Ukuhlamba emva kwe-manipulator ye-narcissistic: indlela yokuyeka iingcamango ezinzulu

Yintsimbi yesithathu ekuseni kwaye uphinda udlale le ngxabano kwakhona. Ukhangela isivakalisi ebekufanele ukuba usithethile, uphinda ufunde imiyalezo emidala, uyazibuza ukuba ucinga ngawe, ukuba wonwabile nomnye umntu, ukuba yonke into ibingalunganga kwasekuqaleni. Ubudlelwane buphelile, kodwa ingqondo yakho ayikwazi ukuyishiya.

I-Ruminer emva kobudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator ixhaphake kakhulu. Oku akungomqondiso wokuba “ubuthathaka” okanye ukuba usamthanda ngokuyimfuneko: yindlela yokusabela eqondakalayo kumava adidayo. Kweli nqaku, siza kubona ukuba kutheni i-rumination iqala, indlela yokuyiqonda, kwaye ngaphezu kwayo yonke indlela yokuzola, inyathelo ngenyathelo.

Ukuhlaziya: inkcazelo

I-ruminate kukucinga ngendlela ephindaphindayo, engenziyo, egxile kwingxaki . Kwale mibuzo ifanayo iyajikeleza (“kutheni?”, “ukuba?”, “unokwenza njani?”) ngaphandle kokukhokelela kwimpendulo okanye kwisenzo. Igama likwavela kumfanekiso wezilwanyana ezihlafuna ukutya kwazo: “sihlafuna” iingcinga zethu.

Kubalulekile ukwahlula i-rumination kwi-reflection. Ukucamngca ngoko kwenzekayo kunokuba luncedo: ukuqonda, ukufunda, ukwenza isigqibo. Ukubhuqa, kwelinye icala, akukuncedi ukuba uye phambili. Ngokuchasene noko, uphando lunxulumanisa i-rumination kunye nokugcinwa kosizi kunye nokudakumba. Kwakhona u-Inserm ugxininisa ukuba ukudandatheka sisifo esixhaphakileyo, esinokunyangwa, nesingamele sibhidaniswe nokubhideka nje kancinci.

Kutheni le nto sirhubuluza kangaka emva kwe-narcissistic manipulator?

Emva kobudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, usizi luhlala lukhulu kodwa lucacile: silahlekelwe ngumntu. Emva kobudlelwane kunye ne-manipulator, kongezwa i-confusion enkulu. Zininzi izinto ezicacisa oku:

1. Ukungangqinelani akuzange kusonjululwe

Wathi uyakuthanda kwaye wakuvisa ubuhlungu. Wathembisa ukutshintsha waza waqalisa kwakhona. Ingqondo yakho izama ukubamba ulwazi oluphikisanayo kunye, kwaye luya kwizangqa. Umjikelo we- i-idealization-devaluation-rejection cycle ngaloo ndlela ushiya uninzi “lolulophu oluvulekileyo”.

2. Amathandabuzo ahlwayelwe ngokulayita igesi

Ngokuva ukuba uyazibaxa okanye ulungisa izinto, awusakwazi ukuba yinyani. Ke uphinda udlale imiboniso ngokuphindaphindiweyo, ukujonga.

3. Ubutyala

Umntu okhohlisayo wayesoloko ekugxeka ngayo yonke into. Inxalenye yokukhangela kujonge “into oyenzileyo engalunganga.” Inqaku lethu le- Yeka ukutyhola kunokukunceda ubeke uxanduva apho lukhoyo.

4. Ibhondi ebuhlungu kunye nokungabikho

Ukutshintshana kobulali kunye nenkohlakalo kudala ukuncamathela okukhulu. Nje ukuba ubudlelwane buphelile, ingqondo ifuna olu nxibelelwano, njengokurhoxa. Ukucinga ngabanye kuba yindlela yokuhlala unxibelelwano.

5. Imfuneko yobulungisa

Ungathanda ukuba awuqonde umonakalo awenzileyo, ukuze abanye ekugqibeleni babubone ubuso bakhe bokwenene. Oku kulinda, kaninzi ngelize, kubangela iimeko ezingapheliyo.

6. Iziphumo zasemva koxinzelelo olufunyenweyo

Uphononongo olupapashwe kwi-2008 ngo Violence Against Women wabonisa ukuba ubundlobongela bengqondo kwisibini ngokuzimeleyo ezinxulumene neempawu zokuxinzezeleka emva kokuphazamiseka kunye nokudandatheka kumaxhoba. Iingcinga eziphazamisayo kunye nemibono ziyinxalenye yalo mfanekiso. Ukuba uyazazi wena, inqaku lethu uxinzelelo lwasemva kokwenzakala inokukukhanyisela.

Iimpawu zokuba uyarhabula

• uphinda udlale imiboniso efanayo amaxesha amaninzi ngemini;
• uzicingela iincoko apho ekugqibeleni usabela kuye;
• ujongana neprofayile yakhe, iinethiwekhi zakhe, ezo zobudlelwane bakhe obutsha;
• ngokungadinwa ubuza imibuzo efanayo kwabo ubathandayo;
• unengxaki yokulala okanye uvuka nezi ngcinga;
• uziva worse emva kwala mzuzu, hayi ngcono.

Eli nqaku lokugqibela lelona lixelayo: ukuba ukucinga ngobudlelwane akukuzisi ukuqonda okutsha okanye isiqabu, inokuba kukurhoxa.

Indlela yokuyeka ukurumla: amanyathelo a-8 aphathekayo

Asinakukwazi “ukugqiba” ukuyeka ukucinga ngento ethile: ukuzama ukutyhalela kude ingcinga kudla ngokuyenza ibuye yomelele. Endaweni yoko, injongo kukutshintsha i-relation yakho kwezi ngcinga kwaye unciphise oko kuziphembelela.

1. Qwalasela umzuzu xa ucezela ngaphezulu. Thetha nje kuwe: “Ndiyarhabula.” Eli nyathelo lincinci lisecaleni lihlala lanele ukuthoba isantya.
2. Cima imithombo yamandla. Vimba okanye ufihle uthungelwano lwalo, gcina iincoko ezingoovimba, gcina iifoto ngaphandle kwamehlo. I-no contact ikwalukhuselo lwengqondo yakho.
3. Nika iingcinga zakho kwintlanganiso. Bekela bucala imizuzu eli-15 ngosuku, ngexesha elimisiweyo, ukubhala phantsi yonke into ephindaphindwayo. Ngaphandle kweli xesha libekiweyo, xa kufika ingcamango, yibhale phantsi uze uyibuyisele entlanganisweni.
4. Bhala, uze uphendule. Kwiphepha elinye, bhala phantsi lo mbuzo ukhathazayo. Kwelinye icala, eyona mpendulo inyanisekileyo inokwenzeka, ngokusekelwe kwiinyani. Ngokufuthi impendulo ithi, “Andinakuze ndisazi isizathu, yaye oko akuyomfuneko ukuqhubela phambili.” »
5. Hambisa umzimba wakho. Ukuhamba, imidlalo, ukudanisa, ukwenza igadi kuphazamisa ukuhamba kwengqondo. Oku akusiyo ingcaciso: umzimba unceda intloko.
6. Zibuyisele kweli xesha langoku. Imithambo yokuphefumla, ingqalelo kwiimvakalelo (izinto ezintlanu ozibonayo, izinto ezine ozivayo…), ukucamngca okukhokelwayo: obu buchule bunceda ukuba uphume kwi-loop.
7. Thatha imibuzo emalunga naye ngemibuzo emalunga nawe. Endaweni yokuthi “kwakutheni ukuze enze loo nto kum?” ”, zama “ndifuna ntoni namhlanje?” “.
8. Fumana uncedo. Olunye unyango lujolise ngokukhethekileyo kwi-rumination. Ulingo lwezonyango olupapashwe ngo-2025 ngo BMC Psychiatry umzekelo, ubonise ukuba unyango lweqela lokuziphatha kwengqondo olugxile ekuqhumeni kuncitshiswe i-rumination kunye neempawu zokudakumba kwizigulana ezinoxinzelelo oluphindaphindiweyo.

Uluhlu lokuhlola lwangokuhlwa: ukuthomalalisa iminqweno yasebusuku

Ixesha lasebusuku lidla ngokuba lelona xesha linzima. Nantsi indlela encinci yokuzama:

• ☐ Ifowuni ibekwe ngaphandle kwegumbi lokulala (okanye kwimo yenqwelomoya) iyure enye phambi kokulala.
• ☐ Imizuzu emihlanu yokubhala: yintoni ethatha ingqondo yam, ibe yinto enye eyakhayo yemini.
• ☐ Ukuphefumla kancinci kancinci, ukwandisa ukuphefumla.
• ☐ Ibinzana le-ankile elilungiselelwe kwangaphambili, umzekelo: “Ngoku asiloxesha. Ndiza kucinga ngalo ngomso ngo-6pm.
• ☐ Ukuba andilali emva kwemizuzu engama-20, ndivuka ndenze umsebenzi ozolileyo, ongenasikrini.

Oku kunceda nakwixesha elide

Ngokuhamba kwexesha, i-ruminations iphelelwa ngamandla, ngakumbi ukuba uphinda utyale ubomi bakho. Ukufumana iiprojekthi, ubuhlobo, ukuzonwabisa okulula kuthetha ukunika ingqondo yakho ezinye izifundo ngaphandle kobudlelwane. Ukusebenza ngokuxhomekeka okudibanise nalo mntu kukwanceda: isicwangciso sethu se-ukuphuma ekuxhomekekeni ngokweemvakalelo kunokusebenza njengemephu yendlela kuwe.

Yiba nomonde kuwe. Ukuphindaphinda kuqhelekileyo: usuku lokuzalwa, ingoma, isiqwenga seendaba malunga naye unokuqalisa kwakhona umatshini. Oku akuthethi ukuba awuqhubeli phambili.

I-Inqaku lezempilo: ukuba u-ruminations ukhatshwa lusizi oluqhubekayo, ukulahlekelwa ngumdla, iingxaki ezibalulekileyo zokulala okanye iingcamango zokuzibulala, qhagamshelana nogqirha okanye isazi sengqondo ngokukhawuleza. I-3114 (inombolo yesizwe yokuthintela ukuzibulala) iphendula iiyure ezingama-24 ngosuku, simahla. Inqaku lethu malunga ne-imibono yokuzibulala emva kwe-narcissistic pervert ikwathetha ngalo mbandela. Kwimeko yengozi ekhawulezileyo, fowunela i-112 okanye 17, kunye ne3919 kubundlobongela basekhaya.

Imibuzo ebuzwa qho

Kuthatha ixesha elingakanani ukuhluma emva kobudlelwane obuyityhefu?

Oku kuyahluka kakhulu ngokuxhomekeke kubude bobudlelwane, ubunzulu bempembelelo kunye nenkxaso onayo. Kubantu abaninzi, i-ruminations iyancipha kakhulu emva kweenyanga ezimbalwa zomgama, ngakumbi ngenkxaso.

Ngaba kuqhelekile ukucinga ngaye yonke imihla?

Ewe, ngakumbi ekuqaleni. Okubalulekileyo ngumkhwa: ukuba i-frequency kunye nobunzulu buyancipha ngokuthe ngcembe, usendleleni elungileyo.

Rminating, lonto ithetha ukuba ndisamthanda?

Akunjalo. Ukwaphuka kudla ngokunxulunyaniswa nokubhideka, ukuziva unetyala kunye nokuswela, ngaphezu kothando. Unokucinga ngomntu kwaye ungafuni ukubuyelana naye.

Ngaba kufuneka sithethe naye ukuze ekugqibeleni sifumane iimpendulo?

Oku kunqabile ukuba ibe ngumbono olungileyo. I-manipulator inika iimpendulo ezimbalwa ezinyanisekileyo, kwaye uqhagamshelwano luhlala luqala kwakhona ukubamba. Iimpendulo ozifunayo ziya kuvela ngakumbi ngokusebenza ngokwakho.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukubhuqa emva kwe-narcissistic manipulator kukuzama kwengqondo yakho ukuqonda into engaqondakaliyo. Awunyanzelekanga ukuba usombulule zonke iiphazili ukuze uye phambili. Kancinci kancinci, ngokusika oko kutya i-loop kunye nokutyala kwakhona ebomini bakho, ukuthula kuyabuya. Ukuba ufuna ukuxhaswa kweli nyathelo, unokufumanisa i-coaching kumaxhoba e-narcissistic perverts.

Imithombo

• Hasani M. et al., « Evaluating the efficacy of rumination-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy… », BMC Psychiatry, 2025 : PMC12211528
• Mechanic M. B. et al., « Mental health consequences of intimate partner abuse: a multidimensional assessment of four different forms of abuse », Violence Against Women, 2008 : PMC2967430
• Inserm, “Depression” ifayile: inserm.fr