Intukuthelo yomzali: kunanela empilweni yabantu abadala kanye nobudlelwano obunobuthi

Intukuthelo yabazali ingashiya izimpawu ezingenakucimeka ekukhuleni kwengane ngokomzwelo. Lezi zibazi ezingabonakali zingathinta kakhulu ubudlelwano bomuntu omdala besikhathi esizayo, ikakhulukazi nabaphendukezeli be-narcissistic. Ake sibheke ukuthi le ntukuthelo yabazali iwulolonga kanjani umzwelo wengane futhi ingaholela ebuhlotsheni obungenampilo njengabantu abadala.

Isivunguvungu somzwelo: ukuqonda intukuthelo yomzali eyeqile

Intukuthelo yomzali engalingani izibonakalisa ngokusabela ngokweqile. Lokhu kusabela kwenzeka lapho ingane ibhekene nokuziphatha okuvamile noma amaphutha amancane. Le ntukuthelo ingaba ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene:

1. Ukuqhuma kwamazwi: ukumemeza, ukuklabalasa, ukuthuka
2. Izijeziso ezinzima ezingenasizathu
3. Izinsongo zokulahlwa noma ukwenqatshwa
4. Ubudlova obungokomzimba noma ukubhujiswa kwezinto
5. Ukuthula okubandayo kanye nokuhoxiswa kwemizwa okunonya

Lokhu kubonakaliswa kudala indawo engalindelekile nesongela ingane. Uzithola ehlale eqaphile, engaqiniseki ukuthi yini engase ibangele isiphepho esingokomzwelo esilandelayo.

Izizathu zolaka lwabazali

Abazali bangase bathukuthele ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene, ngokuvamile ezihlobene nezinselele zansuku zonke zokukhulisa izingane nokuphatha ikhaya. Nazi ezinye zezimbangela eziyinhloko:

1. Ukukhathala nengcindezi: Ukuntuleka kokulala nemithwalo yemfanelo eminingi kunganciphisa isineke sabazali.
2. Ukungalaleli kwezingane: Ukuziphatha okuphindaphindiwe noma ukungalandeli imithetho kungaba umthombo wokukhungatheka.
3. Ukuzizwa ungenakuzisiza: Lapho bebhekene nezimo abangenakuzilawula, abazali bangase bathukuthele.
4. Okulindelwe okungafinyelelwanga: Lapho izingane zingafinyeleli kulokho okulindelekile, kungaholela ekudumazekeni nasekuthukutheleni.
5. Izingxabano zomndeni: Ukungaboni ngaso linye nomuntu oshade naye noma amanye amalungu omndeni kungadala ukungezwani.
6. Izinkinga zezimali: Izinkinga zezomnotho zingabangela ukucindezeleka nokukhungatheka.
7. Ukungabi nesikhathi somuntu siqu: Ukuzizwa sengathi awunaso isikhathi sakho kungaholela ekucasukeni.
8. Ukuqhathanisa komphakathi: Ukucindezela kokuvumelana nezindinganiso zabazali ezikahle kungaba umthombo wokukhungatheka.
9. Ukuziphatha okuyingozi kwezingane: Ukwesaba ukuphepha kwengane kungase kubonakale njengentukuthelo.
10. Ukukhathala ngokomzwelo: Ukucindezeleka kwengqondo komzali kungaholela ekuqhumeni kwentukuthelo.

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela lezi zici ukuze uthuthukise lawula imizwa yakho futhi kugcinwe isimo somndeni esihle. Amasu okulawula ukucindezeleka nentukuthelo angasiza abazali ukuba babhekane nalezi zinselele ngendlela eyakhayo.

Umthelela wentukuthelo yabazali ekukhuleni kwengane

Ebhekene nalolu laka oludlulele lwabazali, ingane ithuthukisa izindlela zokusinda ngokomzwelo. Nakuba ziguquka ngokushesha, lezi zindlela zingaba nemiphumela yesikhathi eside ekuthuthukisweni kwazo:

1. Ukuqapha okukhulu kwemizwelo : Ingane ijwayelana kakhulu nemizwa nezimpawu zomzwelo zabanye, ithuthukise cishe ikhono elingaphezu kwelemvelo “lokufunda” imizwelo yabanye.
2. Ukususwa kwezidingo nemibono : Ukuze igweme ukubangela intukuthelo, ingane ifunda ukunciphisa izidingo zayo futhi ingavezi imibono ehlukene.
3. Ukufuna ukuphelela : Ingane ingase ibe nokuthambekela kokufuna ukuphelela, ikholelwa ukuthi “ngokuphelele” iyokwazi ukugwema intukuthelo yabazali.
4. Ukukhathazeka okungapheli : Ukwesaba okuqhubekayo kokubangela intukuthelo kungaholela esimweni sokukhathazeka okuvamile.
5. Ubunzima bokuphatha ukungqubuzana : Njengoba ingenayo imodeli enempilo yokuxazulula izingxabano, ingane ingaba nenzondo enkulu kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lokungavumelani.
6. Ukuzenyeza : Imiyalezo engacacile noma esobala edluliswa intukuthelo yomzali ingase iqede ukuzethemba kwengane ngokujulile.

Kusukela ebuntwaneni kuya ebudaleni: imiphumela yentukuthelo yabazali

Lezi zindlela zokusinda, ezakhiwe ebuntwaneni, azishabalali ngomlingo lapho umuntu esemdala. Bangabonakala ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene ebudlelwaneni babantu abadala:

1. Ithrendi ebheke ku-” abantu ukujabulisa«  : Umuntu omdala angase aqhubeke ecindezela izidingo zakhe ukuze ajabulise abanye. Lokhu kuziphatha kukhiqiza kabusha iphethini efundwe ebuntwaneni.
2. Ubunzima bokubeka imingcele enempilo : Ngemva kokufunda ukuthi ukubeka imingcele kungase kubangele intukuthelo, umuntu omdala angase abe nobunzima ukuthi “cha” noma ukubeka imingcele yomuntu siqu.
3. Ukukhangwa abantu abavelele : Okudidayo ukuthi, abantu abadala bangakhangwa ozakwethu abanomoya othukuthele, abakhiqiza kabusha umndeni ngokungazi.
4. Ukukhathazeka ebudlelwaneni : Ukwesaba okungapheli kokudumaza noma ukuthukuthelisa abanye kungadala ukukhathazeka okungapheli ebudlelwaneni.
5. Ubunzima bokuveza imizwa : Njengoba bejwayele ukucindezela imizwa yabo, abantu abadala bangase babe nobunzima bokubona nokuveza imizwa yabo ngendlela enempilo.
6. Ukungasebenzi kahle kokuphelela : Isidingo “sokuphelela” ukuze ugweme ukungavunyelwa singaphikelela, okuholela ekucindezelekeni okuqhubekayo nokunganeliseki okungapheli.

Umhlabathi ovundile wobudlelwano obunobuthi

Lawa maphethini obudlelwano akhelwa entukuthelweni yentukuthelo yabazali. Ngeshwa bakha umhlabathi ovundile wobudlelwano obunobuthi, ikakhulukazi nabahlanekezeli be-narcissistic. Nansi indlela:

1. Udinga imvume : Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokuqinisekiswa, esizalwa kusukelaukungazinzi ngokomzwelo, ingaxhashazwa uzakwethu we-narcissistic oshintshana phakathi kokulinganisa nokwehlisa inani.
2. Ukubekezelela ukuhlukunyezwa : Njengoba bejwayele ukufutheka kwentukuthelo, abantu abadala bangase babe nomkhawulo ophakeme wokubekezelela ukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo, bazenze zijwayeleke ngokungazi.
3. Ubunzima bokubeka imingcele : Ukungakwazi ukubeka imingcele ecacile kuvumela i-narcissistic pervert ukuthi inwebe ukulawula kwayo ngaphandle kokubhekana nokuphikiswa.
4. Ukuthambekela kokuzigxeka : Ebhekene nentukuthelo noma ukugxekwa umlingani, umuntu omdala angase athambekele ekuzisoleni, akhiqize iphethini kusukela ebuntwaneni babo.
5. Ukukhangwa ukushuba kwemizwa : Ngokuxakayo, umuntu omdala angakhangwa ukushuba kwemizwelo okunikezwa umuntu ohlanekezela i-narcissistic, uthando oludidayo nobuthi.
6. Amakhono anomkhawulo wokuxazulula izingxabano : Njengoba bengafundanga ukuphatha ukungqubuzana ngendlela enempilo, abantu abadala bangase bazithole bengenakho ukuzisiza lapho bebhekene namaqhinga akhohlisayo we-narcissistic pervert.

Ukunqamula umjikelezo: ukuya ebudlelwaneni obunempilo

Ukuqaphela umthelela wentukuthelo yabazali emaphethini omuntu wamanje wobudlelwano kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuphulukisa. Nazi ezinye izindlela zokunqamula lo mjikelezo:

1. Ukwelashwa : Umsebenzi wokwelapha ungasiza ukuqonda nokususa amaphethini obudlelwano anobuthi.
2. Ukuthuthukiswa kokuzethemba : Ukusebenza ngokuzethemba okuqinile, ngaphandle kwemvume yangaphandle, kubalulekile.
3. Ukufunda ukuphatha imizwa : Ukufunda ukubona, ukwamukela kanye nokuveza imizwa yakho ngendlela enempilo kubalulekile.
4. Ukubeka imingcele : Zijwayeze ubuciko bokubeka imingcele enempilo kubo bonke ubudlelwano bakho.
5. Ukufunda ukulawula ukungqubuzana : Thuthukisa amakhono okuxhumana ngokuqiniseka kanye nokuxazulula izingxabano.
6. ukucabangela : Ukuzijwayeza ukuqaphela kungasiza ukwephula amaphethini okusabela okuzenzakalelayo. Kungase futhi kuthuthukise ukuzazi kangcono.

Ireferensi yezincwadi ngentukuthelo yomzali

Nazi izikhombo eziyisikhombisa zebhayibheli ngendaba yentukuthelo yabazali:

1. Sénécal, J. (2011). Intukuthelo yabazali: Imizwa, amasu nemithelela. Inyuvesi yaseQuebec Press.
2. U-Moulin, M. (2014). Abazali abathukuthele: Ukuqonda nokulawula imizwa yakho. Editions Erès.
3. UFriedman, M. (2015). Imizwa yabazali: Imithelela enganeni. Editions de l’Hôpital.
4. Cohen, L. & Roussel, S. (2018). Ukulawula imizwelo yabazali: Ngokuya emfundweni enakekelayo. Dunod.
5. Gérard, P. (2017). Intukuthelo nokuba ngumzali: Ukuqonda izindaba ezithinta imizwa. Editions du Seuil.
6. Brunet, A. (2019). Umzali kanye nemizwa: Imiphumela yentukuthelo enganeni. Ama-edishini e-House of Human Sciences.
7. ULévy, R. (2020). Imizwa kanye nokukhulisa izingane: Ukuqonda intukuthelo nemiphumela yayo. Editions EDP Sciences.

Lezi zikhombo kufanele zikunikeze isiqalo esihle sokuhlola isihloko sentukuthelo yabazali.

Isiphetho

Intukuthelo eyeqile yabazali ishiya iminonjana ejulile engaba nomthelela ebudlelwaneni bethu kukho konke ukuphila kwethu. Nokho, ukwazi lawa maphethini kungasivumela ukuthi sibhale kabusha umlando wobudlelwano bethu. Ngokuqonda ubuthakathaka bethu, singakwazi ukuzivikela ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi. Singakwazi futhi ukuhlakulela ubudlelwano obunempilo, obulinganiselayo nobanelisayo. Umgwaqo ungaba mude. Zonke izinyathelo eziya ekuziqondeni okukhulu kanye nasebudlelwaneni obunempilo ziwukunqoba kwethu okwedlule. Futhi kuwutshalomali enhlalakahleni yethu yesikhathi esizayo.