Ihlazo kunye nokuzithiya kubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator

Ubudlelwane nomntu okhohlisayo bunokushiya amanxeba anzulu eemvakalelo, kuquka iimvakalelo zokuhlazeka kunye nokuzithiya. Eli nqaku lijolise kwabasetyhini abafumene olu hlobo lobudlelwane obuyityhefu kwaye bafuna ukuqonda kunye nokoyisa ezi mvakalelo zitshabalalisayo.

Ukuqonda imvelaphi yehlazo kubudlelwane be-narcissistic

Ihlazo lidla ngokuba lolona vakalelo luchukumisayo aziva ngalo amaxhoba e-narcissistic manipulators. Eli hlazo linemvelaphi emininzi:

• Imvakalelo yokuba “uvumele” ukuxhatshazwa
• Ubutyala bokungaqapheli imiqondiso ngokukhawuleza
• Imvakalelo yokuba “yimosha” inxalenye yobomi bakho
• Ukuphulukana nokuzithemba ngenxa yokulawulwa rhoqo

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba eli hlazo alithetheleleki. Njengoko uDkt Romney echaza kwividiyo, awuzange “uvumele” okanye “ugunyazise” nantoni na. Ube lixhoba lokuphathwa kwengqondo okuntsokothileyo kunye nobuqilileyo.

Qonda amaqhinga omntu okhohlisayo aphembelela ihlazo

Abenzi be-Narcissistic manipulators basebenzisa iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokufaka ihlazo kwixhoba labo:

• Ukukhanyisa: ukwenza ixhoba lithandabuze imbono yalo ngobunyani
• Ukugxeka rhoqo: ukujongela phantsi abanye ngokucwangcisiweyo ukuze kuthotywe ukuzithemba kwabo
• emotional blackmail: ukusebenzisa uthando njengesixhobo sokulawula abanye
• Ukutshintshana phakathi kwamaxesha okuthantamisa kunye nenkohlakalo: ukudodobalisa ngokweemvakalelo ixhoba

Ukuqaphela la maqhinga linyathelo lokuqala lokuzikhulula kubo kunye nokuqonda ukuba ihlazo ovakalelwa kukuba sisiphumo sokukhwabanisa, kwaye kungekhona ukubonakaliswa kwexabiso lakho lokwenyani.

Imiphumo yehlazo nokuzithiya

Iintloni kunye nokuzithiya ziimvakalelo ezitshabalalisayo ezinokuthi zibe nefuthe elibi kwiinkalo ezininzi zobomi bomntu. Ezi mvakalelo, zihlala zinxibelelana, zidala umjikelo wokuzibhubhisa kunye neziphumo ezininzi.

• Ukuwohloka kokuzithemba
• Ukuphazamiseka ngokweemvakalelo
• Ukuziphatha okuzonakalisayo (Ukungahoywa kwempilo yomntu emzimbeni nasengqondweni, ukuphazamiseka kokutya okunokwenzeka, njl.
• Ukubekwa wedwa koluntu
• Ubunzima bokumisela imida enempilo
• Ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo kunye noloyiko lokulahlwa

Yakha iinkolelo ezisikelwe umda kubudlelwane obuyityhefu

Ngokuhamba kwexesha, ubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator ifaka iinkolelo ezinzulu ezinzulu:

• “Andifanelwanga ngcono”
• “Lityala lam ubudlelwane bebubi.”
• “Andikwazi ukuba nobudlelwane obunempilo”
• “Andikwazi ukuthembela kwisigqibo sam.”

Ezi nkolelo ziphembelela i- ukuzithiya kwaye zisithintele ekuzakheni ngokutsha. Kubalulekile ukubachonga kwaye usebenze endaweni yabo ngeengcinga zokwenene nezinenkathalo.

Ukoyisa imvakalelo yokuba “uchithe ixesha” kubudlelwane

Amaxhoba amaninzi azibek’ ityala ngokuba “bechithe” iminyaka kubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Le ngcinga ivuselela ihlazo nokuzithiya. Ukoyisa le mvakalelo:

• Yazisa ukuba wenze ngolwazi kunye nezibonelelo ozifumanayo ngelo xesha
• Zixabise izifundo namandla owafumeneyo kula mava
• Gxininisa kwixesha langoku nakwixesha elizayo kunokukhangela kwixesha elidlulileyo
• Khumbula ukuba ubomi bakho busaqala, nokuba ungakanani na

Qonda ukuba imfesane ayikokuzicingela

Amaxhoba amaninzi anoloyiko lokuba ukubonisa uvelwano luhlobo oluthile lokungakhathali okanye ukungakhathali. Kwinyani:

• Imfesane yobuqu iyimfuneko ukuze uphilise kwaye uqhubele phambili
• Ikuvumela ukuba uqaphele ukubandezeleka kwakho ngaphandle kokuzigweba
• Inika amandla okufunda kumava kwaye wenze ukhetho olungcono kwixesha elizayo
• Akubandakanyi ukuthabatha uxanduva, kodwa kuthetha ngendlela eyakhayo

Ukuziqhelanisa novelwano sisenzo senkalipho, kungekhona ubuthathaka.

Ukusebenzisa unyango ukukhulula amaqhina eemvakalelo anzima

Unyango lunokuba sisixhobo esibalulekileyo ekoyiseni ihlazo kunye nokuzithiya emva kobudlelwane narcissistic:

• Umgqirha okhethekileyo unokukunceda ukuba uchonge iipateni ezinobuthi
• Unyango lubonelela ngendawo ekhuselekileyo yokujonga iimvakalelo zakho ngaphandle kokugweba
• Ubuchwephesha obufana ne-EMDR bunokunceda ukunyanga umonzakalo
• Unyango lweqela lunokuqhawula ukuba yedwa kwaye lunike inkxaso

Ungalibazisi ukufuna uncedo lwengcali kwinkqubo yakho yokuphilisa.

Ukuguqula ihlazo libe ngamandla: ukubaluleka kokwabelana kunye nokuncedana

Ukwabelana ngamava akho kunokuba sisixhobo esinamandla sokuphilisa:

• Ukujoyina iqela lenkxaso kunokukwenza uqonde ukuba awuwedwa
• Ukunceda amanye amaxhoba kunokunika intsingiselo kumava akho
• Ukunika ubungqina kunokunceda ukwazisa ngobudlelwane obuyityhefu
• Ukuncedana ngokulinganayo komeleza ukuzithemba nokuziva uxhotyisiwe

Ukuguqula amava akho ekuncedeni abanye kunokuba linyathelo elibalulekileyo kwinkqubo yakho yokuphilisa.

Ukuphinda uzenzele umfanekiso omhle: ngaphaya kobudlelwane obuyityhefu

Ukuzichaza kwakhona emva kobudlelwane be-narcissistic yinkqubo ebalulekileyo:

• Jonga izinto ozithandayo kunye nezinto onomdla kuzo ezibekwe ecaleni ngexesha lobudlelwane
• Zibekele usukelo olutsha lobuqu
• Bhiyozela iimpawu zakho kunye nempumelelo, nokuba zincinci
• Zingqonge nabantu abakuxabisayo ngale nto uyiyo ngokwenene

Kancinci kancinci, uya kwakha umfanekiso oqinisekileyo kunye nowenyani, kude nogqweso olubekwe yi-narcissistic manipulator.

Ireferensi yebhayibhili malunga “nentloni nokuzithiya”

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhili kumxholo wehlazo nokuzithiya:

1. Kohut, H. (1971). Le soi et la honte. Paris : Éditions du Seuil.
2. Lévine, S. (2002). La honte : un sentiment à explorer. Paris : Éditions de l’Atelier.
3. Brunner, J. (2008). Haine de soi et identité. Paris : L’Harmattan.
4. Grosjean, P. (2010). La honte : entre souffrance et libération. Paris : Éditions Desclée de Brouwer.
5. Schoenfeld, A. (2015). La honte et la culpabilité : deux émotions clés en psychothérapie. Paris : Éditions Erès.
6. Teyssier, C. (2017). La haine de soi : un état de délabrement psychique. Paris : Éditions Odile Jacob.
7. Lecoq, J. (2019). Honte et résilience : chemin vers soi. Paris : Éditions Robert Laffont.

Isiphelo: Inkululeko ehlazweni, indlela eya kwinzaliseko

Ukuzikhulula kwihlazo kunye nenzondo emva kobudlelwane nomntu okhohlisayo yinkqubo ethatha ixesha, umonde kunye novelwano. Khumbula, awuzange “uvumele” ukuxhatshazwa, njengoko uGqr. Romney esitsho. Ubulixhoba lenkohliso entsonkothileyo, yaye umnqweno wakho wokukholelwa kokona kulungileyo kwabanye kuluphawu, kungekhona ubuthathaka.

Ngokuzisebenzela, uzijikeleze ngenkxaso, kwaye uziqhelanise novelwano, awukwazi kuphela ukoyisa le mvakalelo imbi, kodwa ukhule kwaye uphumelele. Amava akho, nokuba abuhlungu kangakanani na, anokuba ngumthombo wamandla nobulumko bekamva.

Hlala ukhumbula ukuba ufanelwe uthando, intlonipho kunye nolonwabo. Isiphelo sobudlelwane obunetyhefu ayisosiphelo ngokwaso, kodwa sisiqalo sobomi obutsha apho unokuthi ekugqibeleni ube nguwe ngokupheleleyo.