Ukuthiya abanye kunye nokuzithiya: umthwalo ophindwe kabini wamaxhoba

Xa ukhe waba yi-victim ye-narcissistic pervert, kuqhelekile ukuva umxube onzima weemvakalelo, apho inzondo inokuba yinxalenye yayo. Le ntiyo inokujoliswa kokubini kumxhaphazi, kodwa kwakhona, ngendlela efihlakeleyo ngakumbi, ngakuye. Ukuqonda ezi ndlela ziyimfuneko ukuze ukwazi ukuzikhulula kuzo kwaye uqhubele phambili kwindlela eya empilweni.

Intiyo ngakumxhasi we-narcissistic: imvakalelo esemthethweni kodwa eyingozi

Kungokwemvelo ngokupheleleyo kwaye kuyaqondakala ukuba nenzondo ngakuloo mntu usenzakalise kangaka. Umbhexeshi we-narcissistic usebenzise kakubi ukuthembela kwethu, walawula iimvakalelo zethu, kwaye uhlala etshabalalisa inxalenye yobomi bethu. Lo msindo kunye ne-resentment zinokubonakala zifanelekile.

Nangona kunjalo, kufuneka silumke kuba le nzondo inokuba yityhefu ukuba siyayivumela ukuba isidle. Kubeka esichengeni ukusigcina sikulwalamano olungokweemvakalelo nalowo usihlaselayo, kwananjengokuba sifuna ukuzikhulula kuye. Ngaphaya koko, ukuphonononga le ntiyo kunokusithintela ekuqhubeleni phambili nasekuzakheni ngokutsha.

Ukuzonda: ityhefu ethe cwaka

Okona kukhohlisayo nangakumbi yintiyo umntu anokuthi ayiphuhlisele isiqu sakhe emva kobudlelwane nomntu okhohlisayo. Le mvakalelo ihlala ivela:

• Ukusuka kwityala “lokuwa ngenxa yeqhinga”
• Kwihlazo lokungakwazi ukuzikhusela ngokukhawuleza
• Imvakalelo yokuba “ulahlekile” kwi-narcissistic manipulator
• Ekufakweni ngaphakathi kwezigxeko kunye nokujongelwa phantsi

Le hate enzulu ngaphakathi kwethu iyingozi kakhulu kuba isigcina kwi-posture yexhoba kwaye isithintele ekuzithembeni kwakhona.

Ingaba i-narcissistic manipulator yenza njani inzondo?

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba i-narcissistic manipulator izama ukuvuselela ezi mvakalelo zentiyo, nokuba kuye okanye kuthi. Yindlela yokuba agcine ulawulo, nasemva kokuba ubudlelwane buphelile.

Ngokubonakalisa ulonwabo lwakhe kwiiwebhsayithi zokuncokola, ngokusijongela phantsi kwabo basingqongileyo, okanye ngokudlala ngamaxhoba, ufuna ukucaphukisa umsindo nengqumbo yethu. Kwangaxeshanye, izama ukusenza sithandabuze nokuxabiseka kwethu.

Kutheni inzondo isigcina singamabanjwa?

Nokuba yintiyo ngakumbhexeshi we-narcissistic okanye kuthi, ezi mvakalelo zisebenza njengamatyathanga angabonakaliyo asithintela ukuba siqhubele phambili. Nasi isizathu:

1. Intiyo ithatha amandla nengqalelo yethu, iyiphambukisa kweyethu impiliso.
2. Kusigcina sikwimeko yexhoba, kunokuba sibe ngumdlali ebomini bethu.
3. Ukuzithiya kuphelisa ukuzithemba kwethu, kwenza ukwakha kwakhona kube nzima ngakumbi.
4. Ezi mvakalelo zingalunganga zinokuchaphazela ubudlelwane bethu obutsha kunye nokukwazi kwethu ukuthembana.

Iimpawu ezibonisa ukuba inzondo ithatha indawo enkulu

Kubalulekile ukwazi indlela yokuqonda xa inzondo iqala ukuthatha indawo engafanelekanga ebomini bethu. Nazi ezinye iimpawu onokuzijonga:

• Uchitha ixesha elininzi ucinga nge ex yakho nento ayenzileyo kuwe
• Wena obsessively esweni imisebenzi yakhe kwimidiya yoluntu
• Uziva unomsindo okanye udandathekile amaxesha amaninzi
• Unobunzima bokugxila kuyo nayiphi na into ngaphandle kwamava akho adlulileyo
• Uhlala uzigxeka kwaye uthandabuza izakhono zakho
• Unoloyiko lokuzibophelela kubudlelwane obutsha

Ukuzonda: zithini iziphumo?

Ukuzithiya yinto enzima yengqondo enokuthi ibe neempembelelo ezinzulu kubomi bomntu.

• Ukudakumba kunye nokuxhalaba
• Ityhefu yokufuna ukugqibelela

• Ukuthelekisa ngokugqithisileyo kwabanye
• Ukwahluka ngokuzithandela
• Ukulahlwa ngqalelo entle
• Ukoyika ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo
• Ukukhetha amaqabane angafanelekanga okanye axhaphazayo
• Ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo
• Imposter syndrome
• Ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo
• Ukudinwa okungapheliyo

Unokuzikhulula njani kwintiyo kwabanye?

Ukuzikhulula kwintiyo ebhekiselele kwi-narcissistic manipulator yinkqubo ethatha ixesha kunye nomonde. Nazi ezinye iindlela zokuphumeza oku:

1. Yamkela ukuba awusoze ukwazi ukumtshintsha lo mntu okanye ufumane uxolo olunyanisekileyo.
2. Gxininisa ekuphiliseni wena kunokuba “umohlwaye” omnye umntu.
3. Ziqhelanise nengqiqo ukuze uzibeke phantsi kwixesha langoku kunokuba ucinge ngezinto ezadlulayo.
4. Cima lonke unxibelelwano kunye nolwazi malunga ne-ex yakho (ukuthintela kwiintanethi zentlalo, njl.).
5. Yenza amandla akho abe yimisebenzi eyakhayo neluncedo.

Indima yonyango kwinkqubo yokuphilisa

I-therapy inokudlala indima ebalulekileyo kwinkqubo yokukhulula inzondo. Ingcali inokukunceda:

• Ukuqonda iindlela zobudlelwane obuyityhefu
• Chonga kwaye uveze iimvakalelo zakho ngendlela ephilileyo
• Phuhlisa amaqhinga okulawula umsindo nengqumbo
• Ukwakha kwakhona ukuzithemba kwakho

Musa ukuthandabuza ukufuna uncedo ukuba uziva ulufuna. Akukho ntloni ngokucela inkxaso.

Guqula ukuzithiya ube ngumfundi

Nangona kubonakala kunzima, kunokwenzeka ukuguqula la mava abuhlungu abe lithuba lokukhula komntu. Intiyo inokubonwa njengomqondiso osixelela apho kufuneka siphilise kwaye sikhule.

La mava anokuvumela ukuba:

• Zazi ngcono kwaye uchonge iimfuno zakho zokwenyani
• Funda ukumisela imida efanelekileyo kubudlelwane bakho
• Phuhlisa intuition yakho kunye nokukwazi kwakho ukubona iimpawu ezilumkisayo
• Hlakulela ukomelela kwakho kunye namandla angaphakathi.

I-Bibliographic reference ngentiyo yabanye kunye nokuzithiya

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhili kumxholo othi “Intiyo yabanye nentiyo yesiqu sakho”:

1. Bourdieu, Pierre. La domination masculine. Seuil, 1998.
2. Fanon, Frantz. Peau noire, masques blancs. Seuil, 1952.
3. Baudrillard, Jean. La société de consommation. Denoël, 1970.
4. Zizek, Slavoj. La haine des autres. Éditions du Cerf, 2012.
5. Maalouf, Amin. Identités meurtrières. Grasset, 1998.
6. Lévinas, Emmanuel. Totalité et Infini. Martinus Nijhoff, 1961.
7. Katz, Jonathan. Les mots de la haine. Éditions de l’Atelier, 2002.

Ezi mbekiselo ziya kukunika isiseko esiluqilima sokuphonononga imixholo yentiyo yabanye kunye nokuzithiya.

Isiphelo: Ngaphaya kwenzondo, kubomi obutsha

Ukuzikhulula kwintiyo, nokuba kubhekiswa kumbhexeshi we-narcissistic okanye kuwe, yinkqubo efuna ixesha, umonde kunye novelwano. Yindlela enzima, kodwa ekhokelela kubomi obuzalisekileyo nobunyanisekileyo.

Khumbula ukuba ungaphezulu kakhulu koko kwenzeka kuwe. Unamandla ngaphakathi kuwe okoyisa le ngxaki kwaye uzakhe kwakhona. Inyathelo ngalinye olisusayo kwintiyo linyathelo elikhokelela kubomi obutsha, obuzaliswe ngamathuba kunye nothando lokwenyani-ukuqala ngokuzithanda.

Awuwedwa kulo mlo. Ungalibazisi ukufuna inkxaso kwabo ubathandayo, iingcali okanye amaqela enkxaso. Sikunye somelela.