Ukuqonda iAnxious Attachment kuBudlelwane kunye neNarcissistic Manipulator

Njengowasetyhini obekubudlelwane nomntu okhohlisayo, uyayazi indlela anokuba buhlungu kwaye aphazamise ngayo la mava. Ukungabi naluvelwano kwe-narcissistic manipulator, ukukhohlisa, kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kuhlasela ukuzithemba kwakho kunye nokukwazi kwakho ukwenza unxibelelwano olunempilo. Embindini wolu tshintsho luyityhefu ludla ngokuba luhlobo oluthile lokuncamathela: ukuncamathela okunexhala.

Yintoni ukuncamathela okunexhala?

Ukuncamathela okunexhala sisimbo sokuncamathela esikhula ngokuqhelekileyo ngexesha lobuntwana xa iimfuno zeemvakalelo zomntwana zingafezekiswanga ngendlela ezinzileyo nengaguquguqukiyo ngamanani abo okuncamathela. Oku kungakhuselekanga kwangaphambili kubangela ukuba abantu abadala bafune ukuqinisekiswa rhoqo kunye nokusondelana ngokomzwelo, kudibaniswa noloyiko olunzulu lokulahlwa.

Kubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator, oku kuncamathela okunexhala kuzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezininzi:

1. Imfuno egqithisileyo ye-inshurensi

Abantu abanobudlelwane obuxhalabileyo banesidingo esiphantse singaneliseki sokuvunywa kunye nokuqinisekiswa kwakhona kwiqabane labo. Bachitha ixesha labo bekhangela iimpawu zokuba iqabane labo liyabathanda kwaye babambelele ngokungxamisekileyo kuzo zonke izenzo zothando. Ngelishwa, i-manipulator ye-narcissistic ayikwazi ukuzalisekisa le mfuno, eyenza kuphela ixhala.

2. Ukoyika rhoqo ukulahlwa

Uloyiko lokulahlwa ngumthombo omkhulu wokuxhalaba kumntu onobudlelwane obunexhala. Utolika ukuziphatha kakubi ngakunye, umgama ngamnye ukusuka kwiqabane lakhe njengomqondiso wokuba uza kwaliwa. Ixhoba line-ehlala lisoyika ukushiywa . Olu loyiko lungekho ngqiqweni luhlala lumtyhala ukuba athathe ulawulo, umona okanye ukuziphatha okucengayo, nto leyo eyenza imeko ibe mandundu.

3. Ukuzijongela phantsi

Ukuba nexhala rhoqo kukhatshwa kukungazithembi. Umntu uziva engalufanelanga uthando nengqalelo yeqabane lakhe, nto leyo ebenza babe sesichengeni sokugxekwa kunye nokuphathwa kakubi kwi-narcissistic manipulator. Emva koko akabi nangxaki yokumkhulisa umntwana, amjongele phantsi aze amenze azive enetyala.

Iimpawu zokuncamathisela okunexhala

Abantu abanobudlelwane obuxhalabileyo badla ngokuziva bekhuselekile rhoqo kubudlelwane babo. Bayasokola ukuze baziqinisekise kwaye bamisele imida esempilweni, balixabise kakhulu iqabane labo ngelixa bezijongela phantsi. Bafuna ngokungxama ukuvunywa kunye nokusondelana ngokweemvakalelo, nto leyo ebenza babe sesichengeni sokukhohlisa i-narcissistic.

Imigibe yeAnxious Attachment kubudlelwane obuyityhefu

Abantu abanamathele ngokuxhalabileyo badla ngokuhlala kubudlelwane obungenampilo, nangona bexhatshazwa. Bazithethelela kwaye bathethelele indlela yokuziphatha kwe-narcissist, bebeka ityala ngokwabo kunye neziqu zabo. Oku kuguquguqukayo kubavalele kumjikelo okhohlakeleyo womonzakalo kunye nokuba likhoboka.

Ukuncamathela okunexhala kubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator

Ubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator ibonelela ngomhlaba ochumileyo wophuhliso okanye ukonakala kokuncamathela okunexhala, ukudala iwebhu entsonkothileyoukulawulwa ngokweemvakaleloapho ngokuthe ngcembe kuba nzima ukubaleka.

Inqanaba lokuqala lokuthatha

• Ukuthanda ukuqhushumba ngokudala ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo
• Umbono ogqithisileyo wokuqinisa iipateni zokuncamathela ezinxungupheleyo
• Ukudalwa kweqamza lobudlelwane elihlukanisa ixhoba
• Ukufakwa kokuzithemba ngokupheleleyo kulandelwa yi-micro-traumas

Iindlela zokuphelisa uzinzo

• Utshintsho olungalindelekanga phakathi koqingqo-maxabiso nokuthotywa kwexabiso
• gaslighting okucwangcisiweyo kudala ukuthandabuza malunga nenyani
• Unxantathu nabanye abantu ukuvelisa umona
• Ukugxekwa rhoqo ukugcina imeko esisigxina yokungakhuseleki

Ubudlelwane obuyityhefu

Xa ibhinqa elinobudlelwane obunxungupheleyo lizifumana likubudlelwane ne-narcissistic manipulator, umjikelo onetyhefu uyabamba. Isidingo esiqhubekayo sowesifazane sokuqinisekiswa sihambelana ngokugqibeleleyo nonxano lwe-narcissistic manipulator yokulawula kunye namandla. Emva koko unokudlala kobu buthathaka, amaxesha atshintshanayo okuhenda kakhulu (“ibhombu yothando”) kunye nezigaba zokuchaswa kunye nokuhla.

Oku kutshintshana phakathi kwe-devaluation kunye nokuhla kwexabiso kudala “i-attachment bond” uhlobo lokwenzakala kwabasetyhini. Uzifumana evaleleke kubudlelwane apho aziva enomtsalane kwaye egxothiwe, ethandwa kwaye ethiyiwe. Oku kubizwa ngokuba “yi-attachment trauma.”

Ukoyisa i-Anxious Attachment kwi-Toxic Relationship

Ejongene nolu tshintsho lutshabalalisayo, ibhinqa elinxungupheleyo linokuzikhulula njani lize azakhe kwakhona? Nazi ezinye iingcamango:

1. Yazi ukuncamathela kwakho okukuxhalabileyo

Inyathelo lokuqala kukuqonda izizathu zokuncamathela kwakho ixhala kunye neendlela zokusebenza kubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Oku kuya kukuvumela ukuba ungabi saziva unetyala okanye unesiphene, kodwa ukuqonda ukuba ezi patheni zobudlelwane zinemvelaphi ebuntwaneni. Olu lwazi lunokuququzelelwa ngokufunda iincwadi ezithetha ngalo mbandela okanye ngokubonisana neengcali. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba ukuncamathela okunexhala yimpendulo eguquguqukayo kumava adlulileyo kwaye hayi isiphene somntu.

2. Zihlukanise ngokwasemoyeni kwi-narcissistic manipulator

Ukophula unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator ngumceli mngeni obalulekileyo kumntu onobudlelwane obunexhala. Kuthatha ixesha, umonde kunye noncedo lwangaphandle. Unyango olukhethekileyo kumothuko onxulumene nokuncamathela lunokuba yimfuneko.

Indlela ethi “akukho qhagamshelwano” ingaba sisixhobo esinamandla sokuququzelela eli qela. Kukwaluncedo ukugcina ijenali ukukhuphela ngaphandle iimvakalelo zakho kwaye ufumane umbono kwimeko.

3. Yakha kwakhona ukuzithemba okusempilweni

Ukuthotywa kwexabiso kubudlelwane obuyityhefu kuye konakalise ukuzithemba. Kubalulekile ukuba usebenze ngokutsha lo mlinganiso, ngokuzijikeleza nabantu abanenkathalo kunye nokuphumeza imisebenzi enomvuzo. Kancinci kancinci, umfazi uya kufunda ukuzithanda nokuzithemba. Ukuziqhelanisa novelwano mihla le yinxalenye ephambili yale nkqubo. Kunokuba luncedo ukwenza uluhlu lweempawu zakho kunye nempumelelo ukuchasana nemiyalezo engalunganga yangaphakathi.

4. Funda ukulawula ukuxhalaba kunye noloyiko lokulahlwa

Phuhlisa iindlela zokulawula uxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo, njengokucamngca okanye unyango. Funda ukujamelana noloyiko lwakho lokulahlwa ngendlela ephilileyo neyakhayo. Iindlela zokuphefumla nzulu kunye nengqondo zinokusebenza ngakumbi ekuthomalaliseni inkqubo ye-nervous. Ukuvezwa ngokuthe ngcembe kwiimeko ezibangela unxunguphalo oluphakathi, kwindawo ekhuselekileyo, kunokunceda ngokuthe ngcembe ukuthomalalisa olu loyiko.

5. Phuhlisa uncamathiselo olukhuselekileyo

Injongo yokugqibela kukuphuhlisa ukuncamathela okukhuselekileyo, oko kukuthi ukukwazi ukudala amaqhina azinzileyo ngokweemvakalelo, asekelwe ekuthembekeni kunye nentlonipho. Oku kunokubandakanya unyango, amaqela enkxaso okanye nokwakha ubudlelwane obutsha obusempilweni.

Le nkqubo ibandakanya ukuphonononga kwakhona iinkolelo zikabani malunga nesiqu sakhe kunye nolwalamano, oludla ngokutyelelwa ngamava exesha elidlulileyo. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba utshintsho lunokwenzeka, nokuba kuthatha ixesha.

6. Yenza unyango

therapy, ngokufanelekileyo kunye nengcali egxile kubudlelwane obuyityhefu, iya kukunceda uqonde iipateni zobudlelwane bakho kwaye uphuhlise indlela yokuziphatha esempilweni. Iindlela ezinjengonyango lwengqondo yokuziphatha okanye i-EMDR inokusebenza ngokukodwa ekunyangeni umonzakalo wobudlelwane obuyityhefu. Ungalibazisi ukuthatha ixesha lokufumana ugqirha oziva uqinisekile kwaye ukhuselekile kuye.

7. Misela imida ecacileyo

Funda ukuthi hayi, zikhusele, kwaye uzikhwebule ngokwasemzimbeni nasemphefumlweni kwi-narcissistic manipulator xa kuyimfuneko. Ukhuseleko kunye nempilo yakho kufuneka ibe yeyona nto iphambili.

Qala ngamanyathelo amancinci, uziqhelanise neemeko eziphantsi koxinzelelo kuqala. Khumbula ukuba ukumisela imida kusisenzo sokuzithanda, kungekhona ukuzingca.

I-Bibliographic reference yokuqonda ukuncamathela okuxhalabileyo

Nazi iireferensi ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi kumxholo wokuncamathela okuxhalabisayo:

1. Bowlby, J. (1988). Une base pour l’amour : l’attachement et la perte. Paris : Éditions Odile Jacob.
2. Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. New York : Guilford Press.
3. Gosselin, P. (2011). Psychologie de l’attachement. Paris : Presses Universitaires de France.
4. Lécourt, A. (2015). L’attachement : une approche pluridisciplinaire. Paris : Éditions L’Harmattan.
5. Cohen, J. (2004). L’attachement et le développement de l’enfant. Lyon : Éditions Chronique Sociale.
6. Lange, I., & Vandenberghe, R. (2010). L’attachement : entre théorie et pratique. Bruxelles : De Boeck Supérieur.
7. Delage, N. (2018). L’anxiété et ses enjeux dans les relations affectives. Paris : Éditions Presses Universitaires de France.

Ezi zikhombisi ziya kukunika isiseko esiluqilima sokuhlola isihloko sokuncamathela okunexhala.

Isiphelo – Ufanelwe ngcono

Ukujongana ne-manipulator ye-narcissistic ngelixa une-attachment exhalabileyo yinto enzima kakhulu. Kodwa yazi ukuba awuwedwa kwaye ufanelwe ngcono ngokungenasiphelo kunobu budlelwane bunetyhefu. Ngoncedo kunye nexesha, kunokwenzeka ukuphula le patheni eyonakalisayo kwaye uzivule kwinyani, ukudibanisa ukudibanisa. Unazo zonke izixhobo ezingaphakathi kuwe ukuze ufike apho.