Intiyo kunye nengqumbo emva kobudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator

Uye wafumana ubudlelwane obunetyhefu kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator kwaye ngoku iphelile, uziva wonganyelwe ziimvakalelo zentiyo kunye nenzondo. Ezi mvakalelo zibukhali ziqhelekile emva kokuphathwa kakubi kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokwasengqondweni, kodwa zinokuba ngumthwalo okuthintela ukuba uqhubele phambili. Eli nqaku liza kukunceda uqonde inzondo kunye ne-rancor kwaye ufumane iindlela ezinempilo zokujongana nazo ukuze uphinde unoxolo lwengqondo.

Wuqonde umahluko phakathi komsindo nengqumbo

Umsindo yimvakalelo yokwemvelo nesempilweni evelayo xa ujamelene nokungabikho kokusesikweni nokuphathwa kakubi. Isenokuba ngamandla aqhubayo ukuze azikhusele kwaye azibambe. Kwelinye icala, ukuba nenzondo luhlobo oluthile lomsindo olukhula ngokuhamba kwexesha uze ube yityhefu. Ibonakaliswa ngu:

• Izimvo zomonakalo owenziweyo
• Umnqweno wokuziphindezela ohleli kwiingcinga zakho
• Ukuziva ubukrakra obutyhefa ubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla
• Ubunzima bokuqhubela phambili kunye nokugxila kwintlalontle yakho

Kubalulekile ukuqonda umahluko phakathi kwezi meko zimbini zovakalelo ukuze ukwazi ukuzilawula ngokufanelekileyo.

Kutheni le nto inzondo ikhona emva kobudlelwane be-narcissistic?

Ubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator ihlala ishiya iziphumo ezinzulu zeemvakalelo ezikhuthaza ukubonakala kwengqumbo:

• Uye waphathwa kakubi ngokuphindaphindiweyo ngokwasengqondweni
• Ukuthembela kwakho kuwe nakwabanye kophukile
• Uziva ungcatshiwe kwaye usetyenziswa
• Uziva ngathi uchithe ixesha namandla kobu budlelwane
• I-narcissist ibonakala iphunyuka ngaphandle kokulimala kwaye iqhubeke nobomi bayo ngokungathi akwenzekanga nto.

Ezi zinto ziphembelela imvakalelo yokungabikho kokusesikweni enokuthi ngokulula ijike ibe yintiyo enenkani ukuba ayilawulwa.

Iingozi zokubambelela kwintiyo nengqumbo

Nangona ezi mvakalelo zinokubonakala zifanelekile, ukubamba kuzo kubeka imingcipheko emininzi kwimpilontle yakho kunye nokuphilisa:

• Bagcina unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo kunye neqabane lakho langaphambili le-narcissistic
• Ziyakuthintela ukuba ungagxininisi kunyango lwakho kunye nokukhula
• Zinokuchaphazela kakubi ubudlelwane bakho bexesha elizayo
• Zinempembelelo eyingozi kwimpilo yakho yexesha elide yengqondo kunye nomzimba
• Bakugcina ukwimeko yexhoba kunokuba ube ngumdlali weqonga ebomini bakho.

Indlela yokuguqula umsindo wakho ube yinto efanelekileyo?

Umsindo unokuhanjiswa ngendlela eyakhayo ukukunceda uphile kwaye uqhubele phambili:

1. Vuma ukuba semthethweni komsindo wakho ngaphandle kwesigwebo
2. Yiveze ngeendlela ezisempilweni (imidlalo, ubugcisa, ukubhala, unyango)
3. Yisebenzise njengenkuthazo yokubeka imida ecacileyo kubudlelwane bakho bexesha elizayo
4. Yitshintshe ibe kukuzimisela ukwakha kwakhona ubomi bakho ngokwemiqathango yakho.

Intiyo nengqumbo: Iimpembelelo ebomini

Impembelelo yentiyo nengqumbo ibonakala ngokunzulu kubomi bethu, ichaphazela ubudlelwane bethu kunye nempilo yethu yengqondo.

• Iimpembelelo zomntu
  • Ilahleko yolonwabo ebomini
  • Ubunzima bokuthembela
  • Ukwahlukaniswa koluntu
  • Iingxaki zempilo yomzimba kunye nengqondo
• Iziphumo zobudlelwane
  • Ukutshatyalaliswa kwamaqhina osapho
  • Ukungakwazi ukugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo
  • Ukubonisa i-negativity kwabanye
  • Isangqa esikhohlakeleyo yobulolo

Iindlela zokulawula iingcinga ezingaphaya kwamandla

Xa uzifumana unomdla malunga neqabane lakho langaphambili le-narcissistic okanye unemibono yokuziphindezela, zama ezi ndlela:

• Mindfulness: jonga iingcinga zakho ngaphandle kokuzigweba, emva koko uzivumele zidlule.
• Isiphazamiso esihle: zibandakanye nomsebenzi owonwabileyo ukuqondisa kwakhona ingqalelo yakho
• Visualization: khawube nomfanekiso ngqondweni weengcinga zakho ezimbi zihamba njengamafu esibhakabhakeni.
• Ukuzivela: Ziphathe ngobubele njengoko ubuya kwenza kumhlobo wakho.

Ukwakha kwakhona ukuzithemba ukuze woyise inzondo nengqumbo

A buthathakaukuziqinisekisainokuphembelela inzondo. Nantsi indlela yokomeleza:

• Chonga kwaye ubhiyozele iimpawu zakho kunye nempumelelo
• Zibekele usukelo olusengqiqweni nolufikelelekayo
• Zinyamekele ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo
• Funda ukuthi hayi kwaye ubeke imida efanelekileyo
• Zijikeleze ngabantu abakuxabisayo.

Isenzo sokuxolela njengesixhobo senkululeko

Ukuxolela akuthethi ukuzithethelela ngezenzo zomntu othanda ukulwa okanye ukudibana kwakhona. Sisenzo sokuzikhulula:

• Qonda ukuba uxolelo yinkqubo, ayisosiganeko sexesha elinye
• Qala ngokuzixolela iimpazamo ocinga ukuba uzenzile.
• Yiba nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wokuxolelwa njengesenzo sokukhulula amatyathanga akho ngokweemvakalelo
• Ziqhelanise nemithambo yoxolo ekhokelwayo okanye ubhale ileta yoxolo ongayi kuyithumela.

Xa kufuneka udibane nengcali?

Ukuba, phezu kwayo nje imigudu yakho, uziva wonganyelwe yintiyo nengqumbo, musa ukuthandabuza ukuya kugqirha wengqondo. Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi ukuba:

• Iimvakalelo zakho ezingalunganga zichaphazela kakhulu umgangatho wobomi bakho
• Uneengcinga zokuzibulala okanye ukuzenzakalisa
• Uziva ungakwazi ukusebenza ngokuqhelekileyo kubomi bemihla ngemihla
• Uhlakulela ukuziphatha okukhobokisayo ukuze umelane neemvakalelo zakho

Umgqirha unokukunceda ukujongana noxinzelelo olusisiseko kwaye uphuhlise iindlela zokuhlangabezana nempilo.

Isalathiso sebhayibhilografi ngentiyo nengqumbo

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi kumxholo wentiyo nengqumbo:

1. Cohen, É. (2008). La haine des autres. Essai sur les mécanismes de la haine collective. Paris : Éditions de la Maison des sciences de l’homme.
2. Bourdieu, P. (1997). La domination masculine. Paris : Seuil.
3. Sartre, J.-P. (1948). Réflexions sur la question juive. Paris : Gallimard.
4. Lemoine, D. (2015). La rancœur, un poison pour la société. Paris : Éditions du Cerf.
5. Meyer, C. (2016). Haine et désir. L’éthique de la passion. Paris : Presses universitaires de France.
6. Tilly, C. (2003). La haine. Une sociologie des violences. Paris : Éditions La Découverte.
7. Fischer, L. (2011). L’angoisse de la haine : La guerre des émotions dans le conflit israélo-palestinien. Paris : Éditions de l’Aube.

Ezi mbekiselo zigubungela iinkalo ezahlukahlukeneyo zentiyo nengqumbo.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqukumbela, inzondo kunye nenzondo ziimpendulo zendalo emva kobudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator, kodwa kubalulekile ukuba ungagxili kuzo. Ngokufunda ukulawula ezi mvakalelo ngendlela eyakhayo kwaye ujonge kwakhona ukukhula kwakho, awukwazi ukuzikhulula kuphela kwi-grip, kodwa ukwakha ubomi obanelisayo nobunyani. Khumbula ukuba eyona “mpindezelo” yakho kukuphila ngokupheleleyo nangolonwabo, ukhululekile kwimpembelelo eyityhefu yeqabane lakho langaphambili le-narcissistic.