Uzilawula njani iimvakalelo zakho kwaye ujongane ne-narcissistic manipulator?

Ukuba yi- lixhoba le-narcissistic inokuba ngamava arhafisa kakhulu ngokweemvakalelo. Xa ujongene nokuphathwa kakubi kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokwasengqondweni, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuva isaqhwithi sokwenyani seemvakalelo ezibukhali kwaye ngamanye amaxesha eziphikisanayo. Umsindo, usizi, unetyala, ukwesaba, ukudideka … zonke ezi mvakalelo zinokukhawuleza zibe nzima kwaye zinzima ukulawula imihla ngemihla. Kweli nqaku, siza kuphonononga iindlela ezahlukeneyo kunye neengcebiso zokukunceda, njengexhoba lomfazi we-narcissistic manipulator, ukulawula ngcono iimvakalelo zakho kunye nokubuyisela ukulungelelana kwakho kwangaphakathi.

Yintoni narcissistic manipulator?

I-manipulator ye-narcissistic ngumntu onobuntu obuyinkimbinkimbi kwaye obunokonakalisa, obonakaliswe ngumxube we-narcissistic kunye neempawu ezigwenxa. Eli gama, nangona lingavunywanga ngokusemthethweni kuhlelo lwengqondo, lisetyenziswa ngokubanzi ukuchaza iseti yeendlela ezithile zokuziphatha nezimo zengqondo.

Iimpawu eziphambili:

1. I-egocentrism egqithisileyo: Umbhexeshi we-narcissistic ubeka iimfuno kunye neminqweno yakhe ngaphezu kwayo yonke enye into, amaxesha amaninzi ebeka abanye engozini.
2. Ukungabi novelwano: Akakwazi ukuqonda okanye ukukhathalela iimvakalelo zabanye.
3. Qiniso: Ugqwesa kubugcisa bokukhohlisa abanye ukuze afezekise iinjongo zakhe zobuqu.
4. Isidingo esihlala sikhona sokunconywa: Uhlala efuna ingqalelo kunye nendumiso kwabanye.
5. Imvakalelo yokuba wongamile: Uzigqala engokhethekileyo kwaye efanelwe yimpatho eyodwa.
6. Umona nomona: Usenokuba nekhwele eliqatha ngenxa yempumelelo yabanye.
7. Alternation phakathi kwe-devaluation kunye nokunciphisa ixabiso: Unokuhamba ngokukhawuleza ukusuka ekudumiseni ukuya ekugxekeni ngokuqatha kumntu omnye.
8. Ukungabikho kokuzisola: Ngokuqhelekileyo akaziva enetyala ngezenzo zakhe eziyingozi.

Kubudlelwane, i-narcissistic manipulator ingaba yingozi kakhulu. Uhlala efuna ukumisela ulawulo lweemvakalelo kwabo basondeleyo kuye, esebenzisa amaqhinga ahlukeneyo afana nokukhohlisa, gaslighting (ukwenza omnye umntu athandabuze imbono yakhe yokwenyani), okanye ukutshintshana phakathi komsa kunye nokulahlwa ukugcina ulawulo lwakhe.

Ukuqonda impembelelo yeemvakalelo kubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator

Ngaphambi kokuba ukwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho, kubalulekile ukuqonda imvelaphi yazo kunye nokusebenza kumxholo wobudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator:

• Emotions njengophawu lwesilumkiso: iimvakalelo zakho ezingalunganga zihlala zingumqondiso wokuba kukho into engalunganga kubudlelwane. Bakulumkisa ngenyaniso yokuba imida yakho iyagqithiswa kwaye uyaxhatshazwa.
• Isangqa seemvakalelo esikhohlakeleyo: umbhexeshi we-narcissistic ufuna ukuvuselela iimvakalelo ezinamandla kuwe ukuze akulawule ngcono kwaye akwenze ungazinzi. Okukhona usabele ngokweemvakalelo, kokukhona enamandla phezu kwakho.
• Ukudinwa ngokweemvakalelo: Ngokufumana i-wheel yeemvakalelo, unokuziva udiniwe kwaye udiniwe. Esi sisiphumo esiqhelekileyo sokuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic.

Indlela yokulawula iimvakalelo zakho? Chonga kwaye uchaze iimvakalelo zakho

Inyathelo lokuqala elibalulekileyo lokufumana kwakhona ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho kukufunda ukuzibona ngokucacileyo:

• Gcina ijenali yeemvakalelo: bhala phantsi yonke imihla iimvakalelo ozivayo, ubunzulu bazo, kunye neemeko ezizixhokonxayo. Oku kuya kukunceda ufumane umbono.
• Yandisa isigama sakho seemvakalelo: ngaphaya kweemvakalelo ezisisiseko (uvuyo, usizi, umsindo, uloyiko), funda ukukhankanya iimvakalelo ezingakumbi nezikhethekileyo.
• Mamela imiqondiso yomzimba wakho: iimvakalelo zakho zikwabonakala ngokwasemzimbeni (uxinzelelo, iqhina esiswini, njl.njl.). Funda ukucazulula le miqondiso.

Iindlela zokulawula iimvakalelo zemihla ngemihla

Nazi ezinye iindlela zekhonkrithi onokuzisebenzisa ukulawula ngcono iimvakalelo zakho imihla ngemihla:

• Ukuphefumla okuqaphelayo: thatha ixesha elide, kancinci, ukuphefumla okunzulu ukuze uzithobe ngamaxesha oxinzelelo.
• Ukucamngca ngeMindfulness: ziqhelanise rhoqo nokuphuhlisa isakhono sakho sokujonga iimvakalelo zakho ngaphandle kokuzivumela ukuba wonganyelwe.
• Anchoring okwangoku: gxila kwiimvakalelo zakho ezi-5 ukuphinda uqhagamshele kunye nomzuzu wangoku kunokuba ubambe.
• Umbono obonakalayo: khawufane ucinge ngendawo epholileyo okanye inkumbulo yokutshaja iibhetri zakho ngokweemvakalelo.
• Intetho enobuchule: zoba, bhala, umdaniso… ukubonisa iimvakalelo zakho ngendlela eyakhayo.

Uzilawula njani iimvakalelo zakho? Phuhlisa ubukrelekrele bakho beemvakalelo

Ukusebenza kubukrelekrele bakho beemvakalelo kuya kukunceda ulawule ngcono iimvakalelo zakho kwixesha elide:

• Qhudela ukuzazi: yazi ngcono kwaye uqonde iipatheni zakho zeemvakalelo.
• Phuhlisa uvelwano nawe: yiba nobubele kwaye uqonde iimvakalelo zakho.
• Phucula ukuzilawula kwakho: fumana iindlela eziphilileyo zokubonisa umjelo kunye nokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho.
• RQinisa inkuthazo yakho engaphakathi: zibekele usukelo lwakho lokufumana ukuzithemba kwakhona kunye nokuzithemba.
• Sebenza ngezakhono zakho zentlalo: zingqonge ngabantu abanenkathalo nabakuxhasayo.

Zikhulule kwiimvakalelo eziyityhefu ezinxulumene nomonzakalo we-narcissistic

Ezinye iimvakalelo ezingathandekiyo zinokuhlala ixesha elide emva kokuphela kobudlelwane. Nantsi indlela yokuzikhulula kuyo:

• Chonga iinkolelo ezisikelwe umda: chonga iingcinga ezingalunganga malunga nawe ezifakwe ngumxhaphazi we-narcissistic.
• Qeqesha ukuyeka ukuhamba: yamkele into yokuba awukwazi ukutshintsha ixesha elidlulileyo okanye ukulawula izenzo zomnye nomnye.
• Zixolele: ungazibeki tyala ngokuwela kumgibe we-narcissistic manipulator.
• Guqulela umsindo ube ngamandla:wutshintshe umsindo wakho ngendlela eyakhayo ukuze uzakhe kwakhona.
• Buyisela inkqubela yakho: zingce ngenyathelo ngalinye elincinane ukuya phambili ekuphilisweni kwakho ngokweemvakalelo.

I-Bibliographic reference ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho

Nazi izingqinisiso ezisixhenxe zebhayografi kumxholo wokulawula iimvakalelo:

1. Lutz, A., & Davidson, R. J. (2003). Cultivating the Other Within: Emotional Regulation through Contemplative Practices. Dans Emotional Development and Emotional Intelligence: Educational Implications (pp. 197-217). New York: Basic Books.
2. Gross, J. J. (2002). Emotion Regulation: Affective, Cognitive, and Social Consequences. Dans Emotion (Vol. 2, No. 2, pp. 215-221).
3. Nussbaum, M. C. (2013). La Monnaie de l’âme : Émotions et politique. Éditions La Découverte.
4. Lerner, J. S., & Keltner, D. (2000). Beyond valence: Toward a model of emotion-specific influences on judgment and choice. Cognition and Emotion, 14(4), 473-493.
5. Lemoine, P., & Wiggins, J. (2014). Les émotions : comprendre et réguler. Paris: Dunod.
6. Scherer, K. R. (2005). What Are Emotions? And How Can They Be Regulated? Dans Emotion Regulation (pp. 24-42). Paris: Lavoisier.
7. Lafrenière, M.-A., & Vallerand, R. J. (2013). Regulation of Emotions in Daily Life: A Motivation Perspective. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 45(2), 1-10.

Ezi zingqinisiso zibandakanya imiba eyahlukeneyo yolawulo lweemvakalelo, kubandakanywa iindlela zethiyori kunye nokusetyenziswa okusebenzayo.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqukumbela, ukufunda ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho xa ujongana ne-narcissistic manipulator ngumngeni wokwenyani, kodwa ikwasisitshixo sokuzikhulula kwimpembelelo yazo enetyhefu. Ngokusebenzisa iindlela ezahlukeneyo namacebiso achazwe kweli nqaku, ngokuthe ngcembe uya kukwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho. Nangona kunjalo, ukufunda indlela yokulawula iimvakalelo zakho kubalulekile ukuze uzikhusele kwaye uphinde ube namandla ebomini bakho.

Khumbula ukuba le yinkqubo ethatha ixesha kunye nomonde. Yiba nobubele kuwe kwaye ubhiyozele yonke inkqubela phambili, nokuba incinci kangakanani na. Unayo ngaphakathi kwakho zonke izixhobo eziyimfuneko zokuzakha kwakhona kwaye uphinde ufumane ulungelelwaniso lwakho lweemvakalelo. Zithembe kwaye uzingise: ikamva elizolileyo likulindile.