Ukuzonda abanye kanye nokuzizonda: umthwalo ophindwe kabili wezisulu

Uma umuntu eke waba isisulu somuntu ophendukezela i-narcissisticKuvamile ukuzwa ingxubevange yemizwa eyinkimbinkimbi, okuhlanganisa nenzondo. Le nzondo ingaqondiswa kokubili kumhlukumezi, futhi, ngendlela ecashile, nakuye. Ukuqonda lezi zindlela kubalulekile ukuze uzikhulule kuzo futhi uqhubekele phambili endleleni eya ekwelapheni.

Inzondo ebhekise ku-narcissistic pervert: umuzwa osemthethweni kodwa oyingozi

Kungokwemvelo futhi kuyaqondakala ukuzonda umuntu osilimazile kangaka. Umhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo usebenzise kabi ukwethenjwa kwethu, walawula imizwa yethu, futhi uvame ukubhubhisa ingxenye yokuphila kwethu. Le ntukuthelo kanye nalokhu ukucasuka kungase kubonakale kufanele.

Nokho-ke kumele siqaphe ngoba le nzondo ingaba yingozi uma siyivumela isidle. Kufaka engozini ukusigcina ohlotsheni olungokomzwelo nomhlaseli wethu, njengoba nje sifuna ukuzikhulula kuye. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuhlafuna le nzondo kungasivimbela ukuba siqhubekele phambili futhi sizakhe kabusha.

Ukuzonda: ubuthi buthule

Okucashile nakakhulu inzondo umuntu angakwazi ukuyihlakulela kuyena ngemva kobudlelwane nomuntu ophendukezela inzondo. Lo muzwa uvame ukuvela ku:

• Icala “lokuwela ogibeni”
• Ehlazweni lokungazi ukuthi ungazivikela kanjani ngokushesha
• Kusukela emuzweni wokuthi “ulahlekile” kuya ku-narcissistic pervert
• Ekufakweni ngaphakathi kokugxekwa nokubukelwa phansi

lokhu inzondo ekujuleni kwenhliziyo kuyingozi kakhulu ngoba kusigcina sisesimweni sokungazimbi futhi kusivimbela ukuba siphinde sibe nokuzethemba.

I-narcissistic iphendukezela kanjani inzondo?

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi i-narcissistic pervert ifuna ukuvusa le mizwa yenzondo, noma ngabe ibhekiswe kuye noma kithi. Kuyindlela yakhe yokugcina ukulawula, ngisho nangemva kokuphela kobudlelwane.

Ngokubonisa injabulo yakhe ngokusobala ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ngokusilulaza kulabo abasizungezile, noma ngokudlala izisulu, ufuna ukuvusa intukuthelo yethu nokucasuka kwethu. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, izama ukusenza singabaze thina kanye nokubaluleka kwethu.

Kungani inzondo isigcina siyiziboshwa?

Noma ngabe inzondo ebhekise kumuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic noma kithina, le mizwa yenza njengamaketanga angabonakali asivimbela ukuthi siye phambili. Nasi isizathu:

1. Inzondo isusa amandla ethu nokunaka kwethu ekwelapheni kwethu.
2. Kusigcina sisesimweni sezisulu, kunokuba sibe umlingisi empilweni yethu.
3. Ukuzizonda kuqeda ukuzethemba kwethu, kwenza ukwakha kabusha kube nzima nakakhulu.
4. Le mizwa engemihle ingathinta ubudlelwano bethu obusha kanye nekhono lethu lokuthembana.

Izimpawu zokuthi inzondo ithatha indawo enkulu

Kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi sibona kanjani lapho inzondo iqala ukuthatha indawo engalingani ezimpilweni zethu. Nazi ezinye izimpawu ongazibukela:

• Uchitha isikhathi esiningi ucubungula nge-ex yakho nokuthi wenzeni kuwe
• Uqapha ngokweqile imisebenzi yakhe yenkundla yezokuxhumana
• Uzizwa uthukuthele noma ucindezelekile isikhathi esiningi
• Unobunzima bokugxila kunoma yini enye ngaphandle kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwangaphambilini
• Uhlala uzigxeka futhi ungabaza amakhono akho
• Uyesaba ukuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni obusha

Ukuzizonda: imiphi imiphumela?

Ukuzizonda kuyinto eyinkimbinkimbi yengqondo engaba nomthelela omkhulu empilweni yomuntu.

• Ukudangala nokukhathazeka
• Ubuthi bokuphelela

• Ukuqhathanisa ngokweqile kwabanye
• Ukuzihlukanisa ngokuzithandela
• Ukwenqaba ukunakwa okuhle
• Ukwesaba ukusondelana ngokomzwelo
• Ukukhetha ozakwethu abangalungile noma abahlukumezayo
• Ukuncika okusebenzayo
• I-Imposter syndrome
• Izinkinga ze-Psychosomatic
• Ukukhathala okungapheliyo

Ungazikhulula kanjani enzondweni kwabanye?

Ukuzikhulula enzondweni ebhekise kumuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic kuyinqubo edinga isikhathi nokubekezela. Nazi ezinye izindlela zokufeza lokhu:

1. Yamukela ukuthi awusoze wakwazi ukushintsha lo muntu noma uthole ukuxolisa okuqotho.
2. Gxila ekwelapheni kwakho kunokuba “ujezise” abanye.
3. Zijwayeze ukuqaphela ukuze ugxile esikhathini samanje kunokubukeza okwedlule.
4. Nquma konke othintana naye nolwazi mayelana nomuntu othandana naye (ukuvimba ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, njll.).
5. Faka amandla akho emisebenzini eyakhayo nezuzisayo.

Indima yokwelapha enqubweni yokuphulukisa

La Ukwelapha ingadlala indima ebalulekile ohlelweni lokukhululeka enzondweni. Uchwepheshe angakusiza:

• Ukuqonda izindlela zobudlelwano obunobuthi
• Khomba futhi uveze imizwa yakho ngendlela enempilo
• Yakha amasu okulawula intukuthelo nokucasuka
• Ukwakha kabusha ukuzethemba kwakho

Ungangabazi ukufuna usizo uma uzwa isidingo. Alikho ihlazo ukucela ukwesekwa.

Guqula ukuzizonda kube ukufunda

Nakuba kungase kubonakale kunzima, kungenzeka ukuguqula lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kube yithuba lokukhula komuntu siqu. Inzondo ingabonakala njengesibonakaliso esisitshela lapho kudingeka siphulukise futhi sikhule.

Lokhu okwenziwayo kungakuvumela ukuthi:

• Zazi kangcono futhi uhlonze izidingo zakho zangempela
• Funda ukubeka imingcele enempilo ebudlelwaneni bakho
• Thuthukisa intuition yakho kanye nekhono lakho lokubona izimpawu eziyisixwayiso
• Hlakulela ukuqina kwakho namandla angaphakathi.

Ireferensi yezincwadi zokuzonda abanye kanye nokuzizonda wena

Nazi izikhombo zebhayibheli eziyisikhombisa ngendikimba ethi “Ukuzonda omunye nokuzizonda”:

1. Bourdieu, Pierre. Ukubusa kwabesilisa. Umlando, 1998.
2. Fanon, uFrantz. Isikhumba esimnyama, amasosha amhlophe. Umlando, 1952.
3. Baudrillard, Jean. Umphakathi wabathengi. Denoel, 1970.
4. Zizek, Slavoj. Ukuzonda abanye. Izinguqulo du Cerf, 2012.
5. Maalouf, Amin. Ubunikazi bokubulala. Grasset, 1998.
6. Levinas, Emmanuel. Ukuphelela nokungapheli. UMartinus Nijhoff, ngo-1961.
7. Katz, Jonathan. Amazwi enzondo. Izinguqulo ze-Atelier, 2002.

Lezi zikhombo zizokunikeza isisekelo esiqinile sokuhlola izindikimba zokuzonda abanye kanye nokuzizonda wena.

Isiphetho: Ngale kwenzondo, sibheke empilweni entsha

Ukuzikhulula enzondweni, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uphendukela kumuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic noma kuwe ngokwakho, kuyinqubo edinga isikhathi, isineke kanye nozwelo. Kuyindlela enzima, kodwa eholela ekuphileni okugcwaliseke futhi okuyiqiniso.

Khumbula ukuthi ungaphezu kwalokho okwenzeke kuwe. Unamandla ngaphakathi kuwe okunqoba lobunzima futhi uzakhe kabusha. Zonke izinyathelo ozisusa enzondweni ziyisinyathelo esiholela ekuphileni okusha, okugcwele amathuba nothando lweqiniso – ukuqala ngokuzithanda wena.

Awuwedwa kule mpi. Ungangabazi ukufuna ukwesekwa kobathandayo, ochwepheshe noma amaqembu okusekela. Sisonke sinamandla.