Ubutyala: Intsimbi eBomvu phakathi koBuntwana & Ngoku

Ubutyala babazali a ukulawulwa ngokweemvakalelo eyingozi. Ichaphazela kakhulu ukukhula komntwana. Eli nqaku liphonononga iifom kunye neziphumo zetyala labazali, impembelelo yalo yexesha elide, kwaye licebisa iindlela zokuphilisa kunye nobudlelwane obunempilo.

Ubutyala babazali – yintoni na?

Ukubek’ ityala kwabazali yindlela echuliweyo yokulawula iimvakalelo enokuba nemiphumo enzulu nehlala ihleli ekukhuleni komntwana ngokwasengqondweni. Lo mkhwa, osebenzisa ubutyala njengesixhobo sokulawula, unokubumba ubuntu bomntwana kwaye ube nefuthe kubudlelwane bakhe bexesha elizayo, ubenze babe sesichengeni sokuphenjelelwa ngabantu abayityhefu, kuquka ii-narcissistic manipulators.

Iindidi ezahlukeneyo zetyala labazali

1. Isikhumbuzo esithe rhoqo semibingelelo:
   • Phrases ezifana “Emva kwayo yonke into endikwenzele yona…”
   • Ukudweliswa rhoqo kwemigudu kunye nokuzincama okwenzelwa umntwana
2. UnFavourful comparitions:
   • Ukuthelekiswa nabantakwenu, abazala okanye abanye “imodeli” yabantwana
   • Ukusebenzisa amabinzana afana “Kutheni ungafani …”
3. Isabelo esingafanelekanga soxanduva:
   • Izinto ezibonisa ukuba umntwana unoxanduva lolonwabo okanye ukungonwabi komzali
   • Amabinzana afana no “Undenza ndigule / buhlungu xa usenza loo nto”
4. The emotional blackmail:
   • Izoyikiso zokurhoxiswa kothando okanye ingqalelo
   • Ukusebenzisa usizi okanye ukuphoxeka njengesixhobo
5. Umdlalo weziphumo :
   • UBaxiso lweempembelelo ezimbi zezenzo zomntwana
   • Uqikelelo oluyintlekele ngekamva lomntwana
6. Ukufakwa kweentloni:
   • Ukuthotywa esidlangalaleni okanye ngasese
   • Amagqabaza athoba isidima ngobuntu okanye ubuchule bomntwana

Impembelelo yengqondo kumntwana

1. Uphuhliso lwemvakalelo ebaxiweyo yoxanduva:
   • Umntwana uziva enoxanduva ngentlalo-ntle ngokweemvakalelo yabazali nabanye
   • Utyekelo lokuqikelela nokuqikelela iimfuno zabanye kube yingozi kweyakho
2. Ukungazithembi:
   • Ukufakwa ngaphakathi kwemiyalezo engalunganga kunye nothelekiso olungathandekiyo
   • Amathandabuzo ahlala ekhona ngokubaluleka nobuchule bomntu
3. Inkxalabo engapheliyo:
   • Uloyiko oluhlala luhleli lokuphoxa okanye ukwenzakalisa abanye
   • Emotional hypervigilance ukubona iimpawu zokungavunyelwa
4. Ubunzima bokumisela imida:
   • Ukoyika ukwenzakalisa abanye ngokugxininisa iimfuno zomntu
   • Utyekelo lokubeka phambili ngokwenkqubo iimfuno zabanye
5. Perfectionism:
   • Inkolelo yokuba umntu kufuneka afezeke ukuze afanelwe luthando kunye nokwamkelwa
   • Uloyiko oluthe gqolo lokungaphumeleli kunye nemiphumo yako ekucingelwa ukuba iya kuba yiyo
6. Ukususwa kweemvakalelo ezingakhiyo:
   • Ubunzima bokubonakalisa umsindo okanye unxunguphalo ngenxa yokoyika ukwenzakalisa abanye.
   • Utyekelo lokuzifaka ngaphakathi iimvakalelo ezingalunganga, ezinokukhokelela kuxinzelelo

Iziphumo zexesha elide kunye nophuhliso “lwabantu abakholekileyo”

1. Chronicz:
   • Imvakalelo eqhubekayo yokungaze wenze ngokwaneleyo
   • Ubunzima bokunandipha ubomi kunye namaxesha olonwabo ngokupheleleyo
2. Ukuziphatha kwe “people pleasing“:
   • Ukuthanda ukubeka ngokucwangcisekileyo iimfuno zabanye phambi kwezakhe
   • Ukukhangela rhoqo ukuvunywa kunye nokuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle
3. Ukuzinikela ngokugqithisileyo kubudlelwane:
   • Ubunzima bokugcina ibhalansi enempilo kubudlelwane
   • Ukunyuka kokunyamezela ukuziphatha kakubi okanye ukungahoywa ngabanye
4. I-Kusesichengeni kulawulo lweemvakalelo:
   • Ubuntununtunu obugqithisileyo kubuchule bobutyala
   • Ubunzima bokuqonda kunye nokuxhathisa ukukhohlisa ngokweemvakalelo
5. Imiba yeZazisi ye-:
   • Ubunzima bokuphuhlisa isazisi sakho, ngaphandle kokulindela kwabanye
   • Utyekelo lokuzichaza ngokwembono nangeemfuno zabanye
6. Ubunzima ekwenzeni izigqibo:
   • Ukoyika ukwenza izigqibo ezimbi kunye neziphumo zazo
   • Ukuthambekela kokuhlala ufuna uluvo kunye nokuvunywa kwabanye ngaphambi kokuba wenze

Ikhonkco kunye nobudlelwane obuyityhefu kunye nabaqhubi be-narcissistic

Abantu abadala abaye babandezeleka kakhulu benetyala labazali basengozini ngakumbi kwiindlela zokukhohlisa ii-narcissistic manipulators ngezizathu ezininzi:

1. Ukuqhelana nokulawulwa kweemvakalelo:
   • Ubuchule bokutyhola obusetyenziswa ngababhexeshi busenokubonakala buqhelekile kwaye ngoko bungoyiki kangako.
2. Imfuneko enkulu yokuqinisekiswa:
   • I-narcissist inokuxhaphaza le mfuno ngokutshintshana phakathi koqingqo-maxabiso olugqithisileyo kunye nokugxekwa kabukhali.
3. Utyekelo lokuzincama:
   • I-narcissist inokuxhaphaza ngokulula olu tyekelo lokufumana ingqalelo kunye nobabalo.
4. Ubunzima bokumisela imida:
   I-
   • I-narcissist inokutsiba imida yobuqu ngaphandle kokujongana nokuxhathisa okubalulekileyo
5. Imvakalelo yokubaxa yoxanduva:
   I-
   • Ukuthanda ukuthatha uxanduva kwiingxaki kubudlelwane, ngaloo ndlela ukhulula i-narcissist
6. Ukuba sesichengeni “sokuthanda ukuqhushumba”:
   • Uqinisekiso olunzulu olubonelelwe ekuqaleni yi-narcissist lunokubonakala luzalisa isithuba esinzulu ngokweemvakalelo.

Ukujonga ukuphiliswa kunye nobudlelwane obunempilo

1. Unyango:
   • UUmsebenzi wonyango unokunceda ukuchonga kunye nokwakha iipateni zobutyala ngaphakathi
2. Uphuhliso lokuzithemba:
   • Funda ukuxabisa iimfuno zakho kunye neminqweno
   • Ziqhelise ukuba novelwano kunye nokuqinisekisa
3. Ukufunda ukuzenza:
   • Phuhlisa izakhono zokubonisa iimfuno zakho kunye nokuseka imida enempilo
   • Ukuziqhelanisa no-“hayi” ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala kakhulu
4. Ukuphonononga ubudlelwane kwakhona:
   • Chonga ubudlelwane obuyityhefu okanye obungalungelelananga
   • Hlakulelani ubudlelwane obunenzuzo nokuhloniphana
5. Sebenzela ityala:
   • Funda ukwahlula ubutyala obusempilweni nobutyala obuyityhefu
   • Phuhlisa amaqhinga okulawula nokunciphisa iimvakalelo ezingafanelekanga zokuba netyala
6. Ukuziphatha kwengqondo kunye nengqondo:
   • Phuhlisa ulwazi olungcono ngeengcinga zakho kunye neemvakalelo zakho
   • Funda ukujonga ukuba netyala ngaphandle kokusabela ngokuyimfuneko

Ukuqukumbela

Ubutyala babazali bunokushiya umkhondo onzulu ochaphazela ubudlelwane bethu kunye nokuzijonga kwethu ubomi bethu bonke. Nangona kunjalo, ngokuzazi ezi patheni kunye nokusebenza ngokukhutheleyo ukuzokwakha, kunokwenzeka ukuphuhlisa ubudlelwane obunempilo kunye nawe kunye nabanye.

Indlela eya ekukhululweni kubutyala obuyityhefu kunye nokukholisa abantu inokuba yinde kwaye ibenzima, kodwa inyathelo ngalinye elikhokelela ekuziqiniseni ngakumbi kunye nobudlelwane obulungelelene ngakumbi luloyiso. Khumbula ukuba ukuxabiseka kwakho akuxhomekekanga ekukwazi kwakho ukukholisa abanye okanye ukuthwala ubunzima beemvakalelo zehlabathi emagxeni akho. Ukuphiliswa kunokwenzeka, kwaye inyathelo ngalinye elincinci libala kolu hambo oluya kubomi obukhululekileyo nobuzalisekileyo.