Yiyiphi imiphumo emva kokuba umama onetyhefu oxhaphazayo?

Ukukhula nomama oyityhefu, oxhaphazayo kunokushiya amanqaku anzulu engqondweni yomntu. La manxeba obuntwana ngamanye amaxesha anokusenza sibe sesichengeni ngakumbi kobunye ubudlelwane obuyityhefu njengabantu abadala, ngakumbi nge-narcissistic, iqabane elikhohlisayo. Kweli nqaku, siza kuphonononga ukuguquguquka kobudlelwane bomama nentombi enetyhefu kunye neziphumo zayo zexesha elide.

Iimpawu zokuxela zomama onetyhefu kunye nobuqili

Umama onetyhefu owenza ixhoba ngokubanzi ubonisa iimpawu ezininzi zokuziphatha:

• Akayihloniphi imida nemfihlo yentombi yakhe
• Ugxeka kakhulu kwaye akonelisekanga yimigudu yentombi yakhe
• Uzibandakanya ne-emotional blackmail kwaye wenza intombi yakhe izive inetyala.
• Ubeka unxantathu kwaye uxabanisa amalungu osapho omnye komnye
• Akaqikelekanga kwindlela asabela ngayo ngokweemvakalelo
• Uzikhanyela okanye azijongele phantsi iimvakalelo neemfuno zentombi yakhe
• Uhlala ezibeka njengexhoba
• Akakwazi ukucela uxolo okanye ukuvuma iimpazamo zakhe

Ezi zimo zengqondo zomama zidala imeko yosapho engazinzanga nengakhuselekanga kumntwana.

Impembelelo embi ekuzithembeni nasekuzithembeni

Ukukhula nomama onetyhefu, oxhaphazayo kunokuba neziphumo ezibiubuwenakunye nokuzithemba kwentombazana:

• Ukuziva ungonwabi ngokwaneleyo
• Ubunzima bokuthembela kwisigqibo somntu
• Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle
• Utyekelo lokufuna ukwenza izinto ngendlela egqibeleleyo okanye ukuzibhubhisa
• Uloyiko lokulahlwa kunye nokusondelana kubudlelwane
• Ubunzima bokumisela imida enempilo

La manxeba obuntwaneni anokwenza umntu abe sesichengeni ngakumbi kolunye ubudlelwane obuyityhefu njengomntu omdala.

Umgibe wokuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo

Umama oyityhefu udla ngokudala unxulumano olungafanelekanga nentombi yakhe. Uziva enetyala ngempilo-ntle yeemvakalelo zikanina yaye enetyala ukuba akalufikeleli ulindelo lwakhe. Le pateni inokuphinda yenzeke kamva kolunye ubudlelwane, ngakumbi kunye neqabane le-narcissistic.

Ukuqaphela kunye nokwakha iipateni eziyityhefu ngaphakathi

Ukuzikhulula kwimpembelelo yomama onetyhefu, kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele iipateni zobudlelwane obungenampilo ezafakwa ngaphakathi ebuntwaneni:

• Utyekelo lokuzincama ukuze akholise abanye
• Ubunzima bokuvakalisa iimfuno kunye neemvakalelo
• Uloyiko lwengxabano kunye nokulahlwa
• Ukuziva unetyala ngokusisigxina
• Isidingo esigqithisileyo solawulo

Ukuchonga ezi pateni linyathelo lokuqala lokukwazi ukuzilungisa kwaye ubeke endaweni yazo ngokuziphatha okunempilo.

Ukushiya indima yexhoba ukuze ufumane amandla akho obuqu

Umama oyityhefu udla ngokugcina intombi yakhe ikwindima engenakuzinceda yexhoba. Ukuzikhulula kuyo, kubalulekile ukuba:

• Wazi amandla akho okuzikhethela kunye nesenzo
• Thatha uxanduva lobomi bakho kunye nokuphila kakuhle
• Hlakulela ukuzimela kwakho ngokweemvakalelo kunye nezinto eziphathekayo
• Zibekele usukelo lwakho uze wenze okuthile
• Bhiyozela uloyiso lwakho oluncinci lwemihla ngemihla

Ngaloo ndlela sithatha iintambo zobomi bethu, kunokuba sibandezeleke nje.

Misela imida enempilo kwaye ufunde ukuthi hayi

Ngomama onetyhefu, ngokufuthi sasifunda ukurhoxa ukuze siphephe iingxabano. Ukumisela imida esempilweni sisifundo esibalulekileyo:

• Chonga iimfuno zakho kunye nemida yobuqu
• Thetha ngezinto ozilindeleyo ngokuzolileyo kodwa ngokuqinileyo
• Yamkele into yokuba omnye usenokuphoxeka okanye angavumelani
• Hlala ungaguquguquki ekusebenziseni imida yakho
• Zivuyise ngalo lonke ixesha unesibindi sokuthi hayi

Kancinci kancinci, sidala indawo yokhuseleko kunye nokuhloniphana.

Hlakulela ubudlelwane obunempilo, obukhuthazayo

Emva kobuntwaneni obuphawulwe bubudlelwane obuyityhefu, kubalulekile ukuba:

• Chonga iimpawu zolwalamano oluphilileyo nolulungeleleneyo
• Unesibindi sokuvula ubuhlobo obusondeleyo, nangona ukwesaba
• Zichaze ngokuphandle iimfuno zakho kunye nezinto ozilindeleyo
• Yazi indlela yokubona iimpawu zobudlelwane obuyityhefu
• Zijikeleze ngabantu abakhathalayo nabakhuthazayo

Ngaloo ndlela sidala imeko-bume entsha yobudlelwane eyondlayo.

Ukufumana inkxaso yokuqhubela phambili: unyango kunye namaqela enkxaso

Ukuzikhulula kwimpembelelo yomama onetyhefu luhambo olunokuba lude kwaye lunzima. Kubalulekile ukuba ungabi wedwa:

• Unyango lomntu lukuvumela ukuba uphonononge amanxeba adlulileyo ngokunzulu
• Amaqela enkxaso anika inkxaso yoontanga kunye nokuqinisekisa
• Iindibano zocweyo zokuziphuhlisa zikunceda ufumane izixhobo ezitsha

Ukuzingqongileyo kubalulekile ukuze uzingise kule nkqubo yokuphilisa.

Zivuselele kwaye wakhe ubomi obufuna ngokwenene

Nje ukuba ukhululwe kwi-toxic impembelelo, sinako ekugqibeleni:

• Jonga iminqweno yakho enzulu kunye neminqweno
• Unesibindi sokuqalisa iiprojekthi ezintsha
• Hlakulela iminqweno yakho kunye nobuchule
• Zivumele ukuba uphuphe kakhulu ngobomi bakho
• Thatha amanyathelo okuphumeza iinjongo zakho

Sisiqalo sobomi obutsha, obulungelelaniswe neenqobo kunye neemfuno zakho.

Ikhonkco phakathi kokuxhatshazwa kunye nokuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic

Ubudlelwane phakathi kokuxhatshazwa kunye nokuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic bunzima kwaye buzinze ngokunzulu kukutshintsha kwengqondo yabantu ababandakanyekayo. Olu nxulumaniso luzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezininzi:

1. Manipulation Cycle: IiNarcissists zigqwesa ekusebenzisaneni namaxhoba abo, ziwenza azive enetyala, engafaneleki, okanye enetyala. Lo mjikelo uqhubela phambili ukuxhatshazwa.
2. Erosion of self-esteem: Ukuxhatshazwa kweNarcissistic kuthoba ngokuthe ngcembe ukuzithemba kwexhoba, kubenza babe sesichengeni ngakumbi kwaye baxhomekeke kumxhaphazi.
3. Gaslighting: IiNarcissists zihlala zisebenzisa i-gaslighting, uhlobo lokukhohlisa olubangela ukuba ixhoba lithandabuze imbono yalo yokwenyani, ngaloo ndlela besomeleza isimo sabo sexhoba.
4. Social Isolation: Umxhaphazi we-narcissistic uhlala efuna ukuhlukanisa ixhoba labo kumnatha wabo wenkxaso, ukwandisa ukuxhomekeka kunye nokuba sesichengeni.
5. Projecting Insecurities: I-Narcissists iveza ukungakhuseleki kwabo kumaxhoba abo, bewatyhola ngeziphoso kunye nokusilela kwabo.
6. Ukusetyenziswa kovelwano: Amaxhoba, ahlala enovelwano, anokusetyenziswa ngabadlali be-narcissists abadlala ngovelwano lwabo ukugcina ulawulo.
7. I-Trauma kunye nokuphindaphinda: Amaxhoba okuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic anokuthi aphuhlise ukwenzakala okubabeka phambili kubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo bexesha elizayo, ukuqhubela phambili umjikelo wokuxhatshazwa.
8. Normalization of Abuse: Ngokuhamba kwexesha, amaxhoba anokuthi aqhele ukuziphatha kakubi, aqonde njengenxalenye eqhelekileyo yobudlelwane.
9. Ukoyika Ukulahlwa: Iingcali zeNarciss zihlala zixhaphaza amaxhoba azo oloyiko lokulahlwa, ziwagcina kubudlelwane obuyityhefu kuba esoyika ukuba yedwa.
10. Ukufuna ukuqinisekiswa: Amaxhoba anokuthi rhoqo afune imvume kumxhaphazi, ebethelela ngokungeyomfuneko ukuxhaphaza.

Ukuqonda olu nxibelelwano kubalulekile ekwaphuleni umjikelo wokuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic kunye nokunceda amaxhoba akhe kwakhona ubomi bawo.

Imbekiselo yebhayibhili ngomxholo: “umama oyityhefu oxhaphazayo”

Nazi izingqinisiso ezisixhenxe zebhayografi ezijongana nomxholo woomama abanetyhefu kunye nokuxhatshazwa:

1. Miller, A. (1990). La Mère à l’Envers : le Miroir de la Souffrance. Paris : Éditions de l’Homme.
2. Dumont, M. (2015). Les Mères Toxiques : Comment S’en Libérer. Paris : Éditions de l’Archipel.
3. Lévy, M. (2012). La Mère Parfaite : Mythe ou Réalité ? Paris : Éditions Eyrolles.
4. Boulanger, D. (2017). L’Emprise Maternelle : Comprendre la Relation Toxique. Lyon : Éditions L’Harmattan.
5. Cohen, S. (2018). Mères et Filles : L’Injonction à la Perfection. Paris : Éditions Dunod.
6. Gérard, J. (2019). Victimisation et Manipulation : Les Mères Toxiques en Question. Toulouse : Éditions Octave.
7. Friedmann, A. (2016). Déjouer les Manipulations Affectives des Mères Toxiques. Paris : Éditions First.

Ezi mbekiselo zinokukunceda wenze nzulu ukuqonda kwakho ngesihloko soomama abanetyhefu kunye nokuxhatshazwa.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqukumbela, ukukhula nomama oyityhefu, oxhaphazayo kushiya imiphumo enzulu nehlala ixesha elide, ehlala ibumba ubudlelwane obungenampilo ebuntwini obukhulu. Nangona kunjalo, kunokwenzeka ukuphula lo mjikelo ngokuqaphela iipatheni ezifakwe ngaphakathi, ukuseka imida ephilileyo, kunye nokufuna inkxaso efanelekileyo. Ukuphilisa kubandakanya ukubuyisela amandla omntu kunye nokwakha ubudlelwane obuxhasayo. Ngokuqalisa le ndlela yokubuyisela, wonke umntu unokunqwenela ubomi obulungelelaniswe neenqobo kunye neminqweno yabo, ngaloo ndlela boyisa amanxeba exesha elidlulileyo ukudala ikamva elizalisekisayo. Ukuqonda unxibelelwano phakathi kokuxhatshazwa kunye nokuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic kubalulekile ekukhuthazeni oku komelela kunye nokukhuthaza inguqu efanelekileyo.