Dinani kuti musiye mkazi wanu 

Kwa mwamuna, choyambitsa kusiya mkazi wake chingakhale chosiyana ndi munthu wina. Komabe, nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kuti mwamuna azichita kuthetsa chibwenzi, koma nthawi zonse ayenera kuzichita pazifukwa zomveka. Ndikofunikira kudziwa momwe mungasiyanitsire bwino, koma mwaukadaulo, kuti mupewe kukhumudwitsa ena. Nawa mawu ena omwe angagwiritsidwe ntchito kuthetsa chibwenzi msanga.

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Zifukwa 4 zomwe zimatsogolera ku chisankho chotere

Mwamuna amasankha kusudzula mkazi wake pamene sakuonanso kuti ndi wodzidalira komanso wosangalala. Koma zifukwa zina zingapo nthawi zambiri zimabweretsa chisankho chachikulu ichi:

1. Mavuto olankhulana

Mabanja nthawi zambiri amanena kuti sangathe kulankhulana, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimatchula kusaona mtima ndi mikangano yosafunikira. Ngakhale kuti nthawi zina vuto limakhala lokhudzana ndi kulankhulana bwino, nthawi zambiri limabisa mavuto aakulu amene okwatirana sadziwa kapena safuna kukambirana nawo.

2. Kusiyana kwa zikhulupiriro ndi zokonda

Mabungwe ambiri ali ndi maubwenzi osiyanasiyana azachuma. Mwambiri, izi zimachokera kumaganizo otsutsana kapena zosiyana pa nkhani ya zopeza, ndalama, ndalama ndi zachifundo.

3. Kusakhulupirika

Nthawi zambiri, amuna zimawavuta kwambiri kukhululukira aliyense pa chilichonse ndipo angalole kusiya chibwenzicho. Iye akuyenera kutero kusiya mkazi wake, chifukwa amavutika kwambiri kumukhululukira chifukwa cha chigololo chake. Mwachionekere akumana ndi kusokonekera kwa chikhulupiriro, komwe sikudzakonzedwanso. Mwamuna safunikira kukhala wosalankhula kuti akhale m’chikondi, chotero chikondi chili ndi malire ake.

4. Nkhanza zapakhomo

Pogwiritsa ntchito nkhonya, zochititsa manyazi, zachipongwe… n’zotheka kulamulira munthu wina kapena kukakamiza munthu kuchita zofuna zake pogwiritsa ntchito manja kapena khalidwe lachiwawa. Kugwiritsa ntchito molakwika ulamuliro ndi kudalira ndi nkhanza zapakhomo. Izi zimalepheretsa maubwenzi ozikidwa pa ulemu ndi kufanana. Ozunzidwa amakakamizika kukhala chete ndi malingaliro a kudzipatula, kunyozeka, kulemera kwa malingaliro omwe analipo kale, kudziimba mlandu ndi kulephera. Kukhala chete kwawo kumawalepheretsa kuchitapo kanthu kapena kuganizira njira yothetsera ululu wawo.

Kusasankha zochita m’banja

Mu ubale woopsa, kuzungulirako kumabwerezedwa mochuluka kapena mocheperapo pafupipafupi ndipo kumaipiraipira pakapita nthawi. Mchitidwe wa nkhanza za m’banja cholinga chake ndi kuwunikira machitidwe obwerezabwereza okhudzana ndi nkhanzazi. Magawo anayi osiyana omwe amapanga kuzunguliraku ndi kukangana, zovuta, kulungamitsidwa, ndi tchuthi chaukwati.

• Wozunzayo amadzipatula, amawongolera ndi kukakamiza wozunzidwayo. Wozunzidwayo amadandaula, amayesa kusintha mlengalenga ndipo amadziwa zochita zake ndi mawu ake.
• Pokhapokha ngati kuli kowopsa kuchoka m’banja chifukwa cha nkhanza zothekera, anthu amafuna kusudzulana mwamsanga pamene nkhanzayo yakhala yosapiririka. Nkhanza nthawi zambiri imachitikira m’modzi kapena angapo, koma imathanso kukhudza mwana m’modzi kapena angapo.
• Iye amanyalanyaza zachiwawazo ndipo amati zimene amachitazo n’zifukwa zimene sangathe kuziletsa, monga kulera movutikira, ana osamvera, kupsinjika maganizo chifukwa cha ntchito, mowa, ndi matenda a maganizo. Mayiyo amayesetsa kumvetsa mfundo za mnzakoyo. Zotsatira zake, amayamba kukayikira malingaliro ake ndikudziimba mlandu. Amafuna kumuthandiza. Mkwiyo wake ukumusiya.
• Wozunzidwayo amamupatsa mpata, amamuthandiza, amazindikira zomwe akuchita ndikusintha khalidwe lake. Izi zimabwerezedwa ndikufulumizitsa m’nyumba zachiwawa kapena maubwenzi. Gawo la “honeymoon” limachepa ndipo nthawi zina limasowa pamene kuzungulira kukupitirira kubwereza. Ngakhale ngati wozunzidwayo ali wokoma mtima kwa iye, amamuthandiza, amazindikira zoyesayesa zake ndi kusintha zizoloŵezi zake.

Zizindikiro zosiyanasiyana zochenjeza za chisankho chosiya mkazi wanu

Zowonadi, ngati chikhumbo chokhala nokha nthawi zonse, kaya ndi atsikana kapena opanda atsikana anu, chimakhala chovomerezeka, kufuna kukhalabe nthawi zonse mumkhalidwewu kumayimira chizindikiro chochenjeza cha kutha. N’zoona kuti kulankhulana ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri paubwenzi wolimba. Kulankhula za malingaliro anu, zokhumba zanu, nkhawa zanu, malingaliro anu komanso bajeti ya banja lanu kudzakuthandizani kukhalabe patsamba lomwelo. Zingakhale umboni kuti simukufunanso kukhala ndi mnzanu ngati tsiku lina mukuwona kuti sizingatheke kulankhulana. Njira yabwino yothetsera vutoli ndikuwunika zolinga zanu.

Kutopa mu ubale

Mfundo yakuti mphamvu yanu ndi poizoni ndipo mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu sakuyesetsa kusintha izo ndi lalikulu wofiira mbendera kuti mwina kuthetsa ubwenzi wanu.

Kufunsa mafunso

Kupsinjika maganizo kapena vuto lachipatala likhoza kukhala chifukwa cha zero libido yanu. Kumbali ina, ngati mnzanuyo sakusangalatsaninso ndipo kugonana kumasanduka ntchito yapakhomo kapena kuyimitsa palimodzi, mvetserani zizindikiro zochenjeza.

Kusamvana m’banja

Nthaŵi zina mwamuna amasankha kusiya mkazi wake chifukwa cha mikangano yambiri imene imabuka m’miyoyo yawo yatsiku ndi tsiku. Kodi phunziro laling’ono kwambiri lingayambitse mkangano? Muyenera kusamala ndi chenjezoli, chifukwa likuwonetsa kutha kwa ubale wanu.

Magawo anayi osiya mkazi wako

Zoonadi, kaŵirikaŵiri zimachitika kuti chikondi sichipirira chiyeso cha nthaŵi. Kutha kwa chibwenzi n’kwachibadwa. Kufananizidwa ndi mwamuna wina ndi chinthu chonyansa kwambiri chomwe munthu angakhale nacho. Koma chinachake chimachitika chimene chimachititsa kuti asamalolere zinthu zina.

1. Kugonana

Ubwenzi wogonana ndi wofunika kwambiri kuti banja likhale losangalala. Mwamuna akaletsedwa kugonana, sakhutira, amaona ngati akusowa chinachake, ndipo angafune kuyang’ana kwina. Makhalidwe ake onse amasinthidwa: mkwiyo, kukhumudwa, dzanzi lamalingaliro, etc. Komabe, angasankhe kusiya mkazi wake m’malo mosiya kumukhulupirira ngati amamuganiziradi.

2. Kusakhulupirika

Zimachitika kuti anthu ena amatha kuthana ndi mavuto awo paubwenzi. Mwamuna akhoza kusiya mkazi ngakhale ngati sakumukonda kuti adzipulumutse yekha ndi awiriwo ku ululu.

3. Ubale

M’mawu ena, iye salinso wosangalala! Kuwonjezera apo, kuti ukwati ukhale wosangalatsa, onse awiri ayenera kumvetsetsana zomwe wina akuyembekezera. Adzaganiza zosiya mkazi wake ngakhale zinthu zisanakhwime kapena kukangana. Izi zikachitika, adzasankha kuti sakufunanso kukhala pachibwenzi ndi kuthetsa chibwenzicho.

4. Kusintha

Potsirizira pake amakhala wosazindikirika ndipo sakumuzindikiranso mkazi wake. Iye ndi mkazi wosiyana kotheratu. Chinthu chabwino kwambiri chimene angachite akakhala ndi maganizo amenewa ndi kuchokapo kuti asamukhumudwitse.

Chisudzulo: ukudziwa bwanji ngati ndi chisankho chabwino?

Pamene mnzanuyo ali ndi zolinga zosiyana za chiyanjano, zingakhale zovuta kuvomereza mtunda uwu. Ndizovuta kukonzanso ziyembekezo zanu ngati zolinga za moyo wanu sizili zofanana, ngakhale mutakhala kuti mumakondana. Ngakhale maubwenzi okondana kwambiri nthawi zina amatha kulephera chifukwa cha zolinga zomwe sizikugwirizana kwenikweni. Khalani otsimikiza ngati simuli osangalala m’banja lanu ndipo mikangano imakhala yochuluka kwambiri kotero kuti simukhala ndi mphindi imodzi yamtendere.

Pamene simungagwirizane pa chilichonse, ndi chizindikiro chakuti tsogolo la ubale wanu lili pachiwopsezo. Mungakhale ndi zifukwa zomveka zodzifunsa ngati muyenera kutero chilekano kapena ngati ubale wanu watha. Kulekana kuyenera kuganiziridwa ngati inu kapena mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu muli ndi malingaliro a munthu wina. Ukwati wopanda chikondi ungakhale wosasangalatsa.

Ndi nthawi iti yabwino yosankha kusiya mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu?

Palibe nthawi yabwino youza mnzanu kuti mukufuna kusiya mkazi wanu, ndipo si nkhani yophweka. Muyenera kuganizira momwe mungamalizire zinthu musanapereke chilengezo. Ndikofunikira kuti mukhale odziletsa kuti muzitha kuyang’anira momwe zinthu zilili ndikuchoka ngati zinthu zafika poipa.

Pamene kusagwirizanaku kulibe ndipo simukugawana chilichonse, ndi nthawi yoti muthe. Ngati mumakonda kupita kokacheza ndi anzanu kukadya kokadya, ichi chingakhale chizindikiro chakuti ubwenzi wanu wataya mphamvu. Mumapewa kuyandikira kwa iye chifukwa mukudziwa kuti zipangitsa kuti chibwenzicho chithe. Ngakhale mutakhalabe limodzi kapena kukhala m’zipinda zosiyanasiyana, simuchitiranso kalikonse ndipo simumaonananso. Mumaona ngati ndinu okwatirana amene mukuyesera kuti mukhale ndi zochita za tsiku ndi tsiku, mwachizoloŵezi, chifukwa choopa kuthetsa, kapena kuteteza ana anu.

Maumboni a m’Baibulo

Nawa maumboni asanu ndi awiri a m’mabuku omwe amafufuza zamalingaliro ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu zomwe zimakhudza chisankho chosiya mkazi:

1. Basile, E. (2019). Kulankhulana molimbana ndi nkhanza kwa amayi: kuyambira pakupanga mpaka kulandirira kwa zida zosinthira jenda. Thesis ya udokotala, Aix-Marseille University.
2. Hamdi, H. (2017). Njira zothanirana ndi nkhanza za m’banja: kuphunzira za zotsatira zake pakuzunzika m’maganizo ndi moyo wa amayi omwe akuzunzidwa m’banja.. Thesis ya udokotala, Yunivesite ya Paris Nanterre.
3. Blanc, F.-P. (2003). Chigololo mulamulo lachifwamba cha ku France: mbiri yalamulo ndi ndale ya cholakwa: 1803-1975. Thesis ya udokotala, University of Perpignan.
4. Glas, J. (2021). Kliniki yovula, yopita ku chisangalalo pakuthena. Thesis ya udokotala, Yunivesite ya Paris Cité.
5. Nicolas, C. (2021). Kuvuta kuntchito. Thesis ya udokotala, University of Avignon.
6. Piazzon, T. (2006). Chitetezo chalamulo. Thesis ya udokotala, University Paris 2 Panthéon-Assas.
7. Giraud, A. (2021). Kuganizira za conservatism kumanzere: genesis, zakale, zamakono ndi kupitiriza kwa paradigmatic kwa filosofi imodzi yandale.. Thesis ya udokotala, University of Montpellier.

Maumboniwa amapereka malingaliro osiyanasiyana pazifukwa zomwe zingapangitse munthu kuganiza zosiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wake, pokambirana zamalingaliro, chikhalidwe, malamulo komanso mbiri yakale.

Kutsiliza

Nthawi zambiri, mwamuna akasankha kusiya mkazi wake amakhala ndi zifukwa zokulirapo, monga kulankhulana, kukhulupirirana, zikhulupiriro zofanana, ngakhalenso kukhala wotetezeka mwakuthupi ndi m’maganizo. Mosasamala kanthu za zifukwa, kulekana kuyenera kuchitidwa moona mtima ndi mwaulemu, kuti kuchepetsa ululu kwa aliyense wokhudzidwa.

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