Intiyo enzulu ngaphakathi: Ukuqonda kunye nokoyisa iziphumo zasemva kobudlelwane obuyityhefu

Ukuba kubudlelwane ne-narcissistic manipulator kushiya amanqaku anzulu. Kwanasemva kokuba ulwalamano luphelile, amabhinqa amaninzi azifumana enengxaki yeemvakalelo zokuzithiya ekunzima ukuzichaza. Eli nqaku lijolise ekukhanyeni kwiinkqubo zale nzondo enzulu ngaphakathi kuye kunye nokucebisa iindlela zokuzikhulula ngokuthe ngcembe kuyo.

Kutheni le ntiyo inzulu ngaphakathi kuwe emva kobudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator?

Ubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator yonakalisa ngokunzulu ukuzithemba. Ngobuchule bakhe kunye ne-impembelelo yakhe yengqondo, i-narcissist iyakwazi ukwenza iqabane lakhe lithandabuze, izakhono zakhe kunye nexabiso lakhe. Uvelisa ezakhe iimpazamo kunye nokungazithembi kuye.

Kancinci kancinci, ixhoba liyifakela ngaphakathi le mbonakalo ithoba isidima. Ugqiba ngokuzibona ngeliso lomthuthumbisi aze abe nomfanekiso ombi ngaye. Le ukuzithiya ihlala iqhubeka ixesha elide emva kokuphela kobudlelwane.

Ukubonakaliswa okucacileyo kokuzithiya

Le ntiyo yangaphakathi inokuzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo:

• Iimbonakalo zangaphakathi

  Ukuzithiya kuqala kuzibonakalisa kwincoko yangaphakathi, elo lizwi libalulekileyo nelisebeza ngokungakhathali kwethu. Iguqulela:

  • UA ukugqibelela okungenampilo okufihla ukungoneliseki okunzulu
  • Ukuzinciphisa ngokwenkqubo
  • Iingcamango eziphindaphindiweyo zokungaphumeleli kunye nokungafaneleki
  • Ukungakwazi ukwamkela izincomo
  • Utyekelo lokuzitshabalalisa

  Ukubonakaliswa kokuziphatha

  Le ntiyo ikwakhona kwizenzo zethu zemihla ngemihla:

  • I-ukwahlukaniswa kwezentlalo njengendlela yokukhusela
  • Ukukhangela okunyanzelekileyo kokuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle
  • Ukuziphatha okuzenzakalisayo (umlutha, ukuthatha umngcipheko)
  • Ubundlobongela obungenakwenziwa ngakuwe nakwabanye
  • Utyalo-mali olugqithisileyo emsebenzini ukuphepha ukujongwa

  Ukubonakaliswa komzimba

  Umzimba uba yindawo yeqonga ethe cwaka yale mfazwe yangaphakathi:

  • Uxinzelelo olungapheliyo lwemisipha
  • Iingxaki zokulala
  • Iingxaki zokugaya rhoqo
  • Ukudinwa okuzingisileyo
  • Iimpawu zolusu (dermatitis, eczema)

Qaphela imvelaphi yangaphandle yale nzondo enzulu ngaphakathi kwakho

Inyathelo lokuqala lokuzikhulula kule ntiyo enzulu kukuqonda ukuba asiyoyakho. Yanyanzeliswa kuwe ukusuka ngaphandle yi-manipulator ye-narcissistic.

Le ntiyo eneneni ibonisa iimpazamo kunye nokungaqiniseki kwe-narcissist. Engakwazi ukuzithwala, wazikrola kuwe ukuba uzilahle. Ngokungathandi uye waba ngumthombo wentiyo yakhe.

Ukuqonda iindlela ze-narcissistic manipulator

Ukuzikhupha ngcono kuyo, kubalulekile ukuqonda iindlela eziqhuba i-narcissistic manipulator:

• Ukungakhuseleki okunzulu kugqunywe emva kwefacade yokuzithemba okugqithisileyo
• Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokuziva uphakamileyo kunabanye
• Ukungakwazi ukwamkela iimpazamo kunye neentsilelo zakhe
• Ukungabikho ngokupheleleyo kovelwano kwabanye
• Isidingo solawulo kunye nokukhohlisa ukuze uziqinisekise

Enyanisweni, i-narcissist ivakalelwa kukuba uphantsi. Ukuze ahlawulele oku, ufuna ukuthoba isidima nokulawula abanye. Ukuthiya kwakhe okucacileyo yimbonakaliso nje yentiyo yakhe.

Buyisela ubunini bengxelo yakho yobuqu

Inyathelo elibalulekileyo kukubuyisela ulawulo lwebali lakho. I-narcissist ngokungathandabuzekiyo izamile ukunyanzelisa inguqulelo yakhe yeenyani, ngokwenza ukuba ungathandabuzi iimbono zakho kunye neenkumbulo zakho.

Lixesha lokuba ubuyise amava akho kwaye uwaqinisekise. Thembela iimvakalelo zakho kunye neenkumbulo zakho. Nguwe kuphela owaziyo ubunyani bento oye wadibana nayo. Ungalibazisi ukubhala ibali lakho, oku kunokunceda ukubuyisela amandla kwibali lakho.

Chonga kwaye uchaze iinkolelo ezisikelwe umda

I-narcissistic manipulator mhlawumbi ifake iinkolelo ezininzi ezingalunganga malunga nawe kuwe. Kubalulekile ukufunda ukuzibona kwaye uzibuze.

Bhala phantsi iingcinga ezimbi ezihlala zihleli onazo ngawe. Emva koko zibuze:

• Zivela phi ngokwenene ezi nkolelo?
• Ngaba zezakho ngokwenene okanye ezo zinyanzeliswe kuwe?
• Ziziphi izibakala ezibambekayo ezinokuziphikisa?

Kancinci kancinci, uya kukwazi ukuzola ezi nkolelo zinetyhefu kwaye ubeke endaweni yazo ngombono onobulungisa kunye nenkathalo yakho.

Ukufunda ukuzithanda yonke imihla

Ukuzikhulula ku--intiyo ngokwakho nako kufuna amanyathelo abambekayo yonke imihla:

• Ziqhelanise novelwano: ziphathe ngobubele obufana nobuya kwenza kumhlobo wakho
• Ziphathe ngamaxesha olonwabo kunye nokuphumla ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala
• Wunyamekele umzimba wakho ngokutya okunempilo kunye nokuzilolonga
• Zingqonge ngabantu abakhathalayo nabakuxhasayo
• Bhiyozela uloyiso lwakho oluncinci nolukhulu
• Bonisa ubuchule bakho ngobugcisa, ukubhala, umdaniso…

Ezi zenzo zothando kuwe, nokuba zincinci kangakanani na, ziya kunceda ukwakha ukuzithemba kwakho.

Ukuphilisa amanxeba eemvakalelo kwixesha elidlulileyo

Ubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator ihlala ivuselela amanxeba amadala, ngamanye amaxesha aqala ebuntwaneni. Kusenokufuneka ukuba uphonononge kwaye uphilise ezi ntlungu zidlulileyo ukuze uzikhulule ngokupheleleyo.

Ungalibazisi ukukhatshwa yingcali kulo msebenzi unzulu. Unyango olufana ne-EMDR okanye i-ICV lunokusebenza ngokukodwa ekunyangeni umonzakalo.

Guqula inzondo enzulu ngaphakathi kuwe ibe yimfundo

Nokuba ebebuhlungu kangakanani na amava akho, anokuba ngumthombo wokukhula kwakho. Inzondo inokuguqulwa ibe bubulumko namandla ukuba ukhetha ukufunda kuyo:

• Ufunde ntoni ngawe kula mava?
• Ziziphi iimpawu nobuncwane oye waphuhlisa ukuze ukwazi ukuhlangabezana nako?
• Unokuwasebenzisa njani la mava ukuze uncede abanye abantu?

Ngokunika intsingiselo kumava akho, ufumana amandla kwakhona kwibali lakho.

Unesibindi sokuvula uthando kwakhona

Ukoyika ukwenzakaliswa kwakhona kunokubangela ukuba uzivalele eluthandweni. Nangona kunjalo ukuzivulela kubudlelwane obunempilo kubalulekile ukuze uphile ngokupheleleyo.

Thatha ixesha lokuzakha kwakhona, kodwa gcina intliziyo yakho ivulekile. Funda ukuthembela kwisigqibo sakho ukuze ubone iimpawu zobudlelwane obuphilileyo nobanelisayo.

Uthando lokwenene lunokwenzeka, kwaye ufanelekile.

I-Bibliographic reference yokuqonda inzondo enzulu ngaphakathi kwakho

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi kumxholo wentiyo kunye neemvakalelo zangaphakathi:

1. Marty, R. (1994). La Haine et le Désir : L’Inconscient en Question. Paris : Presses Universitaires de France.
2. Bion, W. R. (1962). L’Expérience émotionnelle. Paris : Éditions de Minuit.
3. Fenichel, O. (1972). La Haine et la Jalousie. Paris : Payot.
4. Sartre, J.-P. (1946). L’Existentialisme est un humanisme. Paris : Les Editions Nagel.
5. Brenner, H. (1973). Les Fondements de la Haine. Paris : Éditions Payot.
6. Bourdieu, P. (1998). La Domination Masculine. Paris : Éditions du Seuil.
7. Lévy, B. (2010). La Haine de soi : De la dépression à la violence. Paris : Éditions Plon.

Isiphelo: Ukusuka kwinzondo ukuya ekuzithandeni, indlela ephilisayo

Ukuzikhulula ekuzithiyeni emva kobudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator yinkqubo ethatha ixesha kunye nomonde. Yiba nobubele kuwe kolu hambo.

Khumbula ukuba le nzondo asiyoyakho. Kwanyanzeliswa kuwe ngaphandle kwaye unokukhetha ukuzikhulula kuyo. Inyathelo ngenyathelo, unokufunda ukuzithanda kwaye uzithembe kwakhona.

Ixabiso lakho lingaphakathi kwaye alixhomekekanga kwiimbono zabanye. Ufanelwe luthando kunye nentlonipho, ngenxa yokuba nguwe. Ungaze uyilibale le nyaniso isisiseko kwindlela yakho eya empilweni.