Ukuphuthelwa umuntu ngemva kokuhlukana: kungani kubuhlungu kangaka

Ubuwazi ukuthi ukuhlukana kuzoba nzima. Kodwa ubungacabangi ukuthi ukulangazelela kungaba ngokoqobo kangaka: ukuqunjelwa emphinjeni wakho lapho uvuka, isifiso sokuthatha ifoni, igumbi elizizwa lingenalutho ngokuzumayo. Ngezinye izikhathi uze uzibuze ukuthi naye uzizwa ngendlela efanayo, nokuthi nini.

Ukungabikho komuntu Ubuhlungu ngemva kokuhlukana bungaba bukhulu ngendlela emangalisayo. Akukho okungajwayelekile ngalokho. Kulesi sihloko, sizohlola ukuthi kungani lokhu kulangazelela kubuhlungu kangaka, yini eyenza kube buhlungu nakakhulu ngemva kobudlelwano obuyingozi, nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nakho ngaphandle kokulahlekelwa yiyo.

Kungani ukushoda komuntu kubuhlungu kangaka?

Ubuchopho obufuna “umvuzo” wabo

Uthando lothando luvuselela izifunda zobuchopho ezihlotshaniswa nomvuzo kanye nesisusa. Isibuyekezo esanyatheliswa ngo-2016 ku Imingcele e-Psychology Lokhu kugqamisa ukufana phakathi kwalezi zindlela zemizwa nalabo abahileleke ekuluthekeni. Lapho othandekayo enyamalala, lolu hlelo luyaqhubeka “nokufuna” lona. Ngakho-ke umuzwa wokuhoxa, kanye namagagasi awo okufisa, ukungaphumuli, kanye nemicabango ephazamisayo.

Ukunamathela okuzizwa kusongelwa

Singabantu abathandanayo. Isibuyekezo esanyatheliswa ngo-2017 ku Umbono wamanje kuPsychology Kuhle ukukhumbula ukuthi, lapho bebhekene nokucindezeleka kobudlelwano, abantu abanokunamathelana okukhathazekile bavame ukufuna kakhulu ukusondelana nabanye, kuyilapho abanye behoxa. Ukuhlukana kusebenzisa lolu hlelo lwe-alamu: umuntu onikeze umuzwa wokulondeka akasekho lapho.

Ubuwena okufanele bakhe kabusha

Ubuhlobo bumayelana nemikhuba, amacebo, umuzwa wokuthi “thina.” Uma buphela, ulahlekelwa yingxenye yokuphila kwakho kwansuku zonke kanye nombono owawunawo ngekusasa lakho. Ngakho-ke ukulahlekelwa akuzwakali kumuntu kuphela, kodwa nakukho konke ayekumele.

Lapho ukulangazelela kunamandla nakakhulu: ngemva kobudlelwano obunobuthi

Umuntu angase acabange ukuthi kulula ukushiya umuntu okuphathe kabi. Ngokuvamile kuba okuphambene nalokho. Ngemva kobudlelwano nomuntu okhohlisayo noma umuntu ohlukumezayo, ukulangazelela kuvame ukuba kukhulu, ngezizathu eziningana:

• Ukuqinisa ngezikhathi ezithile : izikhathi zobubele zazingavamile futhi zingalindelekile, okudala ukunamathelana okunamandla kunothando oluvamile.
• Inkumbulo yokwenziwa kwezinto ezinhle : uyamkhumbula umuntu omuhle kusukela ekuqaleni futhi nguye omkhumbulayo, yize engakaze abe khona ngempela.
• ukuzihlukanisa Ubudlelwano buvame ukunciphisa umbuthano wakho wokuxhumana nabantu, bushiya isikhala esikhulu.
• Ukubuyiselwa okungenzeka : i-manipulator ngezinye izikhathi iyavela futhi, okuvuselela isifiso isikhathi ngasinye.

Lesi simo sinegama: i ukuhoxa ngokomzweloUkuqonda lokhu kukusiza ukuthi ungakuchazi njengophawu lokuthi kufanele ubuye.

Kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi indoda izwe ukuntuleka?

Lona omunye wemibuzo evame ukubuzwa ngemva kokuhlukana, futhi uvame ukubuzwa ngethemba lokuthi bazophinde bahlangane. Impendulo eqotho ithi…Akukho sikhathi esinqunyiwe esiphelele, hhayi kwabesilisa noma kwabesifazane. Abanye abantu bazizwa bentula ngokushesha, abanye ngemva kwamasonto ambalwa, lapho into entsha noma impumuzo iphela, kanti abanye sekwephuzile kakhulu, noma ababonakali nhlobo.

Umuzwa wokulahlekelwa othile uncike ezintweni eziningi: izinga lokunamathelana phakathi kwabantu ababili, indlela okwenzeke ngayo ukuhlukana, umbuthano wabo wokuxhumana, nokuthi banobuhlobo obusha noma cha. Imibono ephambene (“amadoda ayaqaphela ngemva kwamasonto amathathu”) ayisekelwe kudatha eqinile.

Ngomuntu okhohlisayo, isimo siphinde sihluke. Okubonakala sengathi ukuntuleka kothando ngezinye izikhathi ngokuyinhloko ukulahlekelwa ukulawula noma ukunaka. Ukubuya kwabo, uma kwenzeka, akulona ngempela uphawu lothando. Izihloko zethu mayelana isikhathi lapho umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza ebuya khona futhi lokho okwenziwa ngumuntu okhohlisayo ngemva kokuhlukana Bakunikeza amaphuzu okubhekisela kuwo.

Ngaphezu kwakho konke, zibuze: ukwazi ukuthi uzozizwa nini ukuswela kukushintsha kanjani lokho wena Yini oyidingayo namuhla? Ukuphulukiswa kwakho akukwazi ukuncika ohlelweni lwakhe.

Ngihlushwa ukunganaki kwakhe: ingabe ukuntuleka okufanayo?

Abantu abaningi bazizwa bengenalo ngesikhathi Ubuhlobo: umlingani okhona ngokomzimba kodwa engekho ngokomzwelo, ongaphenduli, ongakhombisi sithakazelo, futhi onaka kancane. Lokhu kuntuleka kuvame ukuba uphawu: izidingo zakho azilalelwa. Kufanele kuthathwe ngokungathi sína, hhayi ukuncishiswa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi unquma ukuhlala noma ukuhamba.

Indlela yokunqoba ubuhlungu ngemva kokuhlukana: izinyathelo ezingu-8

1. Zivumele uzizwe ubuhlungu. Ukuntuleka akusikho ubuthakathaka noma ukwehluleka. Kuyindlela yokulinganisa ikhono lakho lokwakha ukunamathelana.
2. Nciphisa izibangeli. Fihla ama-akhawunti abo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ubeke izithombe nezinto ezibucayi okwesikhashana. Lokhu akukhona mayelana nokususa umlando, kumayelana nokuzinika isikhathi sokuphefumula.
3. Lungiselela “izikhathi zakho eziyingozi”. Kusihlwa, ngezimpelasonto, izinsuku ezikhethekile: hlela umsebenzi, ucingo, ukuphuma.
4. Bhala esikhundleni sokuthumela. Uma isifiso sokumbhalela sinamandla, bhala phansi umyalezo encwadini yamanothi. Wufunde futhi ngosuku olulandelayo. Esikhathini esiningi, uzokhululeka ukuthi awuwuthumelanga.
5. Nakekela umzimba wakho. Ukulala, ukudla, ukunyakaza: ukuntuleka nakho kuyenzeka ngokomzimba, futhi umzimba wakho udinga ukwesekwa.
6. Xhumana kabusha nabantu obathandayo. Ukuxhumana nabanye abantu kuyayiduduza isimiso sokunamathelana. Akudingeki ukhulume ngokuhlukana kwenu njalo.
7. Hlukanisa phakathi komuntu wangempela nomuntu ophelele. Bhala uhlu lwalokho okukubangele ukuhlupheka. Phinda ulufunde lapho ukulangazelela kwenza izinkumbulo zicace kakhudlwana.
8. Cela usizo uma ukuntuleka kukucindezela. Udokotela wengqondo, iqembu lokusekela noma umqeqeshi angakusiza ukuthi udlule kulesi sikhathi.

Uhlu lokuhlola: yini evuselela isifiso, yini esiduduzayo

Yini emdlisayo :

• ☐ xhumana nezokuxhumana nabantu noma nabantu abaseduze nabo;
• ☐ funda kabusha imiyalezo emidala;
• ☐ ukuhlala uxhumana “njengabangane” kusenesikhathi kakhulu;
• ☐ ukuchitha ubusuku obude wedwa ngaphandle kokuhlela lutho;
• ☐ ukuphinda izigcawu ezifanayo (bheka isihloko sethu ku- ukuzindla ngemva komhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo).

Yini emthulisa :

• ☐ inqubo yasekuseni nakusihlwa;
• ☐ ukuxhumana njalo nabantu obathandayo;
• ☐ umsebenzi womzimba, ngisho noma umnene;
• ☐ iphrojekthi yomuntu siqu, ngisho noma encane;
• ☐ indawo yokuveza lokho ozizwayo (ijenali, ukwelashwa, iqembu).

Kungenzeka yini ukuthi ungabe usazizwa ungekho umuntu?

Yebo. Ukulangazelela akuvamile ukunyamalala ngesikhathi esisodwa, kodwa kuyashintsha emvelweni. Ekuqaleni, kuthatha yonke imicabango yakho. Bese kubuya ngamagagasi, kuqhubeke isikhathi eside. Ngolunye usuku, uyaqaphela ukuthi usuhambe usuku lonke ungacabangi ngakho. Kamuva, inkumbulo yomuntu ayibe isabuhlungu, noma ayibe isabuhlungu nhlobo.

Isikhathi esidingekayo siyahlukahluka kuye ngabantu kanye nezimo zabo. Ngemva kobudlelwano besikhathi eside noma umshado, ukwakha kabusha kuvame ukuthatha isikhathi eside: isihloko sethu mayelana isikhathi sokwakha kabusha ngemva kwesehlukaniso ibhekana nale nkinga. Uma ukuntuleka kukubamba ekuluthweni, uhlelo ukugqashula ekuxhomekeni ngokomzwelo ingakusiza.

Isilinganiso sempilo Uma usizi luhambisana nokudabuka okuqhubekayo, ukulahlekelwa ukudla noma ubuthongo okukhulu, noma imicabango yokuzibulala, xhumana nodokotela noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. 3114 uphendula amahora angama-24 ngosuku, izinsuku eziyi-24 ngesonto uma ucabanga ukuzibulala. Uma ukuhlukana kuhambisana nokusongelwa noma ukuhlukunyezwa, shayela ucingo ku- 3919, lo 17 noma 112.

Imibuzo fréquentes

Kungani ukunxanela kunamandla ebusuku?

Kusihlwa, iziphazamiso ziyancipha, ukukhathala kuyaqala, futhi imicabango ithatha isikhala esiningi. Umkhuba wokuzola nokugcina ifoni kude negumbi lokulala kusiza kakhulu.

Ingabe ukuphuthelwa othile kusho ukuthi kufanele ngibuye?

Cha. Ukuphuthelwa othile kuyindlela evamile yokusabela ekulahlekelweni ukunamathelana, akulona ubufakazi bokuthi ubuhlobo bebukuhle kuwe. Ikakhulukazi ngemva kobudlelwano obuyingozi.

Ungamkhohlwa kanjani umuntu osamthanda?

Awukhohlwa ngempela; uyahlangana. Umgomo uwukuba inkumbulo ingasakubangeli ubuhlungu noma ilawule izinqumo zakho. Ibanga, isikhathi, kanye nokusekelwa konke kunegalelo kulokhu.

Ingabe umuzwa wokulahlekelwa womunye umuntu ungamenza abuye?

Ngezinye izikhathi, kodwa ukubuya okushukunyiswa ukulangazelela akuxazululi izinkinga eziholele ekuhlukaneni. Ngomshini olawulayo, kuvame ukuba uphawu lokuqala komjikelezo omusha.

Isiphetho

Ukulahlekelwa othile ngemva kokuhlukana kubuhlungu bangempela, okugxile kakhulu esidingweni sethu sokunamathelana. Akusho lutho ngokubaluleka kwakho, futhi ngeke kuhlale phakade. Yizulazule ngobumnene, uzungezwe abathandekayo bakho, uzikhumbuze nsuku zonke ukuthi impilo yakho ingeyakho. Uma ungathanda ukwesekwa ngemva kobudlelwano obunobuthi, thola ukuqeqeshwa kwezisulu zabahlukumezi abazikhukhumezayo.

Imithombo

• UZou Z. nabanye, “Uthando Lothando vs. Umlutha Wezidakamizwa Kungase Kukhuthaze Ukwelashwa Okusha Komlutha,” Imingcele e-Psychology2016: I-PMC5031705
• USimpson JA noRholes WS, “Ukunamathelana Kwabantu Abadala, Ukucindezeleka, Nobudlelwano Bothando,” Umbono wamanje kuPsychology2017: I-PMC4845754
• I-World Health Organization, “Izinkinga Zengqondo” (iphepha lamaqiniso): who.int

Izinombolo zocingo ezithi 17, 3114 no-3919 ezishiwo kuleli khasi zisebenza ezinsizeni zaseFrance.