Ngaba i-manipulator ingatshintsha uthando?

Pha ugqweso lwe-narcissistic zange kuphinde kuthethwe ngaye kunangoku. Mhlawumbi uyazibuza ukuba le ndlela yokuziphatha izibonakalisa njani. Isiseko sixoka, ukwahlula ixhoba kunye ubutyala ngayo. Kunzima ukucacisa ukuziphatha okunjalo xa uphambene ngothando neqabane okanye umfazi wakho.

Ubudlelwane kunye ne-manipulator – Ubudlelwane buhamba njani?

Ngokubanzi, inokwenzeka ngendlela engavumelekanga, njengalo naluphi na ulwalamano lwesibini. Awuboni nantoni na engalunganga ezayo kwiiveki ezidlulayo. Kodwa kuqala uya kukulawula, ukuze umthande ngokupheleleyo.

Kugxininiswa kwasekuqaleni ukuba olu hlobo lomntu lunokuba ngumfazi.

Ngalo mntu, ukholelwa eluthandweni ekuqaleni kokubona, imvakalelo ongazange uyive ixesha elide. Uthando lwenu luyahambelana, yonke into ibonakala iqhelekile, kwaye nobabini niqala ukujonga kude kakhulu kwixesha elizayo.

• Amagama othando kunye nezijekulo zothando apholiswa ngokukhawuleza yintetho kunye nokugculelwa. Uyaqaphela ukuba ngamanye amaxesha ubonakala engathandani kwaphela.
• Kwaye ke, uqala ukuqaphela izinto ezingaqhelekanga kwizijekulo zakhe, ngakumbi kumazwi akhe. Kodwa ixhoba liya kuqinisekisa ukuba yonke into kukungaqondani kunye nombono. Isizathu sikukuba ukwazi kakuhle kangangokuba angakulawula ngendlela athanda ngayo.
• Emva koko kuza ukuthotywa esidlangalaleni, kwindibano yosapho, ngexesha le-snack noogxa bakho okanye phakathi kwabahlobo abasenyongweni. Wenza ihlaya ngokuchasene nawe kuko konke ukuzonwabisa, kwaye ngaphandle kwenjongo embi, nangona ibuhlungu ngqo kuwe. Usuke akubhideke nge excuse ngezenzo zakhe, esithi wenzela nje ukuzonwabisa, uthi ”iqhula” .

UNgaba i-manipulator inokutshintsha uthando?

Side sikholelwe ukuba impendulo yalo mbuzo inokuwacima onke amathandabuzo ethu. Ekubeni sithandana ngokuphambeneyo nalo mntu, impendulo kufuneka ibe ngu-EWE, kuba uthando lususa bonke ububi kwaye lutshintshe indalo yomntu. Ngelishwa impendulo ithi, HAYI.

Okokuqala, siqala ngengcambu yengxaki, i Umlukuhli ogwenxa ayiyi kutshintsha. Ngokutsho kwe-psychotherapist, “ukuba akachaphazeleki kancinci, amandla othando anokuhlala” (Anne-Clotilde Ziegler).  

Kulumkele ukuba nethemba elilize lokuba umntu uya kutshintsha. Kwanokuba umnike lonke uthando nengqalelo ayidingayo, akanakukwazi ukutshintsha. Bonisa ukuba ufanelwe ngcono, ukuba ulufanele uthando lwakho.

Ngaba unokwenza umgibi we-narcissistic athandane?

Ngaphandle kokunqwenela ukuthomalalisa inkohliso yakho, ukukhohlisa kwe-narcissistic kukuqala kwaye kuqala yi-pathology. Ikwasisigulo sengqondo. Umntu ogulayo akanazo iimvakalelo, nto leyo eyenza kube nzima kakhulu ukuba nobudlelwane bothando nomntu oqhelekileyo.

Nangona kunjalo, ingxaki enkulu ngokutsho kwengcali, “Okukhona ekuthanda, kokukhona ekutshabalalisayo.” Ngoko ke, ukuba ucinga ngokugcina ubudlelwane obuhlala buhleli nomntu one-pathology enjalo, uthando alusoze lwanele. Usenako ukulinganisa uthando olusakhulayo okanye lokwenyani, ngenxa yolonwabo lwakho olukhulu. Lumka, ukumenza athandane akuyi kuba lula.

Ukuba ubonisana nobungqina babantu abaye bangamaxhoba, uya kubona ukuba i-90% yabo iqaphele ukuba i-manipulator ayizange itshintshe kwaye ayiyi kutshintsha. Uyayazi into obuyilindele.

Kutheni i-narcissistic manipulator ingatshintshi?

Unomkhwa wokugxeka yonke into kwabanye. Akaze azamkele iimpazamo zakhe, kunye neziphumo zezenzo zakhe. Ukuze atshintshe, kwaye ngokukodwa ngenxa yothando, kufuneka asebenzise iindlela zakhe ezintathu ezingenakuhlukaniswa:

• Makayazi ingxaki anayo, naleyo ayibangele ngempazamo yakhe;
• Kuba uziva enesidingo sokwenza izinto ezintsha, ukuze utshintsho lwenzeke;
• Myeke enze ngokufanelekileyo;

Ngaphezu kwako konke, ungawathembi amazwi akhe, angabalulekanga ngokubanzi kwaye onke ancomayo. Jonga izenzo zakhe, izenzo zakhe ukuqonda ngokwenene iinjongo zakhe ukutshintsha.

Ukwengeza, uyathanda ukuzigwagwisa ukuba akubeke phantsi. Ngaphezu koko, i-narcissistic manipulator iyakwazi ukuthetha ngaye njengomntu onesiphiwo sobulumko nolwazi, okhuliswe ngenkcubeko, ukuba ungamthandi kakhulu. I-manipulator iyakuthanda ukubandakanyeka kwiingxoxo ezingenamsebenzi ukuze ikucaphukise kwimibandela emininzi, njengeengxaki zentsapho, ubudlelwane bakhe bangaphambili, iingxaki zakho kunye ne-ex yakho.

Wazi njani ukuba umbhexeshi uyakuthanda?

Ukwazi ukuba umntu okhohlisayo uyalithanda ixhoba lakhe kunzima kakhulu. Ngokubanzi, ezi ntlobo zabantu ziyayazi indlela yokukhohlisa uthando lokwenyani, njengabantu abaqhelekileyo.

Ngokutsho kwe-psychotherapist, “Umhlaseli uya kuthanda njengoko uthanda into ezisela iwonga”. Ukuba esweni ukuziphatha kwakhe, uya kubona ukuba uya kuvuthela kushushu kwaye kubanda, ukuba i-narcissistic manipulator ubuxoki ngokuzenzekelayo kuyo yonke into kwaye ngaphezu kwayo yonke into, akayi kucaca kwiimvakalelo zakhe.

Kungenzeka ukuba uziva ulungelelene, kuba ewe, kuya kubakho utshintshiselwano lokujonga, iimpawu ezahlukileyo zothando kunye nothando, kodwa oku kukukhohlisa nje, kunye ne-utopian.

Ireferensi yebhayibhilografi

Nazi iireferensi ezisixhenxe zebhayibhili ezijongana nombuzo wokuba kunokwenzeka ukuba umntu okhohlisayo atshintshe uthando:

1. Hirigoyen, M.-F. (1998). Le harcèlement moral : La violence perverse au quotidien. Paris : Syros.
2. Tisseron, S. (2010). Les secrets de famille : De la transmission à la révélation. Paris : PUF.
3. Cyrulnik, B. (2001). Un merveilleux malheur. Paris : Odile Jacob.
4. Salomé, J. (2004). Le courage d’être soi. Paris : Albin Michel.
5. Ancelin Schützenberger, A. (1998). Aïe, mes aïeux !. Paris : Desclée de Brouwer.
6. Cungi, C., & Lemoine, M. (2008). S’affirmer et communiquer. Paris : Retz.
7. Lejoyeux, M. (2017). Les personnalités difficiles. Paris : Odile Jacob.

Le misebenzi inika iimbono ezahlukeneyo malunga nohlobo lokuziphatha okukhohlisayo kunye nombuzo wokuyilungisa ngothando.

Ukuqukumbela

Inyaniso iya kuxelwa, i-manipulator ayikwazi ukutshintsha. Kwelinye icala, inokubonisa indaleko ngokobuthathaka bexhoba layo. Ukuba uziva uloyiko oluqhelekileyo okanye amathandabuzo, uyazi ukuba angazisebenzisa njani ukuze afune utshintsho ngaphandle kokuhlala ixesha elide.

Nje, i-manipulator inokutshintsha, emva kokuqonda umonakalo owenziweyo ngeenxa zonke kuye. Kufuneka kuqala akwazi ukusibona isiseko sokwenene seengxaki zakhe aze ngaloo ndlela alwe needemon zakhe ezindala ukuze afezekise oku.

Olu tshintsho alunakuxhomekeka kuwe kodwa kuye kuphela. Kufuneka sivule amehlo akhe kwizenzo zakhe, simxelele ngokuthe ngqo ngeempazamo zakhe ngaphandle kokulungiswa. Le ndlela sesinye sezisombululo ezinqabileyo kwi-pathology yakhe.

Mhlawumbi ubulindele ummangaliso ngequbuliso kodwa ungakhohliswa. Kuphela yinguqu yokwenyani evela kuthi sonke, ngomoya wethu.

Amanye amanqaku kufuneka uwajonge:

• Indawo ebuthathaka yoMsebenzisi
• Isenzo seManipulator xa uyishiya.
• Imen Es Mayday
• Imiqondiso yeGaslighting
• Imen Es Narcissistic Pervert
• Manipulative Perverted Narcissist
• Emotional Manipulator