The Need to Please in Psychology – An Obsession?

The need to please in psychology is a disorder that is present in a good number of people. Indeed, the constant fear of the judgment of others is the engine of this disorder. This fear makes us feel the need to please others at all costs.

Blemmophobia or Need to Please Others – What is it?

compulsive seduction or blemophobia is a pathology that causes a person to seek attention and recognition. It is so virulent that this research is not focused on a person for the individual. He wants more than anything to be the center of attention and wants to be loved more than anything. Whether by family, co-workers or friends.

“I want everyone to turn around when I walk by.”

The main purpose of this type of individual is above all to ensure that people are not indifferent because of his presence. Everything he or she does will be for the purpose of attracting attention and seducing those around him.

Where does the need to please come from in psychology?

This need to please men or women can have different causes in psychology. This constant search for attention, gaze can come from certain behaviors.

• Lack of self-confidence : this situation is a problem in itself. This is often detected in an individual who has suffered trauma. In general, it is during childhood that this trauma takes place, like the emotional blackmail from parents. The way the child was brought up will shape his very nature. It’s in the admiring gaze of others whom he feels is important and valued.
• Difficulty accepting criticism: Nobody likes criticism. This is clear, but in the case of the blemmophobe it goes much further than a simple aversion to criticism. Its purpose is to avoid receiving criticism, but to receive praise and appreciation from others.
• Loneliness: A lonely person is generally looking for comfort and someone to get out of his prison of loneliness. Then she will adopt all the traits that people are looking for, even if he is not sincere. The important thing for her is to feel surrounded, to appreciate and to love.

Wanting to please at all costs: is it obsession?

This constant need to please in psychology is called obsession. Indeed, the blemmophobe can be obsessed with the constant search for this attention. The effect is such that the person affected will therefore be obsessed with pleasing. And everything she will do will only be to achieve this goal. This brings it very close to the behavior of a person with savior syndrome in love.

We realize this in some women. This virulent need to please men, affecting his health is considered an obsession in psychology. The woman no longer seeks a goal other than that, she only lives for the looks of the male sex.

Need to please – How is trouble manifested?

This obsessive attention-getting disorder can show itself in different ways:

• Put yourself forward to be the center of attention. You feel the need to be put forward to be admired by your audience. It takes attention focused on you and only you.
• Faking qualities she doesn’t have. The blemmophobe will go so far as to lie to show himself in his best light. Admitting that a subject goes beyond him is not possible. Even if it means passing for a person suffering from mythomania.
• Wear a mask to fit in. She can decide to erase her own personality in order to copy that of those around her.
• Is willing and open. A good seducer is charming and radiant, so he will do everything to release positive pseudo waves.

10 Signs You’re People Pleaser

In psychology, the following signs can signify the need to please others:

1. You want everyone to enjoy being around you.
2. You find yourself apologizing all the time.
3. You feel the need to have validation for who you are. And above all to be recognized for what you have accomplished.
4. People often take advantage of you because you find it hard to say no.
5. You hate conflict.
6. You put your needs in the background. Taking care of yourself is not important to you.
7. The fact that people criticize what you do is unbearable to you
8. You provide assistance to people. You are helpful and present for others.
9. Your emotional state seems negligible compared to what others feel.
10. You have strict and very high standards for yourself.

Is an impulsive seducer a narcissist?

It is possible to make a connection between these two personalities. This is all the more true that a manipulative pervert will seek to attract the attention of his victim through seduction. A victim in love is a prey of choice for the narcissist.

However, there is a certain difference. The impulsive seducer will act to get attention from as many people as possible.. While the pervert will use seduction as a tool to bring his prey under his control.

The impact of the need to please on those around you

This constant need to please everyone can bring serious trouble around you. And this is especially so in the context of your relationship. Indeed, this character will certainly annoy your partner. Begging for the attention of others will be perceived as dissatisfaction on your part. You will be seen as a paranoid and manipulative personality.

For your loved ones, it can be difficult to live with. By dint of seeing you looking for the place on the pedestal each time, the annoyance is likely to rise quickly. Humility is a quality that many appreciate and by doing the opposite you will incur their wrath.

How to face the gaze of others?

“I am the best version of myself”, believe in yourself, this is the basis. Your pillar, your first support, your most powerful weapon is believing in yourself. The gaze and opinion of others only have the importance and the strength that you want to give it. So, don’t forget you are important to you, you count as much as others, and you exist for yourself first.

Bibliographic reference for recognizing the “need to please”

Here are seven bibliographical references on the theme of “need to please in psychology”:

1. Bourdieu, P. (1992). The Rules of Art: Genesis and Structure of the Literary Field. Editions du Seuil.
2. Goffman, E. (1973). The staging of everyday life. Midnight Editions.
3. Schlenker, BR (1980). Impression management: The self-concept, social identity, and interpersonal relationships. In Psychology of Personality (pp. 1-39). University Press of France.
4. Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497-529.
5. Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1986). The social identity theory of intergroup behavior. In S. Worchel & WG Austin (Eds.), Psychology of Intergroup Relations (pp. 7-24). Chicago: Nelson Hall.
6. Dijkstra, P., & Barelds, DPH (2010). The effects of perceived partner’s attractiveness and need for approval on relationship satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(5), 745-765.
7. Delouvrier, M. (2011). The need to please: a psychological approach. In Social Psychology Review, 10 (2), 145-162.

These references will give you a varied perspective on the need to please in psychology.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the need to please is a complex disorder that affects many people, often rooted in past experiences and defense mechanisms against the fear of judgment. This obsessive behavior can harm not only the individual concerned, but also their interpersonal relationships. To overcome this pressing need for external validation, it is crucial to develop a solid self-esteem and learn to assert oneself without seeking to seduce at all costs. Awareness and work on oneself can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life, where the individual focuses on their own well-being rather than on the incessant quest for approval from others. The bibliographical references provided offer a solid basis for deepening the understanding of this phenomenon and the means to overcome it.