Ukuntula Ukuzethemba – Qonda futhi Uphulukise!

Le ukungazethembi kungaba unomphela noma okungahleliwe kubantu abaphethwe yikho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ucebile noma umpofu, umusha noma umdala, ungahlupheka ngenxa yokungalondeki ngaphakathi kwakho. Kodwa iningi labantu abangenakho ukuzethemba ngabesifazane. Kulesi sihloko, uzobona izimbangela, imiphumela, ukubonakaliswa namathiphu okunqoba ukuntula ukuzethemba. 

Ukuntula ukuzethemba – Kuyini?

Ukuntula ukuzethemba kuwuhlobo lokuvaleleka ekuziphatheni okuvimbela umuntu ekubeni akhiqize. Umuntu ongenakho ukuzethemba akasakwazi ukwenza isinqumo futhi uya ngokuya egwema ukuxhumana nabanye. Ngakho, uzihlukanisa ngokuphelele.

Lokhu kuntula ukuzethemba kwenza umuntu adabuke, akhathazeke, acindezeleke futhi abe namahloni. Akagculisekile neze ngalokho akwenzayo. Ngempela, izisulu zokuntula ukuzethemba zivinjwa ukwesaba okukhulu okuhlala kuzo.

Muva nje, bayanda abantu abahlushwa ukuzethemba, kungaba othandweni, emsebenzini, ngokomzimba noma ngokwengqondo. Ngakho-ke, wonke umuntu ufuna indlela yokwelapha ukuntula ukuzethemba abaphethwe yikho.

Lokhu kungazethembi kuvelaphi?

• Ukuntula ukuzethemba kuvela ezimweni eziningana. Okokuqala, ukuntula ukuzethemba kungase kube umphumela walokho umuntu abhekana nakho ebuntwaneni bakhe. Kungenzeka ukuthi abazali bakhe basondelene kakhulu naye ngakho-ke akasakwazi ukwenza lutho eyedwa.
• Abantu abayizisulu zokuhlukumezeka, ubudlova obungokomzimba noma ucansi nokuntula ukuzethemba. Imizwa yokungazethembi nokuzizwa uphansi ibangela ukuba umuntu alahlekelwe ukuzethemba.
• Lokhu kushoda kudalwa indawo ahlala kuyo umuntu. Izwe lanamuhla linomkhuba wokugxeka, ukusola, nokuhlukumeza abanye. Ukuntula ukuzethemba kungase kuqale ebuntwaneni noma kuqale lapho umuntu esekhulile.
• Kunoma ikuphi, ukuntula ukuzethemba kungase futhi kubangelwa ukuphazamiseka kobuntu. Izisulu zama-narcissistic perverts ziyizibonelo zabantu abangavikelekile ngenxa yabalingani babo.

Imiphumela yokuntula ukuzethemba ekuphileni kwansuku zonke

• Umuntu ongenakho ukuzethemba uzihlukanisa ngokuphelele nabantu bangaphandle.
• Uyasaba ukuthi abanye bacabangani futhi akakwazi ukubheka umuntu ebusweni.
• Ulahla imigomo yakhe yobungcweti neyimfihlo.
• Akasakwazi ukunikeza umbono wakhe ngesimo futhi akalokothi aveze imizwa yakhe.
• Lapho umuntu engalondekile, akacabangi ukuthi ikusasa lakhe lingase libe njani. Akanendaba nhlobo ngempilo yakhe.
• Umuntu uya ngokuya ecindezeleka futhi angase azibulale ekugcineni.

Izimpawu ezehlukene zokungazethembi kwabashadikazi

Uma umuntu ongazethembi engena ebudlelwaneni, kunengqondo ukuthi akabethembi ubudlelwano bakhe. Nazi izimpawu ezikhombisa ukuthi wena noma isithandwa sakho anizethembi.

1. Umuntu udinga ukuqinisekiswa ngemizwa yomlingani wakhe

Isibonakaliso sokuqala esingabonwa lapho wazi umuntu ongenakho ukuzethemba isidingo sakhe eseqile sokuqinisekiswa ukuthi umlingani wakhe uzizwa kanjani ngaye. Eqinisweni, lapho umuntu engazethembi, akakholelwa ukuthi umlingani wakhe uyamthanda ngempela. Ngakho, uhlala ecela omunye ukuba abonise uthando lwabo kuye.

Akaqiniseki neze noma ngabe umlingani wakhe umnika ubufakazi obunjani. Lapho umlingani wakho entula ukuzethemba ebudlelwaneni benu, kuqinisekile ukuthi usephumelele kakhulu noma kancane ekutholeni ukuzethemba kuye mathupha. Lapho nje engena ebudlelwaneni, ukungazethembi kwakhe kuphinde kuvuke.

2. Umuntu udinga ukuqinisekiswa ngokubaluleka kwakhe

Udinga futhi umlingani wakhe ukuba amqinisekise ngokubaluleka kwakhe. Ukuze azizwe eqiniseka, uhlala edinga izwi elivela kumlingani wakhe. Kodwa ukuzethemba kwakhe nakho kuyathinteka. Lokhu ngokuqinisekile kusongela ubuhlobo babo. Kumuntu ongenakho ukuzethemba, ukuncika okuthintekayo Kuthola indawo ebaluleke kakhulu. Esimweni esibi kakhulu, umlingani womuntu ongenakho ukuzethemba angasebenzisa ithuba lakhe.

3. Uhlale ezibeka phansi

Abantu abangavikelekile bavele bazibeke phansi ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngokuba nokuzethemba okuphansi nokungazethembi, ngokungangabazeki lowo muntu uyoba nesifo sokungaziphathi kahle. Uyohlale ecabanga ukuthi akenzi lutho oluhle empilweni yakhe nasebudlelwaneni bakhe. Ngenxa yalokho, ucabanga ukuthi akabufanelekeli lobu buhlobo.

4. Umuntu unomona kakhulu futhi uyathinteka kakhulu

Umuntu ongavikelekile uhlezi enomona owedlulele (umona wenarcissistic pervert). Ngakho, ukuthembela kwakhe kumlingani wakhe nakho kuphansi kakhulu. Umuntu uhlale engabaza ubuqotho bothando lomlingani wakhe.

Ngaphandle kokuba nomona, ubuye athinteke kakhulu. Lokhu kungabonakala emphakathini kodwa kushube kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakhe. Umlingani wakhe uhlale ezama ukuba nombono omuhle ukuze agweme okubi kakhulu. Ukwesaba ukulahlwa kucindezela umuntu ongenakho ukuzethemba ukuthi athinteke kakhulu.

5. Ayikwazi ukusingatha ukungqubuzana

Abantu abaphethwe yile nkinga abalokothi babhekane nezingxabano. Yingakho abalingani babo bevame ukumisa ingxabano ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Uma kunezingxabano, abalingani babantu abanenkinga yokungazethembi baduduza kuphela futhi babaqinisekise.

Indlela yokwelapha ukuntula ukuzethemba?

Ikhambi elingcono kakhulu lokwelapha ukuntula ukuzethemba ukwenza i-aphoyintimenti nodokotela wezengqondo. Ngaphandle kokuzuza ngosizo lwangaphandle, kunzima kakhulu ukudlula. Ngosizo lochwepheshe, kulula kakhulu ukuxoxa ngenkinga yakho. Umgomo wayo ukukusiza ukuthi uphile ngenjabulo nabantu abaseduze nawe. Ngakho-ke, uma unomuzwa wokuthi awunakho ukuzethemba, thintana nodokotela wezengqondo ngokushesha.

Ireferensi yeBhayibheli mayelana “nokuntula ukuzethemba”

Nazi izikhombo zebhayibheli eziyisikhombisa endikimbeni yokuntula ukuzethemba:

1. Bourgeois, J., & Dejours, C. (2010). Ukuzethemba: inselele kwezemfundo. Editions L’Harmattan.
2. Bourgeois, M. (2015). Ukuzethemba: qonda futhi wenze. Izinhlobo ze-Eyrolles.
3. Brun, L., & Lemoine, P. (2017). Ukuzethemba: ifa elikhulu endaweni yobungcweti. Ukubuyekezwa Kokuphathwa KwesiFulentshi, 43(3), 123-137.
4. Gagnepain, P. (2016). Ukuzethemba: imvelaphi nemiphumela. Psychology and Society, 9(1), 45-60.
5. U-Guillemot, M. (2014). Thuthukisa ukuzethemba kwakho: amasu namathuluzi asebenzayo. Izinguqulo zikaDe Boeck.
6. Leger, A. (2018). Ukuntula ukuzethemba kanye nempumelelo yomuntu siqu: indlela yokusebenza kwengqondo. I-Health Psychology, 23(2), 89-104.
7. U-Vallée, C. (2019). Ukuzethemba kanye nokuzethemba: izindaba ezimbili ezibalulekile ezingokwengqondo. Psychology and Psychiatry, 27(4), 210-225.

Lezi zithenjwa zingakunikeza isisekelo esiqinile sokujulisa ukuqonda kwakho ukuzethemba okuphansi.

Isiphetho

Sengiphetha, ukuntula ukuzethemba kuyinselele eyinkimbinkimbi ethinta abantu abaningi, ngokuvamile enemiphumela ejulile ekuphileni kwabo kwansuku zonke kanye nobudlelwane. Kubalulekile ukuqaphela izimpawu zalesi simo futhi ufune usizo, ikakhulukazi kochwepheshe abafana nodokotela bengqondo, ukuze ubuyise ukuzethemba okunempilo. Ngokuthatha izinyathelo eziqinile, wonke umuntu angasebenzela ukunqoba ukungazethembi kwakhe futhi akhe impilo eyanelisa kakhudlwana.

Ukuze uxhumane:

• I-Emotional manipulator
• Abazali Be-Emotional Blackmail

👇 Ukuze ufunde kabanzi:

• Indlela yokwelapha ukuntula ukuzethemba?
• Ukuntula ukuzethemba ebudlelwaneni: 7 izimpawu
• Isixhumanisi phakathi kokungazethembi nokucindezeleka