Indlela yokuqonda ixoki eluthandweni: Iimpawu ezili-10 ezingakhohlisiyo

Umyalezo ocinyiweyo, ngorhatya “eofisini” ongahambelaniyo nento ethethwe ngugxa wakhe, ibali elitshintshayo ukusuka kolunye usuku ukuya kolandelayo. Uziva ngathi kukho into engalunganga, kodwa awunabungqina, kwaye ngalo lonke ixesha ubuza umbuzo, uvela uziva ngathi uyakrokra kakhulu.

Ukwazi indlela ukuqonda ixoki eluthandweni ayingombuzo wesixhobo esingenakusilela. Kunoko, kukufunda ukuthemba oko ukubonileyo, ukubona izinto eziphindaphindwayo, nokwahlula ubuxoki obubodwa kubuxoki obunyanzelekileyo obonakalisa ulwalamano. Nazi iimpawu ezili-10 ekufuneka zikulumkise, kunye nento onokuyenza.

Okokuqala: libala “iimpawu zomzimba”

Sifunda kuyo yonke indawo ukuba ixoki lijonge kude, libambe impumlo yalo okanye linqumle iingalo zalo. Inyani ayilula kangako. Uphando lubonisa ukuba iimpawu zomzimba okanye zeemvakalelo azithembekanga ekufumaniseni ukuxoka. Uphononongo olupapashwe kwi-2021 kwi Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology umzekelo waqaphela ukuba ukukwazi ukuqaphela i-micro-expressions yobuso akuzange kuphucule ukufunyanwa kobuxoki, kwaye uqeqesho ekuqapheliseni imvakalelo aluzange lutshintshe izigwebo zabathathi-nxaxheba.

Ngamanye amazwi, asikuko ngokuhlolisisa ubuso bakhe oya kuthi uyazi inyaniso. Iimpawu eziluncedo kakhulu zifumaneka kwi-ukungqinelana kweenyaniso nakwi-way umntu asabela ngayo xa ebuzwa.

Iimpawu ezili-10 zexoki eluthandweni

1. Iinguqulelo eziguqukayo

Ibali elifanayo libaliswa ngokwahlukileyo ngokuxhomekeke kumhla okanye umntu. Uluhlu luyahamba, amagama ayatshintsha, iinkcukacha ziyavela okanye zinyamalale. Ubuxoki kunzima ukugcina ngokuhamba kwexesha.

2. Iimpendulo ezingacacanga kwimibuzo elula

“Ubuphi?” » ibiza impendulo elula. Ixoki lidla ngokuphendula ngendlela engacacanga (“ngaloo ndlela,” “nabantu”), liwutshintsha umbandela, okanye liphendule ngomnye umbuzo.

3. Iinkcukacha ezininzi kakhulu, ngexesha elingalunganga

Ngokuchasene noko, abanye abantu bayalifihla ibali labo kwiinkcukacha ezingeyomfuneko, ngokungathi benza ukuba lithembeke ngakumbi. Okubalulekileyo ngumahluko kwindlela yabo eqhelekileyo yokubalisa amabali.

4. Umsindo ogqithisileyo

Umbuzo ongenabungozi ubangela umsindo okanye ukucaphuka kakhulu: “Ngaba uyandiqhatha? », “Awundithembi! Impendulo isoloko ijongwa ukukuyekisa ekubuzeni eminye imibuzo.

5. Ukuguqulwa kwendima

Ufike ucele ingcaciso, uhambe ucela uxolo. Intandabuzo yakho iba yingxaki, kunye nokuziphatha kwakhe. Yipatheni yakudala, echazwe kwinqaku lethu iyandikhohlisa kwaye indenza ndizive ndinetyala.

6. Ifowuni eye yaba ngummandla owalelweyo

Ikhowudi itshintshile, izaziso zifihliwe, ifowuni ihlala ijonge phantsi okanye ithathwe kuyo yonke indawo, kubandakanywa negumbi lokuhlambela. Olu phawu lulodwa alubonakali nto, kodwa luthatha intsingiselo ukuba lutsha kwaye luhamba kunye nolunye utshintsho.

7. Iindawo zobomi bakho ezihlala zivaliwe kuwe

Awubazi abahlobo bakhe, oogxa bakhe, ngamanye amaxesha usapho lwakhe. Iinkcazo-ntetho zihlala zimiswa. Iinxalenye zeshedyuli yakhe zihlala zingacaci.

8. Izithembiso azizange zigcinwe

Uthembisa ukutshintsha, ukukwazisa kubathandekayo bakhe, ukushiya olunye ubudlelwane, ukubuyisela imali. Imihla iyadlula, izithembiso ziyahlaziywa. Ubuxoki ke buchaphazela ikamva.

9. Ukukhanyela oko ukubonileyo okanye okuvileyo

“Andizange ndiyithethe loo nto”, “awuqondanga”, “uyayenza”. Xa ubuxoki buhamba kunye nombuzo wembono yakho, sithetha nge-gaslighting, uhlobo oluthile oluphazamisayo lokukhwabanisa.

10. Umzimba wakho ukulumkisa

Iqhina esiswini, ukuqapha okusisigxina, umnqweno wokukhangela, ukukhangela. Ezi mpendulo azibobungqina, kodwa zihlala zibonisa ukuba ubudlelwane abukuboneleli ngokhuseleko oludingayo.

Ngamaxesha athile ixoki okanye ixoki elinyanzelekileyo?

Wonke umntu uxoka kancinci: ukuphepha ukungquzulana, ukuthozama, ngenxa yembeko. Ukuxoka kuba yingxaki xa Qho qho, kucwangcisiwe kwaye kuyingozi. Abaphandi uDrew Curtis kunye noChristian Hart bachaza ubuxoki be-pathological njengokuxoka okuzingileyo, okuhlala kubonakala kunyanzelekile, ngamanye amaxesha kuqale kubuxoki bokuqala obusasazekayo, kwaye bubangele ubunzima bokwenyani ebomini bomntu kunye nabo babangqongileyo.

I-Compulsive liar ngamanye amaxesha ilala ngaphandle kwesizathu esicacileyo, phantse nge-reflex. I-manipulative liar ixoke ukufumana into: ukugcina ulawulo, ukufihla ukungathembeki, ukufumana imali, ukugcina umfanekiso wakhe. Ezi zimbini zinokudityaniswa. Ukuphonononga ezi profayili nzulu ngakumbi, jonga inqaku lethu elithi the pathological liar kwaye kuthe manipulative mythomaniac.

Indoda engathembekanga nexokayo, umfazi oxokayo: umzekelo ofanayo

Ubuxoki eluthandweni abunasini. Bobabini amadoda kunye nabasetyhini banokuxoka ukufihla ukungathembeki, amatyala, ukuba likhoboka okanye obunye ubudlelwane. Okubalulekileyo akusiyo iprofayili yomntu kodwa kukuphinda-phindwa kweendlela zokuziphatha kunye nefuthe lazo kuwe.

Yintoni omawuyenze ukuba ucinga ukuba unexoki: amanyathelo asi-7

1. Qaphela into oyiqwalaselayo. Imihla, iinguqulelo ezilandelelanayo, iinyani ezinokuqinisekiswa. Ukubhala kukunceda ukubaleka ukuthandabuza kwaye ukuxhathise ukukhanyiswa kwegesi.
2. Yahlula phakathi kokukrokra kunye nenyani. Yahlula into oyaziyo kwinto oyicingayo. Oku kukwenza womelele kwingxoxo.
3. Buza umbuzo ocacileyo, kube kanye nje. “Undixelele ukuba ukwindlu yomninawa wakho, kodwa wandixelela ukuba akakuboni.Ngaba unokundicacisela?» Emva koko mamela.
4. OJonga impendulo ngaphezu kwempendulo. Ingcaciso elula neqinisekisiweyo, okanye umsindo, ukungacacanga, ukujikela kuwe?
5. Kuphephe ukuba ngumphandi osisigxina. Ukukhangela, ukubeka iliso, ukujonga rhoqo kuyakudinisa kwaye kukususe kuwe. Ngexesha elithile, ukuqokelela kwanele.
6. Gqiba imida yakho. Leliphi inqanaba lokunyaniseka ongenakuxoxisana ngalo kuwe? Uya kuthini ukuba ubuxoki buyaphindwa?
7. Thetha nomntu omthembileyo. Imbono yangaphandle ikunceda ugcine umhlaba wakho ngokwenyani.

Iingcebiso zethu malunga nokwazi ukwenza njani ngexoki kwaye silindele impendulo yexoki elifunyenweyo iyayigqiba le ndlela.

Uluhlu lokuhlola: ngaba ukuxoka kuyalonakalisa ubudlelwane bakho?

• ☐ Ndifumanise ubuxoki obuninzi, hayi nje obunye.
• ☐ Iinkcazo ziyatshintsha xa ndibuza imibuzo.
• ☐ Ndihlala ndigqibele ngokucela uxolo ngokuthandabuza.
• ☐ Ndiziva ndifuna ukujonga, ukukhangela.
• ☐ Andisaziva ndikhuselekile kubudlelwane.
• ☐ Izithembiso zakhe zenguqu azilandelwa.
• ☐ Andisamazi umntu ebendikade ndinguye.

Ukuba ujonga iibhokisi ezininzi, awuyo “paranoid”: usabela kwiinyani eziphindaphindiweyo. Unelungelo lokufuna ubudlelwane apho ukuthembana kunokwenzeka.

Kuthekani ukuba uhlala?

Abantu abaninzi bahlala neqabane elixokayo benethemba lokuba “bangabasindisa” okanye bancede batshintshe. Le reflex yomntu inokukuvalela kubudlelwane apho unikela kakhulu kwaye ufumane okuncinci. Inqaku lethu kwi-savior syndrome kuthando kuya kukunceda ubone izinto ngokucacileyo. Unokufunda kwakhona isikhokelo sethu the manipulator emotional, ukuba ubuxoki buhamba kunye netyala.

Inqaku lezempilo: ukuhlala uthandabuza ixesha elide kunokubangela ixhala, ukuphuthelwa kunye nokuphelelwa ukuzithemba. Ungalibazisi ukuthetha nogqirha wakho okanye isazi sengqondo. Ukuba ubudlelwane bubandakanya izoyikiso, ulawulo okanye ubundlobongela, fowuna3919(simahla, akaziwa),17okanye i112.

Imibuzo ebuzwa qho

Wazi njani ukuba indoda ilele eluthandweni?

Kunokuba ube neempawu zomzimba ezingathembekanga, jonga ukungqinelana kwamabali akhe ngokuhamba kwexesha, indlela asabela ngayo kwimibuzo elula kunye nokungqinelana kwamazwi akhe nezenzo zakhe.

Ngaba ixoki lingatshintsha?

Ewe, ukuba uyayibona ingxaki aze enze umsebenzi wokwenene kuye. Izithembiso eziphindaphindiweyo ngaphandle kotshintsho olubambekayo, kwelinye icala, luphawu olubi.

Ngaba kufuneka ukhangele ifowuni yakho?

Kuyahenda, kodwa kukubeka kwindawo edinayo kwaye kunokubangela iingxaki zomthetho. Kungcono ukuthembela kwinto oyibonayo ngokuphandle kwaye ubeke imida yakho.

Ngaba sinokuxolela ubuxoki njengesibini?

Ubuxoki obuvunyiweyo, buchazwe, buze bulandelwe lutshintsho lokwenene bunokuxolelwa. Ubuxoki obunqatshelwe, obuphindaphindiweyo kwaye bujike kuwe enye ingxaki: ibeka ubudlelwane obungalinganiyo.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqonda ixoki eluthandweni asikokuba ngumcuphi: kukufumana kwakhona ukuzithemba kwinto oyibonayo kunye nento oziva ngayo. Ufanelwe kubudlelwane apho ungadingi ukujonga yonke into. Ukuba ungathanda inkxaso yokuphuma kubudlelwane obusekwe kubuxoki, fumana i-coaching yamaxhoba e-narcissistic perverts.

Imithombo

• Zloteanu M. et al., « Veracity judgement, not accuracy: Reconsidering the role of facial expressions, empathy, and emotion recognition training on deception detection », Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology, 2021 : PMC8056713
• Curtis D. A. et Hart C. L., « Pathological Lying: Theoretical and Empirical Support for a Diagnostic Entity », Psychiatric Research and Clinical Practice, 2020 : PMC9176035
• Inkonzo-Uluntu.fr, “Ubundlobongela basekhaya”: service-public.gouv.fr