Umjikelo we-narcissistic: i-devaluation, ukuhla, ukwaliwa kunye ne-honeymoon

Ekuqaleni yayiyintsomi. Wakufumana ungaqhelekanga, ebhalela rhoqo, wayesele ethetha ngekamva. Kwandula ke, ngokuthe ngcembe, kukho into eqhekekileyo. Kwafika izigxeko, kwathi cwaka, izinyeliso. Ngenye imini, wakushiya, okanye wakwenza waqonda ukuba awusenaxabiso. Kwaye emva kweeveki ezimbalwa, wabuya, ethambile, ephanzile, njengakumhla wokuqala.

Ukuba le meko iyahambelana nawe, mhlawumbi ukhe wanamava okubizwa ngokuba ngumjikelo we-narcissistic. Ukuqonda izigaba zayo akukwenzi ukuba intlungu ihambe, kodwa kunceda kakhulu ukuyeka ukuzibuza ukuba “ndenze ntoni engalunganga?” “.

Yintoni umjikelo we-narcissistic?

Umjikelo we-narcissistic uchaza ukulandelelana kwezigaba esihlala sizifumana kubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator: i-devaluation, i-devaluation, ukwaliwa, emva koko ibuyele (“i-honeymoon” okanye “i-hoovering”). Lo mjikelo unokuphinda-phinda amaxesha amaninzi ngaphakathi kobudlelwane obufanayo.

Kufuneka sinyaniseke kwinqaku elinye: lo mzekelo uvela ikakhulu kumava amaxhoba kunye neengcali ezixhasayo. Uphando lwezenzululwazi luqala nje ukuthatha umdla kulo. Inqaku elipapashwe kwi-2025 kwi-Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine (Ameen et al.) igxininisa ngokufanelekileyo ukuba lo mjikelo wokuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic, ochazwe ngokubanzi ngamaxhoba, ufanelwe ingqwalasela yonyango kunye nophando.

Idla ngokuthelekiswa nezinye iimodeli ezifundwe ngcono, ezinjengomjikelo wobundlobongela basekhaya okanye ithiyori yeqhina lokwenzakala (jonga ngezantsi).

Inqanaba loku-1: ukuzaliseka

Eli linqanaba lokuhenda kakhulu. Usisazulu sehlabathi lakhe.

• Ukunisela ngezincomo, ingqalelo, imiyalezo.
• Ubonakala ekwabelana ngezinto ozithandayo, imilinganiselo yakho, amaphupha akho: lo ngumphumo “womphefumlo weqabane”.
• Ihamba ngokukhawuleza: izibhengezo, iiprojekthi, ukungena, abantwana.
• Uzityand’ igila, ngokufuthi ngeentlungu ezidluleyo, nto leyo edala imvakalelo ekhawulezayo yokusondelelana.

Esi sigaba sisoloko sibizwa ngokuba yi-love bombing. Idala uncamathiselo eyomeleleyo kunye nenkumbulo yolonwabo oya kuthi ubambelele kuyo. Siyichazile kwinqaku lethu le-ibhombu yothando.

Kunyaka wokuqala, amaxhoba amaninzi afumana esi sigaba njengesona sihle ebomini bawo. Yiloo nto kanye eya kwenza i-sequel ingaqondakali.

Inqanaba lesi-2: ukuhla

Ngokuthe ngcembe, imbono iyatshintsha. Lowo ebekuncoma uqala ukugxeka.

• Iintetho ezibuhlungu zivela, okokuqala ngendlela “yeziqhulo”.
• Iimpawu zakho ziba ziziphene: ubulali bakho buba buthathaka, ukuzimela kwakho kuba kukuzingca.
• Kwathi cwaka.
• Iyatshintshana phakathi kokubanda kunye namaxesha okuthamba, nto leyo ikugcina unethemba.

Oku kutshintshana kubalulekile. Inegama: kuvuthela kushushu kwaye kuyabanda. Awunakwazi ukuba yeyiphi na inguqulelo yakhe oya kuyifumana, kwaye wenza konke ukufumana enye kwasekuqaleni.

Ukufumana iindlela ezichanekileyo zesi sigaba, bona amanqaku ethu devaluation kunye ne-Unyango oluthulile.

Inqanaba lesi-3: ukwaliwa (okanye “ukulahla”)

Ngexesha elithile, awusayi kumnika oko akufunayo: ukuncoma, ingqalelo, ukulawula. Usenokukwala, maxa wambi ngenkohlakalo.

• Ushiya ngaphandle kwengcaciso, okanye kunye nezinyeliso ezikwenza ube noxanduva.
• Ngamanye amaxesha sele enomnye umntu engqondweni, athi naye acingele.
• Unako ukukujongela phantsi kwabo bakungqongileyo ngokufanayo.
• Uzibona unxunguphele, uzibuza ukuba wenze ntoni na.

Ukwala akusoloko kukwahlulwa ngokusemthethweni. Kwakhona kunokuthatha uhlobo lokungakhathali ngokupheleleyo phakathi kwesibini. Sichaza esi sigaba kwinqaku lethu xa umxhasi we-narcissistic eshiya ixhoba lakhe.

Inqanaba lesi-4: ihoneymoon kunye nembuyekezo (hoovering)

Ngexesha elithile emva kokulahlwa, okanye emva kokuba uhambe, uyabuya. Igama lesiNgesi elithi “hoovering” (elisuka kwigama lesicoci sevacuum) liyibonisa kakuhle le ngcamango: ifuna “ukukufunxa” kwakhona kulwalamano.

• Ucela uxolo, uthembisa ukutshintsha, uthetha ngonyango.
• Ikhumbula amaxesha amnandi, iphinda isebenzise iikhowudi zakho, iingoma zakho, iindawo zakho.
• Usenokusebenzisa ukuziva unetyala, usizi, kwanezoyikiso.
• Inqanaba elitsha lokucinga liyaqala, lihlala lifutshane kunelokuqala.

Oku kubuya kunamandla ngakumbi ngenxa yokuba ubandezelekile. Ukukhululeka kukhulu, kwaye komeleza ukudibanisa. Uya kufumana izikhokelo zokuchasa kwinqaku lethu le hoovering.

Umjikelo weNarcissistic kunye nomjikelo wobundlobongela basekhaya: yintoni umahluko?

Umjikelo we-narcissistic udla ngokuthelekiswa nomjikelo wobundlobongela basekhaya, ochazwe ngasekupheleni kweminyaka yee-1970 ngu-psychologist uLenore Walker: ukunyuka kwengcinezelo, ukuqhuma, ukulungelelanisa, emva koko “i-honeymoon”. Le mifuziselo mibini inengongoma ebalulekileyo efanayo: ukutshintshisana phakathi kokubandezeleka noxolelwaniso, nto leyo egcina ixhoba kubudlelwane.

Umjikelo we-narcissistic ugxininisa ngakumbi indlela omnye umntu akujonga ngayo: kuqala ulungelelanise, emva koko uthotywe ixabiso, emva koko waliwe, emva koko unqweneleke kwakhona. Inokubakho ngaphandle kobundlobongela obusemzimbeni, nto leyo ngamanye amaxesha eyenza kube nzima ukuyichaza.

Le mijikelo mibini inokuphinda idibane. Ukuba izigaba zoxinzelelo zikhatshwa zizisongelo, izijekulo ezinobundlobongela okanye uloyiko lokhuseleko lwakho, ayiseyiyo nje into yokukhohlisa: imeko ibubundlobongela basekhaya kwaye ifuna uncedo olukhawulezayo.

Kutheni kunzima kangaka ukuphuma kumjikelo

Amaxhoba amaninzi azibek’ ityala ngokuthi “ajike” izihlandlo eziliqela. Nangona kunjalo, le ndlela yokuziphatha inokuchazwa.

Ukuqiniswa okwethutyana

Imbuyekezo engalindelekanga (umzuzwana wokuthantamisa phakathi kwengqele) yenza ukuncamathela okunamandla kunemivuzo eqhelekileyo. Yindlela eyaziwayo kwipsychology yokufunda.

Iqhina elibuhlungu

Ngeminyaka yee-1990, abaphandi uDonald Dutton noSusan Painter bafunda amabhinqa awayelushiyile unxulumano oluxhaphazayo. Umsebenzi wabo (upapashwe kwijenali Violence and Victims ngo-1993) ixhasa uluvo lokuba ukutshintshisana phakathi kokuphathwa kakubi kunye namaxesha alungileyo, anxulunyaniswa nokungalingani kwamandla, komeleza ukuncamathela kwiqabane, nasemva kokwahlukana. Oku kubizwa ngokuba yi-trauma bonding.

Ukonakaliswa kokuzithemba

Emva kweenyanga zokuhla, uyakholelwa ukuba uyamdinga ukuba azive ngathi ukhona. Uphando malunga nokulawulwa okunyanzeliswayo ludibanisa olu hlobo lobundlobongela kunye neempawu zokudakumba kunye noxinzelelo emva kokuphazamiseka (Lohmann et al., 2024).

Uhlalutyo lwe-meta olupapashwe kwi-Trauma, uBundlobongela & Abuse (Oliver et al., 2024) kwakhona ufumana ikhonkco elibuthathaka kodwa elibalulekileyo phakathi kweempawu ze-narcissistic kunye nobundlobongela obungokwengqondo kwisibini esibizwa ngokuba yi-nacinalism.

Ukuya phambili, funda inqaku lethu umgibe we-narcissistic pervert.

Uluhlu lokukhangela: ukwaphula umjikelo

1. Qinisekisa isigaba okuso. Idealization, ukuhla kwexabiso, ukwaliwa okanye ukubuyiswa? Ukubeka igama kukunceda ufumane imbono.
2. Bhala imbali yobudlelwane. Bhala phantsi imijikelo edlulileyo: mangaphi amaxesha abuyileyo, ixesha elide lide kangakanani na. Umzobo uya kubonakala.
3. Lumkela ihoneymoon entsha. Izingxengxezo azonelanga. Utshintsho lokwenyani lubonwa ngokuhamba kwexesha, hayi kwizithembiso.
4. Nciphisa okanye ucime unxibelelwano ukuba kunokwenzeka. Ukufikelela okuncinci anakho kuwe, ngaphantsi kunokuqala kwakhona umjikelo.
5. Lungiselela iimpendulo zakho kwangaphambili xa ebuya: isivakalisi esifutshane, okanye akukho mpendulo kwaphela.
6. Fumana inkxaso yakho. Abahlobo, intsapho, imisebenzi: yintoni eyayikho ngaphambi kwakhe.
7. Yamkela ukunqongophala. Iimvakalelo zokunqongophala ziqhelekile emva kokubambisana okubuhlungu. Iyancipha kunye nexesha kunye nomgama.
8. Fumana inkxaso. Ingcali ikunceda ukuba uqonde ukuba kutheni uhlale, ngaphandle kwesigwebo, kwaye ugweme ukuphinda iphethini.

Ii-FAQs

Ingaba umjikelo we-narcissistic uhlala ixesha elingakanani?

Akukho xesha limiselweyo. Eminye imijikelo ihlala iminyaka, eminye iiveki ezimbalwa. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, izigaba zokuqinisekisa zihlala zifutshane.

Ngaba i-narcissistic manipulator ihlala ibuya?

Akusoloko kunjalo, kodwa kuqhelekile, ngakumbi ukuba akafumananga umthombo omtsha wokuqwalaselwa okanye ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba wenza kakuhle ngaphandle kwakhe.

Ngaba sinokuphuma kumjikelo ngaphandle kokuqhawula uqhagamshelwano ngokupheleleyo?

Kunzima ngakumbi, ngakumbi xa kukho abantwana. Kule meko, ukunciphisa utshintshiselwano kwizinto eziyimfuneko ngokungqongqo, ngokubhaliweyo, kunciphisa amathuba okuqalisa kwakhona umjikelo.

Kutheni ndiziva nditsalelekile xa ndisazi ukuba uyandikhathaza?

Ngenxa yoxhulumaniso lokwenzakala kunye nokuqiniswa okuphakathi. Asikokuswela intando okanye ubukrelekrele. Ukuqonda olu matshini linyathelo lokuqala lokuzikhulula kulo.

Ukuququmbela

Umjikelo we-narcissistic uchaza ukuba kutheni ubudlelwane bunokuba yeyona nto intle kwaye ibuhlungu kakhulu ebomini bakho. Ayinguwe oye watshintsha ngobusuku: yipatheni eziphinda-phinda, kunye nezigaba zayo eziqikelelweyo.

Ukuyiqonda kukuba sele uqalile ukuvela kuyo. Ukuba ungathanda inkxaso yokuqhawula lo mjikelo kwaye uphinde ufumane ibhalansi yakho, ungafumana ngakumbi malunga ne-coaching kumaxhoba e-narcissistic perverts.

Ukuba olu dlelwane luchaphazela impilo yakho yengqondo okanye yomzimba, dibana nogqirha okanye isazi ngengqondo. Kwimeko yengozi: 3919 (Violences Femmes Info, simahla kwaye engaziwa), 17 okanye 112.

Imithombo

• Ameen S. et al. (2025). I-Narcissistic Abuse Cycle Ufanelwe yiNgqwalasela yeKlinikhi kunye noPhando. Ijenali yaseIndiya yePsychological Medicine.
• Oliver E. et al. (2024). I-Narcissism kunye noBundlobongela boMlingane obusondeleyo: Ukuphononongwa okuCwangcisiweyo kunye nohlalutyo lweMeta. Ukwenzakala, Ubundlobongela & Abuse.
• Lohmann S. et al. (2024). I-Trauma kunye neMpilo yengqondo yeempembelelo zoLawulo oluQhelekileyo: Ukuphononongwa okuCwangcisiweyo kunye nohlalutyo lweMeta. Ukwenzakala, Ubundlobongela & Abuse.
• Dutton D. G., Painter S. (1993). Emotional attachments in abusive relationships: a test of traumatic bonding theory. Violence and Victims, 8(2), 105-120.