Abantu abanetyhefu: ukuqonda impembelelo yabo kwintlalontle yethu

Umntu onetyhefu unokuba nefuthe elinzulu nelihlala lihleli kubomi bethu nakwintlalontle. Nokuba lilungu losapho, umntu osebenza naye, okanye umhlobo, ubudlelwane nabantu abanetyhefu kunokubangela uxinzelelo, anxiety kunye neentlungu zomphefumlo. Eli nqaku liphonononga ingqikelelo yabantu abanetyhefu, iimpawu zabo, imvelaphi yabo kunye neziphumo zabo kwabo babangqongileyo.

Yintoni umntu oyityhefu?

Umntu oyityhefu ngumntu onesimilo nesimo sakhe sengqondo esisoloko sinempembelelo embi kwabanye. Aba bantu bahlala bephawulwa ngokuziphatha okukhohlisayo, ukuzingca okanye ukuxhaphaza okukhupha amandla eemvakalelo zabo babangqongileyo. Ngokungafaniyo nobuntu be-Qtoxic ebandakanya ukuphazamiseka kobuntu obufunyanisiweyo, igama elithi “umntu onetyhefu” libanzi kwaye libandakanya iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuziphatha eziyingozi.

Abantu abanetyhefu banokubonisa iimpawu ezahlukeneyo, ezinje:

• I-egocentrism egqithisileyo
• Ukutyekela ekuqhubeni
• Ukungabi naluvelwano
• Ukuthanda ukugxeka nokuthoba abanye abantu
• Ukungakwazi ukuthatha uxanduva ngezenzo zabo
• Utyekelo lokudlala ixhoba
• Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokuqwalaselwa kunye nokuqinisekiswa.

Imvelaphi yokuziphatha okuyityhefu

Ukuziphatha okunetyhefu kunokuba nemvelaphi eyahlukeneyo. Ukuqonda le mvelaphi kunokunceda ukuqonda ngcono le nto, ngaphandle kokuthethelela ukuziphatha okuyingozi.

• Ukwenzakala kwabantwana

Abantu abaninzi abanetyhefu baye baba namava abuhlungu ebudeni bobuntwana babo. Ezi ntlungu zinokubandakanya ukuxhatshazwa, ukungahoywa, okanye ukulahlwa. La mava anokubumba imbono yabo ngehlabathi kunye nokusebenzisana kwabo nabanye.

• Diindlela zosapho ezingasebenziyo

Ukuziphatha okunetyhefu kunokufundwa entsatsheni. Ukuba umntwana ukhulela kwindawo apho ukulawulwa, ukulawula, kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kuqhelekile, unokuphinda ezi zenzo xa sele ekhulile.

• Ukhuseleko kunye nokuzithemba okuphantsi

Okumangalisayo kukuba, abantu abaninzi abanetyhefu banengxaki yokungazithembi nokungazithembi. Ukuziphatha kwabo kusenokuba ziindlela zokuzikhusela zokufihla ezi mvakalelo zokungafaneleki.

• Ukufunyaniswa ukuphazamiseka kobuntu

Nangona ingengabo bonke abantu abanetyhefu abanengxaki yokuphazamiseka kobuntu, ezinye iindlela zokuziphatha ezinobuthi zinokunxulunyaniswa nokuphazamiseka okungafunyaniswanga okanye okunganyangwanga, okufana ne-narcissistic okanye i-borderline personality disorder.

Iindidi ezahlukeneyo zabantu abanetyhefu

Kukho iintlobo ezininzi zabantu abanetyhefu, nganye ineempawu zayo kunye neendlela zokuziphatha.

• The Narcissist

I-narcissist ibonakaliswe ngesidingo esiqhubekayo sokunconywa kunye nokungakwazi ukuqwalasela iimfuno zabanye. Unokuba nomtsalane kumphezulu, kodwa okhohlisayo kunye nokuzingca kubudlelwane bakhe.

• Umlawuli

Lo mntu unesidingo esigqithisileyo sokulawula indawo ahlala kuyo nabantu abamngqongileyo. Unokusebenzisa ubutyala, izoyikiso, okanye ukukhohlisa ukugcina olu lawulo.

• The Victim

Umxhaphazi uhlala ezibonakalisa njengexhoba leemeko okanye izenzo zabanye. Akavumi ukuthwala imbopheleleko yaye ngokufuthi ugxeka abanye ngeengxaki zakhe.

• Umgxeki ongapheliyo

Lomntu uhlala enento embi afuna ukuyithetha. Uhlala ebagxeka abanye, ebajongela phantsi ukuzithemba nokuzithemba.

• I-manipulator ye-passive-aggressive

I-manipulator ye-passive-aggressive ibonakalisa ubutshaba bayo ngokungangqalanga. Usenokusebenzisa impoxo, ukuthi cwaka, okanye amagqabaza achuliweyo ukuze akhubekise abanye ngaphandle kokuba abonakale endlongondlongo.

Impembelelo yabantu abanetyhefu kwimpilo yengqondo

Ukusebenzisana rhoqo nabantu abanetyhefu kunokuba neziphumo ezibi kakhulu kwimpilo yengqondo nengokweemvakalelo.

• Uxinzelelo kunye nexhala

Ukuziqhelanisa nokuziphatha okuyityhefu kunokukhokelela kuxinzelelo olungapheliyo kunye nokuxhalaba. Amaxhoba asenokuziva ethe gqolo emphethweni, esoyika ukusebenzisana okungalunganga okulandelayo.

• Depression

Ekuhambeni kwexesha, ubudlelwane obuyityhefu bunokukhokelela ekudandathekeni. Ukuhlala uziva ungonelanga, ugxekwa okanye usetyenziswa kakubi kunokukuphelisa ukuzithemba kwaye kukhokelele ekudandathekeni.

• Emotional exhaustion

Abantu abanetyhefu badla ngokukhupha amandla eemvakalelo kwabo babangqongileyo. Oku kunokukhokelela ekudinweni ngokweemvakalelo, apho lowo ugulayo eziva ediniwe yaye engakwazi ukuhlangabezana neemfuno zobomi bemihla ngemihla.

• Ukuphazamiseka kokulala

Uxinzelelo kunye nokuxhalaba okubangelwa ukusebenzisana okunetyhefu kunokuphazamisa ukulala, okukhokelela ekuphuthelweni okanye ezinye iingxaki zokulala.

Iziphumo kubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu

Abantu abanetyhefu abachaphazeli kuphela impilo yengqondo yomntu, kodwa kunye namandla obudlelwane phakathi kwabantu.

• Ukuwohloka kobudlelwane bentsapho

Kwimeko yentsapho, umntu onetyhefu unokudala iingxabano, iingxabano kunye nokwahlukana phakathi kwamalungu entsapho. Oku kunokukhokelela ekuxabaneni nasekuqhawukeni kwamaqhina entsapho.

• Ingxaki kubudlelwane bothando

Kubudlelwane bothando, umntu onetyhefu unokudala ukungalingani kwamandla, ukungathembi kunye nokungakhuseleki. Oku kunokukhokelela kwimijikelo yokuqhekeka kunye nokwenza izinto, okanye ukuxhomekeka okungekho mpilweni.

• Ubunzima bomsebenzi

Emsebenzini, umntu onetyhefu ungonakalisa imveliso, isimilo seqela, kunye nomoya jikelele. Oku kunokukhokelela ekusebenzeni okuphantsi, ingeniso ephezulu, kunye nendawo enzima yokusebenza.

• Ukwahlukaniswa koluntu

Amaxhoba abantu abanetyhefu anokuphelela ekubeni abe yedwa. Basenokuba nobunzima ekuthembeni abanye okanye ukwenza ubudlelwane obutsha obunempilo.

Ikhonkco phakathi kwabantu abanetyhefu kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba uninzi lweendlela zokuziphatha eziyityhefu zilingana nokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo yindlela yokuziphatha ejolise ekulawuleni umntu ngoloyiko, ukuthotywa, ukoyikisa, ukutyhola, okanye amanye amaqhinga okukhohlisa.

Iindlela zokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo

Abantu abanetyhefu banokubandakanyeka kwiindlela ezahlukeneyo zokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo, kubandakanya:

• gaslighting (ukwenza ixhoba lithandabuze imbono yalo yobunyani)
• Ukugxekwa rhoqo kunye nokuhlazisa
• Izigrogriso nezoyikiso
• Ukulawulwa ngokweemvakalelo
• Ukwahlukaniswa kwexhoba kwiinkxaso zabo
• Ukuziphatha kakubi ngokweemvakalelo

Umjikelo wokuxhatshazwa

Ubudlelwane nabantu abanetyhefu bunokulandela umjikelo ofana nowokuxhatshazwa, ukutshintshiselana phakathi kwamaxesha oxinzelelo, uqhushumbo (ukuziphatha okunetyhefu okukhulu), kunye noxolelwaniso (ekwabizwa ngokuba yi “honeymoon”).

Ukuqheleka kokuxhatshazwa

Ukuvezwa ixesha elide kukuziphatha okuyityhefu kunokukhokelela ekubeni uxhatshazo luqheleke. Amaxhoba asenokuqalisa ukukholelwa ukuba afanelwe lunyango okanye yinto eqhelekileyo kulwalamano.

Impembelelo yoluntu yabantu abanetyhefu

Impembelelo yabantu abanetyhefu idlulela ngaphaya kobudlelwane bomntu ngamnye kwaye inokuchaphazela uluntu luphela.

• Usasazeko lwe-Izimilo ezinetyhefu

Ukuziphatha okunetyhefu kunokusasazeka njengentsholongwane yoluntu. Abantu abasesichengeni sokuziphatha banokuzifaka ngaphakathi kwaye bazivelise kwakhona kobunye ubudlelwane.

• Iindleko zempilo yoluntu

Uxinzelelo kunye nemiba yempilo yengqondo ebangelwa kukunxibelelana nabantu abanetyhefu kunokubangela iindleko ezinkulu kwinkqubo yokhathalelo lwempilo.

• Impembelelo kwimveliso

Ehlabathini lobuchwephesha, abantu abanetyhefu banokujongela phantsi imveliso kunye nokuveliswa kwezinto ezintsha, okuneziphumo ezibanzi kwezoqoqosho.

• Erosion of trust social

Ngomlinganiselo omkhulu, ukuxhaphaka kokuziphatha okuyityhefu kunokuphelisa ukuthembana eluntwini, kwenze intsebenziswano kunye nomanyano phakathi koluntu lube nzima ngakumbi.

I-Bibliographic reference yokuqonda impembelelo yabantu abanetyhefu kwimpilo-ntle yethu

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhili kumxholo othi “abantu abanetyhefu”:

1. Stamateas, B. (2010). Personnalités toxiques : Petit guide de survie face aux personnes qui empoisonnent notre existence. Enrick B. Éditions.
2. Robert, G. (2010). “Passion du toxique”. Champ psy, 57(1), 113-120.
3. Psychologist.net. (2021). “Iimpawu ezi-8 eziqhelekileyo zabantu abanetyhefu”.
4. Psychologist.net. (2021). “Iingongoma ezi-8 eziqhelekileyo zobuntu obuyityhefu kunye nobubi”.
5. Health Magazine. (2023). “Umntu onetyhefu: ziqonde, zibaleke”.
6. Psychologist.net. (2020). “Indlela yokujongana nokuzikhusela kubantu abangalunganga kunye netyhefu”.
7. Psychologist.net. (2020). “Indlela yokubeka imida nabantu abanetyhefu.”

Ezi ncwadi kunye namanqaku anika iimbono ezahlukeneyo ngeempawu, iimpembelelo kunye nezicwangciso zokulawula ubudlelwane nabantu abanetyhefu.

Ukuqukumbela

Ukuqonda isenzeko sabantu abanetyhefu kubalulekile ekujongeni ubudlelwane bethu bobuqu kunye nobuchwephesha. Nangona imvelaphi yolu kuziphatha intsonkothile, impembelelo yazo ebantwini nakuluntu ayinakuphikiswa. Ngokuqaphela ezi patheni ezinetyhefu, sinokuzikhusela ngcono kwaye sikhuthaze ubudlelwane obunempilo, obuhle kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bethu.