I-manipulator enobundlobongela-Ikhangeleka njani?

Sithetha kakhulu ngokuxhatshazwa ngokwasengqondweni. Ukuyibeka ngokulula, ezi zizithonga ezingenakubonwa, ubuqhetseba obuchaphazela ingqondo yakho. Ingxaki enkulu xa kufuneka sithethe ngayo kubahlobo bethu, emapoliseni, kwijenda, akukho mntu uyibonayo into eyenzekayo kuba ngokukukhohlisa, i-narcissistic manipulator iyakutshabalalisa. Kodwa, ngaba lo mntu uyakwazi ukuza kuqhushululu? ukuxhatshazwa emzimbeni? 

Ngaba umbhexeshi we-narcissistic angaba nobundlobongela?

Ayingabo bonke abenzi bobuqhophololo ababhenela kubundlobongela. Imagazini yaseMelika iphonononge amaphononongo angama-437 malunga ne-narcissism kunye nobundlongondlongo obubandakanya itotali yabathathi-nxaxheba abangaphezu kwe-123,000. I-Narcissism ifunyenwe inxulumene nokunyuka kwe-21% kubundlobongela kunye nokwanda kwe-18% yobundlobongela. Kolu phononongo, aba ngabantu abandlongondlongo ingakumbi xa becatshukisiwe kodwa baphinde babe ndlongondlongo xa bengacaphukiswanga.

Oku kungadala kuthi imeko yeukuqaphela okukhulu, nasemva kokwahlukana naba bantu. Kukho ukubethwa, ukuthukwa, ngamanye amaxesha kwanokuhleba, ukungcungcuthekisa abanye uze udlale njengexhoba. 

Ingaba kukho umahluko phakathi kwendoda enobundlobongela kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator?

Ewe, kukho umahluko phakathi kwendoda exhaphazayo kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator. Indoda enobundlobongela ithwaxwa bubundlobongela ngokwasemzimbeni kwaye umxhaphazi we-narcissistic unobundlobongela ngokwasengqondweni. Kwi ubundlobongela ngokwasemzimbeni, ixhoba lisenokuba nemizila eseleyo: imikrwelo, amanqaku, ukwaphuka, imikhondo yeDNA xa kudlwengulwe. Ubulungisa bunezinto eziphathekayo ezininzi ezinokuthathela ingqalelo oku. Emva koko, sineemeko apho amanxeba aphelile kwaye amanxeba ayanyamalala emva kweentsuku ezimbalwa. 

Kwelinye icala, kukho iintlobo zobundlobongela ngokwasengqondweni apho ukuthathelwa ingqalelo kokubandezeleka akubonwa. Kungaphakathi kwaye naxa kukho ubundlobongela obusemzimbeni, emva kwayo kulele ukuthotywa, ukuthotywa, ukuxhaphaza. Inobunzima kwaye ihlala ixesha elide. Isenzeko solawulo sibuhlungu kwaye kunzima ukoyisa.  

Narcissistic pervert kunye nobundlobongela basekhaya

Singathetha nge-manipulator ye-narcissistic xa kukho ukusetyenziswa okukhulu kweendlela zokukhohlisa. Ngokuphathelele ubundlobongela basekhaya, buqala ngokuchanekileyo apho sigqibe ekubeni buqale khona. 

Ngokusisiseko, rhoqo, asinabuganga bokumisela umda nomntu esimthandayo kuba sisoyika ingxabano encinci ukuze singabeki umda kwaye omnye umntu aqhubeke. 

Sihlala sibhekisa ngaphandle: ngaba abanye bacinga ukuba yinto eqhelekileyo okanye hayi. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba sizicingele ngoko sikulungeleyo ukukwamkela.  Yintoni esingafuni ukuyamkela?  Ngokuqinisekileyo akuphelelanga kumntu wesithathu ukusixelela ukuba uphi na umda. Ngoko ke, wonke umntu kufuneka achaze ukuba uphi umda wakhe. 

Ubundlobongela bomntu okhohlisayo buzibonakalisa njani?

Ubundlobongela bomntu okhohlisayo buziveza ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo nezahlukileyo:

1. Ukuxhatshazwa

• umntu okhohlisayo uzibonakalisa ephakamile kunexhoba lakhe,
• he/uphambi kwakho kwaye akavumi ukubuya umva: awunakukhetha kodwa kufuneka ulinde okanye uhlehle kwaye unyamezele le nto ithethwa ngumcuphi we-narcissistic. Akashukumi kwaye ngenxa yoloyiko olungaphakathi kuwe, unyanzelekile ukuba ubuye umva, 
• I-manipulator ye-narcissistic iphosa kwaye yaphule izinto: ngomsindo, iyakwazi ukuphosa izinto kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, kwiimeko zomsindo ogqithisileyo, inokugibisela ezi zinto kuwe, 
• he/uyakwazi ukunkqonkqoza ezindongeni, kwiingcango nakwiifestile,  
• I-manipulator ye-narcissistic inokoyikisa ekungeniseni: uya kuqhekeza izinto kwaye athi “le nto ndikwazi ukuyenza”. Akukho ukunxibelelana ngokwasemzimbeni kodwa isoyikiso siyinyani ngokungathi kwenzekile.

2. Ukuba wedwa

• I-manipulator ye-narcissistic ingena emva kwevili kwaye iqalise ukuqhuba ngendlela enobungozi, iyakhawuleza, ibeka ingozi ngokungakhathali. Akukho nto unokuyenza. 
• Uthathwa okanye utshixelwe kwindawo ekwanti, 
• Uyathuka i-narcissistic manipulator xa kunetha kakhulu ngaphandle ngenxa yokuba awukwazi ukuphuma, 
• Xa ugula, i-narcissistic manipulator ayibizi ugqirha.

3. Ukuzibamba

• I-manipulator ye-narcissistic ikubambile
• Xa uqhuba, uthatha ithuba lokukungxolisa okanye akukhwaze, awukwazi ukuphuma emotweni okanye utsibe uphume emotweni, kunyanzeleke ukuba umamele, 
• I-manipulator ye-narcissistic iya kukuvalela kuyo yonke indawo: tshixa ucango, ubambe ucango, ubambe izitshixo zemoto yakho, utshixe imoto, wophule ifowuni yakho, ubambe ingalo yakho ngokuqinileyo, 
• Unemvakalelo yokuvalelwa entolongweni.

4. Ubundlobongela

• I-manipulator ye-narcissistic iya kukubetha,
• ukukhaba kunye nokubetha,
• twist ingalo,
• ikutyhale, 
• ukulwa nawe,
• hustle wena,
• ikuluma,
• ikuqhwabe ngempama,
• kukubetha ngento,
• shaka wena,
• pinch wena,
• ukukrwitsha,
• tsala iinwele zakho,
• I- iyatsala,
• kutshisa wena,
• I- ikunqumle, ikuhlabe,
• I-manipulator ye-narcissistic iya kuhlala ifumana isizathu sokuthethelela ubugwenxa babo. 

Ekugqibeleni, ukuba likheswa nokoyikiswa kuba yinto eqhelekileyo. Yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba sibe ndindisholo kuyo. Ubundlongondlongo bulindelekile kwaye abusasothusi. I-narcissistic manipulator inobundlongondlongo kangangokuba ayisamangalisi. I-manipulator ye-narcissistic iya kuqinisa uhlaselo lwakhe, izoyikiso zomlomo ngokuchasene naye, usapho, abo basondeleyo kuye. Kufuneka ubaleke kwangoko!

Iimbekiselo zeBibliographic kumxholo wabenzi bobugwenxa be-narcissistic

Nazi iireferensi ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi kumxholo wabenzi bobugwenxa be-narcissistic:

1. Hirigoyen, Marie-France. Le harcèlement moral : la violence perverse au quotidien. Paris : Éditions La Découverte, 1998.
2. Racamier, Paul-Claude. Les perversions narcissiques. Paris : Presses Universitaires de France, 1992.
3. Eiguer, Alberto. Le pervers narcissique et son complice. Paris : Dunod, 2010.
4. Sirota, André. Pervers narcissiques : comprendre, déjouer, surmonter. Paris : Éditions Le Manuscrit, 2017.
5. Hirigoyen, Marie-France. Femmes sous emprise : les ressorts de la violence dans le couple. Paris : Oh ! Éditions, 2005.
6. Bouchoux, Jean-Charles. Les pervers narcissiques. Paris : Éditions Eyrolles, 2011.
7. Hirigoyen, Marie-France. Séparations avec enfants. Paris : Éditions La Découverte, 2024.

Le misebenzi ibonelela ngokuqonda okunzulu kwiindlela zokugqwethwa kwe-narcissistic kunye nobundlobongela obunxulumeneyo, ngokwethiyori nangokwenza.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqukumbela, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba ubundlobongela bee-narcissistic manipulators bunokuthatha iindlela ezifihlakeleyo, ezingabonakaliyo, kodwa eziyonakalisa ngokunzulu. Ubuqhophololo bazo kunye nokoyikisa kwabo kubambe isigxina ekunzima ukwaphula. Ugonyamelo lwasemzimbeni lunokuba yinxalenye yomfanekiso, lusenza ingozi ibe yeyokwenene ngakumbi. Kubalulekile ukuba uzibekele imida kwaye uziqonde iimpawu zoxhatshazo ukuze uzikhusele kwaye uphume kulo mgibe. Ukubaleka ngokukhawuleza kudla ngokuba yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuzigcina kunye nokuzakha kwakhona.