Ukufikelela kwisigqibo sokwahlukana nomfazi wakho

Endodeni, into ebangela ukuba imshiye umfazi wayo inokwahluka ukusuka komnye umntu ukuya komnye. Noko ke, kudla ngokuba nzima endodeni phelisa ubudlelwane, kodwa umele asoloko ekwenza oko ngesizathu esivakalayo. Kubalulekile ukwazi indlela yokwahlukana ngokucacileyo, kodwa ngokwezopolitiko, ukuze ugweme ukubangela intlungu kwabanye. Nanga amanye amagama anokusetyenziswa ukuphelisa ubuhlobo ngokukhawuleza.

Izizathu ezi-4 ezikhokelela kwisigqibo esinjalo

Indoda igqiba kwelokuba iqhawule umtshato nomfazi wayo xa ingazithembanga yaye yonwabile. Kodwa zihlala zikho ezinye izinto ezininzi eziqhuba esi sigqibo sikhulu:

1. Iingxaki zonxibelelwano

Izibini zihlala zibanga ukuba azikwazi ukunxibelelana, nto leyo esoloko ibhekisa kuyo ukunganyaniseki kunye neengxoxo ezingeyomfuneko. Nangona le ngxaki maxa wambi isenokuquka ubuchule bokunxibelelana, ngokufuthi ifihla iingxaki ezinzulu ngakumbi izibini ezingazaziyo okanye ezimadolw’ anzima ukuthetha ngazo.

2. Umahluko kumaxabiso kunye nezinto esinomdla kuzo

Iimanyano ezininzi zinobudlelwane bezemali obahlukeneyo. Ngokubanzi, oku kuvela kwiizimo zengqondo eziphikisanayo okanye ukwahluka malunga nemivuzo, iindleko, ukonga kunye nesisa.

3. Ukungathembeki

Ngokubanzi, amadoda akufumanisa kunzima kakhulu ukuxolela nabani na nantoni na kwaye angathanda ukushiya ubudlelwane. Unyanzelekile ukuba enze njalo umshiye umfazi wakhe, kuba uneengxaki ezininzi zokumxolela ngenxa yokungathembeki kwakhe. Baye bafumana ngokucacileyo ukuwohloka kokuthembana, okungayi kulungiswa. Akuyomfuneko ukuba indoda ibe sisimumu ukuze ibe nothando, ngoko uthando lunemida yalo.

4. Ubundlobongela basekhaya

Ngokusebenzisa amanqindi, ukuthotywa, izithuko…kunokwenzeka ukulawula omnye umntu okanye ukunyanzelisa ukuthanda kukabani kuye usebenzisa izimbo zogonyamelo okanye ukuziphatha. Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kwegunya kunye nokuthenjwa udlama lasekhaya. Oku kuthintela ubudlelwane obusekwe kwintlonipho nokulingana. Amaxhoba anyanzelwa ukuba athule ngenxa yeemvakalelo zokuzihlukanisa, ukuthotywa, ubunzima beengcamango eziqikelelweyo, ityala kunye nokungaphumeleli. Ukuthula kwabo kubathintela ekuthabatheni amanyathelo okanye ekucingeni indlela yokuphelisa intlungu yabo.

Umjikelo wokungabi nazigqibo emtshatweni

Kwi ubudlelwane obuyityhefu, umjikelo uphinda ngokuphindaphindiweyo okanye ngaphantsi rhoqo kwaye uba nzima ngokuhamba kwexesha. Umjikelo wobundlobongela basekhaya ujolise ekuqaqambiseni iindlela zokuziphatha eziphindaphindiweyo ezinxulumene nolu bundlobongela. Amanqanaba amane ahlukeneyo abumba lo mjikelo kukuxinana, ingxaki, ukuthethelela, kunye neholide yomtshato.

• Umxhaphazi ubeka yedwa, alawule kwaye enze uxinzelelo ngokwasengqondweni kwixhoba. Ixhoba lixhalabile, lizama ukutshintsha umoya kwaye lizazi izenzo kunye namazwi akhe.
• Ngaphandle kokuba akukhuselekanga ukuwushiya umtshato ngenxa yempatho-gadalala enokwenzeka, abantu bafuna ukuqhawula umtshato kwakamsinya nje kwakunganyamezeleki ukuxhatshazwa. Impatho-gadalala ihlala ijolise kwiqabane elinye okanye ngaphezulu, kodwa inokuchaphazela umntwana omnye okanye ngaphezulu.
• Akalunanzi ugonyamelo aze athi izenzo zakhe zibangelwa zizinto ezingaphaya kwamandla akhe, njengokukhuliswa nzima, abantwana abangalawulekiyo, uxinezeleko lomsebenzi, utywala, nokugula ngengqondo. Umfazi wenza umgudu wokuqonda iingxabano zeqabane lakhe. Ngenxa yoko, uqalisa ukungazithembi iimbono zakhe aze azibeke ityala. Ufuna ukumxhasa. Umsindo wakhe uyamshiya.
• Ixhoba linika ithuba, liyamnceda, lithathele ingqalelo amanyathelo akhe kwaye liguqule indlela aziphatha ngayo. Lo mjikelo uyazivelisa kwaye ukhawuleza kumakhaya anobundlobongela okanye ubudlelwane. Isigaba se “honeymoon” siyancipha kwaye ngamanye amaxesha siyanyamalala njengoko umjikelezo uqhubeka. Nokuba ixhoba lilungile kuye, liyamnceda, liyayibona imizamo yakhe kwaye litshintshe imikhwa yalo.

Iimpawu ezilumkisayo ezahlukeneyo zesigqibo sokushiya umfazi wakho

Enyanisweni, ukuba umnqweno wokuba wedwa ngamaxesha onke, nokuba kunye okanye ngaphandle kweentombi zakho, uhlala usemthethweni, isibakala sokufuna ukuhlala rhoqo kule meko simele uphawu lwesilumkiso sokuhlukana. Kakade ke, unxibelelwano yenye yezinto ezisisiseko zolwalamano olomeleleyo. Ukuthetha ngeengcinga zakho, iminqweno, amaxhala, izimvo kunye nohlahlo lwabiwo-mali lwesibini sakho kuya kukunceda uhlale kwiphepha elinye. Isenokuba ngumkhondo wokuba awusafuni ukuba neqabane lakho ukuba ngenye imini ufumanisa ukuba akunakwenzeka ukunxibelelana. Esona sisombululo silungileyo kule meko kukuvavanya iinjongo zakho.

Ukudinwa kubudlelwane

Inyaniso yokuba i-dynamics yakho inetyhefu kwaye iqabane lakho alenzi iinzame zokuyiphucula yiflegi enkulu ebomvu onokuthi uphelise ubudlelwane bakho.

Umbuzo

Uxinzelelo okanye ingxaki yonyango inokuba ngunobangela we-zero libido yakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuba iqabane lakho alisayi kukwenza wonwabe kwaye isondo sijika sibe ngumsebenzi okanye siyeke ngokupheleleyo, nikela ingqalelo kwiimpawu ezilumkisayo.

Ukungavisisani kwesi sibini

Ngamanye amaxesha indoda igqiba ekubeni imshiye umfazi wayo ngenxa yeengxabano ezininzi ezivela kubomi babo bemihla ngemihla. Ingqumbo kumacala omabini inokubangelwa kukuxambulisana rhoqo. Ngaba owona mxholo umncinci unokubangela impixano? Kuya kufuneka ube nobuntununtunu kwesi silumkiso, kuba sibonisa ngokungathandabuzekiyo ukuphela kobudlelwane bakho.

Amanqanaba ama-4 okushiya umfazi wakho

Eneneni, ngokufuthi kuyenzeka ukuba uthando alukwazi ukumelana novavanyo lwexesha. Ukwahlukana yinto eqhelekileyo yokuthandana. Ukufaniswa nenye indoda yeyona nto inentiyo enokufunyanwa yindoda. Kodwa kwenzeka into emenza angakwazi ukunyamezela izinto ezithile.

1. Ukwabelana ngesondo

Ubudlelwane bezesondo bubalulekile kwintlalontle yesi sibini. Xa indoda ivinjwa ukuba neentlobano zesini, ayanelisekanga, ivakalelwa kukuba kukho nto ilahlekileyo, yaye isenokufuna nokukhangela kwenye indawo. Imo yakhe eqhelekileyo iyaguquka: umsindo, ukudandatheka, ukuba ndindisholo ngokweemvakalelo, njl.

2. Ukungathembeki

Kwenzeka ukuba abanye abantu banokoyisa iingxaki zabo zobudlelwane. Indoda iyakwazi ukumshiya umfazi nokuba ayimthandi ukuze izisindise kunye nentlungu.

3. Ubudlelwane

Ngamanye amazwi, akasavuyi! Ngaphezu koko, ukuze ulwalamano lonwabe, omabini amaqabane afanele aqonde oko kulindelwe omnye komnye. Uya kucinga ngokumshiya umfazi wakhe kwangaphambi kokuba izinto zibe nzima okanye zixambulisane. Ukuba oku kuyenzeka, uya kuthatha isigqibo sokuba akasafuni ukuthandana naye kwaye aphelise ubudlelwane.

4. Iinguqu

Ugqiba ekubeni angaqondwa kwaye akasamazi umfazi wakhe. Ungumfazi owahluke ngokupheleleyo. Eyona nto ilungileyo anokuyenza xa enezi mvakalelo kukuhamba ukuze angamcaphukisi.

Uqhawulo-mtshato: uyazi njani ukuba lukhetho oluchanekileyo?

Xa iqabane lineenjongo ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwane, kunokuba nzima ukwamkela lo mgama. Kunzima ukulungelelanisa amathemba akho ukuba iinjongo zakho zobomi azifani, nokuba niyathandana. Kwanobudlelwane obunzulu bothando ngamanye amaxesha bunokusilela ngenxa yeenjongo ezinganxulumananga ngokupheleleyo nomnye. Yiba nzulu ukuba awonwabanga emtshatweni wakho kwaye iingxabano zixhaphakile kangangokuba awuzange ube nomzuzu woxolo.

Xa ningavumelani ngayo nantoni na, luphawu lokuba ikamva lobudlelwane benu lisemngciphekweni. Usenokuba nezizathu ezivakalayo zokuzibuza enoba ufanele uqhawulo-mtshato okanye ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buphelile. Ukwahlukana kufuneka kuqwalaselwe ukuba wena okanye iqabane lakho lineemvakalelo zomnye umntu. Umtshato ongenalo uthando usenokungonwabi.

Liliphi ixesha elifanelekileyo lokukhetha ukushiya umfazi okanye iqabane lakho?

Alikho ixesha elilungileyo lokuxelela iqabane lakho ukuba ufuna ukumshiya umfazi wakho, kwaye ayisosindululo esilula. Kufuneka ucinge ngendlela oza kugqiba ngayo izinto ngaphambi kokuba wenze isaziso. Kubalulekile ukuba ukwazi ukuzibamba ukuze uhlale ulawula imeko kwaye uhambe ukuba izinto ziba mbi.

Xa ukubandakanyeka kungasekho kwaye ungasabelani nantoni na, lixesha lokuqhawula. Ukuba ukhetha ukuphuma nabahlobo niye kutya ezivenkileni, oku kunokuba luphawu lokuba ubudlelwane benu buphulukene namandla. Uyakulumkela ukusondela kuye kuba uyazi ukuba kuya kukhokelela ekupheleni kobudlelwane. Nokuba nisahlala kunye okanye nihlala kumagumbi ahlukeneyo anisenzi nto kunye kwaye anifane nibonane. Nivakalelwa kukuba nisisibini nje esizama ukugcina inkqubo yenu yemihla ngemihla, ngaphandle komkhwa, ngenxa yokoyika ukuphelisa, okanye ukukhusela abantwana benu.

Iimbekiselo zeBibliographic

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhili eziphonononga iimeko zengqondo nezentlalo eziphembelela isigqibo sokushiya umfazi wakho:

1. Basile, E. (2019). Communication contre les violences faites aux femmes : de la création aux processus de réception des dispositifs de détournement du genre. Thèse de doctorat, Aix-Marseille Université.
2. Hamdi, H. (2017). Les stratégies de coping en contexte de violences conjugales : étude de leurs effets sur la souffrance psychique et la qualité de vie des femmes victimes de violences conjugales. Thèse de doctorat, Université Paris Nanterre.
3. Blanc, F.-P. (2003). L’adultère en droit pénal français : histoire juridique et politique d’une infraction : 1803-1975. Thèse de doctorat, Université de Perpignan.
4. Glas, J. (2021). Clinique du dépouillement, vers une jouissance dans la castration. Thèse de doctorat, Université Paris Cité.
5. Nicolas, C. (2021). La pénibilité au travail. Thèse de doctorat, Université d’Avignon.
6. Piazzon, T. (2006). La sécurité juridique. Thèse de doctorat, Université Paris 2 Panthéon-Assas.
7. Giraud, A. (2021). Penser le conservatisme à gauche : genèse, passé, actualité et continuités paradigmatiques d’une philosophie politique singulière. Thèse de doctorat, Université de Montpellier.

Ezi mbekiselo zibonelela ngeembono ezahlukeneyo kwizinto ezinokubangela ukuba umntu athathe isigqibo sokushiya iqabane lakhe, ejongana nemiba yezengqondo, yentlalo, yezomthetho neyembali.

Ukuqukumbela

Ekugqibeleni, isigqibo sendoda sokuhlukana nomfazi wayo sisoloko sibangelwa zizinto ezinzulu ezinjengokunxibelelana, ukuthembana, imilinganiselo efanayo, okanye ukukhuseleka ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo. Enoba ziyintoni na izizathu, ukwahlukana kufanele kusingathwe ngokunyanisekileyo nangentlonelo, ukuze kuncitshiswe intlungu kuye wonk’ ubani obandakanyekileyo.

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