Violent Narcissist – How Does It Look?

We talk a lot about psychological attacks. To put it simply, these are blows that cannot be seen, manipulations that affect your brain. The big problem when we have to talk about it to our friends, to the police, to the gendarmerie, no one sees what is happening because by dint of manipulating you, the narcissist destroys you. But, is this person also capable of coming to blows? to have physical abuse on you? 

Can a narcissist become violent?

Not all narcissists resort to violence. An American magazine reviewed 437 studies on narcissism and aggression involving a total of over 123 participants. Narcissism has been found to be linked to a 000% increase in aggression and an 21% increase in violence. In these studies, these are people who are particularly aggressive when provoked but are also aggressive when unprovoked.

This can create a state of hypervigilance in us, even after the breakup with these people. There are physical attacks, verbal attacks, sometimes even gossip, bullying others and then posing as the victim. 

Is there a difference between a violent man and a narcissist?

Yes, there is a difference between a violent man and a narcissist. The violent man afflicts physical violence and the narcissist afflicts psychological violence. In physical violence, the victim may have traces that remain: bruises, marks, fractures, traces of DNA in case of rape. Justice has more material elements to take into account. Afterwards, we have cases where the bruises fade and the wounds disappear after a few days. 

On the other hand, there are types of psychological violence where the taking into account of the suffering is not seen. It is interior and even when there is physical violence, behind that hides a lowering, a humiliation, a manipulation. It weighs and lasts longer. The phenomenon of influence is painful and difficult to overcome.  

Narcissist and domestic violence

We can speak of a narcissist when there is a massive use of narcissistic perverse mechanisms. With regard to domestic violence, it begins very precisely where we decide that it begins. 

Basically, very often, we don’t dare to set the limit in front of the person we love because we are afraid of a little argument so we don’t set the limit and the other continues. 

We always refer to the outside: do other people think it’s normal or not. It is very important to reflect for ourselves what we are ready to accept. What do we not want to accept. It is certainly not up to a third party to tell us where the limit lies. So everyone should define where their limit is. 

How does the violence of a narcissist present itself?

The violence of a narcissist comes in various and different forms:

1. Bullying

• the narcissist shows himself superior to his victim,
• he/she faces you and refuses to back down: you have no choice but to have to wait or back off and put up with what the narcissist has to say. He/she does not move and because of the fear that is in you, you are forced to step back, 
• the narcissist throws and breaks objects: under anger, he/she is able to throw objects and sometimes, in case of extreme rage, he/she can throw these objects at you, 
• he/she can knock on walls, doors and windows,  
• the narcissist can frighten to obtain submission: he/she will break objects and say that “this is what I am capable of”. There is no physical contact but the threat is just as real as if it had happened.

2. Isolation

• The narcissist takes the wheel and begins to drive in a dangerous way, he/she accelerates, he/she takes reckless risks. You can’t do anything. 
• You are taken or locked up in a secluded place, 
• You insult the narcissist when it’s raining extremely hard outside because you can’t get out, 
• When you are sick, the narcissist does not call the doctor.

3. Restraint

• The narcissist is holding you back
• When you’re driving, he/she takes the opportunity to yell or yell at you, you can’t get out of the car or jump out of the car, you have to listen to him, 
• The narcissist will block you from everywhere: lock the door, hold a door, steal your car keys, lock the car, break your phone, hold your arm tight, 
• You have a sense of imprisonment.

4. Aggression

• The narcissist will hit you,
• kicking and punching,
• twist arm,
• push you, 
• beat you up,
• hustle you,
• bite you,
• slap you,
• hit you with an object,
• shake you,
• pinch you,
• choke you,
• pull your hair,
• drag you,
• burn you,
• cut you, stab you,
• the narcissist will always find a reason to justify their brutality. 

Eventually, isolation and intimidation become commonplace. It is so frequent that one becomes insensitive to it. The aggression is expected and no longer shocks. The narcissist is so aggressive that it is no longer surprising. The narcissist will intensify his attacks, his verbal threats on himself, the family, the relatives. You must flee immediately!

Bibliographic references on the theme of violent narcissists

Here are seven bibliographical references on the subject of violent narcissists:

1. Hirigoyen, Marie-France. Moral harassment: perverse violence in everyday life. Paris: La Découverte Editions, 1998.
2. Racamier, Paul-Claude. Narcissistic perversions. Paris: University Press of France, 1992.
3. Eiguer, Alberto. The narcissist and his accomplice. Paris: Dunod, 2010.
4. Sirota, André. Narcissists: Understanding, Outwitting, Overcoming. Paris: Le Manuscrit Editions, 2017.
5. Hirigoyen, Marie-France. Women under control: the causes of violence in couples. Paris: Oh! Editions, 2005.
6. Bouchoux, Jean-Charles. Narcissists. Paris: Eyrolles Editions, 2011.
7. Hirigoyen, Marie-France. Separations with children. Paris: La Découverte Editions, 2024.

These works offer an in-depth understanding of the mechanisms of narcissistic perversion and associated violence, both theoretically and practically.

Conclusion

In conclusion, it is crucial to understand that the violence of narcissists can take insidious, invisible, but deeply destructive forms. Their manipulation and intimidation exert a lasting and difficult to break hold. Physical violence can also be part of the picture, making the danger all the more real. It is essential to set your own limits and recognize the signs of abuse to protect yourself and get out of this cycle. Fleeing quickly often becomes the best way to preserve yourself and rebuild yourself.