Financial violence: a sneaky trap for narcissists

Financial violence is an insidious form of abuse often used by narcissists to establish their domination over their partner. Particularly underhanded because invisible from the outside, this economic violence aims to deprive the victim of their financial autonomy and keep them under control. This article will help you better understand the mechanisms of financial violence and identify resources to protect yourself.

Recognizing the Signs of Financial Abuse in Your Relationship

Financial abuse can take many forms, some more subtle than others. Here are some signs that should alert you:

• Your partner applies the financial dominance from your home and refuses to give you access to bank accounts
• He systematically criticizes your spending, even for essential purchases
• It asks you to justify every purchase and checks all your bank statements.
• He prohibits you from working or sabotages your professional opportunities
• He takes out loans in your name without your consent
• He refuses to contribute to household expenses and lets you pay for everything
• He squanders the couple’s money on reckless spending.
• He threatens to cut off your supplies if you don’t comply with his demands.

If you recognize yourself in several of these situations, it is likely that you are a victim of economic violence. Do not hesitate to talk about it around you and seek help.

Understanding the psychological mechanisms of financial violence

Financial violence is part of a global strategy of domination and control of the narcissist over his victim. By depriving you of financial resources, he seeks to make you totally dependent on him and to prevent you from leaving him.

This form of abuse is often accompanied by psychological violence aimed at making you doubt your abilities. The narcissist will systematically criticize your money management, treat you as irresponsible or incapable. By dint of hearing these demeaning remarks, you end up internalizing this speech and losing confidence in yourself.

Shame and guilt also play an important role in this control mechanism. The narcissist makes you bear the responsibility for the couple’s financial difficulties, accusing you of spending too much. He may also humiliate you in public by evoking your supposed incompetence with money.

Little by little, you find yourself trapped, deprived of resources and self-confidence to get out of it alone. This is precisely the goal sought by the narcissist.

The devastating consequences of financial violence on victims

Economic violence has dramatic repercussions on all aspects of victims’ lives:

• Total loss of financial independence and inability to provide for one’s needs
• Social isolation due to inability to participate in paid activities
• Deterioration of self-esteem and loss of confidence in one’s abilities
• Ongoing anxiety related to financial insecurity
• Difficulty projecting oneself into the future and making plans
• Feelings of guilt and shame
• Inability to leave the relationship due to lack of resources
• Deterioration of physical and mental health

In the long term, the psychological after-effects can be very serious. Many victims develop anxiety or depressive disorders. Some may even have suicidal thoughts due to the lack of prospects.

It is therefore crucial to act as soon as possible to get out of this toxic situation.

Legal remedies for economic violence

Economic violence is recognized by law as a form of domestic violence in its own right. You therefore have legal recourse to protect yourself:

• You can file a complaint against your spouse for psychological violence. Financial violence falls into this category.
• The family court judge can issue a protection order allowing you to remain in the family home and requiring your spouse to contribute to the expenses.
• In the event of divorce, economic violence will be taken into account in the judgment and may influence the amount of the compensatory payment.
• If your spouse has incurred debts in your name without your consent, you can request that they be cancelled.
• You can request that your bank lift banking secrecy to obtain information about your spouse’s accounts.

Do not hesitate to seek the assistance of a specialized lawyer to assert your rights. Some associations offer free legal advice.

Rebuilding your financial independence after a toxic relationship

Get out of a toxic relationship marked by economic violence is not easy, but it is possible. Here are some ways to gradually regain your financial independence:

• Take a complete look at your situation (income, expenses, possible debts) to see things more clearly.
• Establish a realistic budget and learn to manage your finances independently. Associations offer workshops on this topic.
• If necessary, ask for social support to help you with your administrative procedures.
• Train yourself in financial management to gain confidence and skills.
• Set achievable short- and medium-term financial goals.
• Learn how to enjoy money healthily, without guilt.
• Surround yourself with caring people who encourage you in your empowerment journey.

Rebuilding takes time, be patient and kind to yourself. Every little step counts!

Where to find help for financial abuse?

If you are a victim of economic violence, do not remain isolated. Many structures can help you:

• 3919: national helpline for women victims of violence
• Specialized associations such as the FNSF or the CIDFF
• Sector social workers
• Information Centers on the Rights of Women and Families (CIDFF)
• Women’s Houses
• Free legal advice in town halls
• Your doctor who will be able to refer you
• Psychologists specializing in domestic violence

Do not hesitate to contact several organizations to find the one where you feel the most confident.

Bibliographic reference on financial violence

Here are seven bibliographic references on the theme of financial violence:

1. Vanderlinden, A. (2016). Financial violence: issues and consequences. University Press of France.
2. Goupil, A., & Huet, M. (2019). Understanding financial violence: a multidisciplinary approach. Editions L’Harmattan.
3. Cohen, M. (2020). Economic violence and its effects on power relations. French Review of Sociology, 61(2), 245-268.
4. Ménard, F., & Thibault, M. (2018). Financial harassment: a new form of violence. Education Files, 23(1), 87-102.
5. Lemoine, C. (2021). Financial violence and economic dependence: issues for women. Gender, Sexuality & Society, 18, 45-63.
6. Bourguignon, F. (2017). Financial inequality and violence: a link to explore. Economics and Statistics, 500(3), 15-30.
7. Renaud, J. (2015). Symbolic violence and finance: when money becomes a tool of domination. Review of the sociology of organizations, 42, 67-82.

These references provide a solid basis for exploring the topic of financial violence from different angles.

Conclusion

Financial violence is a form of serious abuse that can have devastating consequences. Being aware of it is the first step to getting out of it. You have rights and resources exist to help you. Don’t face this situation alone, dare to talk about it and ask for help. Little by little, you will be able to regain control of your life and your finances. The path is not easy but freedom is at the end. You have the strength within you to get there!