Ukukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana nomuntu ozithanda ngokweqile: imithetho, ukuxhumana okufanayo, ukulamula

Ushiye umhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo. Ubucabanga ukuthi ukuhlukana kuzoqeda izingxabano. Kodwa ninezingane ndawonye, ​​futhi konke ukuxhumana ngazo kuba umthombo wokungezwani: imiyalezo enolaka, izinguquko zeshejuli ngomzuzu wokugcina, ukusolwa phambi kwezingane, izinsongo zokuthathelwa izinyathelo zomthetho.

Ukukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana nomuntu owayekade ekhohlisa akufani nalokho ongakuthola eziqondisweni ezivamile zokukhulisa izingane. Bakweluleka ukuthi “uxhumane,” “uthole ukuvumelana,” futhi “usebenze ndawonye ngenxa yezingane.” Ngomuntu ofuna ukulawula, lesi seluleko singaba nemiphumela emibi kalula.

Lesi sihloko sikunikeza enye indlela: imithetho ecacile, ukuxhumana okuncishisiwe kwaba yingcosana, kanye nokuqapha okukhethekile mayelana nokulamula.

Kungani ukukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana kunzima kangaka nomuntu othanda ukuzicabangela ngokweqile?

Kwabazali abaningi abahlukene, izingane ziyindlela yokunqoba izingxabano. Kumzali onesifo sobuntu obuzikhukhumezayo, zingaba yindlela yokukulawula.

• Ukuxhumana kuyimpoqo. Awukwazi ukunqamula ngokuphelele izibopho, okumnika umzila ohlala njalo.
• Izingane ziyizithiyo. Amashejuli, amaholide, izindleko, impilo, isikole: konke kungaba yindawo yokulwa.
• Isithombe sibaluleke kakhulu kunengane. Angabonakala ephelele phambi kochwepheshe futhi ehluke kakhulu empilweni yansuku zonke.
• Ingxabano iyamdlisa. Ukusabela kwakho ngokomzwelo kumqinisekisa ukuthi usenethonya kuwe.

Abacwaningi baze baqamba igama lokusetshenziswa kwezinqubo zomthetho ukuze balawule umlingani wangaphambili: ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomthetho. Ucwaningo olushicilelwe ku- Ijenali Yodlame Lomndeni (Gutowski & Goodman, 2023) wakhe isikali sokulinganisa lesi simo phakathi komama abayizisulu zobudlova basekhaya, ngezindlela ezimbili: ukulimaza umuntu kanye nendima yakhe njengomama, kanye nokulimaza izimali zabo.

Uma usesephakathi kokuhlukana, isihloko sethu mayelana Indlela yokuhlukanisa nomhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo kuzokusiza ukulungiselela izinyathelo.

Ukukhulisa izingane ngendlela yendabuko noma ukukhulisa izingane ngasikhathi sinye?

Elungiselelweni lendabuko lokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana, abazali baxhumana njalo, benze izinqumo ndawonye, ​​​​futhi balungise imithetho njengoba kudingeka. Lokhu kudinga izinga eliphansi lokuthembana kanye nokwethembeka okuhle.

Uma lokhu kwethembeka okuhle kuntuleka, ochwepheshe abaningi batusa enye inhlangano, evame ukubizwa ngokuthi ukukhulisa izingane ngasikhathi sinyeIsimiso:

• Umzali ngamunye uphatha isikhathi sakhe nezingane ngokuzimela;
• Ukushintshisana kugcinwa kuncane kakhulu futhi kwenziwa ngokubhala phansi;
• Konke kuhlelwe kusengaphambili: isimiso, izindawo zokuvakashela, ukwabelana ngezindleko;
• Asizami ukuvumelana ngendlela yokufundisana.

Lokhu akusikho ukwehluleka. Kuyindlela yokuvikela izingane ezingxabanweni ngokunciphisa amathuba okungezwani.

Imithetho eyisisekelo yokuxhumana okuvikelwe

Konke okubhaliwe

Khetha imiyalezo, ama-imeyili, noma uhlelo lokusebenza oluzinikele lokukhulisa izingane. Gwema izingcingo nezingxoxo zobuso nobuso ngesikhathi sokudluliselana. Ukuxhumana okubhaliwe kuyakuvikela: kugcina irekhodi futhi kukunika isikhathi sokucabanga ngaphambi kokuphendula.

Indlela ye-BIFF

Umaka olula wemilayezo yakho: Bisithenjwa, Iulwazi, Fuqinile (ngaphandle kokuba nolaka), Fngomusa, okungukuthi, ngenhlonipho. Isibonelo:

“Sawubona. U-Léa une-aphoyintimenti kadokotela wamazinyo ngoLwesibili ngo-17 ntambama. Ngizomhambisa. Ube nosuku oluhle.”

Akukho ukuzithethelela, akukho ukukhunjuzwa kwesikhathi esidlule, akukho mpendulo ekucasukisweni.

Phendula kuphela kulokho okukhathaza izingane

Uma umlayezo uqukethe izigaba ezintathu zezikhalazo kanye nombuzo mayelana nesikhathi sokululama, phendula isikhathi kuphela. Okunye akusabalulekile kuwe.

Ungaphenduli ngokushesha

Ngaphandle kokuthi kuyisimo esiphuthumayo sezokwelapha noma sezokuphepha sangempela, ungalinda amahora ambalwa ngaphambi kokuphendula. Imiyalezo ethunyelwe ukuze iphazamise ukuzinza kwakho ilahlekelwa umthelela wayo uma ingavusi ukusabela okusheshayo.

Gcina izingane zingaphandle

Ungadluliseli imiyalezo kubantwana, ungababuzi ukuthi kwenzekani endlini yomunye umzali, ungamgxeki omunye umzali ophambi kwabo, noma ngabe bakwenza ngokwabo.

Uhlu Lokuhlola: Ukuhlela ilungiselelo lokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana elikuvikelayo

1. Cela ijaji ukuthi linqume imigomo. Isivumelwano esiqondile (izinsuku, izikhathi, izindawo zokudlula, amaholide, izindleko) asishiyi isikhala esikhulu sezingxoxo eziqhubekayo kunesivumelwano esingacacile.
2. Khetha isiteshi esisodwa sokuxhumana. Ikheli le-imeyili noma uhlelo lokusebenza olukhethekile. Vimba okusele uma kudingeka.
3. Gcina incwadi yezenzakalo. Ukulibaziseka, ukukhansela, imiyalezo ehlambalazayo, ukuphawula okubikwe yizingane. Ukuqomisana nakho konke.
4. Hlela izindawo ezingathathi hlangothi. Esangweni lesikole, endaweni yomphakathi noma, uma kudingeka, endaweni yomhlangano egadiwe.
5. Hlela kusengaphambili ngamaholide nemikhosi. Qinisekisa izinsuku ngokubhala phansi amasonto ambalwa kusengaphambili.
6. Gcina amarisidi akho ezindleko. Ama-invoyisi, amarisidi, ukushintshaniswa kwemali maqondana nezindleko ezingavamile.
7. Ungashintshi lutho ngesikhathi sokwethula ngomlomo. Noma yiluphi ushintsho oluvela kanye kuphela kumele luqinisekiswe ngokubhala phansi.
8. Zizungeze nabantu. Ummeli, inhlangano, umelaphi wakho, futhi uma kudingeka, wezingane.

Imithetho ejwayelekile mayelana namalungelo okuvakasha kanye nendawo yokuhlala ivezwe ekhasini lolwazi. Ilungelo lokuvakashelwa kanye nendawo yokuhlala uma abazali behlukanaUveza ikakhulukazi ukuthi ezimweni zezinyathelo zokuvikela ezihlobene nobudlova, ijaji kuphela elingagunyaza umzali ukuthi angadaluli ikheli lakhe.

Ukulamula komndeni: umqondo omuhle nomuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza?

Ukulamula komndeni kuvame ukwethulwa njengesixazululo esifanele sabazali abahlukene. Kungenzeka, lapho bobabili abazali benza ngobuqotho nangokulingana. Nokho, kumuntu owayekade ekhohlisa, kuthwala izingozi.

Izingibe

• Ukungalingani kwamandla. Ukulamula kudinga abantu ababili abakwaziyo ukuxoxisana ngokukhululeka. Ngaphansi kwethonya lothile, uzifaka engozini yokuvuma ukuze ugweme ingxabano.
• Ukuyenga komlamuleli. Umuntu okhohlisayo angabonakala ethandeka, enengqondo, exolelana, futhi akwenze ubonakale njengesihlobo “esiqinile”.
• Ukuvuselela ukuxhumana. Lezi zikhathi zikuphoqa ukuthi ubhekane naye, ngezinye izikhathi ngaphandle kokuvikelwa kwangempela.
• Izivumelwano azihlonishwa. Lokho okwamukelwe ngesikhathi seseshini kungaphikiswa noma kunganakwa ngemva kwalokho.

Lokho okushiwo umthetho

ngokusho service-public.frUkulamula umndeni akunakwenzeka uma umzali oyedwa ehlukumeze omunye umzali noma ingane. Uma uke wabhekana nobudlova, okuhlanganisa nobudlova obungokwengqondo, yazisa ummeli wakho kanye nejaji: akudingeki wamukele ukulamula okukubeka engozini.

Uma kusacatshangelwa ukulamula, ungacela ukuthi umlamuleli aziswe ngesimo, noma ukuthi imihlangano yenzeke ngokwehlukana.

Uma omunye umzali ephendukezela izingane ukuba zikuphikisane nawe

Lokhu kungenye yezinto ezivame ukwesaba: ukuthi owayekade eshade naye uzosebenzisa izingane ukuze zikuthinte, ngokukukhuluma kabi phambi kwazo noma ngokuzicindezela ukuba zithathe uhlangothi. Lezi zenzo zichazwe ezihlokweni zethu mayelana ukuhlukaniswa kwabazali ngumuntu ophambukile ozithanda ngokweqile futhi iphrofayela yomzali ehlukanisayo.

Umqondo we-“parent alienation syndrome” nawo uphikiswana kakhulu futhi awubhekwa njengokuxilongwa kwezokwelapha. Sixoxa ngale mpikiswano esihlokweni sethu mayelana isifo sokuhlukaniswa kwabazali.

Ongakwenza nsuku zonke: hlala ungumuntu ozinzile, ungaphenduli ekubukeni phansi ngokudelela, futhi ukhumbuze izingane zakho ukuthi zinelungelo lokuthanda bobabili abazali. Uma ingane ibonakala inikezwe indima (ethandwa kakhulu, enecala), funda isihloko sethu ku- umntwana wegolide kanye nembuzi yokucashela.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Ingabe ngibophekile ukuxhumana nomuntu engangithandana naye owayezithanda kakhulu?

Kumelwe nixoxe ngezindaba eziphathelene nezingane, kodwa ningakhetha indlela: ebhaliwe, emfushane, eyiqiniso, ngomzila owodwa. Awunaso isibopho sokuphendula ekucasulweni noma ezindabeni zomuntu siqu.

Ngingakwenqaba yini ukulamula komndeni?

Uma kube nodlame, ukulamula akunakwenzeka. Kwezinye izimo, khuluma nommeli wakho: bangachaza ukuthi kungani ukulamula kungafaneleki esimweni sakho.

Kuthiwani uma engasihloniphi isahlulelo?

Gcina irekhodi lokwephulwa ngakunye. Ukungalandeli imiyalelo yenkantolo okuphindaphindiwe kungabikwa kumahluleli wenkantolo yomndeni. Izimo ezithile, njengokwehluleka ukuletha ingane, zingaba yisizathu sesikhalazo esisemthethweni. Ummeli wakho uzokweluleka ngenqubo efanele.

Ngingazivikela kanjani izingane zami ngokomzwelo?

Ngokuhlala uzinzile futhi uqageleka ekhaya, ubalalele ngaphandle kokubabuza imibuzo, futhi ubanikeze ukwesekwa kwengqondo uma kudingeka. Isihloko sethu vikela indodakazi yami kuyise oqhoshayo inikeza iziphakamiso eziqondile.

Ekuphethweni

Ukukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana nomuntu ohlukumezayo ngokuzikhukhumeza cishe ngeke kube lula. Kodwa kungaba lula uma uhlaka lucacile, ukuxhumana okuncishisiwe, kanye nokuqiniseka ukuthi awusadingi ukuxoxisana ngakho konke.

Umgomo wakho akukhona ukuzwana naye, kodwa ukuvikela izingane zakho nokuthula kwakho kwangaphakathi. Uma udinga usizo lokuqhubeka nenkambo, ungathola Ukusekela izisulu zokuhlukunyezwa okunobugovu.

Uma unemibuzo ephathelene nokugcinwa kwengane, indawo yokuhlala, noma ukulamula, xhumana nommeli wezomthetho womndeni noma inhlangano yokusekela izisulu. Uma kwenzeka ingozi: 3919 (Ulwazi Lobudlova Babesifazane), 17, noma 112; uma ingane isengozini, shayela ku-119.

Imithombo

• I-Gutowski ER, Goodman LA (2023). Ukulawula Okuphoqelelayo Enkantolo: Isikali Sokuxhashazwa Kwezomthetho (i-LAS)Ijenali Yodlame Lomndeni.
• Isevisi-public.fr. Kuyini ukulamula komndeni?
• Isevisi-public.fr. Ilungelo lokuvakashelwa kanye nendawo yokuhlala uma abazali behlukana.

Izinombolo zocingo ezithi 17, 3114 no-3919 ezishiwo kuleli khasi zisebenza ezinsizeni zaseFrance.