Umsindo wabazali: uphindaphinda kubomi babantu abadala kunye nobudlelwane obuyityhefu

Umsindo wabazali unokushiya iimpawu ezingacimekiyo ekukhuleni komntwana ngokweemvakalelo. Ezi ziva zingabonakaliyo zinokuchaphazela kakhulu ubudlelwane bexesha elizayo lomntu omdala, ngakumbi ngee-manipulators ze-narcissistic. Makhe sijonge ukuba lo msindo wabazali uyilolonga njani imvakalelo yomntwana kwaye unokukhokelela kulwalamano olungenampilo njengabantu abadala.

Uqhwithela lweemvakalelo: ukuqonda umsindo ogqithisileyo wabazali

Umsindo wabazali ongafanelekanga ubonakala ngokusabela ngokugqithiseleyo. Ezi mpendulo zenzeka xa ujongene nokuziphatha okuqhelekileyo okanye iimpazamo ezincinci zomntwana. Lo msindo unokuba neendlela ezahlukeneyo:

1. Ukuqhushumba ngamazwi: ukukhwaza, ukukhala, izithuko
2. Izohlwayo eziqatha ezingenasihlahla
3. Izoyikiso zokulahlwa okanye ukulahlwa
4. Ubundlobongela bomzimba okanye ukutshatyalaliswa kwezinto
5. Ukuthula okukhenkcezayo kunye nokurhoxa ngokweemvakalelo

Ezi zibonakaliso zidala indawo engalindelekanga kunye nesoyikiso kumntwana. Uzifumana ethe gqolo elumkile, engaqinisekanga ngento enokubangela isaqhwithi seemvakalelo esilandelayo.

Izizathu zomsindo wabazali

Abazali basenokuba nomsindo ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukahlukeneyo, ngokufuthi ezinxulumene nocelomngeni lwemihla ngemihla lokukhulisa abantwana nokunyamekela ikhaya. Nazi ezinye zezona zizathu ziphambili:

1. Ukudinwa kunye noxinzelelo: Ukungabikho kokulala kunye noxanduva oluninzi kunokunciphisa umonde wabazali.
2. Ukungathobeli kwabantwana: Ukuziphatha ngokuphindaphindiweyo okanye ukungathotyelwa kwemigaqo kunokuba ngumthombo wokukhathazeka.
3. Imvakalelo yokungabi nakuzinceda: Xa bejamelene neemeko abangenako ukuzilawula, abazali basenokusabela ngomsindo.
4. Un okulindelweyo: Xa abantwana bengahlangabezani nezinto ezilindelweyo, oko kunokukhokelela ekuphoxekeni kunye nomsindo.
5. Iingxwabangxwaba zeentsapho: Ukungavisisani neqabane lomtshato okanye amanye amalungu osapho kunokudala ukungavisisani.
6. Iingxaki zemali: Ubunzima bezoqoqosho bunokubangela uxinzelelo kunye nokudandatheka.
7. Ukungabikho kwexesha lobuqu: Ukuziva ungenaxesha lakho kunokukhokelela ekucaphukeni.
8. Uthelekiso loluntu: Uxinzelelo lokuthobela imilinganiselo efanelekileyo yabazali lunokuba ngumthombo wonxunguphalo.
9. Ukuziphatha okuyingozi kwabantwana: Ukoyika ukhuseleko lomntwana kunokubonakala njengomsindo.
10. Ukudinwa ngokweemvakalelo: Uxinzelelo lwengqondo lobuzali lunokukhokelela ekugqabhukeni komsindo.

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ezi zinto ukuze ulawule iimvakalelo zakho kwaye ugcine imeko-bume yosapho entle. Amacebo okulawula uxinzelelo kunye nomsindo anokunceda abazali bahlangabezane nale mingeni ngendlela eyakhayo.

Impembelelo yomsindo wabazali ekukhuleni komntwana

Ejongene nalo msindo ugqithileyo wabazali, umntwana uphuhlisa iindlela zokuphila ngokweemvakalelo. Nangona zilungelelaniswa kwangoko, ezi ndlela zinokuba neziphumo zexesha elide kuphuhliso lwayo:

1. Emotional hyper-vigilance: Umntwana unikela ingqalelo egqithisileyo kwiimoods kunye neemvakalelo zabanye, ekhulisa amandla angaphaya awemvelo “okufunda” iimvakalelo zabanye.
2. Ukucinezelwa kweemfuno kunye nezimvo: Ukuphepha ukubangela umsindo, umntwana ufunda ukunciphisa iimfuno zakhe kwaye angavezi iimbono ezahlukeneyo.
3. Perfectionism: Umntwana usenokuhlakulela utyekelo lokufuna imfezeko, ekholelwa ukuba “ngokufezeka” uya kukwazi ukuwuphepha umsindo wabazali.
4. Inkxalabo engapheliyo: Uloyiko oluqhubekayo lokubangela umsindo kunokukhokelela kwimeko yokukhathazeka ngokubanzi.
5. Ubunzima bokulawula ungquzulwano: Ekubeni engenalo imodeli ephilileyo yokusombulula iingxabano, umntwana unokuhlakulela ukucaphukela ngokugqithisileyo naluphi na uhlobo lokungavisisani.
6. Ukungazithembi: Imiyalezo engafihliyo okanye ecacileyo edluliswa ngumsindo wabazali inokutshabalalisa ngokunzulu ukuzithemba komntwana.

Ukususela ebuntwaneni ukuya ebudaleni: iziphumo zomsindo wabazali

Ezi ndlela zokusinda, eziphuhliswe ebuntwaneni, azipheli ngomlingo ebudaleni. Banokuzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo kubudlelwane babantu abadala:

1. Ukuziphatha malunga “people pleasing“: Umntu omdala unokuqhubeka ecinezela iimfuno zakhe ukuze akholise abanye. Le ndlela yokuziphatha iphinda ivelise indlela efundwe ebuntwaneni.
2. Ubunzima bokuseka imida enempilo: Emva kokufunda ukuba ukumisela imida kunokubangela umsindo, abantu abadala banokuba nobunzima ukuthi “hayi” okanye ukumisela imida yomntu.
3. Umtsalane kubantu ababalaseleyo: Ngokumangalisayo, abantu abadala banokutsaleleka kumaqabane anomsindo onomsindo, ngokungazi bavelise usapho oluguqukayo.
4. Ukuxhalaba kubudlelwane: Uloyiko oluqhubekayo lokuphoxa okanye ukucaphukisa omnye kunokudala ukuxhalaba okungapheliyo kubudlelwane.
5. Ubunzima bokuvakalisa iimvakalelo: Baqhelene nokucinezela iimvakalelo zabo, abantu abadala banokuba nobunzima bokuchonga nokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zabo ngendlela ephilileyo.
6. Dysfunctional perfectionism: Isidingo sokuba “ugqibelele” ukuphepha ukungamkelwa kunokuqhubeka, okukhokelela kuxinzelelo oluqhubekayo kunye nokunganeliseki okungapheliyo.

Umhlaba ochumileyo wobudlelwane obuyityhefu

Ezi patheni zobudlelwane zenziwa kwisiphango somsindo wabazali. Ngelishwa badala umhlaba ochumileyo wobudlelwane obuyityhefu, ngakumbi nabenzi be-narcissistic. Nantsi indlela:

1. Qiniso lokuvunywa: Imfuno eqhubekayo yokuqinisekiswa, ezelwe yi-emotional instability, inokusetyenziswa kakubi liqabane le-narcissistic elitshintshana phakathi kokulinganisa kunye nokunciphisa.
2. Ukunyamezela ukusetyenziswa kakubi: Ukuqhelana nokugqabhuka komsindo, abantu abadala banokuba nomlinganiselo ophezulu wokunyamezela ukuziphatha kakubi, ukubenza baqheleke ngokungazi.
3. Ubunzima bokuseka imida: Ukungakwazi ukubeka imida ecacileyo kuvumela i-manipulator ye-narcissistic ukuba andise ulawulo lwakhe ngaphandle kokuhlangabezana nokuchasana.
4. Ukuziphatha kokuzigxeka: Ukujongana nomsindo okanye ukugxekwa ngumlingani, abantu abadala banokuba notyekelo lokuzibeka ityala, bavelise kwakhona umzekelo wobuntwana babo.
5. Umtsalane wokuqina kweemvakalelo: Okumangalisayo kukuba, umntu omdala unokutsaleleka kuxinzelelo lweemvakalelo olunikezwa ngumxhasi we-narcissistic, ukubhidanisa umdla kunye nobutyhefu.
6. Izakhono zokusombulula iingxabano ezilinganiselweyo: Ekubeni engafundanga indlela yokulawula iingxabano ngendlela enempilo, umntu omdala unokuzibona engenakuzinceda xa ejongene namaqhinga obuchule bomntu osebenzisa i-narcissistic manipulator.

Ukuqhawula umjikelo: ukuya kubudlelwane obunempilo

Ukuqaphela impembelelo yomsindo wabazali kwiipateni zobudlelwane bangoku linyathelo lokuqala lokuphilisa. Nazi ezinye iindlela zokuqhawula lo mjikelo:

1. Therapy: Umsebenzi wonyango unokunceda ukuqonda kunye nokwakhiwa kweepateni zobudlelwane obuyityhefu.
2. Ukwakha Ukuzixabisa: Ukusebenza ngokuzixabisa okuqinileyo, ngaphandle kokuvunyelwa ngaphandle, kubalulekile.
3. Ukufunda ukulawula iimvakalelo: Ukufunda ukuchonga, ukwamkela nokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho ngendlela ephilileyo kubalulekile.
4. Ukumisela imida: Ziqhelise ubugcisa bokumisela imida enempilo kubo bonke ubudlelwane.
5. Ukufunda kwakhona ngolawulo lweengxabano: Ukuphuhlisa unxibelelwano oluqinisekileyo kunye nezakhono zokusombulula iingxabano.
6. Mindfulness: Ukuziqhelanisa nengqiqo kunokunceda ukwaphula iipatheni zokusabela ngokuzenzekelayo. Isenokuphuhlisa nokuzazi ngcono.

I-Bibliographic reference ngomsindo wabazali

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhili ngombandela womsindo wabazali:

1. Sénécal, J. (2011). La colère des parents : Émotions, stratégies et implications. Presses de l’Université du Québec.
2. Moulin, M. (2014). Parents en colère : Comprendre et gérer ses émotions. Éditions Erès.
3. Friedman, M. (2015). Les émotions des parents : Impacts sur l’enfant. Éditions de l’Hôpital.
4. Cohen, L. & Roussel, S. (2018). La gestion des émotions parentales : Vers une éducation bienveillante. Dunod.
5. Gérard, P. (2017). Colère et parentalité : Comprendre les enjeux émotionnels. Éditions du Seuil.
6. Brunet, A. (2019). Parentalité et émotions : Les effets de la colère sur l’enfant. Éditions de la Maison des sciences de l’homme.
7. Lévy, R. (2020). Émotions et parentalité : Comprendre la colère et ses conséquences. Éditions EDP Sciences.

Ezi mbekiselo zifanele zikunike isiqalo esihle sokuphonononga umbandela womsindo wabazali.

Ukuqukumbela

Umsindo ogqithileyo wabazali ushiya imikhondo enzulu enokuthi ibe nefuthe kubudlelwane bethu kubomi bethu bonke. Nangona kunjalo, ukwazi ezi patheni kunokusivumela ukuba sibhale imbali yethu yobudlelwane. Ngokuqonda ubuthathaka bethu, sinokuzikhusela kubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Kwakhona sinokuhlakulela ubudlelwane obuphilileyo, obulungeleleneyo nobanelisayo. Indlela ingaba nde. Elinye inyathelo lokuziqonda ngakumbi kunye nobudlelwane obunempilo luloyiso kwixesha lethu elidlulileyo. Ikwalutyalo-mali kwintlalontle yethu yexesha elizayo.