Umntwana wegolide, i-scapegoat, umntwana obingelelwe: iindima kwintsapho ye-narcissistic manipulator

Kwezinye iintsapho, abantwana abathandwa ngenxa yoko bakuko, kodwa ngenxa yomsebenzi abawufezayo. Omnye “ngulowo uthandwayo,” lowo ubangela ukuba umzali abe nelunda. Omnye ngoyena utyholwa ngento yonke. Owesithathu ulumke kangangokuba ekugqibeleni simlibale.

Ezi ndima azikhethwanga ngabantwana. Babalelwa ngumzali ekusebenzeni kwe-narcissistic, rhoqo kungekho nabani na obeka amagama kuyo. Kwaye bashiya umkhondo emva kwexesha elide bemkile ekhaya.

Ukuba ukhulele kusapho olunjalo, okanye xa ubona lo mzekelo udlala nabantwana bakho, eli nqaku likunceda uqonde iindima, imiphumo yazo, kunye neendlela onokulungiswa ngazo.

Kutheni umzali we-narcissistic ehambisa iindima?

Umzali osebenzisa i-narcissistic unobunzima bokubona abantwana babo njengabantu abahlukileyo kubo. Ziba izandiso zesiqu sakhe: oko kuxabiseke kuye kuyakhuthazwa, into emkhathazayo iyaliwa.

I-ManualMSD ichaza ukuphazamiseka kobuntu be-narcissistic njengepateni ehlala ihleli yobukhulu, imfuno yokunconywa, kunye nokungabi naluvelwano. Ayingabo bonke abazali ekuxoxwe ngabo apha abanale ngxaki, kodwa abaninzi babelana ngezi mpawu. Kwintsapho, baguqulela kwingqiqo elula: abantwana bakhonza umfanekiso kunye nokulinganisela komzali.

Uphononongo olucwangcisiweyo lwakutsha nje (Orovou et al., 2025, Cureus) kwimpembelelo yomzali onengxaki ye-narcissistic enxulumanisa i-narcissism yabazali kunye nobudlelwane obubandayo kunye nobudlelwane bomzali nomntwana, kwaye ikhankanya ukusetyenziswa kweendlela ezibuthathaka phakathi kwabantwana.

Ukufumana amagqabantshintshi ngendlela ezi ntsapho zisebenza ngayo, ungafunda inqaku lethu usapho lwe-narcissistic pervert.

Umntwana wegolide: intandokazi enemiqathango

Umntwana wegolide (sikwathetha “ngomntwana oyinkosi” okanye “umntwana okhethiweyo”) ngoyena ubonisa kakuhle umfanekiso umzali afuna ukuwunikela ngaye. Uqhuba kakuhle esikolweni, mhle, ungumdlali wezemidlalo, uthambile, okanye ufana nje nomzali.

Oko ahlangabezana nako

• Ufumana ingqalelo, ukunconywa, ngamanye amaxesha izipho.
• Iimpazamo zabo zincitshiswa okanye zibekwe ityala komnye umntu.
• Udla ngokuboniswa njengomzekelo kwabanye abantwana.

Elinye icala lengqekembe

Unokucinga ukuba umntwana wegolide ngoyena uphumeleleyo. Akukho lula ngolo hlobo. Ubume bayo buxhomekeke ngokupheleleyo ekukwazini kwayo ukwanelisa umzali. Mhla ephoxa (ukhetho lomsebenzi, iqabane “elingafanelekanga”, ukungavisisani), unokuphulukana nesikhundla sakhe ngobusuku nje obunye.

Abaninzi ababesakuba ngabantwana begolide bakhula bengazithembi, bexhomekeke kakhulu kwintsebenzo nakwiimbono zabanye. Abanye bakufumanisa kunzima ukuyiqonda imeko ababekuyo abantakwabo, nto leyo elwenza lube nzima ulwalamano lwentsapho xa sele bekhulile.

Ibhokhwe ka-Azazele: Lowo uthwala yonke into

I-Ascapegoat ngumntwana apho umzali afaka kuye yonke into angenakuyinyamezela: umsindo wakhe, iintsilelo zakhe, ukukhungatheka kwakhe. Ubizwa ngokuba “ngulowo unzima”, “ongenambulelo”, “lowo uzisa ingxaki”.

Oko ahlangabezana nako

• Uyagxekwa, athelekiswe, wohlwaywa ngokuqatha kunabanye.
• Impumelelo yakhe ayinanzwa, iimpazamo zakhe zibaxiwe.
• Ngokufuthi umiselwa njengoxanduva lokungavisisani kwentsapho.
• Maxa wambi amanye amalungu entsapho anembono efanayo ngaye.

Sichaza lo matshini kwinqaku lethu le-le scapegoating.

Oku kuvelisayo

Ibhokhwe ka-Azazele isoloko ikhula inemvakalelo enzulu yokuba “ininzi kakhulu” okanye “imbi.” Usenokuba neentloni, ixhala, notyekelo lokuziva enetyala ngayo yonke into. Okumangalisayo kukuba, ihlala ingumntwana obona ukungasebenzi kakuhle kosapho ngokucacileyo, kuba ufumana iziphumo zako ngokuthe ngqo. Idla ngokuba nguye, njengomntu omdala, afune uncedo aze akubeke ngamazwi oko kwenzekileyo.

Umntwana ozinikeleyo okanye ongabonakaliyo

Phakathi kwaba babini, kuhlala kukho umntwana wesithathu, lo sithetha kancinci ngaye. Ngamanye amaxesha ubizwa ngokuba “ngumntwana ongabonakaliyo” okanye “umntwana olahlekileyo.” Wayeqonda kwangethuba ukuba esona sicwangciso sokusinda yayikukungaphazamisi.

• Akaceli nto, uyazihoya, uzenza alityalwe.
• Iintswelo zakhe ezingokweemvakalelo azifane zibonwe.
• Usenokuba ukrelekrele kodwa akukho mntu uqaphelayo ngokwenene.

Igama elithi “umntwana owenziwe idini” likwasetyenziswa nakumntwana lowo iimfuno zakhe zibekwe bucala ukuze kungenelwe umzali okanye umntwana wegolide. Angazifumanisa edlala indima yokuba umntu azityand’ igila okanye axhase umzali: oku kubizwa ngokuba ngumzali. Umntwana uhoya umntu omdala endaweni yolunye uhlobo.

Iindima ezinokutshintsha

Ezi ndima azilungiswanga. Umntwana wegolide unokuba yibhokhwe ngobusuku nje obunye ukuba uyachasa umzali. Umntwana okuphela kwakhe unokutshintshana phakathi kwezi zibini ngokuxhomekeke kwimo yomzali. Kwezinye iintsapho, omnye umzali umenza intando yakhe ngoxa omnye ekhetha omnye.

Into ehlala ihleli kukuba uthando lunemiqathango. Kuxhomekeke kwindawo umntwana avuma ukuhlala kuyo.

Abaphandi bafunda le nto phantsi kwegama elithi “unyango olwahlukileyo” lwabantwana ngabazali babo. Uphononongo olwenziwa phakathi kwabantu abadala abancinci kwaye lwapapashwa kwiJournal yoMtshato kunye noSapho (Jensen et al., 2013) yaqaphela ukuba abo baziva bexhaswa kancinci kunomntakwabo okanye udade wabo baxela iimpawu ezidakumbisayo, kwaye okukhona kukho umahluko omkhulu kunyango, kuncinci ukuhambelana phakathi komntakwabo.

Ipatheni esasazwayo

Le misebenzi isoloko iphindwa ukusuka kwesinye isizukulwana ukuya kwesinye. Umzali naye owayengumntwana wegolide okanye ibhokhwe usenokungaqondi avelise iindima awayenazo. Siphonononga lo mlinganiso kwinqaku lethu le-icala elimnyama losapho lwezizukulwana ezininzi.

Ukuba ibingumama wakho owasasaza iindima, inqaku lethu ku-iprofayile yomama oyi-narcissistic iya kukunceda uqaphele ezinye iindlela zokuziphatha. Kwaye ngombono obanzi, funda narcissistic abazali ababi.

Uluhlu lokuhlola: ukwakha kwakhona umfanekiso wakho emva kwezi ndima

Nokuba ungumntwana wegolide, i-scapegoat okanye umntwana ongabonakaliyo, kunokwenzeka ukuba uphume kwindima kwaye uzibonakalise kwakhona. Nanga amanyathelo abambekayo.

1. Chonga indima yakho. Bhala phantsi iinkumbulo eziqhelekileyo zobuntwana bakho. Yeyiphi indawo obukuyo? Bekulindeleke ntoni kuwe?
2. Qinisekisa ukuba le ndima yayingenguwe. “Ndandingongendawo” okanye “Ndandingoyena ugqibeleleyo” zizinto ezibhalwe ngumntu omdala obandezelekileyo, hayi iinyaniso ngawe.
3. Jonga apho indima iphinda idlalwa namhlanje. Emsebenzini, njengesibini, kunye nabahlobo: ngaba uzifumana unxibe yonke into, uyaphela okanye kufuneka ukhazimle?
4. Wamkelekile iimvakalelo. Umsindo, usizi, ubutyala, ikhwele ngakumntakwenu okanye udade: zisemthethweni. Abakwenzi umntu ombi.
5. Seta imida kunye nomzali. Unokukhetha ukuphindaphinda kunye nohlobo loqhagamshelwano. Abanye abantu banciphisa ukusebenzisana, abanye baqhawula unxibelelwano. Akukho mpendulo ichanekileyo.
6. Jonga ngendlela eyahlukileyo abantwana bakowenu. Umntakwenu okanye udadewenu naye ubanjwe edlala indima ethile. Le mbonakalo ayifuni ukuba usondele, kodwa inokuzola.
7. Yakha imithombo emitsha yexabiso. Ubudlelwane apho wamkelwe ngaphandle kwemiqathango, imisebenzi enentsingiselo kuwe.
8. Fumana inkxaso. Ingcali yezengqondo okanye i-therapist eqeqeshwe kwi-trauma yobudlelwane inokukunceda ukuba uhlehlise ezi patheni ngokunzulu.

Kuthekani ukuba ungumzali namhlanje?

Ukuba wabelana ngelungelo lokukhulisa abantwana bakho nomntu owawusakuba liqabane lakho osebenza ngokungenalusini, unokuphawula ezi ndima zisenzeka kuye: omnye umntwana othandwayo, omnye egxekwa. Awukwazi ukulawula yonke into, kodwa unokubonelela ngesithuba kwikhaya lakho apho umntwana ngamnye ethandwa ukuba angubani.

• Kulumkele ukuthelekisa abantwana bakho.
• Mxabise wonke umntu ngoko akuko, hayi nje oko akuphumezileyo.
• Phulaphula oko bakuthethayo ngomnye umzali ngaphandle kokubabeka kwimeko yokuzikhethela.
• Ukuba umntwana wenziwa ibhokhwe yomhlatshelo, cacisa kuye ukuba akanaxanduva.

Ii-FAQs

Ngaba singaba sobabini umntwana wegolide kunye nebhokhwe yokuhlangula?

Ewe. Ngokukodwa kumntwana okuphela kwakhe, okanye xa umzali etshintsha isimo sengqondo okanye intandokazi. Ubume buxhomekeke ekubeni umntwana unegalelo elingakanani kumzali nangaliphi na ixesha.

Kutheni ubhuti wam umntwana wegolide engayiboni into endidlule kuyo?

Kuba amava akhe kwintsapho enye ahluke kakhulu. Ukuqonda ukubandezeleka kwabanye kukwanokubanyanzelela ukuba baluthandabuze uthando abaye balufumana. Oku kungathatha ixesha, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha akunakuze kwenzeke.

Ngaba kufuneka uqhawule ubudlelwane nomzali ongenamdla?

Sisigqibo sobuqu. Abanye abantu bafumana ibhalansi ngonxibelelwano olulinganiselweyo, abanye bafuna ikhefu ukuze bazikhusele. Inkxaso inokukunceda ukuba ukhethe ngaphandle kokuba netyala.

Ngaba iziphumo ezisemva zisisigxina?

Hayi. Iipateni ezifundwe ebuntwaneni zinzulu, kodwa zinokuguquka. Ukubeka amagama kwinto oye wadibana nayo sele kulinyathelo lokuqala elibalulekileyo.

Ukuququmbela

Umntwana wegolide, i-scapegoat, umntwana ongabonakaliyo: akukho nanye kwezi ndima ezinomona. Bonke bahlutha umntwana uthando olungagungqiyo kunye nendawo yakhe. Ukuqonda indima oyidlalileyo kukuvumela ukuba uyeke ukuyibhidanisa nesazisi sakho.

Unelungelo lokuzichaza ngokwakho ngaphandle koko usapho lwakho olukucingele kona. Ukuba ungathanda ukuxhaswa kulo msebenzi wokwakha ngokutsha, ungafumana ngakumbi malunga ne-nkxaso kumaxhoba e-narcissistic perverts.

Ezi zikhokelo azithathi indawo yokulandelelwa ngokwasengqondweni: ukuba imbali yosapho lwakho inobunzima kwimpilo yakho, dibana nengcali. Ukuba umntwana usengozini, fowunela ku-119 (Molo ebuntwaneni obusengozini). Kwimeko yonxunguphalo, cofa u-17 okanye 112; ngobundlobongela obujoliswe kwabasetyhini, 3919.

Imithombo

• Iincwadana zeMSD (umthengi). Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
• Orovou E. et al. (2025). I-Impembelelo yeNgxaki yoMzali we-Narcissistic Personality kuMgangatho woBudlelwane boMzali noMntwana kunye neMpilontle yoMntwana: UPhononongo oluCwangcisiweyo. Cureus.
• UJensen A.C. et al. (2013). I-“Ubomi Abukho Bulunganga”: Unyango olwahlukwayo lwaBazali kubazalwana abancinci abaDala abancinci. Ijenali yoMtshato noSapho.