THE ubuqu bobuxoki, okanye “umntu oxokayo,” yingcamango edla ngokunxulunyaniswa namava okwenzakala okunzulu. Oku kuqhawulwa konxibelelwano phakathi “kobuqu bobuxoki” kunye “nobuqu bokwenyani” kunokuchaphazela impilo-ntle yabo ngokweemvakalelo, ukukwazi kwabo ukwakha ubudlelwane bokwenyani, kunye neemvakalelo zabo zobuqu. Kweli nqaku, siza kuhlalutya ubudlelwane phakathi kobubuxoki kunye nomonzakalo, oonobangela bayo, iziphumo zayo, kwakunye nekhonkco layo ukusetyenziswa kakubi kwe-narcissistic kunye neemvakalelo.
Yintoni isiqu sobuxoki okanye isiqu sobuxoki?
THE ubuqu bobuxoki sisicwangciso esiliqili esiphuhliswa ngabanye abantu ngokusabela kwiimeko ezinobutshaba okanye ezinxunguphalisayo, ezihlala ziqala ebuntwaneni. Eli gama, elaziwa nguDonald Winnicott, ugqirha wengqondo, lichaza i-facade ekhuselayo esetyenziswa ngumntu ukufihla ubuyena bokwenyani. Ngamanye amazwi, umntu ongeyonyani luhlobo lwesigqubuthelo somzwelo esisithathayo ukuze sihambelane nokulindelwe ngabanye, ngakumbi xa siziva singakwazi ukubonisa ubuntu bethu bokwenyani ngenxa yokoyika ukwaliwa, ukuva ubuhlungu okanye ukohlwaywa.
Ngokungafaniyo ‘nomntu wokwenene,’ oyimbonakaliso yokwenene yobuntu, iimvakalelo, neminqweno, umntu wobuxoki uphenjelelwa ziingcinezelo zangaphandle. Izibonakalisa kwindlela yokuziphatha elungelelaniswe nokulindelekileyo kwabanye, izithethe zasekuhlaleni okanye iimfuno zobudlelwane obuxhaphazayo obulawulayo. Abantu abaye bahlakulela isiqu sobuxoki banokuziva benqanyuliwe kwiimfuno zabo kunye neminqweno, ngamanye amaxesha ukuya kwinqanaba lokungazi ukuba bangobani ngokwenene.
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Izizathu zokuphuhliswa komntu wobuxoki
Ukwakhiwa komntu wobuxoki ngokuqhelekileyo kuyimpendulo kwintlungu yabantwana. Izizathu ezininzi zinokuchaza ukukhula kwayo, kubandakanywa:
- Iimeko zeentsapho ezixhatshazwayo okanye ezingakhathalelwanga: Abantwana abakhulela kwiintsapho apho iimfuno zabo zovakalelo zingafikelelwa, okanye okubi ngakumbi, apho baxhatshazwa khona ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwasemoyeni, banokuba nobuntu bobuxoki ukuze bazikhusele. Bafunda ukulungelelanisa indlela abaziphatha ngayo ukuze baphephe ungquzulwano okanye bafumane imvume encinane.
- Ubudlelwane namanani anegunya le-narcissistic: Umntu ongeyonyani naye unokubumba kwiimeko apho umntwana ekhuliswa ngumzali ophethe i-narcissistic okanye olawulayo. Kolu hlobo lobudlelwane, umntwana akaxatyiswa ukuba ungubani na, kodwa ngendlela ahlangabezana ngayo neemfuno zomnye. Oku kumtyhalela ekubeni avisisane nemfaneleko okanye umfanekiso obekwe ngumzali.
- Ukuphathwa kakubi ngokweemvakalelo okanye ukuxhaphaza: Ubudlelwane obunobutyhefu okanye obuxhaphazayo, nokuba yintsapho, uthando okanye intlalontle, nazo ziyizizathu zokuvela komntu ongeyonyani. Ngaphantsi kwempembelelo yokuxhatshazwa okanye ubundlobongela obungokweemvakalelo, amaxhoba aphela ehlakulela ukuziphatha okuzama ukukholisa umthuthumbisi wabo ngelixa bekhanyela ukubandezeleka kwabo.
Ubuxoki kunye nokwenzakala: ikhonkco
Ikhonkco phakathi ubuxoki kunye nokwenzakala imiliselwe ngokunzulu kwisayikholoji yabantu abakhe bahlangabezana neemeko ezibuhlungu. Xa umntu esesichengeni sokuphathwa gadalala, ngakumbi kwimeko yobudlelwane (kubazali okanye kwezothando), bafunda kwangoko kakhulu ukucinezela iimvakalelo zabo eziyinyani kunye nokuthobela iimfuno zomxhaphazi.
Le ndlela yokukhusela inokubangela ukuhlukana phakathi kweemvakalelo zangempela kunye nomfanekiso umntu awubonisayo kwihlabathi langaphandle. Ngokomzekelo, umntu ojongene nokusetyenziswa kakubi kwe-narcissistic angabonakala esebenza ngokugqibeleleyo kwaye elungelelaniswe nentlalontle, kodwa afakwe ngaphakathi ngenxa yokuxhalaba, ukwesaba, kunye netyala. Ngaloo ndlela umntu wobuxoki uba yindlela yokuzikhusela kwiintlungu zeemvakalelo nokulahlwa.
Iziphumo zobuxoki kubomi bomntu ngamnye
Ukuphuhliswa komntu wobuxoki kuneempembelelo ezinzulu kwindlela umntu ahlangabezana ngayo nobudlelwane bakhe kunye nobudlelwane babo kunye nabo. Phakathi kwe iziphumo eziqhelekileyo kwisiqu sobuxoki, sifumana:
- Ukulahlekelwa yisiqu sakho : Abantu abahlala nomntu oxokayo banokuziva bengadibani ngokupheleleyo nesiqu sabo. Le dissonance yangaphakathi inokukhokelela ekudidekeni kwesazisi, ukuziva ungento yanto ngokweemvakalelo kwaye, ekuhambeni kwexesha, ukungakwazi ukuzazi ngokwenene.
- Ubunzima boBudlelwane : Abantu abaye bamkela umntu ongeyonyani bahlala benobunzima bokuseka ubudlelwane bokwenyani nobunzulu. Basenokuziva ngathi bahlala bedlala indima ethile, besenza kube nzima ukwenza unxibelelwano olunyanisekileyo nolwanelisayo.
- Iziphazamiso zemood kunye nokuxhalaba : Ukuhlala kwimeko yokungavisisani ngokusisigxina phakathi komntu wobuxoki kunye nomntu wenene kunokubangela uxinzelelo olukhulu ngokweemvakalelo. Abantu banokuchaphazeleka kuxinzelelo, ukuxhalaba, okanye ukuphazamiseka kwe-dissociative ngenxa yolu xinzelelo lwarhoqo lwesiqu sabo sokwenyani.
- Emotional Ukuxhomekeka : Rhoqo, abantu abathi baphuhlise ubuntu bobuxoki baye baxhomekeke kwabanye ukuze bachaze ukuzithemba kwabo. Bahlala befuna imvume yangaphandle kuba abaziva bekhuselekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba baqinisekise iimvakalelo zabo kunye neminqweno.
Ukuxhatshazwa okungeyonyani kunye ne-narcissistic: ubudlelwane obuyityhefu
Enye yeendlela ezixhaphakileyo zobuxoki buzibonakalisa kuyo ubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo kunye nabantu be-narcissistic. I-Narcissists idla ngokuba ngabakhohlisi beemvakalelo abanyanzela amaxhoba abo ukuba aziphathe ngendlela ehambelana noko bakulindeleyo. Le nkqubo yolawulo ityhala amaxhoba ukuba azincame ukuze ahlangabezane neemfuno zomnye umntu.
Kolu hlobo lobudlelwane, umntu oxokayo yindlela yokuba ixhoba lisinde kwindawo enetyhefu. Nangona kunjalo, ekuhambeni kwexesha, olu tshintsho lunokuba ngumgibe. Ixhoba liphela lithandabuza indlela elizibona ngayo izinto, lisoloko lizibuza ukuba asingonobangela wengxaki kusini na. Oku kuthandabuza okusisigxina komeleza imvakalelo yokuziva unetyala, eyona nto ingundoqo kwikhonkco phakathi komntu wobuxoki kunye nomonzakalo.
Ukuqukumbela
THE ubuqu bobuxoki yindlela yokhuselo entsonkothileyo, edla ngokuvela ukwenzakala ngokweemvakalelo okanye ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo. Nangona ekuqaleni isebenza ukukhusela umntu kwiintlungu kunye nokubandezeleka, kunokukhokelela ekuqhawulweni okunzulu kunye nobunzima bobudlelwane bexesha elide. Ukuphilisa lo mntu wobuxoki kufuna ukuqaphela ukubandezeleka kunye nomsebenzi onzulu wokubuyisela uxhulumaniso kunye nomntu oyinyaniso.
Ukuqonda le nto kunye nekhonkco layo ukwenzakala ibalulekile kwabo bafuna ukuphinda bakhe emva kweminyaka yokuziqhelanisa neendawo ezinetyhefu. Kwabaninzi, le nkqubo yokuphilisa ayifuni kuphela ukudibanisa kunye nobunikazi babo bokwenyani, kodwa kunye nokwakhiwa kweendlela zokuxhatshazwa ezikhuthaza ukubonakala kobu bubuxoki.
Ngaba ufuna ukuthetha nomntu oqondayo?
I-Cristina ixhasa amaxhoba e-narcissistic manipulators iminyaka. Isicwangciso sesenzo esibambekayo ukusuka kutshintshiselwano lokuqala. Iseshini yoqeqesho lwevidiyo yomntu ngamnye (iSkype okanye iWhatsApp) — €100 ngeseshoni nganye.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.