Inzondo ekujuleni: Ukuqonda nokunqoba imiphumela yobudlelwano obunobuthi

Ukuba sebudlelwaneni nomuntu okhohlakele kushiya izibazi ezijulile. Ngisho sebuphelile ubudlelwano, abesifazane abaningi bazithola benenkinga yemizwa yokuzonda okunzima ukuyichaza. Lesi sihloko sihlose ukukhanyisa izindlela zale nzondo ekujuleni komuntu siqu kanye nokuphakamisa izindlela zokuzikhulula kancane kancane kuyo.

Kungani le nzondo ijule ngemuva kobudlelwane nomuntu okhohlakele?

Ubudlelwano nomuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic bulimaza kakhulu ukuzethemba komuntu. Ngokukhohlisa kwakhe kanye nezakhe ukubamba ngokwengqondo, i-narcissist ikwazi ukwenza umlingani wakhe azingabaze, amakhono akhe kanye nenani lakhe. Uveza amaphutha akhe nokungazethembi kuye.

Kancane kancane, isisulu sigcina lokhu kubuka okuhlazisayo ngaphakathi. Sigcina sizibona ngamehlo omhlukumezi waso bese siqala isithombe esibi. Lokhu ukuzizonda ngokuvamile ihlala isikhathi eside ngemva kokuphela kobudlelwano.

Ukubonakaliswa okuqondile kokuzizonda

Le nzondo engaphakathi ingazibonakalisa ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene:

• Ukubonakaliswa kwangaphakathi

  Ukuzizonda kuqala kuziveza enkulumweni yangaphakathi, lelo zwi eligxekayo elihleba ngokungakhathali kwethu. Ihumusha ku-:

  • Ukuphelela kokugula okufihla ukunganeliseki okujulile
  • Ukuzehlisa okuhlelekile
  • Imicabango ephindaphindayo yokwehluleka nokungafaneleki
  • Ukungakwazi ukwamukela izincomo
  • Ukuthambekela kokuzicekela phansi

  Ukubonakaliswa kokuziphatha

  Le nzondo itholakala nasezenzweni zethu zansuku zonke:

  • Theukuzihlukanisa emphakathini njengendlela yokuvikela
  • Ukusesha okuyimpoqo kokuqinisekisa kwangaphandle
  • Ukuziphatha okuzilimazayo (ukulutha, ukuthatha ingozi)
  • Ulaka olungazenzisi olubhekiswe wena kanye nabanye
  • Ukutshala imali ngokweqile emsebenzini ukuze ubalekele ukubhekwa

  Ukubonakaliswa ngokomzimba

  Umzimba uba yitiyetha ethule yale mpi yangaphakathi:

  • Ukuqina kwemisipha okungapheli
  • Ukuphazamiseka kokulala
  • Izinkinga zokugaya eziphindaphindayo
  • Ukukhathala okuqhubekayo
  • Izimpawu zesikhumba (eczema, dermatitis)

Qaphela imvelaphi yangaphandle yale nzondo ekujuleni kwakho

Isinyathelo sokuqala sokuzikhulula kule nzondo ekujuleni kwakho wukubona ukuthi akuyona eyakho. Kwabekwa phezu kwakho ngaphandle yi-narcissistic pervert.

Le nzondo empeleni iveza amaphutha kanye nokungazethembi kwe-narcissist. Engakwazi ukuzithwala, waziveza kuwe ukuze uzisuse. Usuphenduke isizinda sokuzizonda kwakhe.

Ukuqonda izindlela ze-narcissistic pervert

Ukuze uzihlukanise kangcono nakho, kubalulekile ukuqonda izindlela eziqhuba i-narcissistic pervert:

• Ukungavikeleki okujulile kusithwe ngemuva kwengaphambili lokuzethemba ngokweqile
• Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokuzizwa uphakeme kunabanye
• Ukungakwazi ukwamukela amaphutha nokwehluleka komuntu siqu
• Ukuntuleka okuphelele kozwela kwabanye
• Isidingo sokulawula nokukhohlisa ukuze uziqinisekise

Eqinisweni, i-narcissist ihlushwa umuzwa ojulile wokuzizwa uphansi. Ukuze anxephezele lokhu, ufuna ukululaza nokulawula abanye. Ukuzonda kwakhe okusobala kumane nje kuyinkomba yokuzizonda kwakhe.

Buyisela ubunikazi bokulandisa kwakho komuntu siqu

Isinyathelo esibalulekile wukuphinde ulawule indaba yakho. I-narcissist ngokungangabazeki izamile ukuphoqelela inguqulo yakhe yamaqiniso, ngokukwenza ungabaze imibono yakho nezinkumbulo zakho.

Isikhathi sokuphinda ufune ulwazi lwakho futhi ukuqinisekise. Themba imizwa yakho nezinkumbulo zakho. Nguwe kuphela owazi iqiniso lalokho ohlangabezane nakho. Ungangabazi ukubhala phansi indaba yakho, lokhu kungasiza ekubuyiseni amandla phezu kokulandisa kwakho.

Khomba futhi ukhiphe izinkolelo ezikhawulelayo

I-narcissistic pervert cishe ifake kuwe izinkolelo eziningi ezingezinhle ngawe. Kubalulekile ukufunda ukuzibona futhi uzibuze.

Bhala phansi imicabango engemihle ephindelelayo onayo ngawe. Bese uzibuza:

• Zivelaphi ngempela lezi zinkolelo?
• Ingabe zingezakho ngempela noma lezi ezibekwe phezu kwakho?
• Imaphi amaqiniso aphathekayo angawaphikisa?

Kancane kancane, uzokwazi ukuhlukanisa lezi zinkolelo ezinobuthi futhi ubeke esikhundleni sakho umbono olungile futhi ozinakekelayo.

Ukufunda ukuzithanda nsuku zonke

Zikhulule ku- ukuzizonda kuhlanganisa nezenzo ezibambekayo nsuku zonke:

• Zijwayeze ukuzwelana nawe: ziphathe ngomusa ofanayo nobewungenza ngawo umngane
• Zithokozise ngezikhathi zobumnandi nokuphumula ngaphandle kokuzizwa unecala
• Nakekela umzimba wakho ngokudla okunempilo nokuzivocavoca
• Zizungeze nabantu abakhathalelayo nabasekelayo
• Bungaza ukunqoba kwakho okuncane nokukhulu
• Veza ubuhlakani bakho ngobuciko, ukubhala, ukudansa…

Lezi zenzo zothando ngawe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi zincane kangakanani, zizosiza ukwakha kabusha ukuzethemba kwakho.

Ukupholisa amanxeba angokomzwelo kusukela esikhathini esidlule

Ubudlelwano nomuntu ohlanekezela i-narcissistic ngokuvamile buvuselela amanxeba amadala, ngezinye izikhathi aqala kusukela ebuntwaneni. Kungase kudingeke ukuthi uhlole futhi welaphe lokhu kuhlukumezeka okwedlule ukuze uzikhulule ngokugcwele.

Ungangabazi ukuphelezelwa uchwepheshe kulo msebenzi ojulile. Imithi yokwelapha efana ne-EMDR noma i-ICV ingasebenza kakhulu ekwelapheni ukuhlukumezeka.

Guqula inzondo ekujuleni kwakho kube ukufunda

Noma ngabe isipiliyoni sakho besibuhlungu kangakanani, singaba umthombo wokukhula komuntu siqu. Inzondo ingaguqulwa ibe ukuhlakanipha namandla uma ukhetha ukufunda kuyo:

• Yini oyifundile ngawe kulokhu okuhlangenwe nakho?
• Yiziphi izimfanelo nezinsiza oye wazihlakulela ukuze ubhekane nazo?
• Ungakusebenzisa kanjani lokhu ukuze usize abanye abantu?

Ngokunikeza incazelo kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho, uthola amandla kabusha endabeni yakho.

Isibindi sokuvula uthando futhi

Ukwesaba ukuphinde ulinyazwe kungakwenza uzivale othandweni. Nokho ukuzivulela ubudlelwano obunempilo kubalulekile ukuze ululame ngokugcwele.

Zinike isikhathi sokuzakha kabusha, kodwa gcina inhliziyo yakho ivulekile. Funda ukwethemba ukwahlulela kwakho ukuze ubone izimpawu zobudlelwano obunempilo, nokwanelisayo.

Uthando lweqiniso lungenzeka, futhi ukufanele.

Ireferensi yezincwadi zokuqonda inzondo ekujuleni ngaphakathi kwakho

Nazi izikhombo zebhayibheli eziyisikhombisa endikimbeni yenzondo nemizwelo yangaphakathi:

1. UMarty, R. (1994). Inzondo Nesifiso: Ukungazi Okukhona Embuzweni. Paris: Presses Universitaires de France.
2. Bion, W. R. (1962). Okuhlangenwe nakho Kwemizwelo. I-Paris: Editions de Minuit.
3. Fenichel, O. (1972). Inzondo Nomona. I-Paris: I-Payot.
4. Sartre, J.-P. (1946). I-Existentialism iwubuntu. I-Paris: Izinguqulo Nagel.
5. Brenner, H. (1973). Izisekelo Zenzondo. I-Paris: Izinguqulo ze-Payot.
6. Bourdieu, P. (1998). Ukubusa Kwabesilisa. I-Paris: Éditions du Seuil.
7. ULévy, B. (2010). Ukuzizonda: Ukusuka Ekucindezelekeni Kuya Ebudloveni. I-Paris: I-Editions Plon.

Isiphetho: Ukusuka enzondweni kuye ekuzithandeni, indlela ephilisayo

Ukuzikhulula enzondweni yakho ngemva kobudlelwane nomuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic kuyinqubo ethatha isikhathi nokubekezela. Yiba nomusa kuwe kulolu hambo.

Khumbula ukuthi le nzondo akuyona eyakho. Kwabekwa phezu kwakho ngaphandle futhi ungakhetha ukuzikhulula kukho. Isinyathelo ngesinyathelo, ungafunda ukuzithanda futhi uzithembe futhi.

Inani lakho lingaphakathi futhi alincikile emibonweni yabanye. Ufanelwe uthando nenhlonipho, ngoba nje wena. Ungalokothi ukhohlwe leli qiniso eliyisisekelo endleleni yakho yokuphulukisa.