Ukubophelela kabini: ukukhohlisa okukwenza uphambane

Inkcazo: ukubopha kabini – double bind ngesiNgesi – yimeko apho sifumana khona imiyalelo emibini ephikisanayo, apho nayiphi na impendulo ibubuxoki, kwaye apho akunakwenzeka ukubaleka. Umyalelo unokuthi ucace (“yiba ngokuzenzekelayo!”) okanye uthwalwe yithoni, i-innuendoes, i-non-vertical. Ixhoba libambekile: ukuthobela kungcatsha omnye umyalelo, ukungathobeli nako. Le yenye yezona zixhobo ze-pathogenic zokubamba.

Indlela yokusebenza: umgibe onemigangatho emibini

Ukudityaniswa kabini kusekwe kuluhlu lwemigangatho: umntu othi unamandla okugweba. “Beka uluvo lwakho” (umyalelo womlomo) + “kwaye uhlale uthule umkhenkce ngalo lonke ixesha usenza” (umyalelo wobudlelwane). Ixhoba lifunda ngokukhawuleza ukuba impendulo echanekileyo ayikho; Ngaphezu kwako konke, ufunda ukuba akasazi ukuba ucinga ntoni. Kuyimveliso yemveliso ye-gaslighting: ukuthandabuza kuyayeka ukuba yimvakalelo edlulayo ukuba ibe yindlela yokusebenza.

Imizekelo kubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator

• “Zimele ngakumbi” – emva koko: “ucinga ngawe kuphela.”
• “Yenza umzamo wosapho” – ke usole yonke imizamo eyenziwe (“bekufanele ukuba ucelile”).
• “Ndixelele ukuba yintoni engalunganga” – ke ukuhla kwexabiso ngokubanzi kuyo yonke into ephathisiweyo (“unovelwano kakhulu”).
• “Ndinakekele” / “uyandifuthanisela” – kwangolo suku lunye, kuxhomekeke kwindawo yokugcina amanzi (jonga renarcissisation).

Iziphumo zexesha elide

Ukubopha kabini okungapheliyo kuvelisa oko amaxhoba achaza njengeinkungu: Ukudinwa ukwenza izigqibo, ukuzijonga kakhulu, ukuziva ungafaneleki nakwizijekulo ezilula. Abaninzi baphetha “bekhetha” ukungeniswa okusisigxina – ekuphela kwendlela yokunciphisa izohlwayo. Ngumhlaba wokuzala wokungabi nakuzinceda okufundiweyo kwaye yenye yeendlela ezingundoqo zeukulawulwa ngokweemvakalelo.

Indlela yokuphuma kule ngxaki

• Qamba isakhiwo, kungekhona umxholo: yeka ukukhangela “impendulo echanekileyo” (ayikho) kwaye ubone umgibe: “nantoni na impendulo yam, ndiya kuba nephutha”. Ukuyibiza, nokuba kuwe ngokwakho, kwaphula i-hypnosis.
• Ukushiya ibhokisi: indlela yesithathu ayikho kwinkcazo – kukushiya umdlalo: ukungaphenduli, ukushiya igumbi, ukubhala endaweni yokuthetha, ukwazisa umntu wesithathu.
• Rekhoda ngokubhaliweyo: izibophelelo ezimbini ziyanyamalala kamsinya nje sakuba sizifake kumnyama namhlophe; ukubhala kubuyisela ukuhambelana.

Ukuphuma kule pateni ngokuqinisekileyo yinxalenye ebalulekileyo6 Inyathelo leSicwangciso sokuMyeka uMphathi weNarcissistic: ukunduluka, ngokwako, yimpendulo ebingacingelwanga.

Inkcazelo esuka kwi-Glossary ye-narcissistic pervert.