Ugcino olulolunye kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator: ukuba siyayamkela, siyicel’ umngeni njani

Ngexesha lokwahlukana, umbuzo uphakama ngokukhawuleza: “Kuthekani ukuba besinokugcinwa kunye?” »Inikelwe njengesona sisombululo sinobulungisa, indawo yokuhlala eyenye isoloko ibonwa njengeyona ilungele abantwana. Ngomntu owayesakuba ngumlingane we-narcissistic manipulative, inyaniso inzima kakhulu.

Usenokuba uyazibuza ukuba ngaba ufanele ukwamkele na, ukuba ukwala kuya kukwenza udimazeke phambi kwejaji, okanye indlela yokucel’ umngeni ilungelo lokugcina elihlangeneyo esele likhona elibangela ukuba abantwana bakho babandezeleke. Eli nqaku likunceda ukuba ubone izinto ngokucacileyo, ngaphandle kokuthatha indawo yengcebiso yegqwetha.

Ugcino oludibeneyo ngamagama ambalwa

Kumthetho waseFransi, sithetha endaweni ye-alternate residence. Umntwana uhlala ngokulandelelana nabazali bakhe ngamnye, ngokweshedyuli echaziweyo (zonke iiveki, umzekelo). Bobabini abazali bayaqhubeka besebenzisa igunya lobuzali kunye, oko kukuthi, ukwenza izigqibo ezibalulekileyo eziphathelele umntwana kunye.

Abazali banokuvumelana ngale ndlela yokuhlala, okanye ijaji yemicimbi yeentsapho (JAF) inokugqiba. I-Igunya lomzali kwimeko yokwahlulwa kwabazali iphepha kwi-service-public.fr libonisa iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokukhetha kwaye linikezela ngeemodeli zesivumelwano.

Ijaji ihlala ithatha isigqibo ngokungqinelana neumdla womntwana. Phakathi kwezinto ezithathelwa ingqalelo, i-Civil Code (inqaku 373-2-11) ikhankanya ngokukodwa uqheliselo lwangaphambili lwabazali, iimvakalelo ezivakaliswa ngumntwana, ukukwazi komzali ngamnye ukuhlonela amalungelo omnye, kunye noxinzelelo okanye ugonyamelo, ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwasengqondweni, olwenziwa ngumzali omnye komnye.

Kutheni ukugcinwa ngokubambisana kuyingxaki kunye ne-narcissistic manipulator

Indawo yokuhlala engenye isebenza kakuhle xa abazali bekwazi ukunxibelelana, bathembane kancinane baze babeke umntwana ngaphambi kokungafani kwabo. Kumzali osebenza njenge-narcissist, kuvela iingxaki ezininzi.

Uqhagamshelwano olusisigxina kunye ne-ex

Ukutshintshana kufuna ukutshintshiselana rhoqo: ishishini elilityelweyo, umsebenzi wasekhaya, ukuqeshwa kwezonyango, imisebenzi. Utshintshiselwano ngalunye lithuba lokungquzulana, ukunyeliswa okanye ukuqhatha.

Umntwana phakathi

Umzali okhohlisayo usenokusebenzisa umntwana njengothunyiweyo, ambuze ngomnye umzi, amjongele phantsi phambi kwakhe okanye amtyhale ukuba athabathe icala. Umntwana ke uhlala qho ngeveki kwimozulu yoxinzelelo.

Ngamanye amaxesha inkuthazo engaqondakaliyo

Abanye abazali bacela ilungelo lokugcina umntwana ngenxa yomnqweno wokwenene wokunyamekela umntwana wabo. Abanye bayenza ngokuyinhloko ukuba “bangalahleki”, ukunciphisa i-alimony okanye ukugcina i-ex. Kule meko yesibini, umntwana unokutyalwa kancinci xa esekhaya.

Iingxaki zonxibelelwano ezithintela izigqibo ezidibeneyo

Ukukhetha isikolo, ukugunyazisa ukuphuma, ukuququzelela ukulandelwa kwezonyango: yonke into iba yingxoxo, nokuba yimfazwe. Sichaze imithetho yonxibelelwano ehlengahlengisiweyo kwinqaku lethu malunga ne-co-umzali nge-narcissistic pervert.

Ngaba kufuneka samkele ilungelo lokugcina umntwana kunye?

Akukho mpendulo inye. Konke kuxhomekeke kwimeko, ubudala babantwana, ukuziphatha komnye umzali kunye nento onokuyibonisa. Imibuzo embalwa inokukunceda ucinge.

• Ngaba omnye umzali wayebanyamekela ngokwenene abantwana ngaphambi kokwahlukana?
• Ingaba bekukho ubundlobongela, ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwasengqondweni, kwisibini okanye ebantwaneni?
• Ngaba abantwana bakhuselekile yaye baseluxolweni xa besekhaya?
• Ngaba amakhaya asondelelene, ukuze isikolo nemisebenzi ihlale ifana?
• Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukutshintshisa ubuncinci bolwazi ngokubhaliweyo ngaphandle kokunyuka?
• Bangaphi abantwana? Kubantwana abaselula, ukutshintshisana kubuza imibuzo ethile yokuzinza.

Ukuba iimpendulo ezininzi ziyakukhathaza, kusemthethweni ukucela omnye umbutho, umzekelo indawo yokuhlala kwikhaya lakho kunye namalungelo okundwendwela kunye nokuhlala komnye umzali. Ayikokuhlutha umntwana uyise okanye unina: kukhetha esona sikhokelo sikhuselayo.

Indlela yokukhuphisana okanye ukwala ilungelo lokugcina ngokudibeneyo

Ukwala ukugcinwa ngokudibeneyo akunakwenziwa ngokuthi nje “ungumkhohlisi we-narcissistic”. Ijaji ayifuni ukulawula kwiprofayili yengqondo, kodwa kwizinto ezinomdla womntwana, ngokusekelwe kwizinto eziphathekayo.

Izinto eziluncedo

• Imiyalezo ebhaliweyo ebonisa ukungenakwenzeka kokunxibelelana, izithuko, izoyikiso.
• Attestations ezivela kwizalamane, ootitshala, iingcali eziye zaqwalasela iinyani ezithile.
• Izatifikethi zonyango zakho okanye abantwana.
• Izikhalazo okanye ii-handrails sele zifakiwe.
• I-A log of facts: ukulibaziseka, unyango oluphosiweyo, ukungabikho kwizithuba, izimvo ezichazwe ngabantwana.

Imilinganiselo enokuthi ijaji iyalele

• i-social survey, ukuvavanya iimeko zokuhlala kwikhaya ngalinye;
• Ubuchule bengqondo yabazali nabantwana;
• i-indlebe yomntwana okwazi ukuqonda, ngubani onokucela ukuba aviwe;
• indawo yokuhlala enye okwethutyana , ixesha eliqingqiweyo, phambi kwesigqibo sokugqibela.

Ukuba ukugcinwa ngokubambisana sele kulungele kwaye imeko iyancipha, unokuya kumgwebi kwakhona ukuze ucele ukuguqulwa, ngokubonelela ngezinto ezintsha.

Ukulungiselela ngokufanelekileyo eli nyathelo, funda amanqaku ethu ukhetha igqwetha elichanekileyo ngokuchasene negqwetha le-narcissistic kunye ne- ephumelele enkundleni ngokuchasene ne-PN.

Kwimeko yobundlobongela

Ukuba wena okanye abantwana bakho niye naphathwa ngogonyamelo, le meko yahlukile. Ijaji yenkundla yeentsapho inokukhupha i-Umyalelo wokukhusela, ekwazi ukuququzelela ngokuphawulekayo indawo yokuhlala yabantwana kunye nemigaqo yamalungelo okufikelela. Oku kunokwenziwa kwindawo yokuhlangana, phambi kweengcali.

Iphepha le-Ilungelo lokutyelela kunye nendawo yokuhlala likwakhumbula ukuba, njengenxalenye yamanyathelo okukhusela amaxhoba, ijaji inokugunyazisa umzali ukuba angathethi ngedilesi yakhe.

Uluhlu lokukhangela: lungisa ifayile yakho

1. Qhagamshelana negqwetha lomthetho wosapho ngokukhawuleza, ngokufanelekileyo phambi kwaso nasiphi na isindululo esibhaliweyo esivela kuwe.
2. Musa ukutyikitya nasiphi na isivumelwano phantsi koxinzelelo, nokuba sesomzuzwana, ngaphandle kokuba usifunde kwakhona.
3. Qokelela ubungqina obubhaliweyo: imiyalezo, ii-imeyile, iileta, ngokuzigcina ngaphandle kwefowuni yakho.
4. Gcina ijenali yayo yonke into echaphazela abantwana.
5. Buza iziqinisekiso kubantu ababone iinyani ezithile.
6. Ngaba ijongwe ngokwezonyangonayiphi na ingozi kwimpilo yakho okanye eyabantwana.
7. Hlala ugxininise kumntwana ekubhaleni kwakho kunye nabaphulaphuli: iimfuno zakhe, ukhuseleko lwakhe, ukuzinza kwakhe.
8. Fumana malunga ne-legal aid ukuba izixhobo zakho zilinganiselwe.

Yintoni abantwana abadibana nayo ngokutshintshana

Ngaphandle kwenkqubo-sikhokelo yomthetho, bajonge abantwana bakho. Ngabo ababona ukutshintshisana yonke imihla, kwaye indlela abasabela ngayo iyimiqondiso ebalulekileyo.

• Ngaba babuya bevela komnye umzali, benomsindo, berhoxile, okanye ngokuchasene noko bazolile?
• Ngaba baneengxaki zokulala, isisu esibuhlungu, ukuhla kweziphumo zesikolo malunga nokutshintsha kweveki?
• Ngaba baxela amagqabaza athobayo ngawe, okanye imibuzo enyanzelisayo malunga nobomi bakho?
• Ngaba babonakalisa uloyiko, okanye ngaba bayala ukuya ngaphandle kokuba bakwazi ukukucacisa oko?

Musa ukubabuza njengemibuzo kwaye ungabaceli ukuba bakhethe. Mamela, uqinisekise, uqaphele. Ukuba ukungonwabi kwabo kuyaqhubeka, isazi ngengqondo yomntwana sinokubanceda bachaze oko bajamelana nako, kwaye imbono yabo yobuchwephesha inokusikhanyisela ngale meko.

Isityholo sokwahluka kwabazali

Omnye umzali okhohlisayo udla ngokutyhola omnye “ngokwahluka kwabazali” ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba umntwana akafuni ukuya ekhayeni lakhe. Olu tshintsho lunokubangela ukungazinzi kakhulu, ngakumbi xa inguye okhusela umntwana.

Ukuzilungiselela, funda inqaku lethu kwi-ukwahlukaniswa kwabazali kwe-narcissistic pervert. Kwaye ngeengcebiso zemihla ngemihla, inqaku lethu elithi Ukukhusela intombi yam kuyise we-narcissistic inokukunceda.

Okona kubalulekileyo: khuthaza ngokubonakalayo ulwalamano lomntwana nomnye umzali xa kungekho ngozi, kwaye ubhale ngokuchanekileyo izibakala xa kukho. Le yeyona nto ikukhuselayo kolu hlobo lwesityholo.

Ii-FAQs

Ngaba ijaji ibeka ngokuzenzekelayo ilungelo lokugcina elidibeneyo?

Hayi. Indawo yokuhlala eyenye inokwenzeka phakathi kwezinye. Ijaji ithatha isigqibo ngokweminqweno yomntwana, ngokusekelwe kwizinto zefayile nganye.

Ngaba ukwala ilungelo lokugcina umntwana ngokudibeneyo kundenzakalise?

Ukwala okusengqiqweni, okusekelwe kumntwana nokuxhaswa ngezinto eziphathekayo, akuyongxaki. Into enokuba yingozi kukunika ingcamango yokufuna ukumkhuphela ecaleni omnye umzali ngaphandle kwesizathu.

Uneminyaka emingaphi umntwana anokunika uluvo lwakhe?

Akukho minyaka ibekwe ngumthetho. Nawuphi na umntwana okwaziyo ukuqonda unokucela ukuchotshelwa yijaji. Uluvo lwakhe luyaqwalaselwa, kodwa akanqumi yedwa.

Ngaba singabuyela kugcino oludibeneyo esele kugqitywe ngalo?

Ewe. Kwimeko yento entsha (ukunyakaza, ukuwohloka kwemeko, ukubandezeleka komntwana), unokucela ijaji ukuba iguqule isigqibo.

Ukuququmbela

Ugcino oludibeneyo alulunganga kwaye alubi ngokwalo. Nge-narcissistic manipulative ex, ifanelekile ukuba ihlolwe ngokucacileyo, ibuze ngaphezu kwayo yonke into ukuba ikhusela umntwana okanye iyandisa ingxabano. Indima yakho kukuveza iinyani, ngokuzolileyo, kunye nokuthethelela eyona ndawo ikhuselekileyo yabantwana bakho.

Ezi nkqubo zinzima. Ukuba ufuna inkxaso yokugcina intloko epholileyo kwaye uphinde ube nokuzithemba, ungafumana nkxaso kumaxhoba e-narcissistic perverts.

Eli nqaku linolwazi kwaye alithathi indawo yengcebiso yezomthetho: dibana negqwetha okanye umbutho oxhasa amaxhoba ngemeko yakho. Kwimeko yengozi: 3919 (Violences Femmes Info), 17 okanye 112; kumntwana osengozini, 119.

Imithombo

• Service-public.fr. Igunya labazali kwimeko yokwahlulwa kwabazali.
• Service-public.fr. Ilungelo lokutyelela kunye nendawo yokuhlala xa kuthe kwahlulwa abazali.
• Service-public.fr. Cela kwijaji yenkundla yosapho: ukukhutshwa komyalelo wokhuseleko.
• Service-public.fr. Uncedo lwezomthetho ngexesha lenkqubo eFrance.