Isenzeko sokulahlwa koxanduva: ukuqonda iindlela zayo

Kubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu kunye nokutshintsha kwentlalo, indlela yokuziphatha ejongwa rhoqo “kukugxeka abanye”. Olu tyekelo lokuphepha uxanduva lwezenzo okanye iimpazamo zikabani ngokuzibalela kwabanye yinto entsonkothileyo efuna ukuhlalutywa nzulu. Eli nqaku liphonononga iinkalo ezahlukeneyo zokuziphatha, imvelaphi yayo, kunye neziphumo zayo kubantu kunye nobudlelwane.

Inkcazo yokubeka ityala

Ukuqonda ngokupheleleyo le nto, kubalulekile ukuqala ngenkcazo ecacileyo. Ukutshintsha i-blame-shifting, okwakwaziwa ngokuba yi-“blame-shifting”, kubonakaliswa ngumkhwa womntu wokwabela uxanduva lwezenzo zakhe, iimpazamo okanye iingxaki komnye umntu okanye iimeko zangaphandle. Oku kudla ngokuquka ukugqwetha inyaniso ukuze uphephe ukujamelana nemiphumo yezenzo zikabani okanye ukulondoloza isidima sikabani.

Iinkqubo zengqondo zokugxeka

Emva kokutshintshwa kwetyala kukho iinkqubo zengqondo ezintsonkothileyo ezifuna ingqalelo yethu. Makhe sijonge oomatshini abaphambili ekudlalweni.

Indima ye-ego kunye nokuzithemba

Ukutshintsha ukutyhola kudla ngokuphenjelelwa ngumnqweno wokukhusela ukuzingca nokugcina inkangeleko yakhe entle. Ngokuthi iimpazamo zabo zibangelwa ziimeko zangaphandle, umntu ngamnye uyakuphepha ukujamelana nokusilela kwakhe okanye ubuthathaka bakhe, ngaloo ndlela elondoloza ukuzithemba kwakhe.

Ukuthambekela kwengqondo ekudlaleni

Iintlobo ezininzi zeengcamango zengqondo zinegalelo ekutshintsheni ityala:

1. Attribution bias: Utyekelo lokubonisa ukusilela kukabani kwizinto zangaphandle kunye nempumelelo kabani kwiimpawu zakhe.
2. I-self-endence bias: utyekelo lokuthatha ikhredithi ngenxa yempumelelo ngelixa ukwala uxanduva lokungaphumeleli.
3. Confirmation bias: I-Confirmation bias: utyekelo lokufuna ulwazi oluqinisekisa iinkolelo zikabani esele zikho, kuquka ingcamango yokuba ubani akanaxanduva.

Ukugxeka abanye: Imvelaphi yale ndlela yokuziphatha

Ukuqonda ngokupheleleyo oku kuziphatha, kubalulekile ukuphonononga iingcambu zayo. Imvelaphi yokutyhola idla ngokubangelwa kubomi bethu bangaphambili nakwimekobume yethu.

1. Iimpembelelo zobuntwana kunye nezemfundo: Amava obuntwana adlala indima ebalulekileyo ekuphuhliseni le ndlela yokuziphatha. Abazali abahlala bengumzekelo wokutyhola okanye ukohlwaya ngokuqatha iimpazamo banokukhuthaza abantwana babo ukuba basebenzise le ndlela yokuzikhusela.
2. Imeko yenkcubeko kunye nentlalo: Inkcubeko ethile okanye imeko-bume yentlalo inokukhuthaza ukutshintshwa kwetyala, ngakumbi kwiimeko apho ukungaphumeleli kubekwe ibala kakhulu okanye apho ukugqibelela kuxatyiswa kakhulu.

Iimbonakalo zokutyhola kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo

Ukutshintshwa kwetyala akuphelelanga nje kwindawo enye yobomi bethu. Inokuzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo ngokuxhomekeke kumxholo.

• Kubudlelwane bomntu

Ukutyhola abanye kunokuzibonakalisa ngezityholo ezingenasihlahla, ukuzithethelela ngokuphindaphindiweyo ihambo kabani, okanye utyekelo lokujongela phantsi izenzo zikabani ngoxa uzibaxa izinto zabanye.

• Kkwindawo yobungcali

Kumxholo wobuchwephesha, ukutshintshwa kwetyala kunokuthatha uhlobo lokwala ukuvuma iimpazamo, ukubala ukusilela kweprojekthi kubalingane, okanye izizathu ezigqithisileyo zokusebenza kakubi.

• Kuluntu kunye nezopolitiko kwinqanaba

Amanani oluntu kunye nabezopolitiko ngamanye amaxesha basebenzisa i- blame shifting njengeqhinga lokuthintela uxanduva lwezigqibo ezingathandwayo okanye ukusilela komgaqo-nkqubo, ngokukhomba umnwe kubachasi okanye iimeko ezingaphaya kolawulo lwabo.

Imiphumo yokugxeka

Ukutshintshwa kwetyala akunamiphumo. Imiphumo yako inokuba yenzulu nehlala ixesha elide, ichaphazela iinkalo ezahlukahlukeneyo zobomi bethu.

Impembelelo kubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu

Ukubeka ityala rhoqo kunokuphelisa ukuthembana kubudlelwane, kudala ungquzulwano oluqhubekayo, kwaye kuthintele isisombululo esisebenzayo sengxaki. Ingakhokelela kwi-i-social isolation kunye nokuwohloka kobudlelwane beemvakalelo.

Iziphumo zempilo yengqondo

Nangona ukuguquka kwetyala kunokunika isiqabu sexesha elifutshane, kwixesha elide kunokunceda:

1. Ukuzithemba okuphantsi
2. Ukuxhalaba okungapheliyo okunxulumene noloyiko lokubhaqwa okanye ukutyholwa
3. Iimvakalelo ezicinezelweyo zokuba netyala
4. Ubunzima bokuphuhlisa ukuzithemba okuyinyani

Iziphumo kuphuhliso lomntu

Ukwala ukuthwala uxanduva ngezenzo zikabani kuthintela ukukhula nokufunda komntu. Ithintela umntu ngamnye ekufundeni kumava akhe kwaye inciphisa amandla akhe okuphucula kunye nokuvela.

Ikhonkco phakathi kokugxeka kunye nokuziphatha kakubi

Kukho unxulumano olusondeleyo phakathi kokutyhola kunye neendlela ezithile zokuziphatha kakubi. Ukuqonda olu nxulumano lubalulekile ekuchongeni nasekuthinteleni iintshukumo eziyityhefu.

1. Ukubeka ityala njengendlela yokukhohlisa

Kwezinye iimeko, ukugxeka kunokusetyenziswa njengeqhinga lokukhohlisa, ngakumbi kubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo. Umxhaphazi usenokutyhola ixhoba ngokufanelekileyo ukuba lithethelele ukuziphatha kwalo okungafanelekanga okanye ugonyamelo.

2.Isangqa esikhohlakeleyo sokuxhatshazwa

Ukubeka ityala rhoqo kunokudala umjikelo apho umxhaphazi ezibeka khona njengexhoba, ajike iindima kwaye enze kube nzima kwixhoba lokwenyani ukuba liziqaphele kwaye lizikhuphe kwimeko yokuxhatshazwa.

Imiceli mngeni yoluntu eyayanyaniswa nokutyhola

Ngaphandle komntu ngamnye, ukulahlwa kokutyholwa kubangela imingeni ebalulekileyo kwinqanaba loluntu. Makhe sihlolisise indlela esi siganeko esichaphazela ngayo ubomi bethu bonke.

• Impembelelo kuxanduva oluhlangeneyo

Kwinqanaba elikhulu, inkcubeko yokutshintsha ityala inokuthintela ukusonjululwa kweengxaki ezintsonkothileyo zoluntu, ukuthintela uxanduva oludibeneyo kunye nesenzo esihlangeneyo.

• Iimpembelelo zobulungisa noxolelwaniso

Kwiinkqubo zobulungisa kunye noxolelwaniso, ukugxeka kunokuba ngumqobo omkhulu, ukuthintela ukuqaphela umonakalo owenziwe kunye nokuphulukiswa kobudlelwane obuphukileyo.

Imbono yembali neyenkcubeko yokutyhola

Ukuqonda ngokupheleleyo, kubalulekile ukuqwalasela indlela ukutyholwa okuye kwavela ngayo ngokuhamba kwexesha kwaye kuyahluka kwiinkcubeko ezahlukeneyo.

• Inguquko yezimo zengqondo malunga noxanduva

Izimo zengqondo malunga noxanduva lomntu kunye noluhlangeneyo ziye zavela ngokuhamba kwexesha kwaye ziyahluka kwiinkcubeko ezahlukeneyo. Olunye uluntu lubeka ixabiso elingaphezulu ekuthatheni uxanduva, ngelixa ezinye zinokuba nezakhiwo ezenza kube lula ukususa ityala.

• Indima yeendaba kunye nenethiwekhi yoluntu

Amajelo osasazo anamhlanje kunye namaqonga eendaba ezentlalo adale iindawo ezintsha apho ukutshintshwa kokutyholwa kunokusasazeka ngokukhawuleza, kuphembelela uluvo loluntu kunye nokutshintsha kwentlalo kwinqanaba elikhulu.

Ukuqukumbela

Isiganeko sokugxeka abanye yinkalo entsonkothileyo yokuziphatha komntu echaphazela iinkalo ezininzi zobomi bomntu kunye nentlalontle. Ngokuqonda iindlela zayo, imvelaphi yayo kunye neziphumo zayo, singaziqonda ngcono iimpembelelo zayo kwaye sicinge ngeendlela zokukhuthaza uxanduva olukhulu lomntu ngamnye kunye neqela. Oku kuqonda kubalulekile ekukhuliseni ubudlelwane obunempilo, indawo yokusebenza enemveliso ngakumbi kunye noluntu olunobulungisa nolungelelwano.

👇 Ukuya phambili:

• Ixhala: ukuqonda iindlela zayo kunye nefuthe
• I-manipulator ye-narcissistic kunye nokuziyeka: Ukuqonda iindlela zokuxhaphaza
• Ukuziphatha okuzithobayo kwe-narcissistic manipulator: ukuqonda iindlela zayo