuhamba, iiholide, iindleko) sishiya indawo encinane yeengxoxo ezisisigxina kunesivumelwano esingacacanga.
2. Khetha umjelo omnye wonxibelelwano. Idilesi ye-imeyile okanye isicelo esizinikeleyo. Vimba okuseleyo ukuba kuyimfuneko.
3. Gcina idayari. Ukulibaziseka, ukucinywa, imiyalezo ethukayo, izimvo ezichazwe ngabantwana. Dala yonke into.
4. QONGAnisa iipaseji ezingathathi hlangothi. Ekupheleni kwesikolo, kwindawo kawonke-wonke okanye, ukuba kuyimfuneko, kwindawo yokuhlanganisana egadiweyo.
5. Qinisekisa iiholide nemibhiyozo. Qinisekisa imihla ngokubhala kwiiveki ezininzi kwangaphambili.
6. Gcina iirisithi zeendleko zakho. Ii-invoyisi, iirisithi, utshintshiselwano ngeendleko ezikhethekileyo.
7. Ungatshintshi nantoni na ngomlomo. Naluphi na utshintsho olwenzeka kanye malungqinwe ngokubhaliweyo.
8. Zingqonge. Igqwetha, umbutho, umnyangi wakho kwaye, ukuba kuyimfuneko, kubantwana.

Imithetho jikelele yamalungelo okutyelela kunye nendawo yokuhlala iboniswe kwiphepha le-QAmalungelo okutyelela kunye nendawo yokuhlala kwimeko yokwahlukana kwabazali. Ukhumbula ngokukodwa ukuba xa kwenzeka amanyathelo okukhusela anxulumene nobundlobongela, ijaji kuphela inokugunyaza umzali ukuba angavezi idilesi yakhe.

Ulamlo losapho: ngumbono olungileyo nge-narcissistic manipulator?

Ulamlo lwentsapho ludla ngokunikelwa njengesicombululo esifanelekileyo kubazali abahlukene. Kunokuba njalo, xa bobabini abazali benokholo kwaye bekwinqanaba elilinganayo. Nge-ex manipulative, inomngcipheko.

Imigibe

• Ukungalingani kwamandla. Ukulamla kufuna abantu ababini abakwazi ukuthethathethana ngokukhululekileyo. Ngaphantsi kwempembelelo, uzibeka emngciphekweni wokunikezela ukuze uphephe ingxabano.
• Ukuhendwa komlamli. Umntu okhohlisayo unokuba nomtsalane, abe nengqiqo, axolelane, kwaye akwenze ubonakale ngathi usisihlobo “esingqongqo”.
• Reconnection. Iiseshoni ziyakunyanzela ukuba ujongane naye, ngamanye amaxesha ngaphandle kokhuseleko lwangempela.
• Izivumelwano azihlonitshwa. Oko kwamkelekileyo ngexesha leseshoni kunokuphikiswa okanye kungahoywa emva koko.

Yintoni enikezelwa ngumthetho

Ngokutsho kwe-service-public.fr, ulamlo losapho alunakwenzeka ukuba ubundlobongela benziwe ngomnye wabazali komnye umzali okanye emntwaneni. Ukuba uye wehlelwa bubundlobongela obubandakanya ubundlobongela ngokwasengqondweni, xela kwigqwetha lakho kunye nejaji: akunyanzelekanga ukuba wamkele ulamlo olukubeka esichengeni.

Ukuba ulamlo luqwalaselwa ngaphandle kwayo yonke into, unokucela ukuba umlamli aziswe ngale meko, okanye ukuba iiseshoni zenzeke ngokwahlukeneyo.

Xa omnye umzali ekujikela abantwana kuwe

Olu lolona loyiko luxhaphakileyo: ukuba umntu owayesakuba uya kusebenzisa abantwana ukuya kuwe, ngokukujongela phantsi phambi kwabo okanye abatyhale ukuba bathathe icala. Ezi ziphathamandla zichazwe kumanqaku ethu ukwahlukaniswa kwabazali kwe-narcissistic pervert nakwi-iprofayili yomzali owahlukanisayo.

Ingcinga yokuba “isifo sokuxhatshazwa kwabazali” nayo iyaphikiswana kakhulu kwaye ayibonwa njengoxilongo lwezonyango. Sithatha isitokhwe sale ngxoxo kwinqaku lethu le-parental alienation syndrome.

Into onokuyenza yonke imihla: hlala uyimbekiselo ezinzileyo, musa ukuphendula ngokunyeliswa ngokunyeliswa, yaye khumbuza abantwana bakho ukuba banelungelo lokubathanda bobabini abazali babo. Ukuba umntwana ubonakala ebelwe indima (oyithandayo, umenzi-bubi), funda inqaku lethu umntwana wegolide kunye ne-scapegoat.

Ii-FAQs

Ngaba kufuneka ndinxibelelane ne-ex yam ye-narcissistic manipulative?

Kufuneka uxoxe ngezinto ezixhalabisa abantwana, kodwa ungakhetha ifomu: ebhaliweyo, emfutshane, eyinyani, usebenzisa ijelo elinye. Akukho sinyanzeliso sokuphendula xa ucatshukiswa okanye kwimixholo yobuqu.

Ngaba ndinokwala ulamlo losapho?

Ukuba ubundlobongela benziwe, ukulamla akunakwenzeka. Kwezinye iimeko, thetha negqwetha lakho: liya kukwazi ukukuchazela izizathu zokuba kutheni ulamlo lungayilungelanga imeko yakho.

Kufuneka enze ntoni ukuba akasihloneli isigwebo?

Qaphela ukusilela ngakunye. Ukungathotyelwa okuphindaphindiweyo kwezigqibo kunokuxelwa kwijaji yenkundla yosapho. Iimeko ezithile, njengokungamelanga komntwana, zisenokuba ngumbandela wesikhalazo. Igqwetha lakho liya kukuxelela indlela efanelekileyo.

Ndinokubakhusela njani abantwana bam ngokweemvakalelo?

Ngokuhlala uzinzile kwaye uqikelelwa kwangaphambili ekhaya, ukubamamela ngaphandle kokubuza imibuzo, kunye nokubanika inkxaso yengqondo ukuba kuyimfuneko. Inqaku lethu le-Ukukhusela intombi yam kuyise we-narcissistic inika iingcamango eziphathekayo.

Ukuququmbela

Ukuba ngumzali kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator akunakuze kube lula. Kodwa inokuphila ngakumbi ngesakhelo esichanekileyo, unxibelelwano oluncitshisiweyo kunye nokuqiniseka ukuba akusekho mfuneko yokuba uthethe ngayo yonke into.

Usukelo lwakho asikokuvana naye, kodwa kukukhusela abantwana bakho noxolo lwenu lwangaphakathi. Ukuba ufuna uncedo ukugcina le khosi, ungafumanisa nkxaso kumaxhoba e-narcissistic perverts.

Kuyo nayiphi na imibuzo malunga nokugcinwa, ukuhlala okanye uxolelwaniso, dibana negqwetha losapho lomthetho okanye umbutho oxhasa amaxhoba. Kwimeko yengozi: 3919 (Violences Femmes Info), 17 okanye 112; ukuba umntwana usengozini, 119.

Imithombo

• Gutowski E.R., Goodman L.A. (2023). I-Ulawulo oluQhelekileyo kwiNkundla: iSikali sokuSebenzisa ngokuSebenzisa ngokusemthethweni (LAS). Ijenali yoBundlobongela boSapho.
• Service-public.fr. Yintoni ulamlo losapho?
• Service-public.fr. Ilungelo lokutyelela kunye nendawo yokuhlala xa kuthe kwahlulwa abazali.