Inkcazo yokukhanyela: Ukuqonda le ndlela yokuphepha ngokwasengqondweni

Ingcamango yokukhanyela, ehlala ifundwa kwisayikholoji, ijika ibe yinto entsonkothileyo kunye nekhoyo yonke indawo ebomini bethu. Okuhlala kunxulunyaniswa nobudlelwane obuyityhefu, ukukhanyela licebo lokuphepha xa ujongene nenyaniso ebuhlungu okanye engonwabanga. Eli nqaku liphonononga nzulu inkcazo yokukhanyela, ukubonakaliswa kwayo kunye nezizathu zokuba kutheni indlela yokuzikhusela uzingisa kubantu abaninzi. Ngokuqonda le ngcamango, sinokuqonda ngcono ukuziphatha kwabantu ngokubanzi kunye nabo bakhoyo kubudlelwane be-narcissistic ngokukodwa.

Yintoni iDenial?

Igama elithi “ukukhanyela” libhekisa kwintshukumo yengqondo ejolise ekuchaseni okanye ekungahoyini iinyani okanye iimvakalelo ezinokusenza singakhululeki. Le ndlela yokukhusela ihlala ingenakuzikhethela: ivumela umntu ukuba azikhusele okwethutyana kwizinto eziphazamisayo. Ibinzana elithi “inkcazo yokuphika” libhekiselele kufundo lwale ngcamango njengengcamango yengqondo nentlalo.

Ukukhanyela kwenzeka ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo nakwiimeko ezahlukeneyo:

• Kubudlelwane bomntu, ngakumbi kubudlelwane obuyityhefu, ukukhanyela kunokufihla ukuziphatha kakubi.
• Kubomi bemihla ngemihla, inokuthintela umntu ekwamkeleni izibakala ezimkhathazayo, njengeengxaki zempilo okanye iingxaki zemali.
• Kubudlelwane be-narcissistic, ukukhanyela kunokomelezwa yinkohliso yokugcina ubudlelwane “obufanelekileyo”.

Ukubonakaliswa okuhlukeneyo kokukhanyela

Ukukhanyela akusoloko kuzibonakalisa ngendlela ecacileyo. Ngokuxhomekeka kwimeko, kuthatha iindlela ezininzi:

1. Ukukhanyela inyaniso

Olu hlobo lokukhanyela lubandakanya ukugatya inyaniso enenjongo. Umntu, umzekelo, angala ukwamkela ukuxilongwa ngugqirha okanye akhanyele ukungathembeki kweqabane lakhe, nokuba kukho ubungqina. Olu hlobo lokukhanyela ludla ngokubangelwa kukoyika ukujamelana nenyaniso kunye nokungonwabi ngokweemvakalelo.

2. Ukukhanyela iimvakalelo

Ukukhanyela kunokubandakanya iimvakalelo, ngakumbi xa zibuhlungu okanye ziphazamisa. Kubudlelwane be-narcissistic, umntu ochaphazelekayo unokungazinaki iimvakalelo ezinjengosizi, umsindo, okanye ukukhungatheka ukugcina umfanekiso ofanelekileyo wobudlelwane. Oku kunokukhokelela kuhlobo oluthile lokungabi nanto ngokweemvakalelo.

3. Ukukhanyela ngokuqiniswa

Ingqiqo luhlobo lokukhanyela okuchuliweyo. Ibandakanya ukufumana izizathu ezinengqiqo zokuziphatha okanye iimeko ezingamkelekanga. Ngokomzekelo, umntu unokulungelelanisa ukuziphatha okunetyhefu ngokuzixelela ukuba “yiloo ndlela ubuhlobo busebenza ngayo.”

Kutheni ukukhanyela kuzingisa kubudlelwane obuyityhefu?

Ukukhanyela kukho ngokukodwa kubudlelwane obuyityhefu, ngakumbi abo ba-narcissistic. Izizathu zokuba kutheni ziqhubeka zininzi kwaye zintsonkothile.

1. Impembelelo yendawo yokuhlala

Abantu abangqongwe bubudlelwane obufanayo okanye imeko apho ukuziphatha kakubi kuqhelekile banokuba nobunzima bokubona ubutyhefu. Xa impatho-gadalala iyisiqhelo kwisangqa sentlalo okanye sosapho, kuba nzima ukubona ubutyhefu kunye nokuqonda iimpawu zokuxhaphaza okanye ukuxhaphaza.

2. Ukugcina iMeko eNgqongileyo

Abanye abantu bakhetha ukungajongani nenyaniso ukuze bagcine inkangeleko yoxolo nozinzo. Ukukhanyela ke yindlela yokugcina intuthuzelo yenkohliso. Ngokomzekelo, kubudlelwane besibini, umntu unokuziqinisekisa ukuba yonke into ilungile ukuphepha iingxabano.

3. Ukungazi kakuhle ukuziphatha kwe-narcissistic

Kwezinye iimeko, abantu abayiqondi ingcamango ye-narcissism okanye iimpawu zokuziphatha okuyityhefu. Oku kuyinyaniso ngokukodwa kwiimeko apho ezi zifundo zingafane zixoxwe, nto leyo eyenza kube nzima ukuchonga ukuziphatha okukhohlisayo.

Ukukhanyela kunye ne-cognitive dissonance

Ukukhanyela kudla ngokunxulunyaniswa ne i-cognitive dissonance, imeko yoxinezeleko lwangaphakathi olubangelwa ziingcinga eziphikisanayo okanye iindlela zokuziphatha. Ngokomzekelo, umntu usenokuba nomfanekiso wentsapho efezekileyo, kodwa afumanise ukuba inyaniso yahluke gqitha. Oku kuphikisana kuvelisa ukungonwabi azama ukukunciphisa ngokukhanyela.

Kwimeko yobudlelwane be-narcissistic, le dissonance inokuzibonakalisa kumabinzana afana “Yonke into ilungile” okanye “Yiyo indlela ubudlelwane obukhoyo.” Oku kuvumela umntu ukuba anciphise ukungahambi kakuhle okubangelwa yimeko yangempela kwaye agcine umfanekiso wesiqhelo.

Imizekelo yoBomi bokwenyani yokukhanyela kubudlelwane beNarcissistic

Nantsi eminye imizekelo:

1-Umbono wosapho okanye isibini

Umzekelo oqhelekileyo wokukhanyela ufumaneka kwi-dealization yobudlelwane. Umntu usenokulungiselela iziganeko zentsapho ezibonakala zigqibelele, njengekhefu okanye izidlo, ukuze abonise umfanekiso wolonwabo. Nangona kunjalo, emva komboniso, ukuxhatshazwa kunye nokungazinzi kuyaqhubeka. Le facade igcinwa igcina umfanekiso othile wempumelelo nolonwabo lwentsapho.

2-Imizuzu yokubhideka kunye nokungakhululeki

Kubudlelwane obusekelwe ekukhanyeni, umntu ochaphazelekayo uhlala efumana amaxesha amathandabuzo, ezibuza ukuba kukho into engalunganga. Nangona kunjalo, uzibekela ecaleni ezi ngcinga ukuphepha ukuthandabuza ubudlelwane. Le meko ikhokelela “kwiingxaki zokuzithemba” apho umntu ezama ukuqonda oko kuphosakeleyo kodwa abuyele ekukhanyeni.

3-Abaphembeleli kunye nobudlelwane bangaphandle

Abantu abakubudlelwane bokukhanyela banokuguqukela kubahlobo okanye kwabo babathandayo ukuze baqinisekise iimbono zabo. Noko ke, kwanaxa benikela izibakala okanye iingcaciso ezifanelekileyo kubo, basenokuzigatya ukuze bangathandabuzi ulwalamano lwabo.

Iziphumo zokukhanyela

Iziphumo zokukhanyela zinokuba nzulu kwaye zihlale ixesha elide, ngakumbi kubudlelwane be-narcissistic:

• Ukulahlekelwa kukungazithembi: Umntu ohleli ekukhanyeni unokuhlakulela ukuzithemba okuphantsi ngenxa yokuxhatshazwa kunye nokungabikho kokuqinisekiswa.
• Emotional ukuzihlukanisa: Ngokungafuni ukubona ubunyani, uhlala ezivalela yedwa.
• Uxinzelelo kunye nokuxhalaba: Uxinzelelo olubangelwa yi-dissonance phakathi kokwenyani kunye nomfanekiso ofanelekileyo kunokukhokelela ekuphazamisekeni kweemvakalelo.

Indima yenkcubeko kunye neenqobo ekukhanyeni

Ukukhanyela kudla ngokuqiniswa yizithethe zenkcubeko. Kwezinye iindawo, usapho kunye nobudlelwane besibini bulungiselelwe ukuya kwinqanaba apho kuye kube yinto engathandekiyo ukuvuma ingxaki. Ngaloo ndlela, abantu banokuziva benyanzelekile ukuba bafihle izinto eziyinyaniso ukuze balondoloze umfanekiso wentsapho okanye isibini sabo.

Imilinganiselo yentlalo nayo inefuthe ekukhanyeni. Ezinye iinkcubeko zixabisa ukomelela kunye nokunyaniseka entsatsheni, kwanaxa ejamelene nokubandezeleka kobuqu. Lo mxholo wentlalo unokudala imeko apho ukukhanyela kungenzeki kuphela kodwa kukhuthazwe.

I-Bibliographic reference ukuqonda iindlela zokukhanyela

Nazi izingqinisiso ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi ngesiFrentshi, ikakhulu ezenzululwazi, kumxholo wokukhanyela:

1. Freud, Sigmund. La dénégation . 1925. 
2. Bergeret, Jean. La personnalité normale et pathologique . Dunod, 1974. 
3. Green, André. Le travail du négatif . Éditions de Minuit, 1993. 
4. Racamier, Paul-Claude. Le génie des origines . Payot, 1992. 
5. Laplanche, Jean, et Pontalis, Jean-Bertrand. Vocabulaire de la psychanalyse . PUF, 1967. 
6. Mijolla, Alain de. Dictionnaire international de la psychanalyse . Calmann-Lévy, 2002. 
7. Cairn.info. Le déni, une ressource nécessaire . InfoKara, 2005.

Ezi zikhombisi zibonelela ngembono enzulu malunga nombono wokukhanyela kwi-psychoanalysis kunye ne-psychoanalysis.

Ukuqukumbela: I-facade yesiqhelo ukonakalisa wena

Ukukhanyela yindlela yokuzikhusela enamandla evumela abantu abaninzi ukuba bamelane neemeko ezinzulu ngokweemvakalelo. Nangona ikhusela okwexeshana, le ndlela inokukhokelela ekuhlaziyweni okunzulu kokuzithemba kunye nokuphazamiseka kwengqondo kwixesha elide. Kumxholo wobudlelwane be-narcissistic, ukukhanyela kuba yinto eqhelekileyo apho abantu bazama ukugcina inkohliso yolonwabo.

Ukuphuma ekukhanyeni, kuyimfuneko ukuba uqaphele inyaniso, nangona oku kunokuba buhlungu kwaye kuyinkimbinkimbi. Ukuqonda ingcamango yokukhanyela kuthetha ukuqonda ubunzima kodwa kunye nemfuneko yokujongana neenyaniso ezingathandekiyo zobomi bethu.