Ukuguqulwa okutyholayo: xa umxhasi we-narcissistic ekutyhola ngento ayenzayo

Ufuna ukuthetha ngentetho ehlazisayo, ubuxoki okanye ukungenelela kwifowuni yakho. Emva kwemizuzu embalwa, incoko iguqukela kumlingiswa wakho, ikhwele lakho okanye indlela othetha ngayo. Ugqiba ucela uxolo, nangona ingxaki yokuqala ingalungiswanga.

Kolu tshintsho kuxanduva oluhlala lubizwa ngokuba yi-adversarial inversion. Inokuvela kubudlelwane obuchazwa njenge-narcissistic, kodwa nakweminye imixholo. Ukuqonda le ndlela kukuvumela ukuba ubuyele kwiinyani kwaye ufune inkxaso ngaphandle kokuxilonga omnye umntu.

Igama elithi “narcissistic manipulator” yinxalenye yolwimi lwemihla ngemihla. Eli nqaku lichaza ukuziphatha kobudlelwane; ayikwazi ukuxilonga ukuphazamiseka kobuntu okanye ukumisela, ngokwayo, ukuba ngubani ochanekileyo kwimeko ethile.

Yintoni i-adversarial inversion?

Ukuguqulwa kwesityholo kubandakanya ukuguqula ugculelo kumntu owenzayo. Esikhundleni sokuphendula kwindlela yokuziphatha exeliweyo, u-interlocutor ubeka iphoso kuye okanye uzibonakalisa njengomntu ophosakeleyo. Isiqalo siyanyamalala emva kwesityholo esitsha.

Nanku umzekelo ongeyonyani: uthi “Ufunda imiyalezo yam ngaphandle kwemvume yam”. Impendulo iba “Ukuba akukho nto uyifihlayo, awunakukhathazeka.” Umbuzo wemvume uthatyathelwa indawo sisityholo sokufihla. Ufumanisa ukuba kufuneka ubonise ukunyaniseka kwakho, nangona ucele ukuba ubumfihlo bakho buhlonishwe.

Ukusabela okukodwa kokuzikhusela akwanelanga ukugqiba ukuba ukukhwabanisa kwenzekile. Iimpawu eziluncedo kukuphindaphinda, ukungabikho kokulungiswa, ukoyika ukuthetha, kunye nendlela olu tshintshiselwano luyinciphisa ngayo inkululeko yakho.

Ikhonkco kunye ne-DARVO: ukuphika, ukuhlasela, ukubuyisela iindima

Isazi ngengqondo uJennifer Freyd ucebise ingqikelelo DARVO ukuchaza ukusabela okuthile xa utyholwa: ukukhanyela iinyani, ukuhlasela umntu ozixelayo, emva koko ubuyisele umva iindawo zexhoba kunye nomenzi wobubi. I-Unikezelo lwembono kunye nophando lwenza umthombo othe ngqo wokuqonda le modeli.

• Nier: “Andizange ndiyithethe loo nto.”
• Attack: “Uyenza iingxaki, awuzinzanga.”
• Reverse: “Ndim ova ubunzima ngezityholo zakho. »

Ezi zivakalisi ziyimifanekiso eyintsomi, hayi uvavanyo. I-DARVO ichaza indlela enokwenzeka yokuphendula; ayibonakalisi ityala lomntu okanye ukuxilongwa kwe-narcissistic. Uphononongo olwenziwe nguHarsey noFreyd olupapashwe ngo-2020 luvavanya ngakumbi isiphumo solu hlobo lwempendulo kwizigwebo zababukeli kwiimeko zovavanyo. Ezi ziphumo azenzi ukuba kube nokusombulula impixano yomntu ngamnye.

Lolu tshintsho lunokuthatha luphi uhlobo?

Yenza impendulo yakho ibe sisihloko kuphela

Emva kwamazwi amaninzi ahlabayo, uyaliphakamisa ilizwi lakho. Omnye umntu uthetha ngethoni yakho kuphela: “Uyayibona indlela ondihlasela ngayo?” Ungavuma ukusabela ngelishwa ngelixa ugcina umxholo wokuqala.

Ukuguqula umda ube bubungqina bobubi

Uyala ukunika iipassword zakho, uboleke imali, okanye uphendule ngexesha lomsebenzi wakho. Oku kwala kuba “Uzicingela” okanye “Awundithandi”. Umda unokungonwabisi ngaphandle kokumisela ubundlongondlongo. Ukujonga ukuba ekugqibeleni kuyahlonelwa kuluncedo ngakumbi kunokuxoxa ngokubanzi ngemilinganiselo yakho yokuziphatha.

Ukwabela ezakho iindlela zokuziphatha kuwe

Umntu okujongileyo usenokukutyhola ngokufuna ukubalawula. Le meko ngamanye amaxesha ithelekiswa ne- iprojekti yengqondo . Nangona kunjalo, asikwazi ukufumanisa ukusebenza kwayo kwangaphakathi kwizivakalisi ezimbalwa. Chaza into ebonakalayo: ngubani oye wabonisana nefowuni, ngubani osongelayo, othintele uhambo.

Hlanganisa abo bakungqongileyo ngokuchasene nawe

Ibali elibhekiswa kubantu obathandayo linokushiya iinyani zokuqala kwaye libonise indlela osabela ngayo kuphela. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba uqinisekise wonke umntu ngoko nangoko. Khetha umntu othembekileyo kwaye uthethe ngemeko ethile, kunye nomxholo wayo, kunokuphindaphinda ukutshintshiselana koluntu.

Ukuguqulwa okutyholwayo, gaslighting kunye nokutyhola: yintoni umahluko?

Ezi ndlela zinokuthi zihambelane, kodwa azichazi into enye. Kwi-inversion ye-adversarial, uxanduva luyaguqulwa. Kwi-gaslighting, umntu unokukhokelelwa ekubeni athandabuze indlela abazibona ngayo izibakala. Ubutyala bufuna ukumisela isiphoso okanye ityala elingokweemvakalelo. Ukuqonda ukuguquguquka koxanduva lokutshintsha, jonga kwakhona ukuguqulwa kwemeko kubudlelwane.

Elona gama lichanekileyo lomatshini libaluleka ngaphantsi kwesiphumo sekhonkrithi: ngaba unokuthetha ngengxaki, ukuviwa kwaye ufezekise utshintsho? Okanye ngaba usoloko usincama isicelo sakho ukuze uphephe ukuziphindezela?

Usabela njani ngaphandle kokuvalelwa kwizithethe?

Ezi ngcebiso zilandelayo zizikhokelo ezisebenzayo zokuziqhelanisa nemeko yakho. Akukho sivakalisi siqinisekisa impendulo ezolileyo. Ukuba uyaloyika ubundlobongela, qala ufune uncedo kunye nendawo ekhuselekileyo.

1. Buyela kwinyani ethile. “Ndithetha ngomyalezo othunyelwe izolo, hayi ubuntu bam. » Ziphephe izityholo eziqhelekileyo ezivula iingxoxo ezininzi ngaxeshanye.
2. Ukwahlula izihloko. “Singaphinda sithethe ngethoni yam. Okwangoku, ndikucela ukuba ungaphindi uyifunde imiyalezo yam.” Ukuqaphela impazamo yakho akukulungisi umda wakho.
3. Nciphisa utshintshiselwano. Ukuba incoko ihlala ibuyela kwizithuko, ungayiphazamisa xa kukhuselekile ukwenza njalo: “Ndiza kuphinda ndiqalise le ngxoxo ngaphandle kwezithuko.”
4. Gcina imiqondiso ngaphandle kwencoko. Bhala phantsi, ukuba ayikuvezi, umhla, iinyani kunye namagama owakhumbulayo. Gcina imiyalezo ekhoyo kwindawo omnye umntu angakwazi ukufikelela kuyo. Ukusetyenziswa kwabo ngokwasemthethweni, funa iingcebiso kwingcali.
5. Buza imbono yangaphandle. Umbutho oxhasa amaxhoba okanye ingcali inokukunceda ukuba uhlolisise imeko kunye nezinto ozikhethayo, ngaphandle kokufuna ukuba uqale ubonise ukuba omnye umntu “yi-manipulative narcissist.”

Ukuba isixhobo sakho sibekwe iliso, amanqaku okurekhoda okanye ukukhangela uncedo kunokushiya umkhondo. Ukuthanda, xa unako, isixhobo esikhuselekileyo kunye notshintshiselwano oluyimfihlo nonxulumano. Musa ukuvusa ingxabano ukuze ufumane ukuvuma.

Ukwahlula njani ukungavisisani kwintshukumo exhaphazayo?

Ukungavisisani, wonke umntu unokukhusela inguqulelo yakhe. Ukukwazi ukuqaphela impazamo, ukumamela umda kunye nokutshintsha indlela yokuziphatha kuhlala kubalulekile. Ukukhathazeka okuguquguqukayo kuvela xa ukuthotywa okanye izoyikiso ziphindaphindwa, nayiphi na ingxoxo ikhokelela kwisohlwayo kwaye uhlala uhlengahlengisa ubomi bakho ukuze uphephe uloyiko.

Musa ukugweba nje umgangatho wokucela uxolo. Jonga iintshukumo ngokuhamba kwexesha. Isivakalisi esithambileyo esilandelwa lulawulo olufanayo asiyicombululi ingxaki. Ngokuchaseneyo, ukutshintshiselana okungalunganga okulandelwa kukulungiswa kwangempela kufuna ufundo olungakumbi.

Apho ukukhangela uncedo eFransi?

Kwimeko yengozi ekhawulezileyo, tsalela 17 okanye 112. Ukuba awukwazi ukuthetha ngokuvakalayo, ungaqhagamshelana ne-114 nge-SMS. I-3919 inikezela ngokumamela kunye nesikhokelo kumaxhoba abasetyhini obundlobongela kunye nabo bawangqongileyo; asiyonombolo kaxakeka. I-116 006 yinkonzo yenkxaso yexhoba. Imigaqo neenkqubo zicacisiwe kwi-Q kwiNkonzo yoLuntu: ubundlobongela basekhaya.

Ungacela uncedo nokuba awuqinisekanga ukuba leliphi igama omawulisebenzise nokuba awukagqibi kugqiba kwelokuba uhambe. Injongo kukufumana ukhuseleko, iindawo zokubhekisela kunye namathuba okuzikhethela.

Imibuzo ebuzwa qho

Ngaba umntu obuyisela izityholo kunyanzelekile ukuba abe nenkazana?

Hayi. Oku kuziphatha akwanelanga ukuchonga ukuphazamiseka kobuntu. Kufuneka sihlolisise iinyani, ukuphindaphinda kwazo kunye nemiphumo yazo kunokuba sifune ukuxilongwa kude.

Kuthekani ukuba ndiyakhwaza okanye ndithethe into ezenzakalisayo?

Ungaluthatha uxanduva ngaphandle kokwamkela uxanduva ngokubanzi kuyo yonke into eyenzekayo. Ingcali inokukunceda uqonde umxholo, imingcipheko kunye notshintsho oluyimfuneko.

Ngaba ufanele uxelele omnye umntu ukuba usebenzisa i-DARVO?

Ukuthiywa igama akunyanzeli omnye ukuba avume izenzo zabo kwaye kunokunyusa ungquzulwano. Umda obambekayo kunye nenkxaso yangaphandle idla ngokuba luncedo ngakumbi kunengxoxo-mpikiswano ngeleyibhile.

Imithombo kunye nemida

• Jennifer J. Freyd: DARVO Inkcazo kunye neeReferensi zoPhando.
• Harsey kunye noFreyd (2020), i-DARVO kunye nemibono yokuthembeka, iJenali ye-Aggression, i-Maltreatment & Trauma.
• Inkonzo yoLuntu: ubundlobongela basekhaya kunye neenkqubo zenkxaso.
• Masiluphelise ubundlobongela: ubundlobongela phakathi kwezibini .

Imithombo ihlolwe ngomhla we-4 Oktobha 2026. Imizekelo iyintsomi. Olu lwazi aluthathi indawo yodliwano-ndlebe nogqirha, isazi sengqondo okanye igqwetha.