Understanding narcissism: keystone of the divine/devil in us

Narcissism is a complex subject that can profoundly affect our relationships. Let’s explore this phenomenon and find out how to take back control of your life.

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an excessive need for admiration, a lack of empathy, and a grandiose view of oneself. Narcissistic people tend to manipulate those around them to satisfy their own needs, often to the detriment of others.

The myth of Narcissus: the origins of the term

The term “narcissism” has its roots in Greek mythology, more precisely in the myth of Narcissus. According to legend, Narcissus was a young man of exceptional beauty. One day, he saw his reflection in the water of a spring and fell madly in love with it, unable to take his eyes off his own image. Unable to move away from his reflection, he ended up wasting away at the edge of the water, transforming into the flower that today bears his name.

This story perfectly illustrates the excessive self-love and constant need for admiration that characterizes narcissism. It also reminds us of the dangers of focusing too much on ourselves, to the detriment of relationships with others.

Primary and secondary narcissism: two facets to understand

In the field of psychology, there are two types of narcissism: primary and secondary. Primary narcissism is considered a normal stage of child development. This is a phase where the baby does not yet distinguish between himself and the outside world, perceiving himself as the center of everything. This stage is crucial for the development of healthy self-esteem.

Secondary narcissism, on the other hand, appears later in life and can become problematic. It is characterized by a return of attention and interest to oneself, often in response to hurt or disappointment. It is this type of narcissism that can develop into narcissistic personality disorder. The narcissists you may encounter in your life generally manifest this exacerbated secondary narcissism.

Understanding this distinction can help you better understand the behavior of a narcissist.

Primary narcissism: a crucial stage of development

Primary narcissism is the initial phase of the child’s psychological development, from birth to approximately 6 months. During this period, the infant does not distinguish between himself and the outside world. He perceives himself as the center of the universe, in a state of imaginary omnipotence where all his needs are satisfied without him being aware of the intervention of others.

This phase is crucial for several reasons:

1. Ego formation : It is during this period that the bases of the ego begin to form.
2. Development of self-esteem : Primary narcissism lays the foundation for healthy self-esteem.
3. Ability to love : Paradoxically, it is by loving oneself first that the child will later learn to love others.
4. Security feeling : This phase helps create a basic sense of security in the child.

Gradually, the child begins to realize that the world exists independently of him. This realization, sometimes called “primary narcissistic injury,” marks the end of primary narcissism and the beginning of object relations.

It is important to note that primary narcissism is considered normal and necessary.

The Energy of Primary Narcissism: A Fundamental Life Force

The energy of primary narcissism is a powerful vital force essential to the development of the human being. It is characterized by a particular intensity and a unique quality that distinguishes it from other forms of psychic energy.

Characteristics of the energy of primary narcissism:

1. Totality : This energy encompasses the entire universe of the infant. It knows no limits and makes no distinction between self and non-self.
2. Omnipotence : It gives the baby a feeling of omnipotence. In his experience, his desires are immediately satisfied as if by magic.
3. Fullness : It is an energy of absolute completeness. The infant feels fulfilled, without lack or unsatisfied desire.
4. Self-sufficiency : The energy of primary narcissism is self-centered and self-sufficient. It does not need the outside to exist.
5. Creativity : This energy is the basis of the future creativity of the individual. It nourishes the imagination and the ability to project oneself into the future.
6. Vitality : It is a pure life energy, unfettered by the constraints of external reality.
7. Fluidity : It circulates freely, without obstacles or blockages, throughout the infant’s being.
8. Expansion : This energy naturally tends to expand and encompass everything that enters the baby’s field of experience.

The painting that brought me back to my primary narcissism

I sometimes had flashes of my childhood and fabrics with dots like that generated in me a feeling of calm and absolute, something otherworldly, total and complete. I think that at the moment of awareness of ME, this polka dot linen was the first thing I saw here in this world.

You certainly have memories like that, try to connect to this energy, it is what can help you heal from the initial narcissistic wound.

Exercise: Reconnect with your primary life energy

This exercise will help you reconnect with the pure and positive energy of primary narcissism, without falling into the excesses of pathological narcissism. The goal is to revive your innate vitality and creativity.

Duration: Approximately 15-20 minutes

1. Instructions:
   • Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed.
   • Sit or lie down comfortably.
   • Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
2. Visualization:
   • Imagine yourself as a newborn, wrapped in a soft blanket.
   • Feel the complete warmth and security that surrounds you.
   • Visualize a warm, golden light emanating from your heart and filling your entire body.
3. Feeling :
   • Focus on feeling complete and perfect.
   • Let yourself be overcome by a feeling of unconditional love for yourself.
   • Feel how all your needs are met effortlessly.
4. Expansion:
   • Imagine this golden light extending beyond your body.
   • Visualize it filling the entire room, then expanding into infinity.
   • Feel how you are part of this whole, while being at the center.
5. Creativity :
   • In this state of expansion, let images, ideas or sensations come to you.
   • Welcome them without judgment, as gifts of your innate creativity.
6. Anchoring :
   • Slowly bring your attention back to your body.
   • Keep the feeling of this vital energy within you.
   • Slowly open your eyes, maintaining this feeling of fullness.
7. Reflection :
   • Take a few moments to write down your feelings and the ideas that emerged.
   • Think about how you could incorporate this energy into your daily life.

Practice this exercise regularly to strengthen your connection to your primary life energy. This can help you develop healthy self-esteem and feel stronger in the face of toxic narcissistic behaviors.

Testimony to the experience of primary narcissism: a divine fullness

The other day I felt absolute calm rising from my stomach. It was an incredible feeling, like everything was accomplished in that energy. There was nothing to do, nothing to complete. I realized that this is where our key, our salvation lies – in our connection to primary narcissism.

It’s like the downloads are coming to me in droves. I remember what I programmed. It’s like this: first, you are God. Then you tell yourself you’re not, you become self-aware, and you seek validation. And then you go the opposite way to return to the God within you.

In this state, you lack nothing. It’s not even comparable to an orgasm – it’s much more transcendent. In ayahuasca, very high, you can sometimes reach it. It’s like all your desires are fulfilled, everything is complete. But in ayahuasca, it’s more intense because everything is amplified and much more agitated, in a different way.

Yet, my God, when you connect to this primal thing naturally, the only thing that comes out is divine breath. It is a unique, profound experience, which goes beyond anything I have known before.

This testimony offers an intimate and personal insight into the experience of primary narcissism. It captures the emotional and spiritual depth of this connection, while relating it to the psychological concept of primary narcissism.

Main characteristics of secondary narcissism:

1. Return of the libido on oneself : Emotional energy and attention that was directed toward others is redirected toward oneself.
2. Response to injury : It can develop as a defense mechanism in the face of disappointments, trauma or relational failures.
3. Excessive need for admiration : The person constantly seeks validation and approval from others.
4. Lack of’empathy : Difficulty recognizing or taking into account the feelings and needs of others.
5. Feeling of superiority : Tendency to perceive oneself as exceptional and deserving of special treatment.
6. Fantasies of unlimited success : Grandiose daydreams of power, beauty or success.
7. Exploitation of others : Using relationships to achieve one’s own goals, without consideration for others.

Secondary narcissism can manifest itself in different degrees. In its most extreme form, it can lead to narcissistic personality disorder. It is important to note that secondary narcissism is not always pathological.

The energy of secondary narcissism: a complex and ambivalent force

The energy of secondary narcissism is fundamentally different from that of primary narcissism. It is characterized by a more complex and often contradictory dynamic.

Secondary Narcissism Energy Characteristics:

1. Fluctuating intensity : This energy can oscillate between high intensity peaks and deep troughs.
2. Outward orientation : Although centered on the self, this energy is paradoxically very dependent on external validation.
3. Defensive nature : It often acts as a shield, protecting a fragile self from perceived or real harm.
4. Compensatory quality : This energy tends to compensate for deep feelings of inadequacy or inferiority.
5. Cyclical character : It can follow a cyclical pattern of idealization and devaluation, both of oneself and of others.
6. Consumer aspect : She tends to “consume” the attention and admiration of others to maintain herself.
7. Conflicting nature : This energy is often in conflict with itself and with the external environment.
8. Performative quality : It often manifests itself through constant “performance” aimed at projecting an image of perfection or superiority.
9. Vampiric appearance : In its most extreme manifestations, this energy can appear to “vampirize” the energy of others to sustain itself.
10. Adaptive rigidity : Although capable of adapting to get what it wants, this energy lacks the flexibility necessary for true personal growth.

Exercise: Balancing and Calming the Energy of Secondary Narcissism

This exercise aims to recognize, accept and balance aspects of secondary narcissism in you, while cultivating a more stable and authentic self-esteem.

Duration: Approximately 20-30 minutes

1. Instructions:
   • Find a quiet, comfortable place.
   • Have a notebook and pen handy.
   • Take a few deep breaths to center yourself.
2. Identification :
   • Close your eyes and think of a recent time when you felt a strong need for recognition or validation.
   • Notice the physical sensations associated with this need.
   • Observe these sensations without judgment, welcoming them with kindness.
3. Inner dialogue:
   • Imagine that this part of you that seeks validation is a inner child.
   • Ask him gently, “What do you really need?”
   • Listen carefully to the answer.
4. Self-compassion:
   • Place one hand on your heart and the other on your stomach.
   • Tell your inner child, “I hear you, I see you, and I accept you as you are.”
   • Breathe deeply, imagining that you are enveloping this part of you with love and understanding.
5. Anchoring in your values:
   • Think about three qualities or values ​​that you appreciate about yourself.
   • For each, find a concrete example of how you manifested it recently.
6. Balance visualization:
   • Imagine your energy as a light within you.
   • Visualize this light.
   • See it gently expanding around you, creating a balanced and calming energy field.
7. Positive affirmation:
   • Create an affirmation that recognizes your intrinsic value,
   • Repeat this statement several times, feeling it deeply.
8. Concrete action:
   • Think about one small action you can do today to take care of yourself, without seeking approval from others.
9. Closure:
   • Take a few deep breaths.
   • Thank yourself for this moment of introspection and self-compassion.
10. Reflection :
    • In your notebook, write down your impressions of this exercise and the insights you had.

Practice this exercise regularly to develop a healthier relationship with the narcissistic aspects of your personality.

The development of childhood narcissism and its relationship with sexuality

Childhood narcissism is closely linked to the development of sexuality in children. Freud introduced the concept of primary narcissism in 1914. This stage involves the child investing all of his psychic energy in himself. Otto Kernberg has suggested that the development of pathological narcissism may be linked to disruptions in the integration of aggression and libido during early stages of psychosexual development.

The development of narcissism is influenced by parenting practices and culture. Modern researchers have noted an increase in narcissistic traits in society. Childhood narcissism is a complex developmental process studied by many experts.

Narcissism according to Lacan

For Lacan, narcissism is not simply self-love, but a complex relationship between the subject and his image.

Features:

1. Alienation: the subject identifies with an image that is not really him
2. Illusion of completeness: the mirror image gives a false impression of unity
3. Misrecognition: the subject ignores his own internal division

Lacan underlines the importance of the Other (parents, society) in the formation of narcissism.

Narcissistic pathologies – Lacan and narcissistic disorders: a fixation at the mirror stage

Lacan offers a perspective on narcissistic disorders as resulting from a fixation at the mirror stage. For Lacan, the mirror stage is a founding moment in psychic construction. Fixation at this stage can lead to narcissistic disorders.

Reminder of the concept

• Period between 6 and 18 months
• The child recognizes himself in the mirror and identifies with this image

Developmental significance

• Ego formation
• Beginning of differentiation between self and other

Fixation at the mirror stage

A fixation occurs when psychic development remains “stuck” at a particular stage.

Features of the binding

• Overinvestment in self-image
• Difficulty overcoming the illusion of completeness
• Persistence of an imaginary relationship with oneself

Manifestations of narcissistic disorders according to Lacan

Relationship to image

• Excessive concern for appearance
• Constant need for external validation
• Difficulty accepting imperfections

Relationship with others

• The other is seen as a mirror or an extension of oneself
• Difficulty recognizing otherness
• Tendency to objectify relationships

Fragility of the ego

• Hypersensitivity to criticism
• Alternation between grandiosity and feeling of inadequacy
• Constant need to protect an idealized self-image

Difficulties with the symbolic

• Problems in the use of language and symbols
• Tendency to remain in the register of the imagination
• Difficulty accepting symbolic castration (limits, law)

Clinical implications & Therapeutic approach

• Work on the patient’s imaginary relationship with himself
• Encouragement of symbolic elaboration
• Analysis of transference as a reflection of the narcissistic relationship.

Jung’s concept of individualization

To understand Jung’s approach, we must first talk about his concept of individualization:

• It is the process by which a person becomes a unique psychological individual
• It involves the integration of conscious and unconscious aspects of the personality.

The initial state of the psyche according to Jung

Jung saw psychological development as starting from an initial state where:

• There is no clear distinction between the self and the external world
• The child lives in a state of “mystical participation” with his environment
• This state could be compared to what other theorists call primary narcissism.

Healing from a Jungian perspective

For Jung, healing narcissism involves:

• Recognition of psychological projections
• The integration of unconscious aspects of the personality
• The development of a healthy relationship between the ego and the Self.

Individuation, the divine in itself and primary narcissism

The proposed theory draws inspiration from Jung and Freud but goes beyond, placing primary narcissism at the center of divine realization. We are born divine but we fragment upon entering earthly experience. The purpose of life is to integrate our shadow and bring together our fragmented parts. Primary narcissism, properly understood, is seen as the path to our initial divine state.

This process involves accepting all parts of yourself with unconditional love. Life is presented as a cosmic experience of division then reunification. This theory posits primary narcissism as the key to realizing our divine nature on earth.