Abantu Abakholisayo okanye Isidingo sokukholisa ngazo zonke iindleko

Ngaba wakha wayiva le mfuneko ingenakuthintelwa yokukholisa wonk’ ubani, nokuba oko kuthetha ukuzilibala? Ukuba kunjalo, akuwedwa. “Abantu abakholisayo”, okanye imfuno yokukholisa, kukuziphatha okuxhaphakileyo kunokuba sicinga. Masiyiphonononge le nto kunye kwaye sifumanise ukuba singazikhulula njani kuyo, ngakumbi xa sijongana nobuntu obuyityhefu obufana ne-narcissistic manipulators.

Yintoni “abantu abakholekileyo”? – Inkcazo

Abantu abakholisayo bazibonakalisa kutyekelo olugqithiseleyo lokufuna ukwamkeleka kwabanye, ngokufuthi oko kusonakalisa iimfuno nosukelo lukabani. Le ndlela yokuziphatha iyafana ne-aindlela yokuzikhuselangokwasengqondweni ezinokuba neziphumo eziyingozi kwintlalontle yomntu. Kodwa ivela phi imfuneko yokukholisa? Kutheni ndisoloko ndifuna ukukholisa? Le mibuzo isentliziyweni yokuqonda le nto.

Izalathisi zesidingo esigqithisileyo sokukholisa

Iimpawu ezininzi zinokubonisa ukutyekela “kubantu abakholisayo” kunye nesidingo sokukholisa wonke umntu:

1. Ubunzima bokwala izicelo
2. Utyekelo lokucela uxolo ngokugqithisileyo nangokungafanelekanga
3. Ukuphepha ungquzulwano olucwangcisiweyo
4. Ukuziva uxanduva olungaphaya kulonwabo lwabanye
5. Ukutyeshela iintswelo zikabani ngenxa yezabanye

Imvelaphi yengqondo “yabantu abakholisayo”

Le ndlela yokuziphatha ihlala ifumana iingcambu zayo kumava obomi bokuqala okanye iipatheni zobudlelwane obungasebenziyo. Inokuthi idibaniswe nokuzithemba okuphantsi, uloyiko olungenangqiqo lokuchaswa, okanye imodeli yentsapho engafanelekanga efakwe ngaphakathi ngexesha lophuhliso. Ukuqonda ukuba kutheni ufuna ukukholisa kubalulekile ukoyisa le ngxaki yobuntu.

Indlela yokuziphatha ekholisa abantu isoloko ineengcambu zayo kumava obuntwana, ingakumbi intsebenziswano nabazali okanye abantu abanegunya ababenobunzima bokwamkela imiba ethile yomntwana. La mava asenokuchaza ukuba kutheni le mfuno yokukholisa iqhubeka nokuba ngumntu omdala. Nalu uhlalutyo olunzulu lwesi siganeko:

Ukungahoywa ngokweemvakalelo – uMthombo onokubakho wabantu abonwabileyo

Abantwana abazidingo zabo zovakalelo zingahoywayo banokukhula a hypersensitivity kwiimfuno zabanye, befuna ukuhoywa nothando abangazange balufumane ebutsheni babo. Pha ukungahoywa ngokweemvakalelo kwenzeka xa iimfuno ezingokweemvakalelo zomntwana zingaqondwa ngokwaneleyo okanye zingaphunyezwa. t.

Iziphumo ekukhuleni komntwana kokungahoywa ngokweemvakalelo kwaye oku kudluliselwa ebuntwini obukhulu

1. Hypersensitivity kwiimfuno zabanye:
   • Umntwana ukhulisa isakhono esongezelelekileyo sokufunda iimvakalelo kunye neemfuno zabanye.
   • Le hypersensitivity iba yindlela yokusinda yokuqikelela nokwanelisa iimfuno zabanye.
2. Ukufuna rhoqo ingqalelo kunye nothando:
   • Umntwana ufuna ukuzalisa isithuba seemvakalelo ngokuhlala ezama ukukholisa abanye.
   • Ukuziphatha okukholisa abantu kuba licebo lokufumana uthando nengqalelo ephoswe ebuntwaneni.
3. Ubunzima bokuchonga iimfuno zomntu:
   • Umntwana, oqhele ukungazinanzi iimvakalelo zakhe, uyasokola ukuqaphela nokuvakalisa iimfuno zakhe njengomntu omdala.
   • Eyona nto iphambili inikelwa kwiimfuno zabanye kube kubi kwezakhe.
4. Ukuzithemba okuphantsi:
   • Ukungabikho kokuqinisekiswa ngokweemvakalelo kukhokelela ekuziboneni njengomntu ongalufanelanga uthando okanye ingqalelo.
   • Ukuzithemba kuye kuxhomekeke kakhulu kwimvume yangaphandle.
5. Qixhala lobudlelwane:
   • Uloyiko oluqhubekayo lokuphulukana nothando okanye imvume yabanye.
   • Utyekelo lokutolika ngokugqithisileyo indlela abasabela ngayo abanye kwaye uhlengahlengise indlela umntu aziphethe ngayo ngokufanelekileyo.

Iinkqubo zophuhliso “zabantu abakholisayo” ngenxa yokungahoywa ngokweemvakalelo

1. Mbuyekezo ulungelelwaniso:
   • Umntwana ufunda “ukugqibelela” okanye ukungabangeli ingxaki ukutsala ingqalelo elungileyo.
   • “Abantu abakholisayo” iba licebo lokuziva ubonwa kwaye uxatyisiwe.
2. OObservational learning:
   • Ukuba abazali ngokwabo “bakholisa abantu”, umntwana unokuyifaka ngaphakathi le ndlela yokuziphatha njengesiqhelo.
3. Ukuphepha ukwaliwa:
   • Umntwana ukhulisa ubuntununtunu bokwaliwa kwaye afune ukuyiphepha ngokuhlala enelisa abanye.
4. Lawula uphendlo:
   • Ujongene nemekobume engalindelekanga ngokweemvakalelo, abantu abakholisayo baba yindlela yokulawula ukusabela kwabanye.

Iimpendulo ezingafanelekanga zabazali ezikhokelela ekukholiseni abantu

Iimpendulo ezigqithisileyo okanye ezingafanelekanga zabazali kwindlela umntwana aziphethe ngayo zidlala indima ebalulekileyo ekuqiniseni imfuneko yokukholisa. Ezi mpendulo zabazali ezingafanelekanga zidala imeko yeemvakalelo engazinzanga nengalindelekanga, ebangela ukuba umntwana aphuhlise amacebo okuphila ngokweemvakalelo anokuthi aqhubeke abe mdala.

Umsindo ongalinganiyo

Umsindo wabazali uyazibonakalalisa xa umzali esabela ngomsindo ogqithisileyo ngenxa yeempazamo ezingephi okanye ukungavisisani okuncinane.

Impembelelo emntwaneni:

• Uphuhliso lweemvakalelo ezibukhali
• Utyekelo lokuqikelela nokuphepha nantoni na enokubangela umsindo
• Ukucinezelwa kwezidingo zomntu kunye nezimvo zakhe ukugcina uxolo

Ukurhoxiswa ngokweemvakalelo

ukurhoxa ngokweemvakalelo kwenzeka xa umzali eba kude okanye ebanda xa umntwana engenzi ngokokulindela kwabo.

Impembelelo emntwaneni:

• Uphuhliso lokungakhuseleki olunzulu ngokweemvakalelo
• Utyekelo lokuhlala ufuna imvume ukuze uphephe ukulahlwa ngokweemvakalelo
• I-hypervigilance kwiimpawu ezifihlakeleyo zokungavunyelwa

Iziphumo zexesha elide:

• Uloyiko lobudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye nobunzima bokwenza izinamathiselo ezikhuselekileyo
• Utyekelo lokuhlawula ngaphezulu kubudlelwane ukuphepha ukwaliwa
• Ubunzima bokuchonga nokuvakalisa iimfuno zomntu ngokweemvakalelo

Ukusuka enetyala ukuya ebantwini ukukholisa

I-guilt ibandakanya ukusetyenziswa rhoqo kwetyala njengesixhobo solawulo lwabazali.

Impembelelo emntwaneni:

• Ukuphuhliswa kwengqiqo ebaxiweyo yoxanduva kwiimvakalelo zabanye
• Utyekelo lokuzibeka ityala ngeengxaki zentsapho okanye zobudlelwane
• Ubunzima bokubeka imida enempilo ngenxa yokoyika ukwenzakalisa abanye

Iindlela zokuphuhlisa “abantu abakholisayo”

Ukujongana nezi mpendulo zabazali zigwenxa, umntwana uphuhlisa amaqhinga okusinda athi, nangona elungelelaniswa kwimeko yosapho, anokuba yingxaki xa emdala:

1. Hyper-adaptation: Umntwana ufunda ukusoloko ehlengahlengisa indlela aziphatha ngayo ukuze aphephe ukuphendulwa ngumzali.
2. Emotional suppression: Iimvakalelo “ezingalunganga” ziyacinezelwa ukuze zingabangeli iimpendulo ezingafanelekanga zabazali.
3. Ukuqapha rhoqo: Umntwana ukhulisa isakhono esongezelelekileyo sokufunda iimvakalelo zabanye, nto leyo eyonakalisa ukuqonda iimfuno zakhe.
4. Ukufuna imvume: Isidingo semvume siba yimfuneko ukuze uzive ukhuselekile kwaye uthandwa.
5. Perfectionism: Ukufuna ukugqibelela kuba yindlela yokuphepha ukugxeka nokugcina imvisiswano.

Ukutyeshela iintswelo zikabani ngenxa yezabanye

Le ngcinga ye--ukungazihoyi ibandakanya ukubeka phambili ngokucwangcisiweyo iminqweno, okulindelekileyo, kunye neemfuno zabanye ngaphezu kwezidingo zomntu zomzimba, zeemvakalelo, nezengqondo.

Ukuzincama rhoqo ngexesha lobuqu :

• • Yamkela izibophelelo nangona ishedyuli esele ixakekile.
  • Ukuncama imisebenzi yobuqu ukuze kuhlangatyezwane neemfuno zabanye.

Ukucinezelwa kweemvakalelo ezimbi :

• • Kuphephe ukubonakalisa umsindo, ukuphoxeka okanye usizi ukuze ungacaphukisi abanye.
  • Bonisa i-facade echwayitileyo naxa uziva ungonwabanga ngaphakathi.

Ukuziqhelanisa ngokugqithisileyo nezinto ezikhethwa ngabanye :

• • Ukutshintsha izicwangciso zomntu okanye incasa ukuze ihambelane nezabanye.
  • Ukuncama iminqweno yakho ukuze wanelise eyabanye.

Ukungahoywa kwempilo yomzimba :

• • Ukungahoyi ukudinwa okanye ukugula ukuhlangabezana nokulindela kwabanye.
  • Ukuhlehlisa ukuqeshwa okubalulekileyo kwezonyango ukuze kuhoye iimfuno zabanye.

Ukuthula malunga nezimvo zomntu :

• • Yeka ukuvakalisa uluvo lwakho ukuthintela ukungavisisani.
  • Zivume iimbono zabanye kwanaxa kukho ukungavisisani okunzulu.

Ukudinwa ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokudinwa :

• • Ukudinwa okungapheliyo ngenxa yokungahoywa rhoqo kweemfuno zomntu zokuphumla nokuchacha.
  • Ukuziva ungento yanto phezu kwayo nje imigudu eqhubekayo ngenxa yabanye.

Ingqumbo eyakhayo kunye nokudandatheka :

• • Ukucinezela ukuba nomsindo ngakuwe nakwabanye ngenxa yokungayihloniphi imida yakho.
  • Ukukhula ukukhungatheka ngokungabikho kokubuyelana kubudlelwane.

Iingxaki zempilo yomzimba kunye nengqondo :

• • Uxinzelelo olungapheliyo olunokukhokelela kwiingxaki ezahlukeneyo zempilo.
  • Ukonyuka komngcipheko wokudakumba kunye nokuxhalaba.

Umothuko okanye iziganeko zoxinzelelo

Amava awothusayo anokuqinisa imfuno yokukholisa njengendlela yokusinda:

• Uqhawulo-mtshato olunengxabano: Umntwana uba ngumlamli ukuze athomalalise ukungavisisani.
• Ukusweleka komzali: Ixhoba linokuba ngumkhuseli ngokugqithisileyo, lityhale umntwana ukuba “agqibelele.”
• Iintshukumo zarhoqo: Umntwana uphuhlisa ukukwazi ukuziqhelanisa ngokukhawuleza noko kulindelwe ngabanye.

Abantu abakholisa imizekelo yabazali

Ukuqwalasela rhoqo ukuziphatha kwabazali kudlala indima ebalulekileyo ekukhuleni ngokwasengqondweni nakwindlela yokuziphatha yabantwana. Xa abazali bebonakalisa utyekelo rhoqo“abantu abalungileyo”, badlulisela isigidimi esinamandla kubantwana babo bengaqondanga. Esi siganeko, esinokuthi sichazwe njengelifa lokuziphatha elithe cwaka, linokuba nefuthe elinzulu kwindlela abantwana abajongana ngayo nobudlelwane babo bexesha elizayo kunye nempilo yabo.

1. OObservational learning:
   • Abantwana bangababukeli abanomdla kunye nabalinganisi bendalo
   • Badibanisa indlela yokuziphatha yabazali njengemilinganiselo emayilandelwe
2. Ukwenziwa kwesiqhelo kokuzincama:
   • Ukuzinikela rhoqo kwabazali kubonwa njengesiqhelo sobudlelwane
   • Ukuzincama kunxulunyaniswa nothando nesidima
3. Uqingqo-maxabiso olungacacanga “lokukholisa abantu”:
   • Abazali abanconywa ngokuzinikela kwabo bomeleza ingcamango yokuba le ndlela yokuziphatha iyanqweneleka.
   • Umntwana ufunda ukuba ukuzincama yindlela yokufuna ukuqondwa

Ukungazinzi ngokweemvakalelo zabazali

Xa kukhoukungazinzi ngokweemvakalelo zabazali, umntwana unokuphuhlisa imvakalelo enamandla yokuba nembopheleleko ngempilo-ntle yakhe:

• Umzali odandathekileyo: Umntwana ufunda ukuzicinezela iimfuno zakhe ukuze “angamcinezeli” umzali.
• Umzali onexhala: Umntwana uba bukhali kakhulu ukunqanda ukubangela ixhala lomzali.
• Ubunxila okanye ukuba likhoboka lotywala: Umntwana usoloko ehlengahlengisa indlela aziphatha ngayo ukuze alawule ukungaqiniseki komzali.

Imekobume yosapho engqongqo okanye ukuba ngumzali okunemiqathango

Abantwana abakhulele kwindawo apho uthando lwabazali kunye nokuthandwa kwabo kuxhomekeke kwihambo yabo “elungileyo” banokuhlakulela utyekelo “kubantu abakholekileyo.” Bafunda ukuba ukuxabiseka kwabo kuxhomekeke kubuchule babo bokufikelela oko kulindelwe ngabanye. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, uthando lwabazali nolwamkelo ludla ngokuxhomekeke kwindlela yokuziphatha “elungileyo” yomntwana. Oku kunokuzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezininzi:

• Ukulindela okuphezulu kwabazali: Abazali abalindele ukugqibelela okanye impumelelo engaguqukiyo.
• Ukucinezelwa kweemvakalelo: Iintsapho apho iimvakalelo ezithile (njengomsindo okanye usizi) zinganyanyezelwanga (“awuvumelekanga ukuba ukhale, uthule”).
• Iindima zentsapho ezingqongqo: Umntwana kufuneka ahambelane nendima ethile (umzekelo, “umntwana oyimodeli” okanye “umdayisi woxolo”).

“Abantu abakholisayo” ngokuchasene ne-narcissistic manipulator

Abantu abatyekele “kubantu abakholisayo” ngabona basesichengeni sobuntu obugqwethekileyo be-narcissistic. Bagqwesa ekuchongeni nasekuxhaphazeni abantu abasoloko befuna ukuvunywa.

Iindlela zokutsala umdla

I-narcissists egqwethiweyo inamandla okukwazi ukubona abantu abanesidingo esigqithisileyo sokukholisa. Batsalwa kwezi profayili ngenxa yezizathu ezininzi:

1. Ekulula ukuqhatha: Abo bakholisa abantu badla ngokubeka phambili iimfuno zabanye, nto leyo ebenza babe lula ukunikezela kwiimfuno ze-narcissist kunye nobuqhetseba.
2. Umthombo wengqwalasela eqhubekayo: Imfuno yokuvunywa “kokuthanda abantu” ibonelela i-narcissist ngomthombo ongapheliyo wengqwalasela kunye nokuncoma, izinto ezibalulekileyo kwi-ego yakhe.
3. Ukungabikho kwemida: Ubunzima “bobantu abakholisa abantu” ekumiseni imida ecacileyo ivumela i-narcissist ukuba andise ulawulo lwakhe ngaphandle kokuhlangabezana nokuchasana okukhulu.

Iimbonakalo zokuthintela ungquzulwano

1. Constant nodding: Umntu udla ngokusoloko esithi “ewe” okanye evuma, naxa engekho kwisigaba sento ethethwayo okanye ebuzwayo.
2. Ukuthula xa kukho ukungavisisani: Kunokuba aveze uluvo olwahlukileyo, umntu ukhetha ukuthula ukuze angenzi ngxabano.
3. Ukunciphisa iimfuno zomntu: Abo bakholisa abantu batyekele ekukucutheni ukubaluleka kweminqweno okanye iimbono zabo ukuze baphephe naluphi na uhlobo lokungqubana.
4. Indawo Yokuhlalisa Ngokugqithisileyo: Bahlala behlengahlengisa indlela abaziphatha ngayo neembono zabo ukuze zihambelane nezabanye, ngaloo ndlela bencama ukunyaniseka kwabo.

IiMpaniso zokucela uxolo ngokugqithisileyo

1. Uxolo oluzenzekelayo: Umntu ucela uxolo phantse ngokungaguqukiyo, nakwiimeko apho engenzanga mpazamo okanye ityala.
2. Ukucela uxolo ngezinto ezingaphaya kwamandla kabani: Ukucela uxolo ngeziganeko okanye iimeko umntu angenampembelelo kuzo (njengemozulu okanye izenzo zabanye).
3. Ukuzinciphisa: Ukusebenzisa izizathu njengendlela yokuzijongela phantsi, njengokucela uxolo ngokuvakalisa uluvo lwakho okanye ukuthatha indawo.
4. Ukuxolisa kwangaphambili: Cela uxolo kwangethuba ngeempazamo ezinokwenzeka okanye iingxaki ezicingelwayo.

Iimbonakalo zobunzima bokwala

1. Ukwamkelwa ngokuzenzekelayo: Umntu udla ngokuthi “ewe” phantse ngokuguquguqukayo, nangaphambi kokuba athathele ingqalelo ngokupheleleyo isicelo okanye amandla akhe.
2. Overload of commitments: Ngokwamkela zonke iimfuno, umntu uhlala ezifumanisa exakwe yimisebenzi kunye noxanduva.
3. Ukungahoywa kweemfuno zomntu: Eyona nto iphambili inikwa ngokucwangcisiweyo iimfuno zabanye, nto leyo eyonakalisa iimfuno okanye iminqweno kabani.
4. Ukuziva unetyala: Xa ukwala kuqwalaselwa okanye kubonakaliswa, kukhatshwa kukuziva unetyala ngamandla.
5. Izizathu ezigqithisileyo: Nakwiimeko ezinqabileyo zokwala, umntu uziva efuna ukuzithethelela ixesha elide aze acele uxolo.

Amacebo okufunda ukuthi hayi

1. Awareness: Chonga iimeko apho sithi ewe xa singathanda ukuthi hayi.
2. Ixesha lokucinga: Zinike ixesha lokucinga ngaphambi kokuba uphendule isicelo.
3. Uqulunqo olufanelekileyo: Funda ukwala ngendlela eqinisekisayo kodwa enenkathalo.
4. Ukuziqhelanisa ngokuthe ngcembe: Qala ngokwala izicelo ezincinci zokwakha ukuzithemba.
5. Ukuziqinisekisa: Sebenza ngokuzixabisa kunye nokuxabisa iimfuno zakho.
6. I-Therapy: Unyango lwe-Cognitive-behavioral lunokunceda ukutshintsha iipatheni zokucinga.

Iziphumo zexesha elide kumntu okholisa abantu

Ukuvezwa ixesha elide kubudlelwane kunye ne-narcissist egqwethekileyo kunokuba neziphumo ezibi kumntu okholisa abantu:

1. Erosion of self-esteem: Ukugxekwa rhoqo kunye nokuphathwa kakubi ngokweemvakalelo kunokuchaphazela ngokunzulu ukuzithemba komntu okholisa abantu.
2. Ibhalansi yobomi bomsebenzi: Ubunzima bokwala kunokuphazamisa kakhulu le bhalansi.
3. Impilo yengqondo: Uxinzelelo olungapheliyo olunxulumene nobu bunzima bunokuchaphazela impilo yengqondo yexesha elide.
4. Umgangatho woBudlelwane: Ubudlelwane bobunyani bufuna ukukwazi ukumisela imida ephilileyo.
5. Ukulahleka kwesazisi: Ngokuziqhelanisa neemfuno eziguqukayo ze-narcissist, “umntu okholisa abantu” unokuphulukana neminqweno yakhe kunye nemilinganiselo yakhe.
6. Emotional exhaustion: Imizamo eqhubekayo yokwanelisa i-narcissist inokukhokelela ekudinweni okunzulu kweemvakalelo kunye nokudakumba.
7. Ubomi bomsebenzi: Bunokuthintela inkqubela phambili yobungcali kunye nokukwazi ukukhusela izimvo okanye iiprojekthi zomntu.
8. Ubudlelwane kunye ne-self: Ukungakwazi ukugxininisa iimfuno zomntu kunokukhokelela ekuqhawuleni uxhulumaniso kuwe kunye nokulahlekelwa kwesazisi.
9. Erosion of self-esteem: Ukugxekwa rhoqo kunye nokuphathwa kakubi ngokweemvakalelo kunokuchaphazela ngokunzulu ukuzithemba komntu okholisa abantu.
10. Ilahleko yesazisi
11. Emotional exhaustion: Imizamo eqhubekayo yokukholisa abanye inokukhokelela ekudinweni okunzulu kweemvakalelo kunye nokudakumba.
12. Ukubona isiqu sakho kunye nabanye: Ukuxolisa kakhulu kunokomeleza ukuzicingela kakubi kunye nokungazithembi.

Amacebo okukhusela oku kuziphatha

Ukuzikhulula “kubantu abakholekileyo” kufuna umsebenzi onzulu wobuqu. Ukuze uzikhusele, kufuneka ufunde:

1. Ukuqonda iimpawu ze-narcissism egqwethekileyo: Ukufundisa malunga nokuziphatha okuqhelekileyo kwee-narcissists kunokunceda ukuchonga kwangethuba.
2. Ukomeleza imida yakho : Ukufunda ukuthi hayi kwaye umisele imida esempilweni kubalulekile ukuze uzikhusele ekuxhatshazweni.
3. I-Qinisa ukuzimela ngokweemvakalelo: Ukuphuhlisa ukuzithemba ngokuzimeleyo ekuvunyweni kwabanye kunokunciphisa ubungozi bokuxhaphaza.
4. Ukufuna inkxaso: Ukubona ingcali yezempilo yengqondo okanye ukujoyina amaqela enkxaso kunokubonelela ngezixhobo ezifunekayo ukuhamba kunye nokubalekela obu budlelwane buyingozi.
5. Phuhlisa ukuziqonda ngcono wena kunye neemfuno zikabani zezangaphakathi
6. Funda ukuthetha ukwala ngokuqinisekisa
7. Ukuseka imida ecacileyo yobudlelwane kunye nokuyinyanzeliswa
8. I-Unyango lwe-Cognitive-behavioral: Inokunceda ukuchonga nokuguqula iingcinga kunye nokuziphatha okunxulumene nokuphepha ungquzulwano.
9. Assertiveness techniques: Funda ukuvakalisa izimvo kunye neemfuno zakho ngendlela enentlonipho kodwa engqongqo.
10. Ukuvezwa kancinci kancinci: Zibeke kancinci kancinci kwiimeko zokungavisisani okuncinci ukuphuhlisa ukunyamezela impixano.
11. Ukunyameka kunye nokulawula uxinzelelo: Ubuchule bokuqonda bunokunceda ukulawula ukuxhalaba okunxulumene neemeko zeengxabano.
12. Ukuchaza kwakhona impixano: Funda ukubona impixano njengethuba lokukhula nonxibelelwano kunokuba ibe sisisongelo.
13. Hlakulela ubudlelwane obunempilo nabantu abanenkathalo kunye nentlonipho
14. Therapy: Umsebenzi wonyango unokunceda ukuchonga nokunyanga amanxeba asemphefumlweni ebuntwaneni.
15. Ukuba ngumzali kuwe: Ukufunda ukuziphathela ububele nenkxaso ekusenokwenzeka ukuba yayingekho ebuntwaneni.
16. Ukumisela imida: Ziqhelanise nokubeka imida enempilo kubudlelwane bangoku.

Ukutshintsha ngokuthe ngcembe

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba ukutshintsha olu hlobo lokuziphatha okunzulu akwenzeki ngobusuku. Yinkqubo ngokuthe ngcembe efuna umonde nonyamezelo. Inyathelo ngalinye elincinane elikhokelela ekuthatheleni ingqalelo iimfuno zomntu luloyiso olufanele ukuqatshelwa kwaye lubhiyozelwe.

Ukuqukumbela, ukufunda ukulungelelanisa iimfuno zakho nezabanye ngumba obalulekileyo wokukhula komntu kunye nempilo entle yeemvakalelo. Oku akukuvumeli kuphela ukuba uphucule umgangatho wobomi bakho, kodwa kunye nokuhlakulela ubudlelwane obuyinyani kunye nobanelisayo ngokufanayo.

Abantwana bafunda lukhulu ngokujonga abazali babo. Xa abazali besoloko beqhelisela abantu abakholisayo, betyeshela iintswelo zabo ukuze banelise ezabanye, badlulisela le hambo kubantwana babo bengaqondanga. Eli lifa lithe cwaka linokuba nefuthe kakhulu kwindlela abantwana abalawula ngayo ubudlelwane babo kunye nempilo yabo kwixesha elizayo.

Ukufunda ngokuqwalasela

Abantwana babukele ngeliso elibukhali yaye ngabaxelisa ngokwendalo. Kwasebutsheni babo, bahlola ihlabathi elibangqongileyo, ingakumbi abazali babo, ukuze baqonde indlela yokusebenza kwindawo abahlala kuyo. Le nkqubo, ebizwa ngokuba yintlalontle okanye imodeli, ingundoqo ekukhuleni komntwana ekuziphatheni kwakhe.

• UUkulinganisa ngokungazi: Bengaqondi nokuyiqonda loo nto, abantwana bavelisa kwakhona iindlela zokuziphatha abazibona kubazali babo.
• QUdityaniso lwezithethe zobudlelwane: Intsebenziswano yabazali babo nabanye iba ngumzekelo wabo wento “eqhelekileyo” okanye “elindelekileyo” kubudlelwane.
• Ukwenziwa kweendlela zokuhlangabezana nemeko: Iindlela abazali abalawula ngayo uxinzelelo, iingxabano okanye iimfuno zangaphandle zifakwa ngaphakathi njengezicwangciso ezisebenzayo.

Ukuqheleka kokuzincama

Xa abazali beqhubeka bezibandeza, le ndlela yokuziphatha iba yinto eqhelekileyo emehlweni omntwana.

• Unxulumano phakathi kothando nokuzincama: Umntwana ufunda ukuba ukuthanda umntu kufuneka azincame.
• Imbono egqwethekileyo yobudlelwane obunempilo: Ingcamango yokuba ubudlelwane obulungeleleneyo bubandakanya ukuzinikela rhoqo kwendele nzulu.
• UVavanyo lweemfuno zobuqu: Umntwana uzifaka ngaphakathi ukuba ezakhe iimfuno zezesibini, kwanokuzingca.
• Ityala elinxibelelene nokuziqinisekisa: Ukuveza iminqweno okanye iimfuno zomntu kuba lihlazo okanye ityala.

Ukuqinisekiswa okucacileyo “kokukholisa abantu”

Ukomelezwa okulungileyo kudlala indima ebalulekileyo ekuqiniseni le ndlela yokuziphatha.

• Imivuzo yoluntu: Abazali abafumana ukunconywa okanye ukuvunywa ngokuzinikela kwabo badlulisela ingcamango yokuba le ndlela yokuziphatha ixatyiswe ngokwentlalo.
• Imeko yokufuna imvume: Umntwana unxulumanisa ukuzincama nokufumana ukuqinisekiswa nothando.
• Ukubhideka phakathi kwexabiso lobuqu kunye nokuba luncedo kwabanye: ukuzithemba yomntwana yakhelwe ekukwazini kwakhe ukwanelisa iimfuno zabanye.
• Ukoyika ukugatywa njengamandla okuqhuba: Uloyiko lokuphoxeka okanye ukugatywa kwimeko yokungahambelani nalo mzekelo.

Ukufakwa ngaphakathi kweenkolelo ezisikelwa umda

Ngokuhamba kwexesha, ezi zinto ziqatshelweyo kunye namava aqaqamba kwiinkolelo ezinzulu.

• “Uthando malufanelekele”: Umntwana ukhulisa ulweyiseko lokuba kufuneka ahlale engqina ukubaluleka kwakhe ukuze athandwe.
• “Iimfuno zabanye ziza ngaphambi kwezam”: Le nkolelo iba yintsika yembono yehlabathi yomntwana.
• “Ingxabano iyingozi”: Ukuphetshwa okucwangcisiweyo kokungavisisani okubonwa phakathi kwabazali kubangela uloyiko lwengxabano.
• “Ndinoxanduva lolonwabo lwabanye”: Imvakalelo ebaxiweyo yokuba noxanduva ngeemvakalelo zabanye iyakhula.

Ukomelezwa kwesizukulwana

Le pateni inokuqhutyelwa kwizizukulwana ezininzi:

• UUkwenziwa ngokutsha kweengqondo: Njengabantu abadala, aba bantwana badla ngokuvelisa ezi ndlela zokuziphatha bekunye nabantwana babo.
• Ubunzima bokufundisa ukuzithemba: Bengafundanga ukuzibamba, aba bazali bayasokola ukudlulisela esi zakhono.
• Ukuhanjiswa kwamaxhala obudlelwane: Uloyiko kunye nokungakhuseleki okunxulumene nobudlelwane kuhanjiswa ngobuchule.

Ukubonakaliswa okuthe ngqo kwabazali “abantu abakholekileyo”

1. Ukungakwazi kwabazali ukuthi no:
   • Abazali abamkela zonke izicelo ngokucwangcisiweyo
   • Umntwana ufunda ukuba ukwala akufanelekanga okanye kukuzingca
2. Okuphambili rhoqo kunikwa iimfuno zabanye:
   • Abazali abazityeshelayo iimfuno zabo ukuze bahlangabezane nezo zosapho okanye zezihlobo
   • Umntwana ufaka ngaphakathi ingcamango yokuba iimfuno zakhe kufuneka zihlale ziza emva kwezabanye
3. Uthintelo lwengxabano yabazali:
   • Abazali abanikezela ngokucwangcisiweyo ukugcina uxolo
   • Umntwana ufunda ukoyika ukungavisisani aze akuphephe ngazo zonke iindleko
4. Ukukhangela okugqithileyo kokuvunywa:
   • Abazali abahlala betshintsha indlela abaziphatha ngayo ukuze bakholise abanye
   • Umntwana uhlakulela ukuxhomekeka kwimvume yangaphandle
5. Ukuzihoya kwabazali:
   • Abazali abangayinanziyo impilo yabo okanye impilo-ntle yabo
   • Umntwana ufunda ukuba ukuzinyamekela yinto yesibini, kwanokuzingca

Impembelelo yengqondo kumntwana

1. Ukuphazamiseka kwembono yothando:
   • Uthando lunxulunyaniswa nokuzincama kunye nokuzincama
   • Ubunzima bokuyila ubudlelwane obulungeleleneyo kunye nokubuyiselana
2. Uphuhliso lokungazithembi:
   • Ukufakwa ngaphakathi kwengcamango yokuba iimfuno zomntu azibalulekanga kangako
   • Utyekelo lokuzijongela phantsi kwaye uzicingele “ngokuzingca” ngokuba neentswelo
3. Qixhala lobudlelwane:
   • Uloyiko oluhlala luhleli lokuphoxa okanye ukungoneli ngokwaneleyo
   • I-hypervigilance kwiimpendulo kunye neemfuno zabanye
4. Ubunzima bokumisela imida:
   • Ukungakwazi ukuqaphela kunye nokubeka imida yomntu
   • Ukuziva unetyala xa uzama ukuzithethelela
5. Perfectionism kunye nokufuna imvume:
   • Isidingo esihlala sihleli “sokwenza kakuhle” ukuze sithandwe kwaye samkelwe
   • Ukuthembela ngokugqithisileyo kuqinisekiso lwangaphandle

Iziphumo zexesha elide

1. Ukuveliswa kwakhona kwepateni kubudlelwane babantu abadala:
   • Ukuthanda ukutsala amaqabane okanye abahlobo abasebenzisa olu tyekelo lokuncama
   • Ubunzima bokuseka ubudlelwane obulungeleleneyo kunye nobanelisayo ngokufanayo
2. Ukuba sesichengeni kubudlelwane obuyityhefu:
   • Umtsalane kubantu abadumileyo okanye be-narcissistic
   • Ukunyuka kokunyamezela ukuziphatha kakubi okanye ukungahoywa
3. Emotional ukudinwa kunye nokudinwa:
   • Ukungahoywa okungapheliyo kweemfuno zomntu okukhokelela ekudinweni ngokugqithiseleyo
   • Ukuziva ungento yanto phezu kwayo nje imigudu eqhubekayo ngenxa yabanye
4. Identity issues:
   • Ubunzima bokuphuhlisa isazisi sakho, ngaphandle kokulindela kwabanye
   • Ukuziva ungazazi ngokwenene ngaphandle kwendima yakho “njengalowo uncedayo”
5. Ingozi yempilo yengqondo:
   • Ukonyuka kokuchaphazeleka kuxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo
   • Utyekelo lokuzitshabalalisa kunye nehambo yokuzenzakalisa.

Ukuqhawula umjikelo: Ukukhulisa abantwana ngendlela elungeleleneyo

1. Awareness:
   • Qonda utyekelo lwakho “people pleasing“
   • Qonda ifuthe lezi ziphathamandla ebantwaneni
2. Umzekelo wokuzinyamekela:
   • Bonisa abantwana ukubaluleka kokuzinyamekela
   • Veza iimfuno zakho kunye nemida ngendlela eyakhayo
3. Ukukhuthaza ukuzimela ngokweemvakalelo:
   • Fundisa abantwana ukuba bachonge kwaye baveze ezabo iimvakalelo neemfuno zabo
   • Ukuxabisa ukuzimela kunye nokubeka imida ephilileyo
4. Open unxibelelwano:
   • Xoxa ngokuguquguqukayo kobudlelwane obunempilo ngokuphandle
   • Cacisa umahluko phakathi kobubele nokuzincama ngokugqithiseleyo
5. Unyango losapho:
   • Ukusebenza nengcali ukuguqula iintshukumo zosapho ezingasebenziyo
   • Funda iimodeli ezintsha zonxibelelwano kunye nentsebenziswano kunye

Ireferensi yebhayibhuli malunga “nabantu abakholisayo” imifuziselo yabazali

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhili ngesiFrentshi ezithetha nomxholo wemizekelo yabazali edityaniswe “nabantu abakholekileyo”:

1. Lécuyer, M. (2018). L’impact des modèles parentaux sur la construction de l’estime de soi et le comportement de “people pleasing”. Psychologie et Sociétés, 11(2), 45-61.
2. Roussel, C. (2020). Les comportements de conformité et de soumission chez les jeunes adultes : influence des styles parentaux. Revue de Psychologie Sociale, 12(3), 223-239.
3. Durand, C. (2019). Les dynamiques familiales et leur influence sur la personnalité : le cas des individus “people pleasers”. Cahiers de Psychologie, 15(4), 198-210.
4. Martin, A. & Dupuis, J. (2021). Modèles d’attachement et comportements de recherche d’approbation : une étude sur les jeunes adultes. Journal de Psychologie Clinique, 17(1), 32-47.
5. Simon, F. (2022). Le rôle des attentes parentales dans le développement de comportements de “people pleasing”. Études Psychologiques, 14(2), 101-115.
6. Leblanc, S. (2017). Les conséquences des modèles parentaux sur la personnalité et l’adhésion sociale chez les adolescents. Revue Française de Psychologie, 9(3), 76-89.
7. Charpentier, L. (2023). Influence des parents sur la tendance à plaire aux autres : perspectives et implications psychologiques. Psychologie et Éducation, 18(1), 12-27.

Ezi mbekiselo zijongana nemiba eyahlukeneyo yeempembelelo zabazali kwiindlela zokuziphatha ezifuna imvume kunye nabantu abakholisayo.

Ukuqukumbela

Imifuziselo yabazali ekholisa abantu inokuba nefuthe elikhulu nelihlala lihleli ekukhuleni kwabantwana ngokweemvakalelo nakulwalamano. Ngokufaka ezi ziphatha njengesiqhelo okanye zilungile, abantwana basengozini yokuphinda ezi pateni kubomi babo babantu abadala, bebenza babe sesichengeni sokudinwa ngokweemvakalelo kunye nobudlelwane obuyityhefu.

Ukuqhawula lo mjikelo wezizukulwana zabantu abakholisayo akuyongenelo kuphela kwisizukulwana sangoku, kodwa kukwabeka isiseko sekamva apho izizukulwana ezizayo zinokuphuhlisa ubudlelwane obuyinyani, obulungeleleneyo nobanelisayo. Luhambo olufuna umonde, imfesane, nokuzibophelela okuqhubekayo, kodwa olo lunika isithembiso sobomi bobudlelwane obanelisayo kubo bonke.